WHO: Regulus and Dorcas WHEN: 1974ish. WHERE: Hogwarts. WHAT: Dorcas confronts Regulus about his family drama. RATING: PGish? STATUS: Complete.
Dorcas could swear up and down that she wasn’t looking for a fight, but no one would ever believe her. She knew from word of mouth that Regulus got out of class just before dinner, and conveniently she happened to be near the dungeons at just that time. There had always been rumors about trouble between the brothers, Black, but Dorcas had never paid all that much attention before. But something Sirius had said struck a chord with her. They hate me for who I am.
Dorcas could swear up and down that she wasn’t looking for a fight, but the truth to it was that she was. The last time she had seen her own brother he had called her weird, and the sound of his laughter could not be drowned out by the friends that laughed along side of him. Weird little Dorcas had to go to a special school. The shame and fury that she felt had no bounds, and she didn’t mean for it to bubble up so strongly, but at the same time she just couldn’t help it.
Regulus hated Tuesdays. Tuesday was his worst day for classes, his schedule had him in class all the way up until dinner. After getting out of Slughorn’s potions class - finally - he dropped his school bag off in his dormitory, before heading through the Slytherin dungeons on his way to the Great Hall for dinner. He had stayed late to ask Professor Slughorn a question about the potion they had been brewing in class that day and the rest of Slytherin had already gone ahead of him.
He rushed up the stairs that led out of the dungeons, intent on catching up to his friends, and blinked as his eyes adjusted from the poorly lit dungeons to the brighter lights of the rest of the castle. He spotted someone off to the side but paid them no attention, he was popular but it was rare that someone would have been waiting around on him. He shoved his hands into his pockets and started off toward the Great Hall once his eyesight had finally adjusted.
Dorcas stepped in from of him. It was instinct more than intention, and if he would have tried to step around her she would have blocked his path. She said nothing to engage a conversation, but met his eyes whenever he looked up.
Apparently he should have been paying attention to whomever was standing off to the side, because they were certainly paying attention to him, he realized as someone cut him off. Regulus looked up and raised one eyebrow at the girl in front of him, wondering just what on earth she could want with him.
He spoke with a slight edge to his voice - it was there for numerous reasons. Things had steadily been growing more strained at home as the years went on. He and Sirius were constantly bickering with each other whenever they were around one another. His parents, while they still hardly paid no attention to him, were always coming down on Sirius for his choices that he made and the company that he kept. And now here was this girl - Meadowes, he thought - standing in his way, clearly having a bee in her bonnet about something.
“Yes?” He hissed out, merely wanting to get to dinner instead of having whatever chat he was about to have with her.
"Regulus, right?" the venom all but dropped from her voice. "Regulus Black?"
And really, how could he? Sirius was his brother, after all. If he has any idea what sort of pain he caused his brother, would Regulus continue his haughty attitude?
“Yes....” he answered more cautiously now, going on the defensive at the tone of her voice. Really. What had he done to her for her to be speaking like this to him? From what he remembered she was a year ahead of him, a Gryffindor, just like....oh. He crossed his arms over his chest and narrowed his eyes at her.
“Meadowes? Dorcas, if I’m recalling correctly? Well, spit it out, what do you want? Did Sirius send you or something?” He exhaled loudly through his nose, unable to believe that Sirius was now communicating with him through messengers.
"Sirius did not send me," she seemed rather offended by the accusation, no matter how much sense it would have made. Dorcas was not Sirius's biggest fan, no matter how popular he was with the rest of the female population.
"But nonetheless," she found herself practically spitting out. "How could you?"
Who the hell was this girl and what the hell was she on about, anyway? Really. If Sirius didn’t send her to play the messenger, what had Regulus done to piss her off so much? His brow furrowed as he stared at her for a moment, merely trying to figure out just what her problem was and what it had to do with him.
“How could I what, exactly?” He finally asked, through a clenched jaw. He typically didn’t go around arguing with random people outside of his own House - they weren’t worth his time, really. So he honestly had no idea what he’d done to offend this girl so much.
"How could you choose to abandon him like that?" she practically cried out. "He may be a total prat, but he is still your brother!"
She didn't make it her purpose to get involved with other people's problems, but sibling rivalry always shook her to the bone. She just couldnt help it.
What. On. Earth. His mouth fell open and he simply stared at her for a moment, shocked at her audacity. Why was it any of her business, anyway? The two brothers had started on their separate paths years ago, when Sirius had been sorted into Gryffindor on his first year at Hogwarts and Regulus had been sorted into Slytherin the following year. Truthfully, they had always been on separate paths, as Sirius had been groomed by his father from birth to become the family heir no matter how much Sirius did not want to be and Regulus had been left in the hands of his mother, the cold-hearted witch that she was. Then once Sirius had gone off and gotten himself sorted into Gryffindor, the tables were turned and the trouble at home escalated, leaving Orion to start paying attention to Regulus as he tried to shift the burden of the Black family’s expectations onto his younger son’s shoulders.
And who the hell was Meadowes to presume to know the full story, anyway? Infuriated by this thought, he glared at the girl and shouted back at her, “What the hell do you know about it, anyway? And what am I? Guilty until proven otherwise? Don’t even bother asking me my side of the story, no. Just assume and side with him, right?”
What other side could there be? Everyone knew how the story went. Every child of the Black family line had been sorted into Slytherin. Except Sirius. She found herself narrowing her eyes at the boy. Just a bit.
"What other side is there? It's pretty obvious that your whole lot rejected him just because of who he is," she quipped. "What if someone rejected you, Regulus? Just for being from the most noble house of Black."
Regulus continued to glare at her through narrowed eyes. Was she really sitting here accusing him of rejecting his brother? The brother that, sure, he’d been jealous of growing up but that he had always looked up to? And now he’d gone off and left him there on his own with Orion and Walburga forcing their beliefs down his throat. Sure, he’d been raised to practically agree with them, not to mention that he would bend over backwards to please them or get even the least bit of attention from them. But now it was on his shoulders to take up the family name and be the Black that he was supposed to be.
And what did she know about the situation, anyway? Obviously nothing aside from what was public knowledge. He didn’t have to explain himself to her, he knew this, yet he found himself on the verge of speaking up to defend himself.
A cold, sarcastic smile replaced the angry look on his face as he watched her and his arms finally fell from his chest. “Oh sure, it’s always a riot when you’re the second. The spare. Being overlooked just because your brother happened to be born one year ahead of you and therefore is the only son that matters. Yeah, it’s the best time ever, really. No one’s ever rejected me for being who I am.”
He stuck his chin out in defiance, daring her to say more. His hands had fallen loosely to his sides, but now he’d started to clench and unclench his fists.
And how cool did Regulus Black appear to be? That icy glare, it just pissed her off even more. Admittedly, his response was entirely different than what she had expected. He was Slytherin after all. She’d thought he would brush her off, not claim to have some sort of experience with rejection.
“Well,” Dorcas had a fire in her eyes, it was hard to back down from that. “He is still your brother. You act like his being sorted into Gryffindor made him a leper.”
Regulus glared at her through narrowed eyes again. She was continuing to be highly presumptuous and it annoyed him greatly. She apparently had no idea what it was like to come from a family such as his, nor did she appear to be bothering to try to understand. To struggle with being cast aside from birth in favor of the elder sibling. And now that his brother had gone off and become a Gryffindor, dated someone his family looked down on, and run off - now it was finally Regulus’ turn to finally get the attention that he’d craved all those years growing up.
Still, he hadn’t hated Sirius as much as he projected for everyone else to see. But apparently he’d done a good job of the act. And for once, just this once, he was tired of acting how he was supposed to. Tired of being the proper Black and passing down judgment on the rest of the world, including his wayward brother. This girl infuriated him, but also made him long to show her that he was more than what she thought of him.
He glared at her in silence for a few moments longer, then finally sighed loudly and broke eye contact with her. He spoke evenly and quietly, sounding somewhat defeated, “You clearly have no idea what it’s like. But that’s fine, I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”
Dorcas frowned immediately, her right hand tensing into a fist. She barely even noticed that his tone had changed, or the note of defeat. There was nothing she hated more than when people made assumptions about her. “What makes you think I wouldn’t understand?” she snapped back. Her voice changed too, edged with defensiveness. “You have a family that was still together until you chose to reject your brother.”
His eyebrow arched at her as he noticed her right hand clenching into a fist. What made her so angry at him that she’d had the audacity to get in his face, berate him, and caused her to now be making a fist over speaking with him? How could she possibly be so angry with him? Sure, the Blacks were hard to miss in the Wizarding world, but he’d hardly set out to offend anyone enough for them to be getting in his face like this.
His eyebrow raised further when she alluded to understanding the situation he was in - which was really like being between a rock and a hard place. Racking his brain for a moment, he vaguely recalled hearing something about Dorcas and her family situation in passing. That’s right, her parents were divorced or something like that. Maybe she’d had a sibling that she’d been separated from or something? He felt sorry for her once that thought had crossed his mind, but still...she hardly had the right to attack him over something she clearly did not have the full details about.
“Sirius made his choice,” he said, sounding rather flat and automatic. There was a part of him that certainly felt abandoned by his brother, he couldn’t deny it. Or maybe he was just angry that his brother had been brave enough to stand up to their parents, stronger than Regulus ever saw himself being. Sirius had his friends to run to, friends that weren’t Slytherin like all of his were. If Regulus ever showed up on one of his friends’ doorstep, he had no doubt that their parents would just owl Orion and Walburga and tell them to come pick up their kid.
“Just because the sorting hat put him in Gryffindor? That isn’t making a choice,” Dorcas hated the sorting hat. She hated everything about it, the way it judged people and separated them into stereotypes that people blindly believed.
Her chest rose and fell as she took deep breaths to try to calm herself. The knuckles on her hand were practically white. “He just went to school and then all of a sudden you didn’t want him anymore,” her lip trembled a bit, and Dorcas had to press them tightly together in order to keep control of her emotions. The last thing she wanted was to cry in front of Regulus Black.
“How can you choose to divide your own family?” her voice rose a bit. “Your parents obviously care about one other, you had a unit. You have money, you have friends, you’re smart.” What was she even talking about now? It was like her lips were moving but she had no idea what she was saying. Her voice hitched, “You got everything, and I got nothing!”
Regulus merely stared at the girl, a perplexed expression written plainly on his face. Clearly, she was projecting her own problems onto him and a large part of him truly did care that she had to go through such a thing, whatever the issue was that was plaguing her. But she had already put him on the defensive and even though she had worn him down a little, he was not going to just sit back and let her speak to him like this.
“Oh, really? I’m the bad guy, am I? I’m the one that divided up my family, am I? It’s my fault that my parents have forced us down these separate walks of life? This is all news to me,” he said, practically shouting as he threw his hands up in the air. He was really good at reading people and could tell she was on the verge of crying, but he was in such a huff at the moment he did not care if he made her cry. She clearly had the wrong idea about him anyway and he hadn’t managed to convince her otherwise, might as well give her what she wanted and let her think he was an asshole that she was making him out to be.
“My parents care about each other? We have a family unit?” He hissed out, unable to keep the sarcasm out of his voice. “Are you joking? My parents only care that the other one has the only thing of importance to the both of them - that their blood is pure. Our family unit previously consisted of my father paying me no attention while I was growing up because I am the spare. I was always pushed aside into my mother’s arms and if you truly knew the woman my mother is, you’d understand that that’s hardly any consolation prize. And yes, it’s really all my fault that my brother left me behind to pick up the mantle of the Black family heir and all that it entails.” He paused for a moment, staring her down with an icy glare once again. “So yes, clearly I have everything in the world that one could ever possibly want or need.”
Sighing, he finally added. “Look, I can’t possibly begin to pretend that I know your full story or what you’ve been going through recently. But in that same vein, you can’t pretend to know mine, especially since you don’t seem to be willing to even consider it.”
The whole time he spoke, she felt the knot in her throat growing, and her nose got that awful tickling feeling that alerted her that she was on the brink of tears. She swallowed hard, willing herself to push past it. It occurred to her that she really did know nothing about his situation. She’d heard Sirius talking as if the Black family was this evil group of malicious people, and had instantly felt angry. She’d told herself that his parents had cared about one another because that was what she wanted to believe - that no one else’s parents could be selfish like hers. That no one else had single-handedly destroyed a family of love, like she had.
He was right, and Dorcas hated that. When she got an idea in her head, she rarely backed down. She opened her mouth to say something, but the knot in her throat remind her that if she wanted to keep the tears beneath her eyelids, she best not say a word. Clamping it closed again, she gave half of a shrug, expecting more of a lecture from him.
“Go ahead then,” she said after a beat. She never had been good at keeping her mouth shut, “Enlighten me.”
Although he was trying to pretend not to, Regulus watched her closely as he tried to guess at or figure out what was going on in her head. She clearly was trying not to cry and that realization stung slightly as Regulus suddenly felt bad about pushing her further toward doing so. He was still far from okay with her confronting him like this, but at least there was a hint of compassion starting to force its way into his feelings and thoughts.
“I’m not about to go all mushy on you, okay? I’ve been trying to explain my side of the story this whole time, but you’ve been dismissing it. I’m not one to sit here and talk about my problems, so you’re just going to have to accept what I’ve told you about it all already. Take it or leave it.” Sure, she had been so worked up about it she might not have even been bothering to listen to him, but he still felt like he didn’t have to explain himself to her - he’d said enough already.
She swallowed hard, forcing that knot back down. His tone bothered her, it was like he was talking down to her. For a moment, maybe just a split second, when he had quieted, she had thought he was going to be different. That he would surprise her, and prove her point that not all Slytherins were bad.
“So what, then?” tried to get the fight back into her voice. “You were just jealous of your big brother?”
Both eyebrows raised again at her question, though he was not entirely surprised she kept pushing the issue. She was a Gryffindor, after all. His brow then furrowed, wondering why on earth he was even bothering once again to try and make her understand. Perhaps, deep down, it bothered him just a little to realize what people truly thought of him. His voice sounded surprisingly calm, although under the surface he was anything but. “How could I not be, even if it was just a little?” Okay, so maybe it was a lot but she didn’t have to know that.
“My father rarely ever showed me any attention whatsoever while I was a child. He was always far too busy with Sirius, trying to mold him into the person he was supposed to be. Maybe it wasn’t a walk in the park for my brother, but at least he was given attention. And now he’s gone and tossed all of that away.” If Regulus was being honest, he didn’t blame Sirius for doing so. But all he knew now was that he finally mattered to both of his parents.
"Is that all?" Dorcas put her hands on her hips. Really? He was annoyed that his brother got a little more attention? “Well God forbid that it isn’t all about you.”
She didn’t mean to be so bitter, but it just seemed ridiculous that he was so upset that his brother got more attention than he did. She pursed her lips, her thoughts drifting for a moment. When she’d gotten her Hogwarts letter, her own brother had become more than distant with her. He, too, had become resentful, even going so far as to refuse to be seen with her, and calling her names. Had he, perhaps, been jealous of her magical abilities? She’d never thought of it that way before.
Dorcas swallowed, a little surprised he hadn’t punched her yet. Had she been in his position, she probably would have used her fists. “Look, I’m sorry,” she said after a beat. She looked away, down at the floor. The dungeons always felt dusty and dirty to her, and the dust suddenly seemed really interesting. Well, at least, that was what she told herself.
Regulus gave her a rather incredulous look when she asked him if that was all. He crossed his arms over his chest, done arguing with her about the matter. It was one thing to be starving for attention from his parents - it was a different thing entirely to have been completely ignored by his father and cast off into the cold, cruel arms of a woman like Walburga Black. Of course, one would only know how his mother truly was if they bothered to look closely.
He stared her down, waiting for her...no, challenging her to say more. Regulus could tell she was recalling something, perhaps a memory of her own family, so he waited her out, done with bickering about it all.
An eyebrow arched again at her apology, the only movement he made for a few moments. What was he supposed to say? ‘Oh, that’s quite alright that you apparently sought me out to gripe at me over family issues that I really have no control over’? If he was being fair, he knew that it was her own family problems that had spurred this confrontation, though. Sighing, he said, “No harm, no foul.”
Regulus Black, apparently, was good at catching her off guard. His words brought her gaze back up to his face, but she could only stare at him, blinking in a state of something akin to shock. Was he being polite with her?
“Is that really why you hate him so much?” she wondered, somewhat meekly. “I mean... he’s still your brother, isn’t he?” Even if Hektor had been jealous of her, or if it had been because she was blasphemous, or whatever their father had said... she knew that underneath that, he still loved her. Right?
The incredulous look appeared on his face again as he let her question sink in. Did she really think that poorly of him? Maybe the better question was why did he care what she thought of him? He’d been raised to know that people were going to despise him no matter what he said or did, he might as well get used to the fact, it came with being born into the noble and most ancient House of Black. But, truthfully, despite trying his best to live up to his family’s expectations of him (what little there had been until Sirius ran off, at any rate), he did care what people thought of him deep down.
He looked around them briefly, completely forgetting that he’d been out in the open where anyone could see or overhear their conversation. They were still alone, but he lowered his voice. “I don’t know where you’re getting your information, but I certainly do not hate my brother. We might not see eye to eye on a lot of things, but I would never hate him.”
“Then why do you act like you do?” she insisted. She could tell she was annoying him, but that didn’t really bother her. Dorcas knew that she annoyed many people. Probably everyone, to be more precise.
Seeing his eyes dart around, making sure that they were alone, reminded her what sort of person she was talking to. Someone who would always judge. Someone who would never accept her for who she was, simply because of her blood status. “Afraid to be seen talking to a mudblood?”
“Because it’s what is expected of me. By more people than just my parents,” Regulus spat out, tired of having to justify why he was stuck between a rock and a hard place to this girl. Pureblood wizards that went against the grain were, if they were lucky, tossed aside by the rest of their kind. With all the rumors that had been circulating lately and some of the information he himself had overheard his parents talking about, being tossed aside was a tame reaction. It was a dangerous time to go around painting a target on your head.
The Death Eaters had been formed a few years prior and Regulus had already been told by his parents he needed to join the organization when he became of age. The other pureblood Wizarding families all expected their children to join up as well. He was already well aware of the possibilities of what would become with him if he didn’t and he wasn’t as brave as Sirius about simply walking away - Sirius had been a true Gryffindor after all, on that front.
He kept his expression neutral when she took it upon herself to call herself a ‘mudblood’. Though he appeared calm, he finally took her by the arm and dragged her further into the shadows. Regulus spoke in a low, steady voice. “Thank you, for putting words into my mouth. I don’t know if you’re merely acting like you haven’t heard the rumors about what’s stirring out there or if you’ve chosen not to buy into them, but you should realize that it’s not safe for a muggleborn to be seen chatting up someone like me. So please, keep on judging me. I just hope you realize how much you’re sticking your foot in your mouth right now.” He let go of her arm then, glancing up and down the darkened corridor.
“Any more judgments you have to pass or can I finally go eat dinner?”
“Hey!” she couldn’t help but be alarmed when he first grabbed her arm. Dorcas’s heart did not stop pounding until she realized he wasn’t dragging her off to be beaten. She took a few deep breaths, listening with quite a bit of interest as he proceeded to call her muggleborn. Dorcas wasn’t afraid to be called a mudblood. It was just a word, after all, and being bothered by it only gave those who used it the power they wanted.
“Is that concern I detect?” she asked, stepping back and rubbing at her arm where his fingers had been only moments before. But was it concern for her safety, or his? This encountered hadn’t gone at all the way she had expected, and Dorcas found herself more than a little disappointed that he was so eager to get away from her. Her status as an outcast did get a bit lonely.
Regulus snorted at the question, not bothering to look her in the eyes at that moment. The irony was not lost on him, especially given that he had formed a secret friendship with Mary Macdonald, another muggleborn Gryffindor that was in his year instead of his brother’s. “I’m being cautious,” he finally answered.
“You would be wise to show some caution yourself, but you Gryffindors are quite the stubborn lot about that, aren’t you?” There, that was the safe, detached answer to give her.
She blinked a few times, having expected some sort of snide remark. Doras wasn’t surprised that he wouldn’t look her in the eyes, though it did make her heart sting a bit as she reminded herself of her loneliness. “Stubborn is my middle name,” she tried to force a smile, but failed pretty miserably.
She looked down the hall. It was dark, but it didn’t appear that anyone was coming. “Looks like you’re safe to go,” she said, leaning back against the wall. Her stomach was pretty empty, but Dorcas really wasn’t in the mood for dinner.
Regulus sighed heavily. This girl was exhausting. But, for whatever reason, he felt bad for her. He’d picked up on her attempt at forcing a smile, noticed some of her mannerisms and the way that she carried herself. It was obvious to him, as he was skilled at reading people already, no matter how much she tried to hide it. “Obviously,” he retorted quietly. “Just... Look. You really ought to be more careful about who you get in the face of, alright? Not every person from my House is going to be so receptive to it, should you choose to get angry at them.”
Regulus shoved his hands into his pockets, glancing toward the archway that led out of the dungeons to the rest of the castle. “Are you going to be alright?” The question sounded alien to him, especially since he’d just gotten done being berated by the girl, but whatever.
“I’m not afraid of Slytherins,” she said a bit defiantly, straightening her spine and trying to add an inch of confidence. She knew he was right about others not being so receptive, but she didn’t want him to know that. She wanted her pride.
In the moment of silence when he looked towards the archway, Dorcas found herself looking in the opposite direction, trying to distract herself. She was listening for his departing footsteps, but instead heard him ask if she would be alright.
Her head snapped back around as she searched his face for some sort of sign that it was a trick, but found none. “I...” she licked her lips as she tried to think of what to say. “It doesn’t matter. I’m fine.” She shrugged her shoulders, trying her best to appear nonchalant.
She shifted her weight, getting a good look at him probably for the first time. He really did look just like his brother. Their eyes had the same shape, and their mouths... but there was something sharper and more dignified about Regulus, where Sirius was rougher and freer. “You’re a surprise, Black,” she said, biting her lip somewhat hard. She hadn’t meant to say that, but it had sort of tumbled out.
Regulus almost spit out ‘That makes one of us’, but caught himself before the words could escape his lips. As long as he kept his head down, played the part, and got out of school, he would be fine. Right? “Bully for you, then,” he said, a hint of exasperation in his tone. There was stubborn and then there was suicidal, a trait he was certain ran rampant through most of the rest of her House as well.
A small smirk appeared on his face at her reaction to his question. He did love catching people off their guard and it seemed he’d been successful in doing so with her. The question still held however and he was somewhat concerned about her. He couldn’t help but raise another eyebrow at her answer and scoffed, “Right. You can’t say I didn’t ask, then.” He knew she was deflecting his question, maybe even in denial that he was capable of asking something like that of anyone and truly meaning it.
He watched her studying him, guessing that her curiosity was getting the better of her now. He snorted at her assessment of him and asked, “Oh really? How so?”
Dorcas shrugged her shoulders. His words had cut her more than enough times, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to keep talking with him. But he was interesting, and he wasn’t like any other Slytherin she’d met before.
“You’re just different than I expected,” she decided on, finally. “Maybe I was wrong about you, I don’t know.” She expected him to have some sort of retort, to cut into her again. If she was wrong, she’d only been partly wrong. It was fully possible his concern was false, and he was just toying with her.
She glanced down the hall again, waiting for someone to come around the corner and find htem. What would he do then? Would he keep talking to her, or would he try to pretend like the situation was different? “I thought you wanted to go,” she pointed out.
“Yeah, well I wouldn’t go spreading it around. Not like anyone would believe you anyway, if you did.” Though, truthfully, he was a little worried that she might go telling everyone he was being...nice. The people from the other Houses might not believe her, but the ever distrusting Slytherins would be suspicious enough to keep a close eye on him to see if there was any truth to that.
Regulus furrowed his brow in frustration once more at her. He’d been trying to be nice to her, even given that she’d been in his face about his family, and now she was dismissing him? Fine, whatever. He couldn’t stop himself from throwing his hands up in frustration, as he growled out, “Right. I did.” Without looking at her, he turned on his heels and stormed off toward the archway that led to the castle once more, knowing that he was now going to be in a foul mood for the rest of the evening.
Maybe she was just dense, but Dorcas didn’t understand what she was doing to frustrate him to such a point. Watching him storm away gave her a sense of uneasiness, and the familiar sting of self-loathing.
Instead of going off to dinner, Dorcas decided to stay in the dungeon. If she went back to the dorm, someone was sure to ask her why she was crying. And when had she started crying, anyway? She pressed her back against the wall and slid down until she was sitting, where she buried her head in her knees and let the pity party begin.