Lennon Marx (movedthrough) wrote in zenithrp, @ 2016-01-27 22:06:00 |
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Entry tags: | #day 018, lennon, tobias |
Who: Tobias and Lennon
When: Evening, around 7 p.m.
Where: Lennon's room, then the theater
Tobias felt like crap. No, worse than crap. He felt like shit. He had tried really hard to get his key on time. He and Daphne had pushed themselves physically to get to it. And they still failed. Tobias had learned they weren't the only team that hadn't met the deadline, but that didn't really make him feel any better. He felt like he had let Daphne down, and everyone else stuck in this miserable place. And now he was scared about what might happen tomorrow. What could they punish him with? Would they hurt his family? Thinking about that alone sent Tobias into a tailspin and he spent most of the rest of the day in his room, panicked. He threw up once from how sick his stomach felt, though the fact that he hadn't had much to eat that day probably didn't help anything.
After awhile, he forced himself to man up, as Duke used to say to him. Don't be a pussy. Stop crying. Find his balls. All that fun stuff. So Tobias stripped, showered and then changed into a clean pair of pants and a t-shirt. He spent a bit of time on the network chatting with Madison, but then he pulled his hoodie on and ventured out of his room, half expecting an angry mob to be waiting there, ready to shove a pitchfork through his abdomen.
Unsure as to where to go, Tobias felt his feet leading him two doors down to Lennon's room. He felt a little guilty telling Madison he wouldn’t be good company tonight when he was seeking out Lennon, but that was different. He didn’t feel like he had to be smooth, or anything like that with his friend. Tobias thought he had heard Lennon earlier in the hall from his bedroom, so he hoped he was there. If not, Tobias supposed he could try to track him down in the house, but the less people he had to see, the better.
Tobias knocked tentatively on Lennon's door, then pushed his ear up against the wood to listen for any sign that his friend was inside.
Lennon had been sad and worried before the challenge that had found him getting dunked into a pool of disgusting sludge and then having to walk to Pavo’s all chained up and then having to excavate a pig’s stomach to get the damned key. He’d nearly shit himself when the motion sensor in the thing had gone off. He didn’t feel much better after the challenge was over. He and Avram had gotten their key and Lennon fortunately hadn’t barfed-- which he’d been in serious danger of a couple of times there-- and technically they’d succeeded at it. Why did he still feel awful?
They hadn’t seen any of the others to help, and it had been after two by the time he’d walked back up to the house, completely disgusted that he was covered in sewage-y muck and pig blood and guts. Lennon wasn’t super squeamish normally, but maybe it was just a reminder of how little control any of them had over anything. His nasty, muck-coated gym clothes and shoes were wadded into a ball in a corner of the bathroom, where he’d left them just before taking the longest shower of his life. Soap, shampoo, lots of scrubbing and toothbrushing later, he felt okay physically again. Not so much mentally. He was too upset to do any of the things he should do, like check on his friends, take his nasty clothes down to the laundry, prepare himself something decent to eat.
Finally Lennon had slipped out of his room and snagged a box of Ritz crackers and some ginger ale from downstairs, fortunately not seeing anyone, and he’d been holed up in his room since then. He was at that state of lonely and sad where he desperately wanted company but felt too awful to seek any out.
At the knock on the door, he hauled himself up from the bed where he’d been moping and padded across the room, dressed in pajama pants and a long-sleeved t-shirt. Carefully he pulled his door open and peered out. It was Tobias, who didn’t look any happier than he was. “Oh my God, you’re one of the few people I’d want to see right now,” he said, reaching for Tobias’s arm to tug him inside so he could lock the door. “Get in here.”
Tobias jerked back when the door opened, feeling red-faced that he'd had his ear pressed up against the door like a creeper. But Lennon didn't seem to notice, or at least care, and Tobias stepped into the guy's room, waiting for Lennon to close and lock the door before he spoke. "I don't think anyone's feeling very social right now," he admitted glumly before trying to rally himself mentally. Pouting was generally unattractive, right? "How'd you do with your key?" A part of him kind of hoped Lennon and whoever he'd been with had failed too, then Tobias wouldn't have felt so bad.
Lennon felt better when the door was locked. Not that he thought anyone was going to bust in, but maybe he wanted to feel as secure as he could in a house where you could be taken out of your room in the middle of the night, redressed and placed somewhere else. “Technically, we got it,” he said, running a hand through his hair and leaving it sticking up slightly. “But it was horrible, and it took a long time. At least the dude I was with was nice. Avram?” He didn’t know if Tobias would know Avram or not. “Who did you end up with?”
"I don't think I met him," Tobias murmured. There were a lot of people in the house he hadn't technically met, though he recognized their names, or maybe even their faces. Still, it made Tobias feel a little low to know Lennon had actually gotten his key on time, which made him feel crappy for feeling crappy about it. "I was with Daphne," he said, moving to sit down, though he hadn't technically been invited to. Tobias doubted Lennon would care. "She's the writer? It took us forever. The key was on a billboard scaffold, and we had to climb it with our ankles shackled together. I dropped the key, so we had to climb back down and look for it. She found it like, literally at two o'clock, but I don't think it counted."
Lennon didn’t stand on ceremony, and when Tobias sat down, he did too, slouching down next to him and pulling his sleeves over his hands and wrapping his arms around himself. He’d been cold ever since waking up in sludge pool hell-- the only time he hadn’t been was when he’d been in the shower. “Daphne seems scary on the network,” he commented. He hoped that she’d been decent to Tobias in that strange situation. He frowned a little when Tobias told him they’d had to climb up a billboard scaffold while chained together. “Dude, that’s so dangerous.” What if something had happened? Would it be like Survivor where a med team ran out of the bushes? Somehow he didn’t think so. “I guess me and Avram could’ve drowned. Get this, we woke up on a pool float, chained together, in the most disgusting abandoned swimming pool ever.” His nose wrinkled; he still imagined he could smell that stench, and he hoped it wasn’t coming from the clothes in the bathroom. “Sorry about the key thing,” he said, his voice softer.
It had been dangerous. If he or Daphne had slipped on the metal bars, they both would have fallen. They could have broken a leg, or arm, or their necks. Tobias hadn't exactly been the hero he'd imagined in his mind, and that was disappointing. Expected, but disappointing. "She wasn't scary," Tobias said after a moment of thought. "Kind of... lost? But I was too. That really sucks about the pool. You guys could have drowned. What if you had fallen in before waking up? Jesus." Tobias shook his head, a quick look of disgust flashing across his face. "These people are crazy. Like, certifiably insane."
It was a horrible thought. It had been bad enough to wake up floating on that muck. What if that had happened, if they’d fallen in chained together? Would they have been able to get their wits about them quick enough to figure out what was going on and to save themselves in that situation? Something in Lennon’s throat tightened, and he looked down at his folded arms. “They said we’re all here for a reason,” he murmured. “But is it enough of a reason that They’d intervene in case of human error? Or would They let us die and go kidnap someone else?” It was a harder pill to swallow for Lennon than it might have been for some people. He’d spent his life up until the age of fourteen being the kid nobody wanted, the one shuffled from one foster home to another to another and on to infinity. Would he be just as disposable here?
“I don’t know,” Tobias said, answering as honestly as he could. He chewed on his lips for a moment before looking at Lennon, brows raised slightly. “Don’t… uh, don’t tell anyone that Daphne and I failed? We weren’t sure if we did, because she had found the key at two, she just hadn’t unlocked us until the bells were finished. She didn’t want people to know and hate us, in case we had failed. I know that’s dishonest, but… it was eating at me. And I trust you,” he added. “Can we just keep that between us?” He felt bad for asking, but he didn’t want Daphne angry with him, when he had promised her he would keep their situation to himself.
Lennon lifted his head slowly and then glanced over at Tobias. “I’m not gonna tell anyone. Why would I do that?” He wouldn’t do anything that might endanger Tobias, or anyone really. In a way it scared him that he’d let people become close to him, because what if they suddenly disappeared? It had happened already. He smiled faintly when Tobias said he trusted him; that was nice to hear on a day like this. “I really feel like, with as many people who were doin’ this stuff, there’s no way everyone got it done on time,” he said, wanting to make Tobias feel better if he could. “Statistically, it’s not likely, you know? Don’t be hard on yourself about it.”
"I know. It was just... a lot to go through only to fail. And Daphne was crying and I just... felt like shit." Tobias slipped his hands into the pocket of his hoodie, trying not to let his shoulders slump too much. "She thought everyone would hate us if they knew, since she and I are still kind of new here. Especially if everyone else got their key on time." He exhaled slowly, because Lennon had a point. It wasn't likely that everyone succeeded anyway. He wouldn't have to lie tomorrow, right? And the way things seemed to be run around here, They would tell everyone who failed anyway. After another small sigh, Tobias smiled faintly at Lennon. "Are you okay, though? All things considering? Have you talked to Chase?"
“Anyone who’s been here any time at all knows how rigged everything is,” Lennon said with a sigh. “Sounds like some people had it harder than others. Ours sucked, but at least we didn’t have to climb a damn billboard.” He turned himself to the side slightly facing Tobias and let his head rest on the back of the couch where they were sitting. Lennon watched him, not feeling self-conscious about it at all, really. He was nice to look at. “I messaged with Chase last night… uh, wee hours of the morning I guess.” He wasn’t sure how much Tobias knew about the whole Marco breaking into Chase’s room twice thing, so he didn’t know what to say about that. “I was drunk and emo but he was nice to me.” He chuckled softly. “I know he’s okay after the challenge ‘cause of the network post. He was with one of the new guys.” He hadn’t answered the question about if he was okay, because he didn’t even know how to describe how he felt today.
Since Lennon was relaxing, Tobias did too, slouching a little into the couch cushions. Maybe Lennon was right about everything. Things were rigged. Maybe They had planned for Tobias and Daphne's key to be dangling on edge. Maybe they knew it would fall and that would screw them over. And maybe Daphne was right too. Maybe they just needed to be unlocked before the last bell tolled. If so, then they succeeded, right? Right. He just had to keep repeating that to himself when doubt began to creep in.
"Why were you drunk and emo?" he asked, raising a brow curiously. "I mean, I get the drunk part, since we were drinking. But why emo?"
Lennon wasn’t sure how to explain what he’d been feeling and actually was still feeling. Might as well give it a try anyway. “I was messaging with Marco… if you read those survey things, you know he’s got some problems. I keep tryin’ to help him but some days I’m not sure it helps any at all. He kind of insinuated I’m not gonna stick with him because he keeps screwing things up, and that bummed me out.” He felt like he was sounding stupid, but he didn’t want to come out and say that Marco had gotten hurt breaking into Chase’s room-- for the second time-- in case Tobias didn’t know about that. “Then I started thinking about being here and how it sucks sometimes and feeling lonely and, shit. I dunno. It was one of those nights when everything’s terrible.” He blinked, doing his best to keep his eyes from misting up.
Tobias watched Lennon's face as he spoke, not finding it necessary to interrupt while the guy was getting stuff off his chest. He had read the surveys. Some of them had been a bit harsh, and some kind of nice. Tobias hadn't been there very long, so he didn't feel it as personally as some of the others might have. He did vaguely remember reading about a Marco, and someone wondering if the guy would OD, which told Tobias he had a drug problem. Only...as far as Tobias knew, there were no drugs in the house, right? He hadn't really thought to ask after that.
"You... can't force someone to trust you," Tobias said after a moment of thought. He was not a guy who had wise words right on the tip of his tongue. Most of the time, his advice was pretty stupid, and he knew it. But he wanted to try and make Lennon feel better, regardless. "All you can do is tell them you'll be there for them, and then just do it. Actions speak louder than words, and all that, right? If he doesn't think you'll stick it out, just prove him wrong. And yeah, this place does suck. But I think you've got a few friends to make sure you're not lonely, right? I'm here, and it seems like you're friends with Chase, and Kiley. So... you're not alone in all this."
“Yeah, I know,” Lennon said of being unable to force trust. Tobias’s advice made sense, and intellectually he knew it was all he could do. Didn’t make it any easier to take, but whatever, right? A sudden shudder ran through him, and he wrapped himself tighter. His room wasn’t overly cold, but he still felt like he couldn’t possibly get warm. “That’s one good thing, I guess,” he said with a sigh. “Not bein’ alone.” It didn’t necessarily help when it was the middle of the night and he wished someone was around, but other than that. A pause, and then he added, “I’m glad you’re here.”
"I think not being alone is the only thing that's helping people keep it together. I guess I don't really get wanting to just hide in a room all the time. That would drive me crazy, you know?" Tobias sighed softly, because he wasn't sure how much he was really helping. "Are you going to be okay? Do you want to do something? Watch a movie, play some video games?" Distraction was Tobias's go-to cheer up method, but he wasn't sure if that would work in this case or not.
Just the fact that Tobias had come over was helping Lennon. He knew that he himself needed to man up and ask for things when he wanted them, like company. He’d been vaguely hoping that when he’d messaged Chase in the wee hours that he might’ve come over, but he hadn’t asked. It wasn’t logical to expect people to read your mind, as if you were somehow transmitting your wishes into the air. Video games sounded horrible right then, to be honest, he thought. “Maybe if there’s nobody in the theater, we could go watch something? I’ll share my blanket with you.” He had every intention of bringing the soft, puffy duvet that was on his bed along if they did.
Tobias gave Lennon a small smile. "Well, if you're going to share your blanket, how can I refuse? A movie sounds good. Maybe a comedy." Because anything emo or scary seemed like a Bad Idea. But huddled under a warm blanket with a friend, watching a movie sounded really, really good to him in that moment. Maybe they could just try to forget the day they'd had, and what might be waiting for them tomorrow. Tobias stood from the couch and offered Lennon his hand. "Want me to sneak down to the kitchen and grab some snacks? I bet I could get down there and back without seeing anyone, if you're hungry."
Lennon sat up, uncurling himself and smiling back. “Definitely a comedy.” He was thinking the same thing: all he wanted was some escapism and, as a bonus, a warm body to huddle up next to. He took Tobias’s outstretched hand, thinking about the possibility of snacks. “I have ginger ale and crackers here, but if you want somethin’ better than that, that works.” He had one unopened can and one half-finished can, so it could work. “Either way,” he added, pulling himself up and then, after a few seconds’ hesitation, leaned in to hug Tobias, his free hand sliding around his waist. Maybe he wouldn’t mind; if he did, Lennon could pass it off as an impulse, or a sloppy kind of bro-hug, or something like that. He just really needed someone else’s touch even if only for a minute.
Tobias didn't mind the hug. It was kind of nice that Lennon felt comfortable enough with him to do it. And honestly, it was nice to touch someone willingly, rather than being shackled to them against his will. Not that Daphne had been difficult. She was gorgeous and all, but the circumstances had been pretty unpleasant. Lennon was a friend, and Tobias felt comforted by the hug himself. "It'll be okay," Tobias said, patting Lennon on the back gently. A lame thing to say, but it felt appropriate in this situation. "We'll have ginger ale and crackers and watch a funny movie and forget this day."
Try to forget the day, Lennon thought but didn’t say. They were trying to feel better, not worse. “Yep, it’ll be fine,” he said, determined to make it so. After one last squeeze he let go of Tobias and went across the room to his desk to get the snacks. “Here, you take these and I’ll get the blanket,” he said. A nice dark movie theater, hopefully empty except for them, and closeness with someone else seemed like just the thing. He wanted to forget negativity, loneliness and possible upcoming punishment for as long as he could.
Tobias followed, taking the drinks and crackers from Lennon. He doubted they were the only two in the house feeling down. He knew Madison was, and he briefly considered sending her a message, inviting her to join he and Lennon. But then he decided against it, since he had the feeling Lennon might just want to chill with Tobias alone. And he was okay with that too. "So, I mean... how was it with Avram?" he asked, once they were ready to leave the room and head across the hall to the theater. "Was he at least a nice guy?"
Lennon was normally all for socializing and it didn’t necessarily matter who with, but tonight he didn’t feel up to anyone else. With his duvet wadded beneath one arm, he led the way across the hall. “He’s actually really cool,” he said of Avram. “Nice, considerate. Kind of nerdy but I wouldn’t say that’s a problem. He’s probably like, forty?” He could usually get close to a person’s age when he was guessing. He flung the duvet over a couple of the seats and went to check out movies, of which there were about a million. “So, older comedy or newer comedy?” he asked. There was so much to choose from that it was hard to decide.
“Nerdy definitely isn’t a problem,” Tobias agreed with a soft smile. “I’m usually more comfortable with nerdy, you know?” Setting the snacks down on the tray, Tobias climbed onto a chair and pulled Lennon’s blanket over him. It was definitely comfortable. “Uh, newer comedy. There’s probably a bunch I’ve never seen. If this situation wasn’t so messed up, I’d say this is a good opportunity to catch up on my movies. But... well, the situation is too messed up. I’ll like whatever you pick,” he added with a sheepish smile. “I’m just… rambling. As usual.”
Nerdy wasn’t a problem for Lennon, either. He tended to like all different kinds of people; really how they treated him was the most important thing. “There’s a bunch I haven’t seen too,” he said, scanning over the ones that were newer. “And I like your rambling.” Damn, he was cute, and it said something that Lennon could even think that on a day like today. “Oooh, how about this? I’ve heard it's funny.” He made short work of getting the DVD player ready, dimming the lights to full movie lighting effects and then burrowing under his duvet in the seat next to Tobias. “I’ve been so fucking cold all day. Maybe this’ll finally warm me up.”
“I’ll watch whatever you want,” Tobias said with a smile, drawing the blanket up to his chin. It felt like he could be at home, curled up on his own couch watching a movie, even though this set up was so much nicer. He looked at Lennon once the other guy was under the blanket with him. Tobias hadn’t felt that cold, himself. Just sick to his stomach and nervous. Maybe that’s why Lennon was cold, himself. “They need to put a fireplace in this room. Now that’d be cozy as hell. I’d never leave.”
“Here we go,” Lennon said, punching the button on the remote and then whipping his arm back under the blanket again. Glancing over at Tobias, he smiled when he saw he was looking at him. “Set up a bar in here, a fridge and a fireplace... yeah, that’d work great. ‘Specially if these seats were recliners. We could just sleep here.” He got the covers settled around him just right and curled up with a sigh. This was the most perfect moment he’d had in a while, and he was going to enjoy it as long as he could.