Meeting with Willis was one of the most important things she did. While the Reverend was the star of the service, Bella did a lot of the behind the scenes stuff to make sure it went well every single Sunday. The truth was she lived for it, lived to serve God and the Reverend. They sat at a small table in the dirt tent and went over some of the things they’d need for the next day. Setting up inside was never too much of a chore, especially when everything else was always done for them.
“Now the sacrament wine needs to get bought because we ran out of it at our last service. I’ll see if someone can drive me to town today for that.” She began and this wasn’t even the end of it, there was so much more to be covered. When she was in business mode she tried not to look at Willis. His eyes always pierced right through her and she found herself distracted by his wicked smile.
It was hard not to feel the temptation radiate off her. So many things he could say or do to test her, but he’d made a promise not to test any member of Zion. Sometimes it took everything in his power to resist- when he was younger, he would have found it impossible. “Yes, we should stock up, while we do have an exception for the church, we don’t want to run into any issues come the new year.” Will said, reaching into his jacket pocket, he removed his wallet and pulled out some money. “This should do.”
When it came to the services, Willis always appeared to be far less stressed than Bella. There were times he didn’t even fully have a sermon in mind until he got talking. He ran a pretty casual service when it came down to it- however he was always amused at how focused his little assistant was. “As always we’ll have service after breakfast, get yours early so we can set up the chairs.” He always preferred his congregation to be content and full rather than wondering when things were going to end so they could go eat.
“Don’t need breakfast, got too much to do. I’ve got to get the brochures written and you need to tell me what verses you’re doing so other people can follow along.” He rarely ever complied with that considering the fact that it was his service and occasionally it stressed her out. “I mean it Willis, your congregation likes to know what is happening.” She chided but when she came to look on his face she could only smile.
“How’s everything been anyway? You got this look on your face like you’ve got something brewing in that brain of yours.” Yet he always did seem to know more than most people she knew, she liked hearing about his day and what he did if only so she could top him with an even better story. “Meet any interesting people?” She added since it seemed they were getting new people the last few months or so.
“There are interesting people everywhere.” He chuckled. “And yes, don’t worry I’ll get you what you need.” Once he figured it out himself. “Things have been well. I’ll be glad to move on from Arizona, I did make nice with the new big cat trainer though.” She would help keep him and the rest of the carnival in libations if things went right. “Assisted her with getting some supplies on a trip into town.”
Will tapped his fingers on the table as he pondered what he’d talk about the next day. They were getting closer to Christmas, he probably should start covering the chapters leading to that. “How about you, keeping busy? Or actually taking a few moments to have some fun?”
Her eyebrows raised at that. She’d seen the girl he was talking about around. She was gorgeous and not deathly skinny like herself, a tiny little shard of glass pierced her heart at that. When the reverend took interest in anyone she couldn’t help but feel like she wasn’t good enough. In the distance a folded chair shook. “What’s she like?” She asked, trying to sound slightly uninterested.
Her hands folded on the table in front of her, eyes scanning the inside of the tent to make sure she wasn’t about to accidentally kill the Reverend. She used to have more control over this stuff and now her mind seemed to be working without her. A slight blush and a smile came when asked if she had fun. “I don’t have any problems finding fun, believe you me. You wouldn’t believe the things these carnies get up to.” She teased. Sure the Rev had told her it wasn’t a sin but he probably didn’t want to hear how often she rolled in the hay with her coworkers.
“She’s nice, strong willed.” Though a bit lost which meant she could possibly be influenced. Not that he should be looking to manipulate those in Zion, even if they were new and tempting. “Decent conversationalist.” Will shrugged.
“And that’s good. Best to socialize and not work all the time.” Even if she was the only reason there was any organization to his masses. Before her, they were just sort of him sermoning for a half hour with communion.
Bella didn’t want to hear about this new girl, she was probably pretty and just his type. It didn’t much matter to her what she looked like, only that he didn’t want her. Even still to this day as an adult she still cared for him and downright was desperately in love, but she’d been shot down too many times. “Do you ever socialize? I reckon it’s probably time you and I shared a drink or something. We could...talk about something other than God.”
Not that she minded, while she didn’t seem the good Christian to most, she was devout and believed in Willis and the poetry behind his sermons. “I was thinking about picking up a couple extra bottles of wine to stock up. Let’s make a night of it, after the church service tomorrow.” And Sunday school of course which she’d have all the children until early evening.
The reverend laughed. “Yes, I socialize.” He had a few people he had drinks with. Granted he enjoyed his hobby of testing people more. Just wandering unseen in a crowd, finding sin and dropping a word or phrase in someone’s ear to sway them- or from his perspective, see if they were pure enough to resist the sway of temptation. “And I have many conversations that don’t circle around God, it just tends to be one of those things people seek me out to talk about.” He chuckled.
“I think sharing a drink would be a fine idea.” Will nodded. “I actually picked up some cactus ale that I’m eager to try. And it would be a nice topper to a day of set up.”
“Yeah? Good, because I was beginning to worry that you needed more friends.” She teased, a soft smile gracing her features. It was easy for him, to make her smile and she prayed one day he’d want to see her as a woman instead of as his helper. A chuckle escaped her lips and she brought her attention back to the piece of paper that she was writing to remind herself what she needed when she was able to go into town.
“Cactus ale does sound good though, I’m curious what that tastes like.” Amongst other things. His skin for example, or his lips but she tried to stave those thoughts away so that she didn’t end up hurting her ego again. “I don’t think I even knew there was such a thing.”
“It’s not really an ale, I suppose. It’s called Pulque. It’s very odd looking, but I’m looking forward to try it.” He often liked to experience different tastes and flavors, it was a small indulgence he had. “And it’s sweet of you to be concerned.” Will said with a small smile.
No, he wasn’t interested in her in that way, despite knowing how she felt. A good part of that was because he knew that he was likely her test. And seeing as she was one of his congregation he had to play by the rules and not put her to temptation. Even though it would be so easy. He didn’t even have to say anything, he knew all he needed to do was linger his hand on her arm for three extra seconds and look into her eyes and she’d make the first move. It almost screamed out to act on the moment. “So, tomorrow we’ll set up in the ten-in-one I think, for service, then at night we’ll do drinks, talk.” He summarized the plan.
The smile never left, and she regretted it. She regretted that she couldn’t resist herself and it made her feel like a damn fool. He rejected her time and time again and yet she still loved him. It made no sense and she often used men and alcohol to help her forget, though these days it didn’t seem to work as well. “Well you know Reverend, my concern is out of love and not pity and I just think a man your age needs more friends.” She teased, although hopefully not young pretty ones.
She often thought about what would happen if he ever accepted her advances. Would they be married? Have a litter of kids? Or would she be left in the dust without even a second thought? These days, she was beginning to believe the latter. “Sounds like a good plan, but don’t be late! I know how good you think you are at time management but I’m serious. I don’t like waiting around.” A small laugh informed him that she was only joking.
The next evening
As promised, Reverend Conrad met Bella for drinks. The communal tent he shared had a small table where people could socialize. Most were still out for the evening as Willis met Bella at the table with the bottle of liquor and two glasses. “As promised.” He said taking a seat. He opened the bottle and poured them each a small glass. “Good showing at the service today.” He said. The rest of the day had been full of setting up. Games, personal items, the animals, all those ‘loose’ items that had to be gathered else be left behind in the teleport. Banners had to be re-hung, record players and props redistributed to the different tents. While their set up wasn’t nearly as taxing as a carnival that required a complete tear down- it was still quite a bit.
Bella had a small chance to clean herself up after the day and it felt nice to finally sit after so long. And of course she wanted to look nice for Will. She couldn’t help it, even if he didn’t want her she still wanted to look good for him. Taking the offered glass she lifted it to him. “To a day well spent.” She toasted and took a sip of the liquor. It burned down her throat and she smiled at the feeling.
She turned to Will and regarded him. “I see you dressed for the occasion.” She teased and of course she didn’t mind him in his reverend garb, it suited him and he reminded her about who he was. “If I’d have known I would have stayed in my Sunday’s best.” Though it would have been significantly dirtier if she had.
Willis looked down, not getting it at first, then chuckled. “You know, I wear it so often, I rarely notice anymore.” He said, reaching up to the collar. He unclipped and removed the white tab, placing it on the table. He didn’t wear it when he was working as a talker, but otherwise it slipped into whatever collared shirt he decided to wear. “Better?”
His laugh was like music to her ears, a sound so sweet she hoped she’d always be able to hear it. “Honestly, I prefer you with it on.” Or with all of his clothes off but that was something she might never see. “But for the sake of socialization I’d say we keep the lord out of it.” She knew in her heart that loving him was some sort of test, a test she’d been put through since she was a mere teenager but she didn’t care. If she loved him so much, why would God use him as a test?
She sipped on her drink again, a small smile as the liquid burned down her throat. Will might never want her and that hurt her every single day. “Suppose we all had to leave this place. Where do you do think you might go?” She asked him.
“That’s a mighty interesting question.” He mused on the idea. He could always go back to France, or visit England. Big cities were often filled with those who were easily tempted, more to test… more to find god's wrath, his punishment for sin. Just like the boy who gave into temptation in Tucson and stole from his employer. The newspaper had printed that his trousers had ‘spontaneously combusted’ and he was being treated for severe burns. Hopefully, his lesson would be learned. “Back to Europe probably. Would be fun to visit London I think.” His accent, while mixed and mostly southern had a twinge of British- which was all he had when he awoke in that field in France (the southern came in when he joined Zion). But oddly enough, had never been to England. “Somewhere I can make a difference.”
He took a sip from his drink, letting the burn sit there as a reminder he wasn’t immune to pain. “How about you?”
She looked down into her drink when the question was mirrored back to her. “I don’t know. I guess I’d want to go back to Chicago, see where I grew up.” Or did she actually? She didn’t feel any kinship towards the people who abandoned her as a child, more of a hate than anything else. “Or maybe go with you. Haven’t ever been to Europe and I’m sure you could use the help making a difference out there.” She knew he’d need it, Will had never been that great at planning things for his congregation.
She took another sip of her drink and offered him a smile. “That would be up to you, but I’d like it if you’d have me.” Not like it was ever going to happen, Bella I tended to stay with Zion for as long as she could.
He could test her then, out of Zion. Might be worth it, if she passed the test he’d have someone to run errands for him. If she didn’t, well she wouldn’t stick around and it would be like he’d never taken her. Willis shrugged one shoulder as he regarded her. “Could be an interesting time.” He chuckled softly. “Though I don’t see leaving Zion any time in the future. I-” have plenty of people coming in and out to play with. “Have people who need me here. Those who need the comfort of god’s word in their life.”
Just as she needed him but he couldn’t even see what was right in front of him. “Can I ask you a personal question Will?” She began, rolling the glass around and watching the liquid roll with it. The question was one that always burned on her mind that she dared never ask but as the alcohol began to have its intended effects the truth was slipping out more easily. “How come you rejected me, all those years ago?”
It seemed an unfair question to ask but he had to know how she felt and she thought she deserved to know the answer. Maybe it might help her move on.
Bold. He took a long sip of his drink as he looked at her, considering how to answer her question. The truth, she’d not understand. A lie might spare her feelings, but the wrong lie might harm them even more. He could deny her an answer, make her suffer more and while that was an interesting idea, wasn’t really a good test of her faith. He felt that compulsion to tell her a story, one that would cause her the greatest turmoil- or test her as he interpreted it. He knew the words to say. For a moment the shadows seemed to gather around him more than normal as he tried to resist that pull.
The older a demon gets the more they can resist that pull of evil. Willis wasn’t a fledgling anymore and had learned to resist the pull. However, one could only fight it so much. Especially when his perception of reality wasn’t fact. To Willis, he wasn’t a demon, he wasn’t evil, he was a servant of god. That impulse he got, the knowledge granted to him when he picked up just the right thing to say or do to cause the most amount of pain or chaos for a person wasn’t natural (which it was), it was god whispering in his ear. His ability to curse an item or person wasn’t a curse, it was a gift from god, a tool to help test those who would be driven to sin.
So, when torn between a promise made to the man who put you up, and who you respected to not mess with any residents of your shared home, and that persistent whisper of god in your ear… who wins?
“Oh, my child.” The reverend sighed. “Because… you’re my test.”
Her eyes narrowed at him as she sipped up the last of her glass, greedily grabbing the bottle to pour herself some more. Of course she was bold, that was the type of person Bella was and if she hadn’t felt scared of his judgement she might have been more forthcoming. She didn’t like the answer because the answer didn’t change anything, now a part of her still clinged onto that glimmer of hope. Finally she spoke. “Your test? I’m your test? What do you mean that I’m your test?”
The more and more the words were formed in her head the more she began to hate him. How could she be his test? Bella was only a woman and if she was really his test, wouldn’t she be able to tell? A low rumbling came from the ground and stationary glasses began to shake. Bella didn’t have full control over big things but sometimes when she got angry all the little things in the area mirrored her emotions.
Her reaction was to be expected, though not the one he should have sought out. What Kristoph didn’t know… “I knew you when you were still just a child.” Or close to. “Now you’re a grown woman.” And he hadn’t aged- though it wasn’t something brought up a lot. There were a few at Zion who didn’t seem to age. “God tests us every day, from the little things like lettin someone in front of you in the chow line. To the big things, like giving in to urges that are…” He looked to the ground, lips pursed. “Unpure.”
The words he chose seemed to come to him, as if he were being guided down a path. Willis got up from his seat and moved a few feet away, he appeared torn by the subject at hand. Which he was, but for different reasons. If he didn’t actually influence her to see if he should resist the temptation, would he actually be breaking his promise to Kristoph? If he tested her by just putting her into the position, he wouldn’t be truly violating the conditions of his residency… would he?
“God preaches love, but lust is a sin.” He said, letting the words guide him. “And I have love for you, but… physically-” Willis shook his head as his hand moved to the back of his head in a gesture of conflict.
As the rumbling stopped and the glasses returned to their stationary positions Bella thought about what to say to him. Everything was about God's tests to him and it felt backwards to her that he could confuse the feelings she had for him as lust. “I’m not a girl anymore.” She said quietly as she took another sip of her drink. It didn’t burn as much now that she was feeling the effects of the liquor.
“And what makes you think you know the difference between love and lust? I know the way I feel about you isn’t some test from God. When I came here my interest in you lead me to Him, how can that be a test?” She asked him earnestly. Bella didn’t pretend that she was innocent, that’s what kept her coming back every week but this wasn’t like her flings, Bella had honest feelings for Will and had since she was a teenager.
“It’s not how you feel about me.” Oh it was. “It’s about how I feel about you.” Willis said, turning to look at her. “That’s why it’s my test.” His test, sure. Will’s brow furrowed slightly in conflict. His expression appeared to evoke that he might have been having feelings toward her he’d been resisting. “I see the woman you’ve become and…” Will moved back to the table and downed the last of his glass.
Oh, she was wrong. It was her test. The feelings she had for him, Willis was certain it was lust planted there to see if she could resist them. After all, she’d given into carnal desires with others, they’d been different from his perspective. Sleeping with someone to gain a moment of physical pleasure was a release, something that felt good and yes, while optimal to be shared with a single partner that you committed to, he could admit that until one found that partner… needs had to be met. But the difference between that and what he perceived Bella felt for him was the addition of obsession. Something she viewed as love and commitment, but was in fact an unhealthy addiction that, if fed, could tarnish her soul with sin.
Question was, was she strong enough to resist?
Bella had heard enough, she wasn’t even sure why she had bothered to ask him, she only felt more confused and hurt. Maybe she’d had him wrong all along. “And what? The way you feel about me is what? You spend your whole life thinking that Gods testing your faith but that’s no way to live, him breathing down your neck about every little thing you do. It’s not right Will and you can’t see every little thing as a test.” She didn’t know what inspired her to let all this out, perhaps anger, hurt, regret but she was happy she could finally say it.
Standing from her chair she looked over at Will. “You say you have love for me. Why would you do this to someone you have love for?” His games were doing her head in and she grasped at it while she tried to suppress her telekinesis from running rampant with her anger.
She paced with her head in her hands, shaking it as she considered where next to go with all the things in her head. Finally she felt a calm start to wash over her, like her body and soul had just given up. She dropped her hands to the side and closed her eyes as she took a deep breath.
“Maybe your test isn’t about your lust but about your stubborn pride.”
She was feisty, that he had to give her. Perhaps it would help her. Willis sat back down in his seat and looked up at her. “You’re the one who wanted answers, which is what I’ve tried to give.” He leaned forward, arms resting on his knees. “Would you have preferred I give into my own weaknesses and tell you-” The pause was barely noticeable as he continued acting upon instinct, only resisting the urge to put influence behind his words. “How on Sundays I have to force myself from being distracted by you? That every time we talk I find myself captivated by your mind, and how capable you are? That even when you’re mad you’re gorgeous?” Hook and bait set, now all that was left was the alternative. “I’ve felt drawn to you for years… but the idea that it may be nothing more than purely physical… That I could hurt you… Or you me.” Will shook his head slightly. “I don’t know what I’d do if that happened.”
Well he did, he’d move on, knowing that she had to atone for her indiscretions.
Something in her sparked when he began to speak, a glimmer of hope that was asking to hold on for its dear life. She didn’t want to give it fuel, wanted to finally move past this life long obsession but that wasn’t in the cards for Bella. The hope grew and grew at each word and threatened to destroy her. She didn’t notice when it happened but tears began to form in her eyes and as she blinked they poured down. Her arms crossed over her chest and she wiped the tears with the palm of her hand. She quietly walked toward where he sat and kneeled in front of him, much like she might have in church. Her hand came to unfold his and she quickly pulled herself up to press a kiss to his lips. It wasn’t going to go any further than that but it was something she’d always wanted to do.
Her forehead rested against his for a moment before she pulled back to speak. “You don’t have to love me back Will, but you’ve got to make a choice.” It was the first time she’d ever used that word for him, but she wouldn’t take it back for anything. She stood from where she had kneeled and returned to the table where she knocked back the rest of her drink.
He wasn’t quite sure if she’d past the test or not, putting it on him and not giving in. But, those nudges to act had quieted after acting on them. Yes, there was more he could do, but for the time it seemed he’d quelled the ‘whispers’. He leaned back in his seat, running his thumb over the empty glass, contemplating what to do or say next.
Will will admit, he hadn’t expected her to kiss him. He didn’t really feel anything from it. Love, lust… sure, he respected Bella. She was helpful and useful to him. And feeling ‘love for her’ was what she wanted to hear, and how he did feel about her was probably as close to actual love as he could feel toward someone. Not that he fully realized that was an emotion he lacked. ‘Love’ just took a different form with him.
“It’s getting late.” He said after a long silence. “Perhaps we should take this up again, at another time.” The reverend offered, adding. “Without the drink.”
She huffed at him and rolled her eyes. “I’d rather not talk about this ever again.” She looked back at him with a sneer and grabbed her coat to head back to the sleeping tents. Perhaps she’d find someone to release her tension, but she rather believed she might knock over the entire carnival if she tried. So she’d spend her night sleepless in bed, thinking about the cruel games he played with her heart and how despite all the hatred she had toward him, she still loved him.