|obsessedcontrol (obsessedcontrol) wrote in destruction_rp,|
@ 2014-02-11 22:50:00
|Entry tags:||daryn, jonas|
Characters: Daryn and Jonas
Setting: Daryn's house, Tuesday evening
Summary: Confrontation and Confessions
Things just weren’t adding up for Jonas. He’d tried to just ignore them, to just move on, but it was starting to nag at him. Tug at his feelings, his mind and he knew that something was up. Something big.
When she got home he was already at her house, already waiting for her. He’d picked up groceries, including a bottle of wine just for her, glass already poured and waiting. He was trying to be nice because he knew she wouldn’t like the question that he had to ask.
Daryn was pleasantly surprised to find Jonas there waiting when she came home from work. However, she could also sense that something was bothering him. Given the waiting glass of wine, she also knew it couldn’t be something good. Once she’d shed her coat, she greeted him with a kiss and a questioning look. ”Something’s wrong?”
Jonas leaned into the kiss, but he knew that look. “Couple of things,” he said finally, sitting at the kitchen table and waiting for her to join him. “We need to talk. You need to explain some things to me.”
She moved to sit with him, nodding once. ”Alright, what is it?” Usually, reading his mind was almost automatic, but in this moment she was almost afraid to know what he was thinking before he said anything.
“What are you into Daryn?” he asked plainly, giving her room to answer and curious how she would answer. He was also slightly terrified she might lie to him.
Well, that was a loaded question if she’d ever heard one. She’d realized not long ago that she couldn’t lie to him, not anymore. But she’d also worked too long and too hard to protect her cover to just let everything go at an open question like that. ”Can you be a little more specific?”
Jonas gave her a look then looked down at his hands. “Where you go when you’re not at the hospital or here. The gun. The motorcycle out back. What’s going on Daryn?”
Sighing softly, she slipped one of her hands into his. ”If you really want to know, I will tell you. But honestly, it’s probably safer, for both of us, if you didn’t know the truth.”
“What good for us does lying to me do Daryn?” Jonas asked seriously. “Why is it better that I don’t know what’s going on? How can I protect you?”
”I’m not lying to you. I’m just avoiding certain truths.” At least that’s what she’d been telling herself all along. ”And in this case, you can’t protect me. No one can. Maybe you’re the one who needs protecting.”
“Avoiding certain truths is close to lying,” Jonas pointed out. That was just fudging the truth. “What on earth can you protect me from? We’re supposed to be in this together remember?” They were supposed to be in love.
She wasn’t going to argue the point, especially since she knew he was right. Frowning, she squeezed his hand tightly before pulling her hand away. ”This is bigger than us. And it’s not something I had any choice about. It just is what it is. I don’t know how to change it. I’m in too deep now.”
Jonas let out a sigh and ran his hands over his face. “What are we going to do?” he asked her, not sure what to say otherwise.
She watched him carefully, afraid that he was just going to call it quits and walk out on her. She reached for his hand, unsure if he would give it to her. ”We’re going to go on like we have so far. Being happy together, for as long as we can.” She hesitated a moment, knowing that he had every right to say ‘no’ to her next question. ”Do you trust me?”
He let her take his hand, but he was watching her closely. “What do I do with that? Just pretend something huge isn’t happening?” Jonas was quiet, running his other hand over hers. Her last question was harder to answer. “You know I do. I’m just worried. Really worried.”
She nodded slowly, looking to their hands. ”You have every right to be worried. Something huge is happening. But there’s nothing I can do to stop it now. I’m not sure I would try to, even if I wanted to. This has been coming for years, long before I met you, long before you probably even knew about this place. I don’t expect you to understand, you don’t know what it’s really like here. In a way, it’s better that way. It’s one person spared this pain.”
He squeeze her hand tighter. “I just found you. I don’t want to lose you. Not even to this. If I know, can’t I help?”
She offered a faint, sad smile. ”You want to help the freaks overthrow the government? For some reason, I can’t imagine that you’d want to get involved in any of that. I wish you could stay as far away from it all as possible, so that you don’t get hurt in the process. I’ve already lost everyone else, I don’t want to lose you too.”
“Oh for the love of God, don’t Daryn,” Jonas squeezed her fingers and rested his forehead on her knuckles. “You won’t lose me. I promise. I’m just...this is huge.” How was he going to fix this? This was bigger than both of them. “What’s the goal even?”
She watched him with a small frown, but was reassured that he was still with her. ”The group’s goal is that we stand up for ourselves. That we regain the rights we had until the government’s mistake turned us into something they now consider less than human. We just want our lives back, the freedom to go where we want instead of being held captive here. My goal? I want my daughter back. Or, if it’s too late for that, I want to know the truth about what happened to her. And what’s happened to everyone else I’ve lost here.”
Daryn had sound reasons, but Jonas had seen uprisings. they never ended well. He was suddenly more worried than ever that he was going to lose her. “What if we just left? Snuck out of here, went somewhere no one knows us and just be.”
She arched a brow slowly, just staring at him for a moment. He was serious, and she had a hard time coming up with an appropriate response. ”If it was that easy to leave, why are we still here? Besides, I can’t just disappear like that. There are too many people counting on me.”
“I’m counting on you too,” he said kissing her fingers again. “I can make it happen if you want. You just say the word.”
She sighed and looked away. She knew she had responsibilities here, but the offer was very tempting. ”How? And why are you saying this now? I can’t just walk away from everyone, especially if it’s to leave this place. That’s the whole point of all of this, that’s what I’m fighting for. I can’t let people down.”
He sighe softly, nodding. “How? I’d find a way. I have a few ideas. You forget, I work for them.” Jonas sighed pulling her hand up to rest against his cheek. “So what do we do?”
”I don’t know.” If he really could find a way to get them off of this island, she wanted to take it. Her conscience was nagging at her for even considering turning her back on the others, but she couldn’t be sure anyone else would do the same. ”What are your ideas?”
“There’s shipments that go out every day. We could get on one of those. People do leave from my end of things. We can find a way to be one of them.”
”But isn’t it risky? What happens if we get caught?” She was still worried about something happening to him. But the more she thought about it, the more interested she was in actually getting to return to the mainland again. ”Where do we go? What do we do after we get away from here?”
“We do our best not to get caught,” he insisted. “Where? Anywhere you want. I say Mexico because it’s warm and they won’t come looking for us there but I don’t care. Just so long as I’m with you.” Because if he left now too he’d be jumping his enlistment.
She smiled slowly at the thought of sitting on a beach somewhere with him, actually relaxing and enjoying warm weather, It was only a fleeting thought though before her sensibilities kicked in. ”But what will we do for money? I have savings, but they’ll know something is going on if I try to access it. Do you really want to have to be running and hiding?”
“I have plenty of money. I live in a world where almost everything is paid for.” That was the perk of military in a way. That and not even having a home to sink the money into. “And I can get some crappy job once we find somewhere to settle that no one cares who we are.”
Releasing his hand, she moved closer to kiss him softly. ”Alright. Then we have a plan. But I can’t leave, not yet. I have things to do here first, and once all of that is taken care of, we can go away.”
He reached for her, pulling her towards his lap and him. “As soon as you, we’ll get out of here. And we’ll go somewhere where no one cares who we are. You can be some village doctor and I’ll fix roofs.” Jonas kissed her, not quite softly, but he was never good at soft.
She gladly moved into his lap and accepted the kiss. ”That sounds perfect. Are you still upset with me for keeping things from you?”
Jonas wrapped his arms around her waist, running his hands up her sides. “I’m upset, but it’ll fade. I just...thought we trusted each other.”
She sighed, watching him intently. ”I do trust you. I’m just so used to keeping all of this a secret that I didn’t think I should tell you. I’ve never told anyone that I didn’t intend to recruit. Besides, after I told you about my ability, you were upset. I didn’t think you needed to know anything else upsetting.”
“I’m going to be upset from time to time Daryn. I’m going to be upset that you left before I woke up or that we weren’t able to be together one night when I wanted you, but that doesn’t mean I’m leaving. I want to know these things about you. I’m starting to think I need to know them.”
She sighed, considering his words before replying. ”Alright then. Why don’t we just get it all out on the table now? Then you won’t worry as much. There’s a lot about me that you don’t know, things you may not want to know, things I’ve never told anyone because I didn’t think anyone would care. But I will tell you, if it means that you’ll stay. Where do you want me to begin?”
“Where would I go?” Jonas asked. He’d been captivated by her since the moment he saw her. This was all he wanted, and he had no intention of going anywhere but right here. “Start at the beginning.”
Starting at the beginning was easier said than done. Where exactly was the beginning? Her childhood, the accident, life in Seattle? None of that seemed to fit, at least not right now. Kissing his cheek, she slipped out of his lap and went for that glass of wine he’d had waiting for her. She would need it now. Returning to her previous seat, she decided to begin on the island. ”I came here over five years ago, I was with the very first group. Most of them are dead now. I was completely alone, had no idea what I was in for here, and I was pregnant. I tried to just focus on the baby and making a life for us here. But that all ended quickly when I gave birth and they told me she was dead. I knew she wasn’t, I heard her cry, I’d held her and I knew she was perfectly fine, she couldn’t have died, not due to any natural causes. Coming back to this house alone after all of that was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. I was deeply depressed and tried to commit suicide more than once. But a neighbor, who soon became a very good friend, helped pull me out of it. He asked me to join this group he was starting, they were planning a way to get off the island. It started off with just four or five of us. Today, the Faction has more members than you would believe. We still haven’t gotten off this damn island, we’ve all lost friends and family for no good reason, been hurt ourselves, and we’re all growing angry and impatient. When that neighbor-friend was killed, and died in my care, he appointed me as the new leader. And I plan to see that through until our goal is accomplished, one way or another. I know it’s dangerous, and you probably think it’s stupid, but it’s the one thing that’s kept me going this long and I won’t forget that.”
Jonas was completely baffled. As far as he knew, the section of government that ran and control the island had no idea how huge the Faction was. They knew about the resistance. There was too much to point that it existed rather than it didn’t exist, but they would be blown away to find out how big it was. Jonas ran his hands over his short hair, trying to take it all and process what she was telling him. She was their leader. She was in charge. He was sleeping with the head of the resistance. That’s who died in these sort of things. “Are you with me for that? As a way in?” The words were blurted out before he had a chance to properly think them through but he knew it was an important question. He might very well just be a means to an end. And he had no idea how he’d take that.
She knew that his reaction wasn’t likely to be approval, but she was genuinely taken aback at his response. She stared at him in disbelief before standing and moving away from the table. While logically, she knew he had the right to ask that question, but emotionally it hurt too much to think he could ever think of her doing something so deceitful. Shutting off her thoughts to him, she just shook her head in silence, wondering why she bothered telling him any of this.
He let out a sigh, something close to relief. “I had to know,” he said as she walked away from him. “You know I did. You know I have to ask.” He’d set himself up to be a prime target hadn’t he? He was interested in her and unimportant enough to be useful, but not noticed.
Hearing his thoughts only further upset her. Keeping her back to him, she shook her head again. ”Yes, that is exactly what this is. I let you be the first one to touch me in years, I told you things I’ve never told anyone. All so I can use you in this stupid little war I’m waging. You caught me. Maybe you should just go, and report me to your superiors now before things get any worse.”
Jonas got up from the table and reached for her, wrapping his arms around her from behind. “I never said that was how you felt now. But it could have been the goal. I don’t want it to be the goal. I want to think you’re with me because you want to be with me.” He pressed a kiss to her neck, closing his eyes a little bit. “I’m not reporting you. I can’t lose you.”
She tensed as he moved his arms around her, but she didn’t turn to face him yet. ”You forget, you pursued me. Maybe you’ve known all along and this is just some big set-up to take me down. How do I know it’s not?”
He shook his head but stayed close to her. “Because I’ve fallen for you. There wasn’t a ploy. As far as I know, they don’t know that you’re in charge.” Or she’d been on a list to watch and she wasn’t. Not even after the stunt at the hospital.
”And does anyone know that we’re together?” She slowly turned to face him, tears in her eyes but she refused to let them fall. ”I wish that I had my voice. Because I would tell you, out loud, that I love you, and you would hear my words and believe them. I don’t love you because of this mess I’m in, I love you in spite of it. You make me want to think of life outside of this island, a life I never thought I could have again. But if this is what it’s like to tell you the truth about everything, I’m not sure I want to keep talking. It’s too hard.”
Jonas took her face in his hands, watching her. “I love you as well,” he said before shaking his head. “No, no one knows. I haven’t said a thing to anyone. I don’t have much in the way of friends anyhow.” He brushed her hair back before shaking his head. “I had to ask. I believe you. Tell me the rest.”
Her eyes searched his face before she nodded once, convinced he was telling her the truth. ”The gun you caught me with, it belonged to a guard that I killed. The motorcycle you found was stolen by another member and given to me. I know how to shoot, I learned a long time ago. But I’m probably more dangerous without a weapon. You know what I did at the hospital, I could kill someone that way if I tried. But I haven’t not yet. I’ve only used that ability to heal people, I still don’t know the full extent of what I can do with it. And that guard at the hospital was right, I can control people’s minds if I wanted to. But I never have. It bothers me how powerful I could be if I really tried. I don’t want to hurt anyone. But I also have an entire island of people to protect. And sometimes a little bad does a lot of good.”
Jonas was quiet as she spoke again and then when she was done, he kissed her forehead and took a step back. He didn’t say anything, just reaching for his own drink and taking a long pull, one hand resting flat on the table while he tried to get his thoughts in order.
She didn’t continue. That was enough for now, and it really was the large majority of it all anyway. Studying him, she moved to his side, placing her hand on his. ”And what about you? What haven’t you told me?”
“Nothing,” he said, turning to look at her. “Nothing like what you’ve said. I just do my job. I don’t get along with you. Most of the other…” He stopped himself before he said freak, but just barely. “Most of the others wants nothing to do with me, or act out like they’ve got something to prove, so maybe I haven’t always been nice.”
She studied him a moment before releasing his hand with a nod. ”Can I ask you a question? You may not like it, but I need to know the answer.”
He looked up at her, only slightly shifting his stance, trying to keep from looking defensive. “Of course.”
Sitting at the table once more, she noticed his change in stance. She furrowed her brow in thought before continuing. ”Have you stopped trying to find my daughter? I know the terms of our relationship have changed… drastically. But, part of me wonders if you’ve intentionally stopped. Or, maybe never intended to start.”
“That’s not a fair question to ask,” Jonas said shaking his head. “I haven’t stopped. And I started, but what access do I have? The files on your daughter? There’s a reason why I didn’t say anything.”
She kept her eyes on him, frowning a bit again. ”Any time I mention her, or her father, you change somehow. It bothers you. Why?”
He didn’t look at her. “Because you’ll leave me for them.” He knew that much. He knew full well there was no way she stayed with him if she had her daughter or her father back. There was no need to be with him. He reached for his drink, finishing it off and going for another. “Her files are locked in a way I can’t get to. You’ll have to get someone who can dig deeper, or come up with a way to get me in deeper.”
”That’s not true. I wouldn’t leave you for them. But I won’t forget they exist for you. I don’t expect you to never think of your wife or your son. I just need to know where they are, what happened to them, what I did wrong. So I don’t make the same mistakes with you.” She kept her eyes on him, waiting for him to look at her.
Jonas pulled another beer from the fridge and opened it before he looked back at her. “My ex-wife and my son like to pretend that I don’t exist.” He took another swig of his drink then went back to her. “I don’t think you did anything wrong. With the level of security around that file? That’s bigger than you. Unless they already know about your extracurricular activities.”
Sighing, she finished off her wine and played with the empty glass. ”If they knew, I would be dead by now. Just like all the previous leaders. I know there’s something going on, but I don’t have enough information to know specifics. My information contact ‘disappeared.’ Just like Rhett did. He had access to legal documents. If they knew about me, and tied us, then they would have gotten to us both.”
“So now what then? What do you want from me with all this?” Jonas felt like there was something else coming with it, but no one had said what it was yet.
She watched him in silence, unsure how to respond to the question. After a few moments, she just shook her head. ”What do you mean?”
He watched her for a moment. “Tell me what to do. What I’m supposed to do.” He guessed there had to be something.
Confused, she shrugged. ”I don’t know what you want me to say. I want you to trust me. I want you to love me the way you have. I don’t want all of this to change things between us. But it feels like it’s too late for that.”
Jonas was quiet for a long moment, not looking at her. “I want to do all of those things. I can’t...not love you. But you have to know…” He turned to look at her. “That means I’m at your mercy. It means that when you need something I’m going to do it for you. Please don’t… abuse that.”
Standing, she moved to his side, kissing him softly. ”I could never do that to you, I swear. Please believe me.”
He gave in to what he wanted instead of trying to keep his head clear, pulling her into his arms and kissing her again. “I do.” I want to. I need to. He knew he had his doubts, but he didn’t want to doubt her. He hated doubting her. He needed that to go away and if she read his thoughts she’d hear him struggling with it.
Leaning against him, she deepened the kiss. ”I wish you could trust me. I’m the same person I was when we started this conversation, I haven’t changed and neither has the way I feel about you. I love you and I won’t let anything happen to you. And I will never do anything to hurt you.”
Jonas drew the kiss out and when it ended he rested his forehead against hers. “I won’t let anything happen to you either. No matter what it takes.” He wrapped his arms around her. “I love you too.”
She looked into his eyes with a smile, comfortable in his arms. She studied him thoughtfully for a moment before trying to lighten the mood. ”Let’s forget about all of that trouble for now and just enjoy our time together tonight. I noticed you bought wine, are you trying to get me drunk so I’ll sleep with you? Because you know I’ll just end up doing it anyway.”
“I figure considering our topic of conversation, I might need it.” He kissed her lightly then went to refill her glass. “But I was hoping you would anyway.”
She watched him curiously, a faint smile on her lips. ”How did you get in? I didn’t give you a key yet. And I never forget to lock the doors.” She wasn’t upset that he had been inside waiting for her, it was actually rather nice. And she had planned on giving him a key soon, but obviously that wasn’t necessary now.
He looked bashful for a moment then reached into his pocket and pulled out the extra key he’d had made. “I got nervous after watching you react to what you can do. I didn’t feel right not being able to get in without breaking down the door.” He considered the key then slide it back to her. “I don’t have to keep it.” It had been more of a paranoid move than anything else, something he’d regretted once he’d done it, but it made sense in the moment.
She smiled a bit more and shook her head. ”It’s alright. I was going to give you a key anyway. You just beat me to it. I like having you here, now it’s just a little easier for you to come and go as you please.”
Jonas looked at the key and took it back, tucking it into his pocket again and reaching for her hand. “I like being here too. More than being at home that’s for sure.” He kissed her fingers lightly, watching her face to gauge her reaction.
”Well, you could stay here more often. We already try to spend most nights together, it would make it a little easier if we were both going home to the same place. I don’t know if they watch the houses that closely, do you think it would be too risky?” She wouldn’t mind if he moved in, but it might not be a smart idea.
Jonas frowned a little, looking at her. “Are you asking me to move in?” he ventured because that was what it sounded like. as far as if people were watching it? He wasn’t sure. Probably not. Didn’t seem like anyone cared that much provided there weren’t disturbances.
She hesitated a moment, confused by his frown. ”Yes, I am. If you want to, that is.”
He hadn’t expected that. He really hadn’t thought that she would want him invading her personal space. That said, he wanted to. Desperately. “Yes. Of course yes.”
Moving back to his side, she took his hand, intertwining their fingers. ”Good, you had me worried for a moment there. You wouldn’t be invading anything, you’d be bringing life back to this cold, empty place. You give me a reason to keep fighting. Besides, it’s probably a lot easier for you to come here than for me to keep sneaking off to your place.”
“There’s definitely a lot less soldiers around here.” He squeezed her fingers and pulled her closer to him. “I can start moving my stuff soon. You’ve seen my place though. It won’t take me long.” He didn’t have much.
Stepping closer, she kissed him once again. ”We’ll still need to be careful, but it’s much safer here, I think. No one ever comes here, and if someone did, it would mean there’s more trouble than someone just finding out about us.”
He twisted his fingers in her hair as she kissed him, pulling her closer. “Then I stay here. And I can be with you whenever you need and we can stop sneaking out of each other’s arms when the other is asleep.”
”That sounds incredible. Behind these walls we can live the life we want, and not worry about anything outside.” For a moment, she had the fantasy of quitting her job and spending her days and nights with him. But she knew that would never work and would have to settle with spending their down time together.
He pulled her closer and kissed her again, fingers still twisting in her hair. “Sounds perfect. And all I want.”
Slipping her arms around him, she returned the kiss deeply. ”I just want to make you happy.”
He kept her close when he broke off the kiss. “You do make me happy. Happier than anyone else ever has.”
She leaned back just slightly so she could examine his face, a little confused by his words. ”Happier than anyone else ever has? How? I haven’t really done much of anything.”
Jonas watched her eyes then shrugged. “I guess, just being here. Loving me. No one ever has.”
She hesitated for a moment, unsure of how to respond. Smiling slowly, she kissed him again, bridging the short distance between them. ”Well, then I suppose I am very lucky to have the chance.”
He kissed her back then pressed his forehead against hers. “I think I’m the lucky one,” he told her, smiling brightly in a way that he didn’t usually smile. She brought that out in him.