Zanne Chaos (![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} emilie_burns) wrote in ![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} chaotic_library,@ 2007-06-02 09:02:00 |
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| Entry tags: | comment backups |
Zanne's Fic Comments - Backup 1
ROY x RIZA
And the Rest Was History...
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From: galuxkitty
It so would have been like that. ♥
From: pinion
This is beyond adorable. >.> You know you need to write a follow up set around 4 years later, right?
From: malinear
that's freaking adorable! And totally what would have happened...
From:::snickers:: Thank you. I cannot see them having any kind of fluffy first meeting. At all. Regardless of age.
From: malinearnope, it'd be too easy and wouldn't suit them at all. They don't really get any fluff now, they're always there for one another, but it's not a fluffy cute sort of relationship (though we occasionally give them *moments* but still...). They are who they are, and they don't expect the other to be any less than that.
From: turkish-delight
XD that was great! i love pre-series royai, it's so much fun to play with. my favorite part was totally the pot/kettle line, because i so totally used the SAME THING in a chapter of pegasus! XD you win the intarnets.
From: luvinaoshi
That was so cute. I haven't read anything like it before, with Roy and Riza being so young. Great job!
From: anonymous
this is great! very creative and original... lol i'm so used to reading fluffy, smutty, cracky or angsty royai, that it's refreshing to read something that looks at their relationship in a brotherly-sisterly way
i agree w/ pinion, you should write a follow up to this, when Roy can no longer think of Riza as just a kid anymore :-)
From: lady-mercury
Aww, this was cute. So cute. I could imagine Riza being a bit bratty considering having family in the military and being around a military setting. Because, seriously, being around military brats... they're annoyingggggg.
Burnt Snow
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From: ai-ling
Oooh, I love this one. The second-in-command, serving as bodyguard as well as all around helper/personal assistant ... this is what drives them. :)
From: corposant
I just love the way you capture them.
From: rex-bandit
very nice fic. :D loved the drama, understanding, care and lov that surrounds the whole fic - something which mirrors roy and riza's relationship, in my opinion. :D great, great work.
Casualties of War
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From: rukusho
Ohhhh it's been a while since I've read royai like this. And now I remember why I love every bit of this pairing.
As ususal, awesome job!!
From:
jchaosThis story was flat-out awesome! ♥
Riza's point of view was totally clear, and I loved seeing how you handled Roy's responses too. The scene in the rain was great! And that ending was bittersweet heartbreaky.
From: skyemarie
well done. this pairing totally captivates me. its always a pleasure to read such a well written fic, good characterization, easy dialogue, just beautiful.
From: mjules
*is reduced to awed silence*
From: fyliwionvilyaer
Yeahhh!!! Good Royai ^_^ Great job ^^ Very very awesome
From:
yuuoLaughter died. Conscience was buried. The price was Self.
That line? Still gives me shivers. *_* SHIIIIIIIIIVERS.
I like how the last scene really brings the whole thing together, pulls the past in with the 'present' that we're all familiar with, shows how they're still at war, even though the face of the beast has changed. I still prefer the first part because Ishbal isn't something we've seen a terrible lot of in the manga so far (although that seems to be changing) and there's things that words can't do that pictures can, yes, but there's so much about the 'picture' you painted with words that there's no way an image would ever capture. *_* Love love love.
From: fluorescens
Goodness all the way. *fangirls you*
From: mystrial
A-M-A-Z-I-N-G
One word says it all.
From: gretchen8642
amazing amazing there hasn't been any really good royai stuff lately!! thank you so much!
From: exitcalypsan
Awesome fic. I was tingling while reading it and still am. :D
From: ewacat
I needed that.
That was ace.
From: luvinaoshi
Hm, and I almost missed this.
Great job. The way you imagine Roy is different from how I imagine him, but your characterization is consistant, your story touching, and your language sophisticated and fluid. *thumbs up*
From: in--conspicuous
A-W-E-S-O-M-E!
&hearts Such a nice day, first Chappie 59 translations, next this This amazing fic about this wonderful pairing~ Wooo~ *squees* &hearts
PS. I totally loved your portrayal of Hughes :D
From: cornerofmadness
I just loved this. It had about everything I look for in fic, a realistic look at the relationship over the years, their pains and joys, his friendship with Maes. Oh and Kimbley around being creepy is always a bonus
From: firelady113
you know, I've read my share of Royai fics. But this, this has to be one of the best. Great job, astounding use of character and imaging. I'm hoping to see more from you (I'm part of 30_romances so I'll keep my open).
From: redbrunja
I really liked your Riza characterization in this- she's a hard one to write, because she's so quiet in the anime. Here, she sounds young but still Riza; still competent and cool under pressure.
By favorite section was this:
"She wasn't killing Ishbalites. She was protecting him. She wasn't waging war, she was acting in defense. Defense, and he needed her, he needed her to give him cover, to protect him. That was all. Nothing more and nothing less. She repeated that over and over, clinging to the thought like a sacred mantra, and forced the emotions, the horror and fear, down into a deep, dark corner, locked away from her thoughts. "
I really like it because it illustrates how dangerous her protecting Mustang is, and the lines she's willing to cross to do so. It's a true part of her character, and I love it when people don't leave out the fact that Riza's psyche can be a scary, scary place.
From: inane-nana
Fabulous fic. Words fail me (again?) but I must tell you that you've got yourself another fangirl.
Clean
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From: kaeru-chan
... This is incredibly beautiful and RoyAi LOVE and I adore how Roy wants to keep her from being tainted, and.... EEE, IT'S SO GORGEOUS. *wibbles*
From: turkish-delight
gorgeous as always. you have such a powerful way with words. i love the evaporation analogy. great job!
From: malinear
I agree with turkish_delight, the way you put your stories into words is very powerful. And because you're so true to the characters, I was sitting here berating Roy for not understanding Riza's strength. But that is how they are, and we love them anyway.
From: rex-bandit
aaaaaaaah! very nice! very nice! :D i really, really liked this story. very in-character and emotional. :D *squeal*
She had lost nothing, he realized then. His fears had been empty, and the hand that she held to his cheek for once looked as clean as the hands which held it. Nothing had evaporated and water proved stronger than the ashes of blood. - i love that line :D
From: roses-of-sorrow
WEEEE!!!!!!!!! SO NICE!!!!!!!!!!! *is suddenly hyper*
i can read this fic over and over again and still sigh dreamily. and i agree with the others. you do have a way with words. oh yeah, you're an eloquent writer!!
From: anonymous
deep, seriously this is truly very deep
Crocus Angustifolius
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From: rex-bandit (chapter: 1)
nice! :D pretty intriguing fic you have here. *rushes off to read the next chaper* poor roy. *patpats* we ALL know just WHO he wants to see, don't we? ;) ^_____^ *smirks at roy's denials* suuuuuuuuuure. i believe you. :D
nice to see havoc back. ^___^ he'll lend some humor and old familiarity in the new office. :)
From: rex-bandit (chapter: 2)
aaaaaaa! you could cut the tension between roy and riza with a butter knife here. :D damn, that was good. very, very nice set up. and i loved the way you described their respective feelings. very accurate. :)
i particularly like the way you made them each have valid reasons for this separation cause' it makes them more human and understandable. often, you see fics which are based on totally stupid reasons or baseless ones, but here, they're very valid and totally spot on. one's heartbroken, the other is guilt ridden. ^____^
roy and riza have a bit too much pride for their own good, eh? *shoves them into a closet and lock it* ah, well. :D do i smell a cupid named winry and sheska coming up? :D *rushes off to the next chapter*
From: rex-bandit (chapter: 3)
ah, another great chapter! :D maaaaaaaan, those two need to like, seriously let their feelings out and sort them. ^____^ though it would be difficult, with two mule-headed people like themselves. :D
go winry! :D may your secret plan work! :D
ability of a sports cup to stop a bullet. a knee, yes. a bullet, no.
ZOMG! i LOVE this line! :D
From: vasaris (chapter: 3)
Lovely, but...
I'm not some act of attrition for her to find penance in
Er, attrition? *hurries over to dictionary.com*
*skritches head* I suppose the fourth definition could work at that, but doesn't contrition make more sense? (Just sayin' as personally I'm much more familiar with the 'losing stuff slowly' definition of the word than the 'repentence of sin motivated by fear of punishment rather than love of God' defintion, and I've got a fairly good vocabulary.)
From:It's more figurative, coming from someone who's very pissed off and bitter. ^_~ To define what he was saying there (bearing in mind he's speaking with a few glasses of whiskey and a lot of hurt and bitternes) the only reason she's concerned with trying to take care of him, etc., is to gain/earn absolution in her own eyes. She's damning herself, hates herself for everything that happened. There's two people she's trying to earn forgiveness from - him and herself. Although I wouldn't put it past literary allegory to include Roy there too - he's her world, her life, her reason.
From: rex-bandit (chapter: 4)
nice, nice, nice. ^____^ that's all i can seem to say about every chaper, isn't it? but it's trueeee! and this chapter is no exception. :) i liked the way each person's preparations for the ball were shown - very complex, drives the angst/emotions and very accurate. :)
can't wait for the ball! :D ooooooh, tension! *goes to the next chapter while eating popcorn* this is like a good movie! :D
sheska pulled on her coat and linked arms with winry. "yeah. i swear, if this doesn't work, maybe we should just lock them up in a room together naked." thats right, sheska! :D *bing, bing* we have a winner. ;) hehhehehe. it's totally what they need.
From: rex-bandit (chapter: 5)
woooooot, and what a weapon it was. :D *salutes winry* you GO, girl. but darn, they won't get to be locked together in a room naked and all. ^____^ hahhahah.
nice play on the whole winry - roy/roy - riza similarities. :) it was very well placed and a very accurate way of comparing things.
From: corposant (chapter: 6)
♥
From: crack-alchemist (chapter: 6)
*sniff* very bittersweet and i love the ending. it was perfect.
nice work. nice work, indeed!
From: 0-pyromaniac-0 (chapter: 6)
Very sweet, i liked it. I just want it to continue. But, the ending was nice...
From: bluepanther (chapter: 6)
Awww, I like this alot, this goes on my favorite fics list. I like how realistic it was, I've read fics where Riza and Roy run into each others arms after the whole ordeal and live happily ever after, but this was way more believable! Great job!
You rock my socks off!
From:
jchaos (chapter: 6)This story is pure, unrelenting AWESOME!
From: rex-bandit (chapter: 6)
I LOVE THIS STORY! :D LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE. it was bittersweet at the start, but i totally loved the ending. i think you tied it up very, very nicely. :D one of my all-time favorite royai stories! (along with the stuff you wrote before ^_____^)
*dies from the niceness of the story* it's PERFECT! :D *squeeeeeees!*
From: galuxkitty (chapter: 6)
♥ Beautiful. Bittersweet and a beautiful, truthful look at their relationship ^_^ *hugs*
From: acdragonmaster (chapter: 6)
Awww.... I'm just at a loss for words, that was just so GOOD. So sad and then so sweet at the end, and I think you really nailed the characters' persnoalities. I couldn't even manage to comment on each chapter as I read it, I wanted to go on and see what happened next.
From: rukusho (chapter: 6)
Yup. That was an amazing read before bed. *_* You have renewed my love for royai, thank you!
Great work! It shows that you put a lot of time into this. :D
From: baku-chan (chapter: 6)
I loved this. So good, so bittersweet and not too mushy-sweet, if you y'get my meaning :P
From: ginnyseta (chapter: 6)
This is rather belated, but I enjoyed this story a lot ^_^ I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
The Darkest Meaning of a Lie
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From: rz4ever
I love your work and your way to write, it makes you read it really easily and fluidly. Keep it up! ^^
From: kagami-x
::applauds::
That was really beautiful. Can't wait to see more fics in the future! ^^;;
From: anonymous
I thought this part showed just a teeny-tiny bit of what he feels for her: /"That too, of course. I'll be too busy measuring the skirts for regulation length - I mean, shortness - to bother with paperwork." Roy looked at her again, and relief flooded her seeing the hint of a soft and somewhat concerned look in his eyes, a contradiction to his supposed irritation./ super good 'o course, keep wrinn'!
For Whither You Go
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From:
jchaosMy inner Mustang is cheering. ^_^ This kicks ass, and is just one of the many things I love from your writing. ♥
From: iwiwal
*is a puddle of Rachelmush from the cute* ♥ ♥ I love it.
From: mystrial
Alas~ they're together. I love it. Cute and so uberly sweet.
From: _midnight_blue
What a fic! :) It was a great read, well-written, and simply beautiful. ^^
From: redbrunja
YES!!!!!
Will come back with better feedback when I can think. Finally together!
"I love you, Riza. From now until the last syllable of recorded time" was my favorite bit, I just... it sound so Roy, and so true and so romantic. A thousand thank-you's to the bunnies that attacked you. Bless them, bless them.
------
Okay, detailed feedback time.
I love the quote- could it *be* anymore about Riza and Roy? Also, it’s interesting that the POV of the quote reads to me as Riza, but the POV of the story is Roy.
You set up the stakes really nicely, as well as the past- this is where Roy came from and it gives my heart fiendish glee that Roy’s been through war but is scared out of his wits now.
“She reached his side (where she always had been, where she always belonged, where she always would be).”
This sentence and the paragraph following have a great sense of desire- that he wants her so bad. Also, I like the desert imagery, tying back in with the war, and how both a happy future with Hawkeye and his (military) goals are seen as insubstantial.
As I’ve said before, ‘"You're more than I hoped for, better than I ever dreamed, and saying 'I love you' doesn't come close to how I feel. But they're the only words we have. I love you, Riza. From now until the last syllable of recorded time."’ is made of awesome. Since he’s an alchemist, I love the almost scientific precision of the ‘recorded time’- not the end of time, but ‘recorded time’. Also, it’s what Roy would say on his wedding day. Enough said. I love the image of the wedding being a daydream, because I bet he dreamed it many, many times (and wouldn’t admit it) before it actually happened.
Riza’s response is also awesome; ‘"I've wondered too if this might not all just be my imagination at work, but standing here now, I know it's not. Nothing in my imagination has ever felt so solid, so real, real enough to tempt me to stay within it and never wake up. That's how I know it's real. Because if it weren't, I would never be able to want that, the never waking up, because that would leave you without me there to watch your back.” Because, MY GOD, at Roy’s back is the place she wants to be most in the world, and it really illustrates the difference between them, that she craves reality because of her responsibilities, and he craves dreams for the same reason, and they are finally able to meet in the same place, with the same thing attainable, and I’ve actually never imagined them married in my HEA but damn..... They’ve never struck me as verbal people, and I almost can’t image them saying this in public, but at the same time it’s so them it works.
“After so many years of so many stolen, hidden kisses, it felt almost like dying and being reborn anew to be able to kiss then, in front of so many, to declare without doubt or hidden speech everything she meant to him.”
It would be like being reborn, and I adore (I’ve sad ‘love’ too many times already) the image, of them standing in the sunlight and finally free to kiss each other, no trauma, no death, no secrets.
This totally fills my craving for fluffy IN CHARACTER Riza/Roy. I would love to read more, find out how they were able to reach this place and what it took to get there. Thanks.
From:Multi-paragraph feedback... *______* ::settles in to reply::
Also, it’s interesting that the POV of the quote reads to me as Riza, but the POV of the story is Roy.
The parallels and contrasts of that is what I was aiming for - Roy's the more noticeable one, but Riza's presence is in the background, yet no less significant.
I love the almost scientific precision of the ‘recorded time’- not the end of time, but ‘recorded time’.
That's one of the things that made me realize what else I could use this theme for, and that it worked as actual dialogue for this. And boom. I think I wrote this fic in a matter of hours.
They’ve never struck me as verbal people, and I almost can’t image them saying this in public, but at the same time it’s so them it works.
I think that would be part of where Roy's absolute case of jitters came from. XD;;
I would love to read more, find out how they were able to reach this place and what it took to get there.
I've done multichapter long fics before (worked on a trilogy for Slayers, each fic novel-length, before I just kinda died on it in the middle of the third. ~_~) and for some reason, the idea of doing one for FMA fills me with a sense of 'AHHHHHHHMOTHERLAND' because it would have to be AU. ~_~ I've already got bunnies biting me on that vein for Ed/Riza that I'm trying to ignore. X_x I think I might come back later and tweak this fic and change "General" to "Fuhrer", and write a few more bits and pieces later on to tie in with
of them standing in the sunlight and finally free to kiss each other
Funny you should mention the sunlight. You haven't, by chance, seen Rodgers and Hammerstein's The King and I? One duet in that movie keeps making me want to find a fic to at least quote a bit of it in for an opener.
We kiss in a shadow, we hide from the moon.
Our meetings are few, and over too soon.
We speak in a whisper, afraid to be heard.
When people are near, we speak not a word.
Alone in our secret, together we sigh
In hopes of one day to be free
To kiss in the sunlight and say to the sky:
'Behold, and believe what you see.
Behold how my lover loves me.'
From: redbrunjaI hadn't thought about Roy being nervous because of being so truthful in front of so many people, but you're right- he wears a great many masks, and it must be terrifying to set them aside in such a public venue. Plus the supersition that telling the universe what you want just makes it easier for Fate to take it away (which Roy would so believe) as well as normal pre-wedding jitters.... It's a wonder that the poor boy can speak at all.
I probably have seen the musical of "The King & I" but so long ago that I don't remember it. However, those lyrics sound very, very fitting. Also, since Roy and Riza's relationship is something that has to hidden and kept to the shadows, the idea of them kissing in the sunlight has all sorts of positive HEA assocations. I have such a strong image of them kissing while the sun pours in the windows that I had to reread to realize that you actually didn’t describe that happening.
From: doctor-ricey
Ohhhh, so pretty. Ah, Royai is the best ^_^
I really, really love the way you write your work Zanne——you have been given an awesome gift.
Oh, I always forget to say this, but your blue icon of Riza reminds me of a blonde version of Lady Une from Gundam Wing... ^^; haha.
From: eaglesspirit
Whoa. Amazing. That's all I can really say. Great job!
From: ladysubaru25
This is *very* good. and I do not find it too "fluffy" to be befitting of the characters at all. I think people sometimes confuse "fluff" with simply "a pleasing, happy ending with no angst." We RoyAi fans do love our angst... XD
You did a very good job of keeping everything IC, but still giving it a happy, drama-free ending. Contrary to popular belief, RoyAi DOES NOT *NEED* TO BE ANGSTY to be good, and you have proven this right here.
Also, I wanted to make a note of one little detail-oriented thing that particularly stood out for me: OMG, YOU GAVE THE LEIUTENANT A PROMOTION! XD That filled me with an overwhelming sense of joy like you wouldn't believe. I do read quite a few fics where Roy's rank has changed (his character being overly ambitious, with a history of being promoted quickly) but the writers somehow overlook that fact that he would probably INSIST (or at least be persistant in convincing the proper authorities...) that his #1 suboordinate be promoted right at his side. This is one of the things about BlueBird's Illusion that has secretly bothered me. The game has Ed promoted to the rank of Colonel, Roy at the rank of General, and poor Riza is still pushing paperwork at 1st Leiutenant. WTF?! While is is not in her character to be primarily concerned about promotions, I am certain that her character's sense of duty and desire to watch Roy's back would allow her the opportunity to earn a promotion of her own.
(All that being said, I wondered if you had researched the title of her rank before writing the fic. It seems to be that "Lieutenant General" sounds a bit... odd. I *think* the title of the military rank below General is "Brigadier General"-- at least in the Amestrian military. I'm reminded of Brigadier General Grand from the 1st season of FMA. I think I was right under General Hakuro. It's probably nothing, but my dad and his brothers were was military geeks, and the terminilogy struck me odd at first. Figured you might have already checked into it, but wanted to bring it up in the critique.)
Anyway, I am quick becoming a huge fan of your fic. Thanks for delivering!
From:^_^; I didn't give her a promotion. I left it ambigious. The Lieutenant General - I didn't include his name because I can't get a clear answer yet on whether the official spelling is Graman or Grumman or whatever. But he is Riza's grandfather.
Yeah, the old white-haired guy Roy played chess with? That's her grandfather, according to Arakawa. And in the manga, he nags Roy about marrying her. ^_~
But I'm glad you enjoyed this. ^_^ Thank you so much for the feedback.
From: ladysubaru25Hmmm... Grandfather you say, eh? That makes sense... the military must be some sort of family tradition. Interesting... ^_^
(I really need to start d/l-ing the scantilations of the newer manga chapters instead of waiting for them to be released over here.)
I do get this nagging feeling that she would have been promoted along with Roy. Still a lower rank, but, yeah. I just can't shake that feeling somehow...
:runs off to the FMA manga LJ group to check things out:
From: cornerofmadness
This was just so sweet and beautiful. I just love what they had to say to each other as vows.
From: anonymous
SWEET!!! (SHIFT KEY STUCK SORRY!!) I THOUGHT IT WAS SUPER COOL
From: brightygurl
D'AWWWWWWWWWW!!! Happy RoyxRiza. ^^
A Formal Feeling
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From:
beccastareyes... I really shouldn't read fic at work. ;_;
From: dragonsquee
This is...beautiful. *_* And sad too. Roy's characterization, expecially is spot on and the language is really smooth
From: chamomile7
Wow. You are incredible, as you have successfully made me sad. Please excuse my while I go emo.
From: rukusho
Yes! I was hoping you'd write something heart-pulling. Absoutley splended (i need to start finding more ways to complement you. I feel very repetitive........hmmm......Tibi gratias ago scribenti haec fabellam.)
From: hawkeye6
Great job,Its not offen you read a Fic thats not OOC..Write more like this in the future please
From: blau-feuer
wow good job. made me really sad.it hit me a little hard b/c my sis was in a comma for 2 day and there were the wosrt days of my life so i can't imagen what i would fell like to have some you love in one for longer. you did a great job. now i'll have to fine a really happy and fun fan fic to read.
From: cornerofmadness
so terribly sad, even more so for having seen similar scenes during my medical career. Heart wrenching and wonderfully done
From:I've been in and out of hospitals - inpatient, outpatient, visitor, E.R., regular care, ICUs - often enough, combined with nurse relatives and a lifelong desire of my own to enter the medical field that I drew on. I still remember the smell of them, it's always the same.
I'm glad you enjoyed it, even if it ended on an ambigious note that could go either way.
From: cornerofmadnessambigious notes are often the most intriguing ways to end. And having been a doctor for several years now I can attest that yes, hospitals all do smell and feel almost the same everywhere
From: brightygurl
*weeeeeeeeeeeeeeps!* Now I want to write a sequel for this fic where we find out if she makes a recovery or not...
Kiss in a Shadow
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From:
yuuoOoooooh... *___* I like these. My favorite is the one about the royal court- such gorgeous imagry and I'm picturing Riza, perfectly poised in royal finery, on a throne, utterly silent and taking all the worries on herself and-
OKAY.
WHO THE HELL JUST TURNED ON DESPERADO ON THE MENTAL JUKEBOX? -_- ::shoos them::
Ahem.
::goes back to fangirling :D::
From:
jchaosI really like all of these! All of them have a lot of power behind them, each of them carries well on their own. <3
I think my personal favorites are 6, 30, and 38.
Liturgy of the Hours
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From:
jchaosOooooooo...
This was a very good fic! I loved seeing Riza's day like this, and that ending was beautiful. Well done, love!!
From: corposant
Every time I read one of your fics, I am overwhelmed by your eloquence.
From: sutlers
Wow, this was beautiful. I love the whole theme of being cloistered, how Riza's life choices trap her as effectively as a convent would. I especially like the little touch of resentment you've built in, that's really visible in the last line (beautiful line, by the way), that you don't really see in Riza fics. Very nice, once again.
From: chamomile7
I was really excited when I saw that you had posted new fics. You never disappoint. This is fabulous.
From: lackinganyshame
Beautiful imagry, I was really drawn into the fic. You painted her life so nicely. I especially loved the concept of them living with emotional poverty. Nicely Written.
From: rukusho
Awesome! It really is a treat to read you fics. Thank you for posting beautiful works!!
(and is it sad to say that the classicist in me started jumping up and down with joy when I read some of your section titles?)
From: ladysubaru25
This fic is absolutely brilliant.
I was particularly impressed with the way that you compared the materially and emotionally sequestered life of a military officer to that of a nun (or other religious devotee) who has taken their vows of religious servitude.
You eloquently captured the essence self-sacrifice that goes into both lifestyles, and the characterizations were all spot-on. Thank you for an excellent story!
From:You just made my entire day, thank you. ^_^
The comparison hit me like a ton of bricks when I was writing another fic, "The Work at Hand", and I realized I really need to explore that. A bit of digging into my Catholic background and it all just came together.
Thank you so much for such lovely feedback. ^_^
From: ladysubaru25A bit of digging into my Catholic background and it all just came together
A-ha! I *knew* there was something else going on here... I was raised Catholic as well, so that is probably why I immediately identified with that particular theme.
I also read "The Work at Hand", and I noticed the theme making an appearance in that fic as well. It works incredibly well for the character, and I'm really glad you chose to explore it. (I had also never read Ed/Riza before, but I quite enjoyed "The Work at Hand.")
I must remind myself that I intended to leave a comment for your hospital fic... That was also extremely well done.
From:Hee! ^_^ "Write what you know" they say... ^_~
And I'm glad you liked this, and 'The Work at Hand' as well. Royai is my first main love in the series, pairing-wise, but I still like EdxRiza for the variety and to keep my writing from getting stale. Toss in something else to the equation to shake up the ol' plotbunnies. Just like how I primarily prefer EnvyxEd, but I like AlfonsxEd (and EdxRiza) for the variety and the break from the exhausting intensity of EnvyxEd. It's like standing on my desk and seeing the world from a different point of view... ... and now I wanna go watch Dead Poets Society again. XD
The hospital fic broke my heart. Those two do love each other so much, and one without the other is just... painful. (It could be translated in different types of love, but the quality and amount of it can't change or they're no longer in character. Kind of like how in any Ed-centric romance fic, Al is still going to be the first concern to Ed, period.)
RoyxRiza is such an awesome pairing, with equally awesome characters. ♥ I wish I had the time and energy to go on fic hunts and read them with the attention needed to determine quality for more goodness out there.
From: luvinaoshi
Your writing always flows wonderfully. ♥ I especially like how the sections are ordered to reflect the way Riza spends her days.
This was a great read.
From: eaglesspirit
This was awesome - it shows a side of Riza that not many people see.
From: cornerofmadness
I loved this little slice of Riza's life
From: royai999
This one is an amazing exercise. The Church order comparison is such a deep one. I am sure that this is a very good approach to Riza's nature and feeling. The passion of the storm and the temptation is such a great metaphore too...Brilliant!
Long You Live
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From: turkish-delight
ohhhh~ that was.... wow. words...fail me. that was exquisite. you've left me speechless as usual. ^___^
From: crack-alchemist
wow....that was beautiful.
From: pairaka
So sad, but... as you said, uplifting. Very plausible for Riza's character, too.
I loved it. In a sad way... :)
From: pinion
Aww, I need cuddles now. You captured the quiet despair I'm sure she would feel very well, but I'm glad she didn't give in to it in the end.
From: malinear
wow...that was very powerful. I'd kinda wondered where you were going with it, crack induced as it may have been, but it definatly worked.
Luck
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From: galuxkitty
*snerk*
I have a feeling Roy should've kept all the good luck he had to himself.
From:
jchaosOoooooooooo, I really like this interaction between them!! You conveyed the scene great with so few descriptives!
From: redbrunja
Nice! I don't always buy that they've been in a relationship since Ishabl, but I really like this, and I can totally see them kissing for luck.
From: anonymous
so friggin' cool 'bout the kiss for luck bit
Maybe, Maybe Not
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From: luvinaoshi
I enjoyed this one a lot! Roy and Riza were so well-characterized. It was a treat to read.
From: rex-bandit
i loooooooove this fic! it's so cute! :D cute! *squeals and dies from the cuteness*
"Of course, Lieutenant." He took a step back to turn around. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you set all this up deliberately." - the best line! :D
From: rong
That was just so Roy and Riza. ;)
From: anonymous
*laughing...can't breath...:D*
Totally awesome
From: roses-of-sorrow
....
your fic was amazing. made me say something i never thought i said. x___x. but yeah... you captured their essence perfectly!!! owaiiii~!!!! *squeals*
From: acdragonmaster
*vain attempts to stop laughing* Oh wow... turkish_delight recommended your fics to me as being good Royai, so I thought I might take a look, and that was just too hilarious. XD And so very IC, I could certainly imagine that sort of thing happening within the context of the series, even.
And your descriptions of Roy's procrastination just cracked me up, I'm such a procrastinator myself so I can totally see where he's coming from..... XD
A Merry War
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From: anonymous
huh, well this was very-very interesting! I like it!
From: lady-sinistra
^____^ This was terrific! The banter was just perfect and so much fun to read. I'm seriously having to control the urge to "squee" right now! XD
From: violent-aki
-goes squee anyway- Aww! Da'sso perfect! XD That's Riza down pat right there!
From: galuxkitty
Damn, that was perfect! *squees and bows down to worship*
From: rz4ever
Yeah! Very convincing!Well done ^^
From: shiroi-kiseki
Very fun to read. Great job. =^^=
Morals
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From: violent-aki
-dead-
Mom: -walks in, blabbering-
Me: ... -stares at computer screen-
Mom: Eh, what's wrong? You look so serious...
Me: I'm reading.
Mom: Like someone died.
Me: It's a really, really good story.
Does that tell you anything? <333 I LUVVU!
From: briar-noir
Wow... that's a very strong piece. Fantastic jon, I was spell bound until I finished.
From: kyou-kyou
Very thought out and over and under and to the side as well probably but anyways I <3333 it ^^
From: sylisyli
^_^!! Ah! It's so good!! *bows down to your greatness*
No Fire Burning
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From: rex-bandit
aw, man! another great fic from zannechaos. (as always) :D the fic was nice, heartfelt and emotional and had excellent characterizations. very, very cool. what more could a fan ask for? :D
keep up the good work. can't wait to read some more of your fics! ^____^
From: lady-toky
wow! that's really good....*two thumbs up*
From: animethief92
Awesome!
From: calculusgoddess
I just wanted to say that I adore all of the Roy/Riza fics you've posted to this community. :D I love the characterizations! And it all makes me want to fangirl-squee. Which is a good thing. ^______^
From: momiji-k
*Sigh* I wish that all fan fics were this good. I would much prefer that writers use what has really happened rather than re-inventing the wheel so to speak.
I love your fics. So full of the emotion that I read into the story myself. :)
No Small Command
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From: 2aphelion
"I don't suppose you know where to find any miracles at this hour of the night?"
"The same place we always do, sir. There's still a few left."
The third invocation of her name.
I like it. And the last paragraph is beautiful.
From: rex-bandit
aaaaah! the fic is great! i love it! :D though it was a bit dark, it still gave me warm and fuzzy feelings of love and hope. ^_____^
i agree with 2aphelion, the last paragraph was beautiful. ^______^ *melts into a puddle of goo*
keep up the good work! :D
From: momiji-k
Excellent! A nice fill in of what we didn't get to see. I enjoyed it a lot. :)
Not Over
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From: galuxkitty
Very good. Can't really find anything to pick on. And I really do think that's the conditions of their being split up, it actually makes a lot of sense in my mind.
From: rz4everI agree.
From:
yuuo*_______________________* <3 <3 You should let your plotbunnies be inbred more often.
From: corinn
EXCELLENT work. I really think this is brilliant manipulation of a bunny. Nice suspense, too. *adds to memories*
Promises
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From: darcerin
So sweet. I loved it! You're an awesome writer!
From: malinear
beautifully done :)That is so them
From: luvinaoshi
Amazing! I love love love it. *tosses you a cookie*
From: rex-bandit
nice, nice, nice! :D woooah, i totally liked the premise of promises between roy and riza. :D hehehehe, the last line was so cool. love mixed with exasperation silenced her... that was totally riza right there. ;)
keep up the good work! :D
From: anonymous
Good,I think this part was a little bit bitterly sweet:/He watched her for a moment, then began to redress himself as well. "Perhaps no promises are enough for you, but it never was for me. Someday, I'll be able to give you more than this." She began to protest to that, but he looked at her out of the corner of his eye as he finished buttoning his shirt, and a slow, mischievous smirk tugged at his lips. "That's an order, lieutenant."
Love mixed with exasperation silenced her, and drew out a smile. "Yes, sir."/ That's a good part I think. really doesn't matter what happens they'll still have each other! So keep it up! whatever happens...
Remember
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From: crack-alchemist
oh, that was so nice, such a gentle telling of that story.
From: darqstar
Wow, you have an amazing gift for writing. Especially in your naration. I suck at naration, I'm better at dialog. But girl, you've got naration down to an artform. Your words flow.
From: luvinaoshi
Oh, well-done! ^___^
From: galuxkitty
Beautiful, poetic and VERY them. ^_^ Great job.
From:
jchaosThis was a fantastic fic! You always nail these two so accurately when you write them!
From: kurokochou
Happiness :3
From: malinear
To the eyes of all of Amestris, save for a select handpicked few, he was the one who led them all as he kept rising in the ranks. And no one, not even Riza herself, knew just how often she pulled him back from the edge, starting with the first night she placed her combat-roughened hands in his bloodstained ones.
Absolutely beautiful, but especially this last bit. You've got a lovely way with imagery.
From: corposant
This broke my heart. In a good way.
From: grimm222001
You're amazing! This was beautiful! :)
From: rukusho
I'm so glad I finally got to read this!
Great job!
Scars
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From:
jchaosWIBBLE.
I love this fic. You always write Riza's point of view marvelously.
From: rukusho
Total love! I love reading from Riza's point of view. You always make her very in character and realistic!
Great job!
From: luvinaoshi
♥
I like the use of scars as a symbol in this. And he ending line is just awesome- simple, yet so poignant.
From: eaglesspirit
Great!
From: cornerofmadness
This was just such a strong piece of canon, dark and strongly sensual and you managed to capture that and carry it through here. Lovely.
Shelter
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From: anonymous
I really liked this one!!!! especially this bit:"It might still be raining in the morning, but for now, he could rest where the thunder could not be heard, in a place where he wouldn't drown under the flood that was still bound to come." T'is a very good insight!
From: violent-aki
Oh my god. Absolutely beautiful.
From: liete
That was absolutely beautiful. I can't really think of any other to describe it.
From: yousogaisaki
Wow. That was just beautiful. And sad. I like it though.
From: lt-hawkeye
awwwwww!!!!! yeah xD beautiful, I don't know how to say in english "tierno" I think it's cute <3
From:! I know that one. Tender. ^_^ It translates into the adjective tender. And thank you very much. ♥
From: lady-jynjr
That was wonderful! Both Riza and Roy were perfectly in character, as was Hughes, in an odd sort of way....-hugs Roy and Riza-
From: briar-noir
This was lovely. I really like the soft sort of writing you used. It was to quote; "Just beautiful." ^_^
From: turkish-delight
that was beautiful. you have a lovely writing voice. i look forwrad to reading more of your work! XD
From: rz4ever
MORE than beautifull! it's awesome, I really enjoyed it! good job and thanks for sharing!
From: reeni-l
awesome. you write so beautifully. ^^
I wanted to cry, at the beginning, when Roy was so uncertain. Hughes was so awesome... when he died, i was crying too.
but great job ^^
From: corposant
I love this. Beautiful.
Thunderclap
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From: blessthedead
Eee, pretty. Lovely. :D
From: rex-bandit
wow, another great story from zannechaos! :D *bows in reverence* i love it! :D you could totally feel the panic and emotions that roy felt as you read the story. great job!
He never planned to take the path he did, never sought out what he had found. But it was there in front of him, a secret he'd known for a long time. He wasn't sure when it happened, but he knew he would never forget that moment, with the raw reality of almost having lost her lingering in the air with the smoke and scent of charred flesh, when he stopped lying to himself.
The moment he admitted to himself that he loved her.
i love these lines. :D
From: fmfangirl
I *heart* you forever! Royai!
From: morphiria
:D *squees* i like the way you describe Roy when he realizes his love for Riza. it's something that could have happened and i love you for writing this fic. <333333
From: joanaseta
Three little things:
1. It should be me. Stop taking everyone! Please don't let me too late!
You're missing the 'be' in 'don't let me be too late'.
2. A grossly obese homunculus was looking at Riza and Kain...
This is actually being picky on my part, but yeah of course we know it's an homonculus. ^_^ Thing is, Roy doesn't, not yet. He's only told about their existence in car ride that follows. And since you're writing from his POV...
3. "It is well that you are alive. I regret to have made you this anxious."
Okay, now these are two speech bubbles in the manga (the second of which is not pointed specifically at anyone). I always read the "I'm sorry I made you worry." as being said by Hawkeye. It never even occured to me to read it any other way. It just made sense. Roy's sorta making an allowance by confessing he was worried and Riza responds to that by (sorta) apologising for her lecture by expressing her regret that she ever put him in that position.
Other than that, it's a very good fic. Good job!
From:Sorry it's taken me a while to reply to this concrit - I didn't want to reply to it without editing the fic in question out of fear I'd forget, and I was swamped. With concrit awaiting response lurking in my inbox, it's like a pebble in the shoe constantly wearing at me and guilting me into trying to find time to go back and see what I'd have to do to accomodate the corrections. That said... thank you so much for this. I've made the much-appreciated revisions.
From: momiji-k
I love it!!
You added a great amount to one of my favored parts of the manga. :)
From: anonymous
"Please! Not her too, don't take her away too! Please let her be all right, let her be alive. It should be me. Stop taking everyone! Please don't let me be too late!" Sorta let's ya inta his feelin's for 'er ya know?
From: royai999
This is a very good version of chapter 38! I love all of your fanfics, especially the Royai. I spent most of my spare time these last two weeks reading them. I wish you could write more!!!Although with all the subjects you used, I am not sure what else could be done...I'm too bad at writing, especially in english since this is not my language...But, I guess I'd love you to try writing some action. You're good at describing feelings, but this one shows that you can do this too...