kitsune_no_mae (kitsune_no_mae) wrote in crow_syndrome, @ 2008-03-06 02:12:00 |
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Current mood: | bitchy |
Part One of the Sporking of the aptly named "Blasphemy"
Story Or Series Title: Blasphemy
Fandom: Lucius Malfoy and the Sadists of Doom
Culprit Author's Name: Crudedude
Full Name (plus titles if any): Lucius Malfoy, Tom "Voldemort" Riddle and Abraxas Malfoy, mainly. Supposedly Dumbledore is in this fic, but the author replaces him with an OC early on
Full Species(es): Catholic Wizards, Canon Stus
Hair Color (include adjectives): movie canon, I think. Abraxas: unmentioned
Eye Color (include adjectives): Lucius: "large grey eyes" Voldemort: As canon, if I'm not mistaken. Abraxas: The standard Malfoy cold and grey.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Lucius: "a cute nose," a red wang and "His mouth is wide and his full lips are as red as his nipples." He also happens to be pink almost all over. He'll have some major physical and mental scars before this pans out. Voldemort: His 7 inch wanger. Abraxas: A larger prick than Voldemort. You know that's going to get him killed.
Special Possessions (if any): Lucius: a bloody kilt and clothes that are too tight for him, a leotard and tights, innocence and a pubis. Also, possibly, an ass-hymen. Voldemort: a harem of willing nuns, a TV on which to watch his students do nekkid things, a toga, a Catholic school to call his own and a cassock. Abraxas: A wife named after a Cassie Claire sue, a Roman legionary costume and a membership to a secret society of demented folks. Someone in this fic is in possession of a Chrysler 300. Most of the characters posses a large amount of money with which to do stupid things
Annoying Origin: Well, Lucius came from his parents. The other two I suspect were raised by wolves.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: They want so badly to be them. They fail.
Annoying Special Abilities: Lucius: Has the ability to remain so very innocent in a very perverted school. Voldemort: Hasn't been excommunicated yet. Abraxas: Finds his own son attractive and gets away with selling said son (and his heir) to a pack of nuts.
Other Annoying Traits: The lot of it, though particularly that Lucius dies at the end of the fic, thus rendering Draco a physical impossibility.
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:
Pretty teenager Lucius Malfoy is forced to participate in a perverse and sadistic version of the story of Easter.
(Kitsune: *Pelts you with eggs and bunnies and then whacks you with a cross piece* Sarah: Pretty? Egads.)
Spring is in the air as the Archdiocese prepares for the annual Easter Celebration.
(Kitsune: *Sneezes* Sarah: Long road trips, lots of bitching and moaning, constant noise, an abundance of stress...oh, you mean their Easter Celebration.)
Bishop Tom Riddle sits in the spartan study of the Head Mistress of Our Lady of Endless Misery School for Young Witches and Wizards.
(Kitsune: I'm loving the name. Sarah: Voldemort's a bishop? No wonder the Catholic Church is all kinds of fucked up these days.)
His host, Mother Superior Aveza sits beside him. The nun, like every teacher in the private high school, is a member of the Sisters of Dolorous Countenance, one of the few holy orders whose members continue to wear traditional black and white habits.
(Kitsune: And I suspect they don't approve of witchcraft. Sorry Voldemort, you're out. Sarah: Is this where people go after they get kicked out of Hogwarts?)
The priest and nun sit on a leather couch in front of a large color television.
(Kitsune: That is powered how, may I ask? Sarah: Voldemort is going to eat your soul for making him watch the Simpsons, I hope you realize.)
At a desk nearby sits Sister Fidget. Her fingers skillfully manipulate the knobs and levers of a small console.
(Kitsune: What about Sister Twitch? Sarah: The dark lord himself converted to muggle-loving by Nintendo. Who would have thought it?)
She uses this device to control the dozens of tiny hidden cameras in the school's locker room. The bishop and the head mistress gaze at the images of naked and half-naked teenaged boys and girls who have no idea that they're being watched, let alone recorded.
(Kitsune: Voyourism is the new Dark Arts. Sarah: *Will never dress in a locker room again*)
Riddle can feel his cock thicken at the sight of plump pubescent breasts and tight young asses. When he was sixteen he snuck into a theater that was showing the film "Carrie".
(Kitsune: Riddle was a sociopath long before he hit sixteen. Sarah: He saw what muggles call entertainment and ever since then he's wanted to wipe them out. If only he'd read the book, instead. If only!)
Ever since seeing the opening sequence, filmed in the steamy locker room filled with naked schoolgirls, he's been obsessed with teenaged flesh.
(Kitsune: You know, a normal person could watch that movie and be a little turned on by the locker room scene, I guess. Hot nekkid ppl is just par for the course, if you're talking arousal. However, the sudden obsession hints of someone with issues, issues that are simply triggered by the movie. You can't blame everything on Hollywood, despite what lawyers say. Sarah: I watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Can I blame this for my obsession with candy?)
As he stares at the screen, he's glad he decided to wear a cassock rather than one of the black suits he normally wears.
(Kitsune: Yeah, Voldemort looked a little funny in a pimpsuit. Sarah: Good. The less I have to think about Ralph Fiennes during this sporking, the better.)
He is naked beneath this long tunic.
(Kitsune: "Robe me, but for God's sake, don't underpants me, those are uncomfortable." Sarah: He likes a nice breeze around his privates, I see.)
Mother Superior Aveza and Sister Fidget are naked too, underneath their voluminous gowns.
(Kitsune:Ten to one, they expect their students to follow the "modest underwear" rule, in spite of this. Sarah: I suppose this is somewhat understandable. Those robes have got to get hot after a while.)
"There! There he is!" exclaims Aveza as her assistant captures the image from one camera and then another. "That's Lucius Malfoy, the one I want you to see. I think he'll be perfect for the ceremony."
(Kitsune: No he won't. Sarah: If the ceremony involves pureblood bitchery, this might be true.)
The priest's smile widens at the image on the screen. Lucius Malfoy stands in front of his locker. He wanted to spend more time on the balancing broom before coming in to shower and change.
(Kitsune: The balancing broom? AHAHAHA okay. Sarah: What the hell is that for? Synchronized quidditch games?)
Consequently, the fifteen year-old boy is still wearing a red leotard and white tights.
(Kitsune: I guess I could get behind that, if he has a 'Tavington booty.' Sarah: I'd scrub my brain out, but I'm going to hold out until I really need to.)
The colors compliment the naturally blond beauty's flawless peaches and cream complexion.
(Kitsune: Less peaches and more cream, if this is really Lucius you're going for. Sarah: There's something else to add to the list of things I won't be eating for a while.)
Pretty, naked boys flank him. They giggle and gossip, peni and buttocks jiggling, while they reach for folded towels that hang from their lockers.
(Kitsune: Hee, peni. Sarah: I have a sudden urge to snap someone on the ass with a towel.)
Although he remains clothed, Lucius Malfoy is so remarkably beautiful that the nudity of his classmates fails to distract Bishop Riddle. Nor does his sweat-soaked clothing does not repel him.
(Kitsune: So...you're basically saying that Riddle is repelled by Malfoy's sweat, yet he still thinks Malfoy is better looking than his non-sweaty, nekkid pals. Right? That's what I'm reading. Sarah: Please proofread. One single read-through of this, after it was finished, could have made that sentence much more readable.)
On the contrary, the priest would like nothing more than to have Mr. Malfoy peel off his soaking tights and wring them over his upturned face so that his sweet sweat can fall into his open mouth.
(Kitsune: I'd rather have the Gatorade. Sarah: *gag* and we're not even on the really bad stuff, yet!)
Ever observant, Mother Superior Aveza notices that the bishop is breathing more heavily than before. She glances down at his lap and smiles to see that his erect cock has made a tent of the black material of his cassock. The severe looking woman turns her head and nods at the only other person in the room.
(Kitsune:*as the mother superior* Bring zee scissors, Oksana. Tonight ve dine like queens! Sarah: RUUUUUUUUUUNNNNN!!!)
Sister Wilkes has been standing behind the head mistress and the bishop, watching the images of the naked boys on the TV.
(Kitsune: And preparing to report to the FBI. Sarah: Tsk, tsk. You know you're grounded from pron for the week, Sister Wilkes.)
At twenty-one, she is the youngest teacher in the school. Without hesitating, the beautiful nun walks over to the priest and drops to her knees before him.
(Kitsune: Would you like your 'chicken' to be baked or stewed? Sarah: Is this before or after she gets the dark mark?)
He smiles when she lifts the hem of his cassock up his legs and over his hard cock. The young nun leans forward until her lips are inches from the purple head of the priest's dick.
(Kitsune: I hear raw meat is bad for your health. Sarah: It's pretty small, we might want to serve a casserole as a side dish, in addition to the salad.)
She stares in fascination at the clear drop of pre-cum that dribbles out of his piss slit. She grins and mumbles a prayer. "Holy Mary, Mother of God.
(Kitsune: I concur. Sarah: I expect that Mary wants no part in this.)
Give me the power to suck cock to the greater glory of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Anoint my tonsils with holy cum. Amen."
(Kitsune: That's one prayer that God labled spam. Sarah: What's the sound of ten thousand angels rolling their eyes?)
She then lowers her face and opens her lips, taking the large purple head of the Bishop's cock with her warm mouth. Her lips form a tight ring around the base of his glans. Riddle gasps when the nun sucks his pre-cum as if his dick were a straw filled with cock grease.
(Kitsune: That's such an erotic image that I may puke. Sarah: And now I'll never eat bacon again.)
She swirls her tongue around the priest's cock head. The pretty nun taps her pointed tongue directly into his piss slit. She then sucks the remainder of his seven-inch member into her mouth.
(Kitsune: I'll admit to being impressed that Riddle's ding dong is only one inch longer than the average man's actually is. Sarah: This might be remotely hot if...eurgh, Voldemort.)
Despite the talented tongue of the young nun, Father Riddle's attention remains fixed on the image of Lucius Malfoy on the television.
(Kitsune: Sure it does. Sarah: There's something deeply wrong about calling Tom Riddle 'father.')
The teenager has peeled off his leotard and stands in his tights.
(Kitsune: He's so manly. Sarah: Meh, he looks like a sissy.)
He removes his under shirt. The priest almost cums at the sight of the slender boy's creamy stomach.
(Kitsune: The girl hanging off his wanger has nothing to do with this, nope. Sarah: Why was he wearing an undershirt with a leotard?)
Unlike most boy gymnasts, his stomach is smooth.
(Kitsune: Most boy gymnasts are lumpy? Sarah: Meh, I like a six-pack on a guy, now and then. Mind, Lucius can look however he likes, I'm still not naughty touching him.)
Apparently, Lucius's gymnastic efforts have excited him for his cherry red nipples stand erect, resembling pencil erasers.
(Kitsune: Just spare me the shitting dick nipples and I won't kill you too messily. Sarah: Excited him in what way?)
Most of the other boys in the locker room have gone into the showers. The teen rolls down his tights. Sister Fidget switches to another camera and Lucius's taut ass fills the screen.
(Kitsune: *faints dead away* Sarah: Gah! Get it away, get it away!)
Supported by long curvaceous legs, Lucius's ass is a pink wonder.
(Kitsune: *awakes in time to sporfle at that* It's almost the gay superman, but not. Sarah: More like a pink nightmare. Looks like a demented Easter Bunny.)
Perfectly symmetrical pillows of flesh separated by a deep crack.
(Kitsune: Stay off crack! Sarah: You don't want to know what he's hiding in there.)
The boy bends all the way over to examine one of his toes and the crack of his ass widens to reveal the pretty bud of his asshole.
(Kitsune: This may be the first time I've heard someone's asshole described as pretty. Sarah: This is why I'm going to wear underwear, even under tights, for the rest of my life. Wear two pairs, even.)
The fleshy globes of his virgin balls grace the apex formed by his legs. Lucius straightens and turns. His pubis is covered with a wispy down of blond curls.
(Kitsune: Wait, he's got hair on his bone? That has to be some kind of disease. Sarah: The strange thing is that at first I thought the author meant his, you know, mons pubis. I'm pretty sure that guys don't have those.)
"He's delightful," gasps Bishop Riddle as Sister Wilkes gobbles down his cock. "Are you sure he's a virgin?"
(Kitsune: Chew it up, Wilkes! Chew it up so they can never sew it back on! Sarah: Lucius? I doubt it.)
"Oh, yes," responds Sister Aveza. The thirty-five year old nun has hiked up her habit so that its hem is at her waist.
(Kitsune: I don't think the Sisters of Dolorous Countenence approve of your dress habits. Sarah: Someone get Narcissa to the boys' locker room, stat!)
She's wearing no underwear except for a red satin garter belt that holds up red stockings.
(Kitsune: Is that...in the dress code? Sarah: I think I saw that hideous getup on the savings rack in Wal-Mart yesterday. Hurray for savings! Boo for terrible taste!)
A devout bisexual, Sister A. is almost drooling at the image of young Lucius Malfoy.
(Kitsune: She's devout and bi or she's devoutly bi? Sarah: If you drool on my shoulder, I'm gonna smack a bitch.)
She takes the large golden crucifix that hangs from her belt and slides the end of it into her cunt.
(Kitsune: Omg it's the Exorcist! Sarah: And that idiot demon whatchamacallher called me a cross humper.)
She presses Christ's head and the cross begins to vibrate.
(Kitsune: Hey, I know where she bought that! Sarah: One of these days a student of hers is going to find that cross, activate it by accident and all hell will break loose.)
"Lucius is a good boy," she says breathlessly. "Besides, he had his annual physical last week and Dr Crumb assures me that his innocence is intact."
(Kitsune: It would be nice if we could keep it that way. Sarah: He bribes ministry officials, uses the dark arts and tortures muggles for the hell of it, yet you want to characterize him as 'good?')
"Dr Crumb!" laughs the bishop. "I'm surprised the old lecher didn't try to pop his ass cherry while he was feeling up his bum."
(Kitsune: He probably did and just didn't tell you about it. Sarah: Now wait a minute. This may just be the clumsy phrasing of the author, but when you say 'his purity is intact' do you mean he's just innocent or are you dumb enough to think there's such a thing as an ass-hymen? Author, I realize that you're crazy and that magical medical care can probably tell accurately whether or not someone's been done up the bum before, but the fact remains that you're crazy. Seriously, there is no special lock on the back door.)
Mother Superior Aveza laughs. "He knows that he won't be invited to the Easter Ceremony if he fucks the virgin who will probably be its star performer. I can assure you, he gets his fill of ass from the other little sluts who attend this fine academy."
(Kitsune: Now, if everyone else is a slut, how exactly does Lucius remain so pure? I mean, in the very least, consider that teenagers talk! If this hellhouse you're running is secretly some kind of brothel, Lucius will at least know about it by now. Sarah: He's not invited to my Easter Ceremony, either.)
By now, Sister Wilke's head is bobbing vigorously up and down on the spit-shined cock of the priest. Her mouth overflow with saliva and cock juice. The bishop watches young Lucius follow his classmates into the shower. Cameras located in the large communal shower room show images of dozens of naked teenaged boys soaping themselves and each other.
(Kitsune: You know, that only happens in porn flicks. Sarah: We may all dream, I suppose.)
The camera catches two young boys locked in a tight embrace. Their lips are clamped together and their tongues explore each other's mouth.
(Kitsune: And yet you insist that Lucius is some innocent little Catholic boy. Like hell. Sarah: Um, honey, this is supposed to be a Catholic school, right? I'm pretty sure they don't do that in public.)
The image fades and Lucius Malfoy fills the screen. His beautiful body glistens as water pours over him. He uses both hands to massage soap over his firm pecs. His red nipples peak out between his fingers. Water cascades down his chest and belly and floods his pink pubic area and his red penis.
(Kitsune: *Insert porn music, now* Sarah: Lucius sure is a pink one. Does he have some kind of skin problem?)
Lucius has a look of blissful peace on his innocent face. He appears to be in a world of his own. He doesn't appear to notice the raucous laughter of his classmates as they push and shove each other in the shower.
(Kitsune: Oh, he'd have to be spaced out for this to work as-written, believe me. Sarah: I expect he notices, but is waiting until night to kill everyone in his class. At least then he can make a run for it.)
Mother Aveza is moaning now as the vibrating cross sends waves of pleasure into her pussy.
(Kitsune: This is why those statues of Mary are weeping. Sarah: I feel just a little dirty for some reason.)
The young nun blowing Bishop Riddle grabs the base of the priest's cock. She presses her teeth into the fleshy column just under the rim of his glans.
(Kitsune: Bite iiiittttt! Biiiiite itttttttt! Sarah: Is it snack time already?)
Biting gently, she sucks hard. Riddle feels his balls twitching and contracting. With a groan, he begins to cum. Sister Aveza squeezes the base of his cock hard, preventing the hot sperm from shooting up its fleshy column.
(Kitsune: *as Aveza* Don't spooge in my office, you fool! You'll ruin the carpet! Save it for the rectory! Sarah: She holds him like this until he explodes.)
The priest grunts as pain mixes with pleasure. He grunts louder when the nun releases the pressure allowing his cock to spit a copious amount of hot cock snot into her mouth.
(Kitsune: You know, the phrase 'cock snot' leaves a lot to be desired. Sarah: You should see someone about that cold.)
The pretty nun's cheeks bulge as she struggles to hold the priest's sperm. After a few moments, the bishop's balls are empty. He leans back exhausted. Sister Wilkes stands up and adjust her habit. The priest stares at her pretty, virtuous face. The nun smiles and opens her lips. A thick strean of sperm leaks out of each corner of her mouth. She does nothing to wipe the thick pearly slime away. Soon ribbons of sperm drip off her chin and land on the black cloth of her habit. By the time her mouth is empty, her chest is covered in thick man jam. Using her finger, she scrapes up some sperm and pops it back into her mouth. This time she swallows the load.
(Kitsune: That's so hot. Sarah: So, tell me more about this drooling fetish of yours.)
Mother Superior Aveza watches this wanton display as a series of orgasms thunder through her body. She removes the greasy crucifix from her pussy and holds it up towards the young nun. Sister Wilkes opens wide and takes the base of the cross in her mouth, noisily sucking her Mother Superior's cunt juice from its golden shaft.
(Kitsune: Well, at least it's getting clean. Sarah: Ten to one, this is the only form of cleaning these idiots use on their toys.)
The older nun and the priest stand up and adjust their clothing. Looking at the screen one last time, Bishop Riddle admires the sight of young Lucius Malfoy. The slender boy is wearing a white undershirt and is putting his large penis into the crotch of white underclothing.
(Kitsune: Tidy whities. Sarah: Somehow, I always thought Lucius was more of a boxer man.)
"Yes," says the priest. "I think that young Malfoy will make a wonderful Christ for our Easter passion play. What about his parents?"
(Kitsune: They plan to remove your reason for teaching at a high school and place it in a chocolate egg, Mr. "Passion Play." Sarah: His parents aren't going to find out about this, if you know what's good for you.)
"I've spoken to them," says Sister Aveza. "Half a million and two memberships to the Thanatos Society was all the convincing they needed to sell their son to us."
(Kitsune: Family-the ties that bind. Sarah: Ah, love.)
The bishop is taken aback. "Half a million? That's a bit much, isn't it? After all, we could have grabbed some little street whore to star in the Easter Pageant."
(Kitsune: Then why don't you? Not that I condone this. Sarah: Half a million too much for a human life? Puh-lease, bitch.)
"Yes," agrees Sister Aveza. "But I think you'll agree that an innocent virgin is a more fitting representative. Besides, Sheik Abdullah contributed the money."
(Kitsune: You know those mysterious shieks. They have a thing for hot virgins. Sarah: Welcome to Arabic Stereotypes, 101.)
"Did he? Abdullah the mad mullah?" exclaims the priest. "Well bless his heathen heart."
(Kitsune: Abdullah the mad mullah is the distant and less famous cousin of the mad Arab who wrote the necronomicon. Sarah: His heathen heart is providing you the money to do this and, while this may not endear him to me, you'd better show him some damn respect or he'll take his wallet and go home.)
"Mind you," says the nun. "He insists on being a part of the pageant. I took the liberty of telling him he could and recommended he sharpen his skills in the use of a hammer and nails."
(Kitsune: Uh oh. Sarah: I really hope that the people who are part of this organization are actually just hypocritical Catholics. If they see a known muslim up on stage during the Easter show, they may well swarm the stage and crucify him, allowing Lucius to escape unharmed. Not the best outcome one could hope for, but I'd rather see a sadist offed by a bunch of other sadists than an innocent victim tortured to death by the same.)
The bishop laughs loudly and says, "Deliver Lucius Malfoy to the cathedral a day before Good Friday."
Mother Superior Aveza nods obediently. For three decades, a boy plays Christ one year and a girl the next. This year Lucius will have the honor of experiencing the agonies suffered by Christ.
(Kitsune: I wonder if some people might not consider that something of an honor. I wonder if the author has considered that? Sarah: Oh, just go watch "The Passion," already!)
"Father Riddle," says the nun. "You and I have sworn to sacrifice our lives in the service of Christ. So will Lucius Malfoy. Only his sacrifice will be condensed and very, very painful."
(Kitsune: Do me a favor and go sacrifice your genitals to a pack of wolves. Sarah: Somehow I don't believe that you're making good on that vow.)
The Bishop and nun laugh as they watch the screen where fully clothed sixteen year-old Lucius pick up his books and go off to his next class.
Lucius Malfoy is very excited. He sits in the back seat of a gleaming black Chrysler 300.
(Kitsune: Pee-shaw, nothing short of a limo is good enough for a Malfoy. Sarah: and yet they say a life is worth less than a half mil?)
Beside him is Mother Superior Aveza. The powerful car has been sent by Archbishop Albus Dumbledore to carry the teenager from his school to his cathedral in the heart of the city.
(Kitsune: Dumbledore is in cahoots with Voldemort? Here I thought we'd assassinated all the characters we could. Sarah: Which means it's obviously enchanted and designed to rescue Lucius from the clutches of evil.)
The boy looks out the tinted window and is thrilled when they pass a farm where young lambs cavort in a grassy meadow. "Oh look Sister Aveza," he gushes. "The little lambs! Aren't they cute?"
(Kitsune: Yes they are. Also, I can relax because it's just been confirmed that you are not Lucius Malfoy. Sarah: I had no idea that Lucius was, in fact, a fluffy bunny. Thank you internet, for enlightening me.)
"Yes, my child, they are," says the nun who smiles and thinks to herself. Those lambs will be slaughtered before Easter is over and so, my dear Lucius Malfoy, will you.
(Kitsune: And Clarice Starling will run away in horror, as usual. Sarah: So, I take it you're also planning to reinact the passover sacrifices that must have been going on during the crucifixtion of Christ?)
For the hundredth time, the nun admires the teenager's appearance. The boy doesn't seem to have noticed that the short red, plaid kilt of his school uniform had crept up to reveal several inches of his creamy thighs.
(Kitsune: Lucius has Scottish roots, I see. Sarah: They let Malfoy wear a skirt? The dress code must be lenient.)
Lucius has enjoyed a growth spurt in the past few months and his blazer is a little too tight across the chest and shoulders.
(Kitsune: Like the Malfoys are too poor to buy their baby a new uniform. Sarah: I doubt he's 'enjoyed' it as such.)
His full ass fills out the back of his kilt, straining the length of the hem.
(Kitsune: I believe they have rules about that in Catholic schools. Sarah: Dear Lucius: I know people say things to the effect of wondering what the Scottsman wears under his kilt, but we really don't want to know. Holy Cow, Sarah.)
The boy smiles at his Head Mistress. He has large grey eyes and a cute nose.
(Kitsune: If you like pale and pointed, yeah. Sarah: I suppose if one has a thing for ferrets, the Malfoy men are exactly what you're looking for.)
His mouth is wide and his full lips are as red as his nipples. His golden hair has been plaited into a braid that hangs down to his shoulder blades.
The car enters the city. As they drive downtown, Lucius can see the twin spires of the cathedral in the distance. They arrive at the church. The boy is impressed by the size of the limestone building. The teenager is surprised when the car doesn't stop in front of the church. Instead, it proceeds along the avenue.
(Kitsune: All the way to Dumbledore's stronghold. Sarah: This is when they kidnap you.)
A high stone wall marks the border of the church's land. The driver stops before a set of wrought iron gates. He picks up a cell phone and announces their arrival. The gates swing open and the car glides through. The property upon which the cathedral is situated is several dozen acres in size. They roll past a Grotto that contains diorama's of the fourteen Stations of the Cross. In the center of the grotto is a skull shaped hill. They continue past a small cemetery and finally come to a limestone mansion -- the Archbishop's palace.
(Kitsune: Dumbledore has a palace? Sarah: I didn't know that they regularly handed out palaces to members of the clergy these days.)
Young Lucius follows Mother Superior Aveza out of the car to the front door of the large house. The teenager still thinks it odd that he was told to bring no luggage.
(Kitsune: They didn't have toothbrushes in the time of Christ. Sarah: Bring only what you can get on the back of a donkey. You can't even bring that because the donkey keeps trying to kick you in the head.)
The head mistress had informed him before they left him that everything will be provided to him over the next few days.
(Kitsune: Being the sporker that I am, I have a feeling that this won't include clothing. Sarah: They had better at least provide him with a purple robe, for what good it will do.)
The nun uses a large brass doorknocker to announce their presence. Almost immediately, a handsome young priest opens the door.
(Kitsune: They deliver in thirty minutes or less. Sarah: He'd have to be.)
"Mother Superior Aveza," he smiles. "Come in. I'm Father Travailian."
Turning to the teen he says, "You must be Lucius Malfoy. You are most welcome."
(Kitsune: Welcome in the way of a good steak dinner, that is. Sarah: He is not Lucius Malfoy. He's Prince Oblivious Buttfuckeronious V.)
Lucius blushes and feels butterflies tickle his stomach as the young priest runs his eyes over his body in a rather unpriestly manner.
(Kitsune: This was your first clue. Sarah: Even the butterflies are pervs.)
"The Archbishop was delighted when he learned that you have agreed to be the star of our annual Easter celebration."
(Kitsune: Don't these kids notice when each year the star of the celebration fails to return to school after the fact? Sarah: Talk about biting off more than he can chew.)
"I hope that I won't disappoint everyone," he says nervously.
(Kitsune: I expect that you won't. Sarah: If you do, all you have to do is pay them and you'll never hear another unkind word about it.)
"Mother Superior Aveza hasn't told me what I'll have to do."
"Don't worry," he says. "I'm sure you'll do just fine. Now come with me and I will introduce you to Archbishop Legion."
(Kitsune: Oh for fuck's sake. Sarah: Lawl. But isn't the archbisop supposed to be Dumbledore? Internal inconsistencies for the lose!)