After a conversation with Annie, things had shifted as far as Kieran’s perspective. He still wanted an apology but he would forgive him whereas before he wasn’t quite sure. He’d been more conscious lately but still weak and finally he was showing some real progress. After a long sleep Kieran looked down at his lover. “How is the pain?” Was a question he asked a lot but it was an important one when dealing with Jack.
Jack, unlike most, was someone who suffered chronic pain and he constantly needed to be evaluated. He had spent the better part of the last couple of days not eating and staying by Jack's bedside because he was worried about his health. Thank goodness Beth had stepped up with taking care of people in the medical tent, only bothering Kieran when she needed help with something more urgent.
1950, he’d fallen short of home, he’d let himself get distracted and they still weren’t home. Truth be told, Jack could have probably left the wagon a day or two before, but he couldn’t face the rest of the carnival. He felt guilt about keeping things from Kieran and more than the man kept such good care of him despite everything.
He just nodded at the question, pushing himself to sitting as he was hesitant to look at Kieran. “‘S okay.” He shrugged, it wasn’t as bad as normal but hurt just enough to make him feel punished.
Kieran could see the fear in Jack's face, only having recently been well enough to be coherent. Immediately Kieran leaned over and pressed his lips to Jack before anymore of this conversation could commence. He let it linger for a moment before he leaned back. The uncertainty in his response had pierced a hole in Kieran’s armour and he needed Jack to know that there had been no love lost. “Jack, I need to say this before ye say anything so just listen to me for a bit.” He began, watching the cues from Jack's mannerism before he began.
“When ye left before ye told me in person I felt like a trust was broken. Ye decided to do it without trusting that I would allow ye to do the right thing.” He clasped his hands in his lap. “But I love ye and I don’t want this to be us. I don’t want there to be quiet anger boiling deep inside that we bury beneath our own pain.” He brought his gaze up to look Jack in the eyes when he said it.
“I’m sorry. Truly I am, but I need for ye to be sorry too because we need to trust each other.” And that was what was most important to Kieran, an admission to at least some of the guilt.
The lingered kiss had his pulse beating hard, It was needed, but he couldn’t help but wonder if it was a hello or goodbye. Needing to say something didn’t really help either. Jack nodded, fingers rubbing some of the blanket between them as he listened.
He felt a sinking feeling at first, that guilt washed over him, followed by a bit of hope. A tear slipped down his cheek as he nodded, “I am.” Jack gripped the blanket for fear of shaking from an overload of emotions. “Never really had no one like this in m’life, since ma.” He said softly. “An I know y’care. I know y’worry. Didn’ think I coulda said no if you’d asked me t’stay. Didn’ think y’d say yes.” Jack’s eyes flicked up to meet Kieran’s. “I shoulda known better, but I was scared. Never felt like this ‘bout anyone b’fore. I dun know what it was, pride maybe, some’n but I let it get in the way a’everythin-” He stopped short, and reached up to wipe his face as if he weren’t crying.
Jack didn’t need to say anything else, what he’d said had been all Kieran had wanted to hear. He wished he could tell Jack he’d never had feelings like that for anyone before but it wasn’t true. Kieran had other people he’d loved and lost. With Jack, it was too soon to lose him. He took Jack's hand from his face and pressed a kiss to his knuckles. “It’s alright.” He replied, interrupting Jack as he said so.
“I want ye to promise me something though.” And this was important so Kieran wanted to make sure he was really listening to what he was about to say.
“Yea?” Jack asked, looking up at the other man.
He sighed and pressed his palm to Jack's cheek. “I need ye to promise me ye will keep me notified. I don’t expect ye to do everything I say, I don’t own ye Jack.” He never liked the way marriage ceremonies were treated like a transfer of property. Everyone was their own person and a relationship was meant to be equal.
But Jack wasn’t the other one who was going to offer him a promise, Kieran would make his own promise. “And I promise that I won’t hold you back if ye decide something needs to be done.” This would be his most difficult challenge. The two of them wouldn’t have much time in the world together and he prayed he could prolong it as long as possible.
Jack nodded. “I promise.” He said, his face turning to press his lips into Kieran’s palm. He could do that. He should have done that in the first place, he just felt so scared, so determined.
Shifting in the bed slightly, he grunted as he felt a pull on his back. It wasn’t the first time in his moments of consciousness, and it was annoying every time. Those wings of his had yet to go back into his back- secondary backlash maybe? He wasn’t really sure of the reason, just that it was annoying. “You know… I will have to try it again- not for a while… I’m not even close to being ready yet. But, we’re still not home.” His eyes turned up to the angel, expecting to see worry or disappointment.
“I know.” Kieran replied because of course he’d want to fix it. 1950 was by no means 1920 and Kieran hoped the next time would be the last time. All this hopping around decades was exhausting. There was worry in his eyes but there was no disappointment. He was talking about it with Kieran and that was the only thing he wanted.
“But I want to figure out a way to keep ye safe. I want to be with ye so I can keep an eye on yer health.” There was a compromise there somewhere and if Jack could put himself in the face of danger then Kieran would be by his side the entire way.
Jack nodded. “A’course.” Time still felt off to him, not as much as the first jump, but it was clear they- he didn’t belong in the current year he was in. He leaned forward a little, wanting to be closer to Kieran. “Not like I like t’be the one t’fix it. I jus dun know anyone else who can.” He was the only time Magi he’d ever met. Sure, there had to be some out there, but not as many as others he’d met. The spells he’d been casting- well the second at least- was bigger than anything he’d done before. Sure, they’d figured out a way to help supplement some of the power needed, but it took more out of him than he thought he’d had.
He stood and walked over to the bed to sit down on it. They’d spent too long apart and he was tired of it. He placed a hand softly along Jack's shoulder. “Yer special Jack, and I know ye can do it.” No buts involved, Kieran was putting his trust in Jack and he realized now that he was as much responsible as Jack had been.
“Don’t forget about me when ye take over the world.” He teased with a smirk and offered Jack an exaggerated wink.
Jack leaned his head on the other man’s shoulder, the color in his wings shimmering slightly as he felt comfortable once again with his lover close. “Well, you be right there b’side me.” He smiled softly.