[Final Fantasy VII] Kadaj, Unemployed. Title: Kadaj, Unemployed. Fandom: Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children Characters: Kadaj Rating: PG13 Word count: 542 Prompt: Kadaj gets a job Notes: Due Feb. 2nd. I'm sorry it's late. I underestimated my schedule this month. ^_^"
Kadaj loved motorcycles. Motorcycles were expensive. Therefore, it followed that Kadaj needed money. He had two options: rob a bank, causing much murder and mayhem in the process, or get a job. He would have vastly preferred the former, but there was a little thing about trying to stay under the radar.
So Kadaj sucked it up and began answering ‘Help Wanted’ ads.
***
“Are you good with heights?” the elderly gentleman asked.
Kadaj strapped on his stockboy apron and took a look down the back of the store. “Sure. It’s just ladders.”
“Good,” the old man said. “You’ll be spending a lot of time up there.”
After the fourth casual ass-groping by the shopkeeper and so-called ‘gentleman’, Kadaj torched his apron and quit.
***
“Good morning, Ma’am,” Kadaj said, completely monotone. “I’m Kadaj from the Furballz Dog Walking Service. I’m here for…” He paused to check the list. “Rosebud.”
“Oh, sweetie,” the little old lady at the door said, “They’ve still got her down as Rosebud? We called her that when she was a puppy but she’s all grown up. Now she’s Rose.”
Kadaj shrugged. “Whatever, lady, I’m just here to walk her.”
“Of course you are. Rose? Rose! There’s a pretty young man here to take you to go poopy.”
Kadaj stifled a groan. He heard the tick of toenails on linoleum inside the house. The old woman stepped aside and Kadaj was floored by a hundred pounds of slobbering Rottweiler. “This is Rose?”
“Yes, she is, and isn’t she a sweetie! Have fun on your walk, Rose!”
***
Kadaj held out for two weeks before he quit this one too. It was quite a shame. He rather liked most of the animals he worked with. The unconditional love of a dog truly did stroke the ego. But there was such a thing as too much love.
“I’m sorry, Ma’am,” he started, “but Rose keeps humping my leg. I didn’t think girl dogs did that.”
“My goodness,” Rose’s owner exclaimed. “My Rose?”
“Yes, your Rose. It’s not that I don’t like her, but it’s embarrassing and she’s a hefty lady too. If she keeps it up I might not be able to walk straight. I’ve decided to seek employment elsewhere.”
The old lady sighed. “Well, best of luck to you, dearie.” She petted Rose as she watched Kadaj go. “Don’t you feel too bad about it, girl. If my hips were up to it I’d be humping all parts of him too.”
***
Two months of searching, two months of screening potential employers for perverted tendencies and hidden proclivities, and Kadaj finally found a job he could live with. The pay wasn’t great, but the hours were regular, the work was simple and everyone was too busy actually trying to get it done to waste time patting his rump. It was overall a rather suitable job.
“Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger. May I take your order?”
The customer stared. Kadaj wondered if his little hat was on straight. The customer was looking him up and down now and Kadaj got ready to launch into his ‘Yes, I am old enough to work here’ routine.
Then the customer grinned. “I’d like some fries with that shake, baby!”