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joudama ([info]stopthatgirl7) wrote in [info]areyougame,
@ 2008-10-02 08:17:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Current music:Mozart Requiem - Hostias
Entry tags:*final fantasy vii, author: stopthatgirl7

"Confutatis Maledictis," Final Fantasy VII, Sephiroth
Title: Confutatis maledictis
Author: joudama
Fandom: Final Fantasy VII
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
Word count: 959
Summary: There are some things Sephiroth will never say.
A/N: "Confutatis maledictis" is from the Dies Irae, and means "The wicked are confounded." Also, what's up with all the first person I've been writing lately?!
Prompt: Sephiroth, angst – salt in an open wound

--

I don't know how he does it. Either of them.

"Get off me, brat!" Angeal says with a laughing grin, and it's painfully obvious to anyone that he doesn't mean the harsh words. He's indulgent almost to a fault with the young SOLDIER he's picked up as a protégé somehow; saying nothing about the boy hanging off Angeal's back like a young child. This despite the Buster sword. The boy stays on, somehow, and Angeal simply rolls his eyes and then ignores the boy, and goes about his business, not missing a step as he walks down the hall with a still-gangly mass of fifteen-year-old boy hanging off of him. I simply cannot fathom why or how the boy can so freely express his adoration for his mentor, or how Angeal can allow it.

But I wonder, sometimes, what it must be like. I could certainly never drape myself across someone's back now as that boy has done, nor could I have done it when I was still small enough for it to have been feasible. When I was that young, the idea never would have occurred to me, and touch even more of a foreign concept than it is now. Back then, the only form of touch I had ever seen or known was of doctors preparing me for tests or of fighting simulations. Now, it has changed to the clash of real battle and watching those around me laugh and touch and, in the case of Fair, leap screaming onto Angeal's back.

I could never have been so free, nor was there anyone I would have wished to be so...tactile with.

And there is no one who would dare be so free with me as that boy is Angeal. Everyone is careful around me. No one touches me. And there was a time when I preferred that, because it was a sight better than the labs and the touch of the scientists and Hojo. But the longer I am free, the more I begin to feel my difference from all of those around me. They are all free in their camaraderie and touch, but I alone am different. Even amongst the two I call my friends, I know that things are different.

I see how Genesis and Angeal are together; the touch without thought and the way they will slide into the dialect of their hometown area at times when no one is around. Or rather, when no one else save myself is around. And I can't help but wonder if it is because I am so separate that they simply...forget I am there and slip back into their comfortable duo.

I wonder what it would be like, to have a hometown, and to have someone that I am that close to, that I could speak so freely in the broad, rolling tones they use. I've grown to understand almost everything they say, of course. They are never saying anything bad, anything they would not wish me to hear, simply teasing each other or tossing snatches of reminiscence of some childhood scene.

I wonder what would happen, if one day I simply opened my mouth and asked what it was that had caused a Mrs. Markopoulos to remark that one day Genesis' temper bomb would go off and set the town ablaze, or respond to some other such inconsequentiality that they had started in on, or ask "Why?" in the lilting speech of their home. But I never will. I feel as though if I did, I would somehow sully whatever it is that they have, that easy camaraderie of two. I would not force myself unto something that seems so personal, and so I never let on that I understand.

Angeal waves to Genesis as he passes him, the boy still on his back and grinning. Genesis is as he always is, surrounded by people. Genesis has never had trouble drawing a crowd--he is almost like a flame that draws the moths. I can understand it, in a way, because as much as Genesis is a thoroughly irrational character, there is something oddly compelling about him.

I rarely have so many people around me, not when I am not fighting them, or they are not taking an interminably endless amount of photographs for ShinRa's PR machine. What must it be like, I can't help but wonder, to have so many around you because they genuinely like you, not because they wish to use you for something. I would like to ask him, one day. But...much as I will never question, I never will, because there is no point, and because some part of my shies away from revealing such a weakness about myself. I am not supposed to need or want a connection with others, and asking about something I will never have is a waste of time.

"Ahh, here he is, the hero of Wutai!" a voice, Lazard, calls out. "We need you for a photo, General. This way," he says, and it stings, somehow. Of course, this is all that I am good for, when not at war, and all that I am called out to do.

I glance over at Genesis, and there is an ugly look on his face as he watches all of this, and he looks at me with something in his eyes blazing for a single, unguarded moment, all of the people around him ignored as he glares at the reporters and Lazard. He gives a tight smile and frees himself from his own crowd with an "Excuse me, I need to rescue Angeal. Leave the hero here to his adoring throng," and all of them laugh.

I don't understand his anger, and suddenly, I feel very, very alone.

--

ETA! Because Seph needs hugs, [info]mystiri_1 has decided to have Zack try to provide: Hugs, Cookies, and Cute, Fluffy Things. XDDDDD



(Post a new comment)


[info]raisedbymoogles
2008-10-01 06:55 pm UTC (link)
.....right. Seph needs Hugs. Lots of them.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]stopthatgirl7
2008-10-01 08:02 pm UTC (link)
Yup. This is why I'm looking forward to getting to write puppyverse (come January and actual FREE TIME, yay)--Zack doesn't die and Seph finally gets the hugs he needs. And a no-longer-gangly-nor-fifteen Zack Fair jumping on his back. With the added bonus of Cloud Strife facepalming off the side as Zack does!

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]raisedbymoogles
2008-10-01 08:08 pm UTC (link)
Zack is officially MY HERO. ^____^

*but will still be giving Seph lots of hugs-from-moogles, thank you very much*

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]stopthatgirl7
2008-10-01 08:10 pm UTC (link)
Seph needs all the hugs he can get, even if his reaction to them is O_O?! A sure sign, of course, that he needs more.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]raisedbymoogles
2008-10-01 08:13 pm UTC (link)
He needs more hugs than any one person can give. I propose we form a Hugging Seph Committee.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]stopthatgirl7
2008-10-01 08:23 pm UTC (link)
I can get behind that idea. >XD All for, raise your hands! *raises hand*

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]raisedbymoogles
2008-10-01 08:25 pm UTC (link)
*raises hand!* :DDD
Aeris: *raises hand* :DDDD
Zack: *raises both hands!* :DDDDDDDD
Cloud: *....* *........* *...timidly raises hand?*

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]stopthatgirl7
2008-10-01 08:30 pm UTC (link)
*slams down gavel* And the measure is approved!

Sephiroth: ...WHAT.
everyone else: :DDD
Aerith; No arguments, you! *hugs Seph*
*cue puppy pile on Sephiroth*
Sephiroth: ...WHAT.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]raisedbymoogles
2008-10-01 08:43 pm UTC (link)
*tosses confetti!*
Cloud: *snuggles up under Seph's arm* *half-apologetic half-hopeful chibiCloud eyes?*
Sephiroth: .................................what.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]ouri
2008-10-01 09:17 pm UTC (link)
(late, but what the hey)

*throws both hands in the air*

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]jlsigman
2008-10-02 04:33 am UTC (link)
*raises both hands*

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]dogemperor
2008-10-02 02:14 pm UTC (link)
*RAISES BOTH HANDS, AND BOTH WINGS, FOR PASSAGE*

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]aikonamika
2008-10-01 07:40 pm UTC (link)
I agree with [info]raisedbymoogles. Because, just, ow. It's fics like this that remind me how utterly alone Sephiroth must have been, and no wonder he was so willing to listen to Jenova when she was not only willing to embrace him, but wanted to (as much of a Jenova Bad Touch as it might have been).

*cuddles him*

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]stopthatgirl7
2008-10-01 08:05 pm UTC (link)
*sigh* So many people failed Seph, they really did. I can see why, mind--the man is so self-contained I'm sure no one who would have cared ever actually realized how alone the man was.

And I have the feeling that, in the case I outlined here, where Angeal and Genesis would slip into dialect, it was because they'd actually started to get comfortable around Seph, and were doing it without realizing. Which kinda makes everything a little bit worse, because it means he was closer to the acceptance he wanted than he realized, and he was completely misinterpreting it. ;_;

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]aikonamika
2008-10-01 08:54 pm UTC (link)
...you're right. Oh, ouch ;-; And of course Angeal and Genesis didn't realize that he didn't get it, either, so there's nothing they could do.

*gives Sephiroth more hugs*

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]stopthatgirl7
2008-10-01 10:33 pm UTC (link)
It's all just a comedy of errors. Pity no one's laughing. ;_;

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]white_jenna
2008-10-01 11:18 pm UTC (link)
*wibbles and joins in the hugging of a bemused Seph*

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]stopthatgirl7
2008-10-02 05:18 am UTC (link)
Poor Seph will have no idea how it came to be that suddenly everyone under the sun is hugging him. XD

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]mystiri_1
2008-10-02 01:31 am UTC (link)
Ouch.

*joins the Hug-Sephiroth campaign*

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]stopthatgirl7
2008-10-02 05:19 am UTC (link)
Yeah, ouch. Poor Seph. Hugs, cookies, and a puppy. And a kitten.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]mystiri_1
2008-10-04 09:12 pm UTC (link)
Here you are. Hugs and cookies. No puppies (except Zack), and no kittens, but I found something that works just as well.

http://mystiri-1.insanejournal.com/6108.html

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]jlsigman
2008-10-02 04:35 am UTC (link)
Oh, he hurts me so much...

*thwaps Genesis*

*hugs Sephiroth*

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]stopthatgirl7
2008-10-02 05:16 am UTC (link)
...I am all for thwapping Genesis. Multiple times. And with sticks. :D

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]armina
2008-10-02 12:25 pm UTC (link)
Oh, Sephy. See the kitty pouncing you now? That's me going in for the kill hug. *joins huggig-the-Seph club*

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]stopthatgirl7
2008-10-02 08:04 pm UTC (link)
LOL, Seph needs all the hugs he can get, so.

He also needs to be pounced upon by kittens. It would be good for him!

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]armina
2008-10-03 11:50 am UTC (link)
*tosses the kitty in the icon at him* My Ginji is always down for cuddles. He'll love you good, Sephy-poo! <3<3<3<3<3

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]dogemperor
2008-10-02 02:10 pm UTC (link)
*hugs, tea and sympathy for poor Sephiroth*

And yes, damnit, you made me cry with this one. ;_;

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]stopthatgirl7
2008-10-02 08:02 pm UTC (link)
^^;; Sorry?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]dogemperor
2008-10-02 08:23 pm UTC (link)
No apologies.

Sephy just needs a lot of hugs, though. Poor guy. *hugs*

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]stopthatgirl7
2008-10-03 01:33 am UTC (link)
Hugs and cookies. And kittens. Can't forget those.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]sphinxofthenile
2008-10-02 02:19 pm UTC (link)
Poor Seph, if only he was more able to let people closer to him... for example by asking one of those questions, he really should've. *joins the Hug-Seph campaign* - Is that enough for a Guiness record? :D

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]stopthatgirl7
2008-10-02 08:07 pm UTC (link)
Seph was just entirely too self-contained. But all things considered, that was to be expected. ;_;

And you know, I first read that as "Genesis record," and that just made my brain do weird things. XD;;

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[info]sphinxofthenile
2008-10-05 01:32 pm UTC (link)
Oh, do tell what kind of things! When someone sais weird, it usually makes me go 'Hey, that's awesome!' =P

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]yohjideranged
2008-10-03 06:08 pm UTC (link)
This was my prompt and quite frankly, you wrote it perfectly.

I am so tickled that you did this one that I am left speechless and wibbling!

^__^

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]stopthatgirl7
2008-10-03 08:04 pm UTC (link)
Your icon is so fitting--everyone has decided it's Hug Seph time. ^^

And thanks! I'm glad you liked it! :D

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]shimyaku
2008-10-05 10:24 am UTC (link)
Ahh I really love the mood of this fic. You've captured Seph's state of mind absolutely perfectly- very well written! Speaking of which, see what I miss when I take so long to comment on things? *joins the hug-the-General club* ^^

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]stopthatgirl7
2008-10-05 11:08 am UTC (link)
Thanks!

And Seph needs all the hugs he can get, so this is good for him. Even if he is vowing to never step foot outside of his office ever again. >XD

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]persona_system
2009-02-07 12:21 am UTC (link)
I realize I'm a bit late to arrive at this fic and review (hopefully you'll get the message!). Also, apologies for any incoherency. It's late and I've had about four hours of sleep in the past... 48 hours. T_T

Anyway, I discovered this fic about a month ago browsing around and instantly fell in love. It's rare that I feel truly connected to fandom representations of the characters, very rare that I say "wow, that's exactly what it was like." You achieved both. This Genesis, with his misplaced jealousy and the misunderstandings of their friendship, is achingly similar to my own Genesis, and frankly this Sephiroth hits a bit too close to home.

I'll admit it's not the perfect picture. I think to explain that sort of alienation properly you need to both have experienced it and be that rare, one in a million, inspired author. But I think you've done it better justice than most I've read. This is high praise. I've been reading Sephiroth fic since the game came out (though I'm always a bit behind and always discovering more!), so you could say I've seen a lot of Sephs. *heheheh*

Anyway, I can hardly remember what I was going to mention specifically anymore, so to avoid embarrassing myself with endless, directionless rambling (Zax's domain), I'll cut this short.

Shall I sum it up in three words?

Enthralling, heart-breaking, gut-wrenching.

-S.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]stopthatgirl7
2009-02-07 01:05 am UTC (link)
Thanks!

Oh, and sleep is good! People need it, so you should get some.

(Reply to this) (Parent)




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