i get numbing, i get that he hears things, and it's like a bag of cats in there sometimes, and it numbs him. i don't really hallucinate and sometimes i wish i was numb too. i get it. kind of. but i don't? because i guess i'm not addicted so i see the bigger loss in doing it.
yeah, i've seen that. fuck it if he doesn't fight i will. up to a point i wish i was more hopeful than i am, honestly. right now i'm trying really hard not to think about it because that helps no one, but... let's face it, They probably can't wait to ruin everything all over again because it's so fucking easy to do it.
that's the thing. the parts of him i knew first, made it so when i knew the rest of it i couldn't just fuck off with my conscience clean, you know what i mean? it's not the first time i see some kind of dope turn people into mindless, selfish, unresponsive drones. i feel like i'm stuck on a deja vu that is even more disturbing because of how similar but how different it is at the same time.
i'm really not, i just prepare for the worst. that's a lie but fuck it i'll make it true
thank you again, let's talk tomorrow about the locks and keys thing. goodnight.