Who: Evie [narrative] Where: Her room When: Evening
Today had, quite possibly, been the strangest day of Evie's life. She'd woke up feeling extremely crampy and bone-deep exhausted, as if she hadn't slept in a week. She had, at least, planned ahead for this annoying monthly visit and picked up supplies in town, but that didn't make her feel any better about it. When she'd finally dragged herself out of bed after 10 in the morning, she'd taken a longer shower than necessary, letting the hot water soothe her aching body. Her periods had, at least, been shorter and less intense since she'd got on birth control last year, but this one was already shaping up to be a particularly bad one.
After she'd dressed, she'd glanced at the computer and become overwhelmed with a seething rage. She'd paced her room feeling desperate for something to hit, for some way to channel the anger coursing through her. It probably wasn't the best time to be around people, but she'd felt trapped and suffocated and just needed to get out of that room. She wasn't sure what had led her to the billiards room, but she found herself browsing through the liquor there, trying to decide if any of them would be worth drinking. Back home she would have just taken a couple hits of pot and been good, but that didn't seem to be an option. And, well, Jack seemed to be fond of using alcohol to help him cope, so why shouldn't she?
Only, by the time she made it back to her room, the anger had eased off and a raging hunger had taken its place. God, had she ever felt so ravenous before? She'd left the bottle of chocolate liqueur on her desk and gone back downstairs, heading for the kitchen. She didn't really want to go to the kitchen, because she knew that there would be prep for the party going on there, but she had to get food, and she'd already depleted her supply of junk food kept in her room. Not at all surprisingly, Daphne was there, but Evie didn't want to talk to her. There wasn't any way out of it, though, when Daphne asked her if she was coming to the party later.
She'd opened the fridge, hiding her grimace behind the open door and told her that the whole fancy party concept just wasn't her thing. And then Daphne had surprised her by accepting the answer and being generally understanding and actually kind of sweet. Was that weird? That felt a bit strange. She started grabbing things out of the refrigerator as Daphne offered to save a dress for her, and as she closed the door and glanced over at the other woman, she was hit with a shockingly strong surge of something that warmed her stomach and made her nipples tighten, and what the actual fuck?
Evie had flushed and shook her head and mumbled a quiet, "Thanks," before taking her food and getting the hell out of dodge. What the fuck was that?! Okay, so she knew what the fuck it was, but why the fuck had she gotten aroused while talking to Daphne?! For fucks sake, it wasn't like she was into women in any kind of way. She wasn't even often all that physically responsive to men! It wasn't that she didn't find physical intimacy pleasant, she just wasn't all gung ho about it. But that feeling she'd had in the kitchen? It still lingered in her, and she didn't know what to DO about it. She thought, briefly, about exploring her own body, but it was never something she'd felt compelled to do before and the thought of doing so now had her feeling awkward.
Instead, Evie just took her food to the game room and ate while she killed some time with some gaming. It was all fine and good until early evening when she started crying for no fucking reason. She was just so incredibly sad, and these fucking games just weren't the same without her headset and friends and goddamn it! The social dynamics in this house were so different from what she was used to, and she so desperately missed the comfort and familiarity of the socializing she was used to. She'd wandered back to her room and curled up in her computer chair and pulled up the pictures of Philippe, clicking through them and taking in every little detail in each picture. It only made her cry more.
God, but she fucking missed him. She missed his laugh and the corny jokes he would make and the way he would dust his fingertips over her cheek when he would leave the room. She missed the way he would tug her onto his lap when they would game together and the way he liked to kiss her neck just under her ear when her hair was up. And she just really fucking missed him!
God, this day fucking sucked, and They hadn't even done anything!
At some point in her crying fit, Evie opened the bottle and started drinking, taking slow sips of the flavored liqueur. Between the loneliness and the strange mood swings and the alcohol, it wasn't long before Evie was going into her closet and bringing out her wedding dress. It was really fucking pretty. Somewhere deep inside, she loved that fucking dress. She hated it, too, but that wasn't the point. Just then, she loved that stupid dress and everything it represented and, fuck, she missed Philippe!
She stumbled a little bit as she brought the dress to her bed, laying it out as she looked at it with a fondness she couldn't remember ever looking at it with. The emotions surged through her again, and she sniffled and blinked. They'd taken this from her. Although she'd never been that little girl who'd dreamed and fantasized about her wedding and Prince Charming and all that other shit, Evie had wanted to marry Philippe. She hadn't wanted all the frills that came with a wedding, hadn't wanted to be the center of attention for a large crowd of friends and family, but at the end of the day, she'd wanted to be married to him.
And fuck, she'd wanted to see the look on his face when he would see her in this dress. He'd never attempted to control her or overly influence her, but he had made comments here and there about how attractive he found her and other positive things about femininity. He'd never tried to change her, but she wasn't stupid; she could tell he wouldn't be disappointed if she tapped into her femininity a bit more. She just didn't know how.
And that was so fucking stupid! What kind of girl had no idea how to be feminine? The one who grew up without a mother, a voice in her head pointed out almost tauntingly. And that just pissed her off and depressed her even more. Before she realized what she was doing, Evie was stripping down to her underwear and pulling on the dress. She could be pretty, damn it!