LJ-SEC: (ORIGINALLY POSTED BY alfrecht)

So, like many of you who may be reading this, I've followed the stem cell research issue this week, and like many of you reading this, I fully approve of many of the jokes made on The Daily Show about how stupid it all is.

But Sen. Brownback and President Bush have inspired me, by their nuanced and careful arguments on this issue, to finally take a stand on something that has been bothering me for ages.

As many of you know, I'm in the field of education, and in so doing, literature and the written word are of the utmost importance. Even though I don't agree with many books out there, many newspapers and magazines, and many other things which appear in printed media, I am not in any way for censorship of ideas or the willful destruction of such things. Book-burnings, whether they are perpetrated by anti-intellectuals of the past or by modern people who think Dianetics is crap, the Left Behind series is offensive and Ann Coulter is an abomination, are an action that I would never condone and could under no circumstances ever see a need for. Any person dedicated to the ideals of free speech and freedom of information would have to agree with me on this point.

And so I would like to come out and make my stand here: I advocate never using wood in campfires, fireplaces, bonfires, or any other type of fire ever again.

Printed media and its massive production, from the late renaissance up until the modern age, has relied almost entirely on paper derived from wood pulp for its production. One could truly say that every piece of wood is a potential book that could win a Pulitzer Prize, or a potential newspaper that might inform millions of important world events.

Burning wood, or rather burning "undeveloped books," therefore, is tantamount to saying that you're a Nazi and that you would wish that free speech and the free exchange of information and ideas should stop.

If you really are an advocate for free speech, free press, and for the ability of humans to engage in meaningful dialogue over issues of importance and to educate themselves and others through the distribution of information and the skills of the written arts, you will stand with me and oppose those Nazis who would rather have roasted marshmallows for their "convenience" and "tastiness" on their summer camp-outs than a free exchange of ideas.

You will even resist those bleeding-hearts who argue that, when stranded in the wilderness, and with freezing temperatures in the night threatening death by hypothermia, that it is better to chop down one of these undeveloped books and burn it so that their life can continue, because they are so much more important than that little, defenseless "piece of wood" that might go on to enlighten someone's ignorance one day (with a lot of industrial processing, creative genius, various inks and literary production costs) as a best-selling book like The Da Vinci Code or an important work of spirituality by the likes of Billy Graham.

If you agree with me on this issue, don't be afraid to speak up to all of your bleeding-heart/Nazi friends who think there are good and justifiable reasons for burning wood. It isn't true, and it cannot be argued that it is true, now with natural gas-powered central heating, low-cost baseboard electric heating systems, and propane-powered camping stoves and gas barbecues.

If you happen to be one of those irresponsible people caught in the woods because your "car broke down" or your "white water rafting expedition went wrong" or your "plane crashed in the Alaskan wilderness," and you don't have a working gas stove that happened to survive the experience, would you really do something about which God and any civilized human being who is rational and compassionate would condemn entirely and cut down the life of a precious, beautiful potential book just to save your frostbitten limbs?

For those of us who know the Truth on these matters, the choice is simple. And for those who disagree, and go on enjoying their camp-outs (who are probably homosexual--notice the word "camp" and "out" there!) and their "fireside chats" and so forth...well, they may be laughing now and basking in the warm glow of their atrocities, but we all know that when they come before The Judge, they will be consigned--appropriately--to the flames of the Abyss (which, I am given to know, run on the high-efficiency fusion reactions of the Almighty's wrath for their justly-punishing effectiveness).