Who: Steve & Bucky What: Fighting zombies When: Backdated during the darkness Where: Outside the prison Warnings: Violence
Bucky hadn’t been necessarily avoiding Steve. It just worked out that things were a little bit chaotic right now with The Darkness or whatever the hell she was around. It was hard to not notice the presence of it all, the rolling, twisting clouds that would sprout up every now and then. There was a lot going on and priorities were for the prison and its people, so the feelings or whatever they were that had started to develop for Steve kind of just took a standstill. It also made it a bit easier to not talk to Steve.
At first, Bucky thought it was just the spell, or whatever it was that over him but when it was all over, said and done, the feelings were there, just a little more downplayed. He found that there was something he was yearning for from Steve. Yeah, he knew it was wrong. It was probably the worst thing he could have done but those feeling were there. And even Nat knew about it. Which was something else entirely. Fortunately for him, she hadn’t mentioned it.
At the moment though, he wasn’t thinking about it though. It was easy to throw himself into whatever task he was on and at the moment, he was on duty. He was walking the perimeter, knowing that something had happened earlier in the day, but he wasn’t sure what. Whatever had gone on, it hadn’t been announced yet, but the prison was still running as usual.
He saw a few zombies in the distance. Normally, he’d just shoot them, but the noise of it all just attracted more zombies, so Bucky took it upon himself to walk over to them, knife in hand. It was easier to just stab them in the head and call it a night.
What he didn’t expect was to find Steve beside him, walking with him. It wasn’t something that Bucky needed help with but then again, he didn’t mind Steve by his side.
“It’s just a few zombies. I can handle it,” Bucky told him as he walked.
Steve kept himself busy with his role on the council. There were things happening left and right that kept him from the things he wanted or the people he wanted to talk to and spend time with. There were certain things that Captain America put on the backburner, not knowing when he would have time for them, if any of it even mattered at this point because he knew what sort of fate awaited him back home - the loss that they would eventually suffer if Steve did go back.
If he went back he would lose Bucky all over again.
Steve tried to rationalize it by telling himself he was doing the right thing by keeping himself out of arm’s reach. If Bucky didn’t feel anything or linger around him maybe they would just forget about the awkwardness that arose during the time that Bucky was possessed by his feelings. Feelings that were, in Steve’s eyes, very real to him.
But the world went on and Steve was still a soldier at heart. He still had the need to protect and serve and right now he was doing his due diligence by taking out a few undead and that was going to happen alongside his best friend.
“I know you can handle it,” Steve said, his fingers gripping the handle of a hatchet that he decided to borrow for this little adventure out into the woods. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t have your back.”
“No, I guess not,” Bucky replied. But it would sure as hell make it easier. Bucky’s place was always by Steve’s side. It was something that wouldn’t be negotiated. Especially after Steve put it all out on the line for him when it came to Tony. His loyalty was for Steve and whatever side Steve was on. But it didn’t mean that it didn’t make it harder – especially now when realizations were made. It didn’t help either with Wanda working with Bucky whenever the time called for it. Trying to rewire Bucky’s mind to the point where it wasn’t brainwashed, he was noticing memories and feelings coming to the surface that he hadn’t seen or felt in what felt like forever. Steve seemed to be the root of a lot of it.
He didn’t say anything after that and instead of his gun, Bucky held onto the knife. It was easy enough to stab the zombie in the back of head and twist the blade before releasing. He watched as the first zombie fell to the ground and he went onto the next while Steve took them out with the hatchet.
There were only a few, six at most but Bucky could hear the moaning and groaning of more that were probably not too far behind. With the dead zombies at their feet, it was more of a waiting game for the others. They could have gone in the woods in search for them, but Bucky didn’t move. His eyes were watching that direction though for the time when they did emerge.
“Anything going on that hasn’t been said?” Bucky asked. He knew that Steve was on the council and he knew that a lot of talks happened behind filters and closed doors. What the prison didn’t need to know, they didn’t know so Bucky was curious if anything was going on that hadn’t been said yet. It was best to just keep it professional so to speak because going back in time for any reason – honestly, Bucky just didn’t know what to say when it came to that.
Fighting zombies didn’t do much for Steve but he knew that it had to be done. Although the prison did a good job at holding the perimeter the undead roamed around and they often found it fitting to flock together instead of alone. They were a threat to the prison even though their numbers weren’t high. The whole point was that they could be and Steve made it a habit to go out and make sure their numbers didn’t increase.
He didn’t need a gun to do the job and neither did Bucky. They were both physically strong enough to rip their enemies apart and there was nothing that undead, fragile zombies could do against super soldiers. The hatchet that Steve brought was enough to chop through them like he was swinging at butter, their heads becoming separated as Steve went through an entire line, his arm being swung left to right.
It was a little funny how casual the two of them could talk while doing this. Steve hadn’t broken a sweat as he downed his fifth zombie, its head rolling onto the ground as the body fell. “Nothing that hasn’t been said,” he replied, thinking to the problem they were facing now.
“This thing that calls itself the Darkness. We’re just trying to make sure it doesn’t take anyone else.” Steve didn’t know how to fight something that couldn’t be touched or sensed. Their safeguards had been useless and she had managed to take their prisoner Dean Winchester who was responsible for helping the twins kidnap Tony.
“I don’t want you anywhere near it.” Steve swung his arm to embed his hatchet into the skull of a zombie, the blade becoming stuck until Steve yanked it out.
So right now, they basically had nothing. At least that’s what Bucky concluded. He didn’t know if the prison council was in talks of a few things that maybe the prison as a whole didn’t know. Then again, he didn’t expect Steve to indulge if there was. Steve had a bit of integrity, perhaps more than most when it came to things like that.
As the zombies began to emerge from the woods, the two of them easily began to take them out. Steve with the hatchet and Bucky with his arm and a knife. Heads and bodies were falling as quick as they were walking, going through the horde as if it was nothing. Maybe one day, these walkers would be a challenge. Then again, knowing this place, it wouldn’t be long until that day came.
“Kind of hard to keep myself away from it. This Darkness can go anywhere,” Bucky reminded him. He wasn’t going to lock himself up or stay inside the prison as a means to run away from whatever trouble they were facing. Besides, Steve couldn’t be serious about that. Everyone was in the line of danger but when Bucky looked back at him, he saw that his face was serious.
“You know I can’t do that,” Bucky dismissed that and continued killing zombies as he walked closer to the woods.
Steve did his very best not to think about what he was doing when it came to disposing the group of zombies. He knew that before the virus everyone was alive. He was killing people that had become the undead and there was a sense of guilt that came with each decapitation and hatchet swing to the head. Steve always was one to have hope but his arrival to Everett had shift that to a more realistic way of viewing things.
Nothing could last forever, not humanity or life. The destruction of the human race had left the world in shambles and now the dead ruled alongside the creatures created and brought to this world. Steve couldn’t even begin to understand the logic behind it all. He didn’t have great mind like Tony or Bruce. All Steve did know was that he had a job to do by saving as many lives as possible.
“I know you can’t but as long as I’m breathing I’ll make sure you do.”
Steve brought his leg up to kick a zombie, the force of the blow sending it flying into a tree where it got stuck after being impaled. Steve turned to look at Bucky, his eyes stern as were his words because he meant them. He wasn’t going to let the Darkness touch any part of Bucky’s soul.
“If I lose you then I know it’s over. I know that I’ve failed.”
Bucky frowned as the last zombie went flying, impaling itself on a tree thanks to Steve. He turned back to look at him. What was this? Bucky felt a little anger that maybe Steve didn’t have any faith in him. That he thought Bucky was weak. Not that Bucky planned on calling out any darkness or asking to get his soul snatched, but Bucky wasn’t a child.
Maybe normally, Bucky wouldn’t have gotten upset about this but now - things were just different. Bucky didn’t look at Steve as his best friend, as his Captain. Sure, he still called him that, but now, Steve was just so much more to him. So much so that he couldn’t even speak it. Natasha had figured it out. She knew how Bucky felt but that was as far as it went.
“You won’t lose me. And no matter what, you won’t fail. I’m not a child,” Bucky said, his tone a little sharp before he put his knife away.
“The threat is gone.” He looked toward the prison. “We should head back.”
Steve knew that maybe he worded what he said wrong in a way but that was mostly because he felt so strongly about keeping Bucky safe. He wondered if his best friend understood where he was coming from with all of this. If Bucky had his soul taken away there was no telling what sort of things the person underneath Bucky’s persona would do. It would be unleashing a monster onto the prison Bucky Barnes as the Winter Soldier was not something everyone could survive.
“I’m not telling you this because I think you’re a child. I’m telling you this because if you lose your soul there is no telling what sort of person you’ll be. You won’t care. You won’t have a soul. What part of yourself do you think that reminds me of?” Steve didn’t understand what Bucky didn’t get. Of course without their souls they were going to be twisted versions of themselves but in Bucky’s case it could be worse.
Steve stood there, covered in blood and sweat, trying so hard to be that person who kept everything in but losing Bucky to the Darkness was a fear that he didn’t think he would have.
“Let’s head back then,” Steve said, not saying anything else as he walked right by Bucky, not caring if he understood or not.
Bucky understood it. He knew what the stakes were. If his soul was snatched, he knew who he would become. The part of him that he hated and the part of him that he barely remembered. Slowly, things were coming to him. Memories in the form of nightmares. Sometimes he barely slept. He would sit there in the fucking dark until he couldn’t take it anymore and just get out of bed so he could pick up another shift.
He wasn’t on a one way track to lose any part of himself. He was tired of that. He was tired of having shit happen to him that he couldn’t control.
Looking over, he watched as Steve walked back and Bucky shook his head, staying back a little. Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything, but the truth was, Bucky didn’t want to be treated like he was fragile. Even if for the most part, he was fragile. Not physically, but mentally.
“You won’t lose me. You’ll never lose me,” Bucky said to himself before he headed back to the prison behind Steve.
As Steve walked he felt the weight against his chest the longer he said nothing. There was so much that he had kept in because he had remembered everything. Thanos. The Infinity Stones. Steve remembered losing and he remembered watching Bucky turn to dust, literally gone right before his eyes and Steve couldn’t stop it. He lost a piece of himself. Half of himself, really. Steve could feel his anger swelling as he stopped and suddenly turned so that he could face Bucky.
“I already did.”
Steve wondered if he looked bewildered or stunned, if the look on his own face matched the way his voice cracked. Steve pulled it all back, trying to contain his emotions because right now he was letting it all leak out and he couldn’t do that right now. He was one of the members of the council. Steve had a job to do, he had people to protect and he was putting that behind him to face this.
His biggest fear.
“Look, I can’t talk about it. It shouldn’t be on my mind but I can’t help but think that every moment here with you could be my last. It could be my last with everyone but I try not to let that get to me. I try not to let it consume but some days…” Steve looked away, his hands falling on his hips as he took a breath.
“Some days are harder than others.”
When Steve told him that he already did, it was kind of like a sting. As if he was being slapped in his face. It lingered there, that feeling as he stopped and watched Steve from where he stood. He knew the rumors (or not rumors) that went around about this Thanos. It was something that Bucky hadn’t lived through yet. It was something he surely didn’t want to live through. But eventually, he would. It was inevitable.
Whatever annoyance he felt slipped away then and he just stood there, a little dumbfounded. His choice of words was poor, but the sentiment was there. No matter what happened, he wouldn’t lose him. Of course, that didn’t mean physically he guessed. That was bound to happen.
Bucky walked closer to Steve. They were both covered in blood and zombie guts, but Bucky remembered a time when they were probably covered in worse.
“We can’t fix what happens in the future. It’s gonna happen whether we want it to or not. But no matter what, I’m always with you. That won’t change, no matter what world we’re in.” He hoped that Steve understood that. He wasn’t going to subject the captain to talking about it further. Bucky got it. He understood what he was doing and it was just another reason why he loved him.