I feel really weird asking you for advice, because normally I either obsess quietly to myself until whatever is bothering me eats me alive, or I have a random outburst about something unrelated that makes people worry for my mental stability.
This situation, however, is beyond obsessing or outbursts. I need your help.
There is a very nice boy who I think is interested in courting me but might not be good enough for my parents as a potential husband. I like him well enough, though, or at least as well as a girl of my status should like a potential husband. I am worried, however, that as long as I still had a womb, status, and money, he would court me even if I had the face of a hatchet and the wits of a dead fish. I think this because he has shown an interest in literally every other girl around me, regardless of what they are like. And trust me, Rose, there is no way a man of any particular preference could be attracted to the type of girl I am and the type of girl my friends are. Everyone has a type, but his seems to be female and wealthy.
At the same time, I feel inexplicably drawn to a much older man--I guess you would sort of call him a mentor, or at least an adviser of sorts. He has crazy hair and he literally could be my father, but I feel as if there are all sorts of unseen forces pushing me to marry him. I don't understand where they come from or how this started, but they exist and I can't ignore them.
What should I do, Rose? Marry the older man I know nothing about who has wooly hair and I'm fairly certain is older than my father, or marry the younger, more suitable suitor who doesn't seem to have any desire to want me and me alone?