"Oh, I agree with you," he said. Her expression made him think that he probably shouldn't have just launched into a weird defence of permanent psychological suffering, especially since he was just pulling stuff out of his ass that he didn't necessarily believe. "No, it's not like once you're broken by an experience you're just broken forever and you can't be happy again. I think what I wanted to say there was that...okay, hang on, I'm going to try actually thinking before I say words this time," he said, flashing a self-deprecating grin as he pulled the seal off the spout of the orange juice carton. It was new and unopened, but someone had carefully scraped away the expiration date, perhaps with an art scalpel. "I'm gonna channel Karl Rahner here and say that when—and to the extent that—suffering is a consequence of love, it never really ends. Because when you love someone you never forget. But it changes. I remember that at my aunt's funeral, I was a mess. She died of cancer when I was 20, I was sort of generally a mess back then, and I was full-on sobbing at her funeral. Not the little manly tears, I was just falling apart in public. But when I remember that Mass now, I mainly remember that it was so sunny the whole church was filled with light. I still miss her, the pain is still there, but it changed. It became a kind of beautiful pain. You know? Does that make sense?"
As they sat down, Jim gave a little involuntary wince when the subject of grace came up. As punctilious as he could be about some devotions, saying grace was one that he didn't particularly care about, but it was public enough that he still had to do it. It takes 15 seconds, yeah, poor you. "If you don't have any objections, sure." He crossed himself and ran through the usual bless us O Lord. "And yeah, I'm used to people making fun, but it doesn't bother me that much. I can handle a few jokes at my expense if it makes people feel more at ease. I think we're doing okay so far, right? You seem like you're relaxing, not just waiting for me to assign you ten Our Fathers for your sins..."