Who: Brendan and Justin When: Right after school. Where: The gardens. What: Brendan and Justin. More odd conversations and a solution.
So his last few days had been very weird. Justin wanted to blame the looming examinations but he knew better then to do that. He just got carried away sometimes and maybe he had just spoiled not one but two of his friendships. Well done Justin. If he counted what happened the Arthur at the hospital. The heated words they had exchanged...that would bring the numbers up to three. He rolled his eyes and continued to stand there in the midst of the frozen garden. He had need some fresh air and had bundled up and headed out. Maybe he could say goodbye to the snow before spring hit. Or maybe he would get eaten by the coyote...it would be just his luck. Justin sighed and watched his breath curl in the cold air.
Brendan wasn't a fan of the cold, or winter. It killed a lot of his friends although he would never understand why Fido liked it. If it wasn't for Brendan the winter would have killed off Fido too but for some random reason the fern always asked Brendan to take it outside when it was cold. Even Brendan didn't understand all plant life. He carried the small potted fern outside and placed the fern down on the back steps of the school. He noticed Justin right away. Of course he did, Brendan only secretly longed for him any time he could spare a free thought.
He left Fido alone for a moment as he almost silently crossed the frozen garden towards Justin. It was a bit weird, if anyone saw. Brendan, being the rather odd and dark looking character sneaking up on innocent sweet Justin. He brought himself to the point where he was only a foot or so behind Justin. He didn't know if Justin had noticed him or not but he just stood there, unable to think of anything to say. He just stood there, hands in his pockets, pouting at his own lack of wit and confidence.
He did not notice, lost as he was in his own thoughts. Justin was not the type to angst around others. It was rude and he preferred to do it alone. He was doing it now, in his own way. Justin wasn't the type to angst either. Because he simply could not stand in one position, Justin turned intent on going over to the other side of the garden. It was stupid to stand still in the cold anyway. But in turning, and walking a few paces he almost bumped into Brendan and had to pull up short.
"Oh! Hello." Justin's cheeks were flushed from the cold and he smiled at the dark haired boy.
Brendan clearly stood out against his frosty surroundings. Gray and white seemed to be everywhere so his dark clothes and hair made him quite evident. His hair had messily fallen over one side of his face. He looked at Justin as if he were caught doing something he shouldn't have. He hadn't seen much of Justin since their trip to New York which he really disliked. He wanted to see so much more of Justin but he never seemed to catch him, maybe Justin was avoiding him?
"Hi." he responded sheepishly, his skin looking even more pale in the winter cold. "Sorry."
Maybe they could blame the exams for something. Justin had spent most of his time studying and planning the bake sale with Charlie and then there was the 'wedding' and then the war over the journals with Clair. Yes Justin got carried away. Very carried away. It was something else he didn't mean to do but did. Hadn't he promised himself that he'd sort out whatever he had with Brendan as soon as they got back from New York?
He shoved his gloved hands into the jeans of his pockets and nodded at Brendan's greeting. "Why are you apologizing, Brendan?" He had come to realize that Brendan apologizing for no apparent reason was always a bad sign.
Brendan looked at Justin though a curtain of messy hair that moved over his forehead in the very slight breeze the winter always seemed to bring with it. "For sneaking on you and watching you. I'm sorry, sorry." He looked down at the ground, shuffling his feet a little.
That was a non reason to Justin and so it was easy enough for him to brush it away. "Oh...that's alright. I wasn't paying attention so the blame is partly on me." He smiled, his fingers flexing a little in the pockets of his jeans. "And really, nothing bad happened so you don't have to apologize." He wanted to make the other boy feel better. It seemed that all of their conversations because awkward after a while. "So..what are you doing out here?" He asked then and in looking around continued. "They're going to wake up soon. This place is going to be crowded again, aren't you excited?"
Brendan took a look around the garden then back at Justin. He gave a small shrug. "They will not be awake for a while. They like to sleep, and it takes a while for new friends to be born." He looked at the ground again a little lost in his own head now. "Umm..." He didn't have anything else prepared and his own mental blocks stopped him. He ended up just turning around and walking to one of the empty frozen flower beds and sitting on it.
"I suppose you know best." Justin replied after a small pause. He was an amature gardener while Brendan actually talked to plants. Who was he to argue really. He waited for the other boy to say something else and then watched as he turned around and sat down at one of the empty flower beds. You seemed to need a lot of patience with Brendan and that was a good thing because Justin was patient. He followed the other boy and then sat down beside him. "So what brings you outside?" He asked again, hoping to draw the other boy into conversation.
Brendan's response wasn't exactly conversation worthy because he simply nodded and pointed towards the back school steps where Fido the fern sat in his pot. He looked back at Justin. "He wanted to come outside."
He looked in the direction where Brendan pointed and though he smiled and waved at Fido, disappointment showed in Justin's eyes. "I didn't know that Fido liked the cold." He said then. Oh he was still determined to keep this one sided conversation going. It was not in Justin to give up really.
Brendan shrugged. "He does but shouldn't. The cold makes him sick." He pouted a little, as if ashamed a little of Fido's foolishness like an owner would be of a silly pet or something. He sighed a little and shrugged. "Oh well, oh well."
That sounded profound and a little bit sad. It was also one of the insights into the plant world that Justin loved. Brendan was always giving him little peeks and glimpses and their time spent in Central Park had been wonderful. Justin didn't think he'd look at any of the plants there in the same manner again. "Maybe in small doses then." He suggested, casting a glance at Brendan. "But I'm glad he's enjoying himself." And then he decided to share his earlier observation with the other boy. "But it's kind of sad isn't it? Liking something you shouldn't. Liking something that makes you sick."
Brendan nodded slowly. It indeed was painful to like something that didn't return the same likeness. He sighed a little, his breath forming a small cloud in the brisk air, hair falling over his face. "Yeah...but sometimes you can't help it, no no, you cant."
"No you can't." Justin agreed. "Emotions are like that...you really can't control them." He paused and slipped his gloved hands out of his pockets. Slowly, Justin pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged them to him. It was too cold to be sitting on the ground. His jeans would get wet but...he wanted to talk to Brendan. "The same with impulses...they can really get away from you." The conversation was odd. There were words that he wasn't saying and Justin was sure that there were words Brendan wasn't saying either. "But it is nice of you to bring Fido out here." He had rested his head on his knees and turned now to look at Brendan. "How's Charlie doing?" That was the other fern.
Brendan certainly had things he wasn't saying. he wasn't sure if he could say them. His and Justin's friendship was odd, and their night in New York was only more confusing to him, he didn't understand. He was supposed to know what was going on, but he was so confused. "Charlie is OK. He doesn't like the cold." Brendan stood up again from the flower bed, unsure of what to do with himself. He shuffled a little while biting his lip, nervous.
"At least you have one sensible one." Justin said then, and as an attempted joke said, "Unlike the human Charlie who's not sensible at all." Of course he joke fell flat on it's face because Justin realized too late that Brendan probably didn't know who Charlie Brandon was. He watched as the other boy stood up and paced and bit his own lip, mirroring Brendan's gesture. Things had gotten odd again and finally Justin took a deep breath and said. "Did I do something wrong?" Maybe he had made another faux pas...like the one he had made when he had kissed Kyle. "Brendan...you can tell me if I did something wrong. I won't get mad." He said earnestly
"No!" Brendan quickly turned to face Justin. "No no no, you did nothing, no. I just dont understand I get scared because I don't, no no. Not you. I want to tell you but can't because you don't, and I do, and I cant because you don't." He knew he wasn't making any sense, but thats all that would come out. "You didn't do anything, no no, I did, I made mistake, and you didn't because I don't know if you think I am unhealthy for you." He lost himself in his own head again.
Well that didn't make sense at all. Justin was startled by Brendan's reaction and watched with wide eyes and a slightly opened mouth as the other boy went through his confusing speech. Once it was over though, Justin took a moment to process what had been spoken to him, running the confused words over and over again in his head. Two things stood out and he addressed those first. "I don't think you're unhealthy for me Brendan." Justin replied then, looking up at the other boy and meeting his gaze. And then he was standing up. "And you can tell me...you don't have to keep it bottled up." He paused, bit his bottom lip and then added softly. "I can tell that it's hurting you. So, you can tell me...please?"
Word vomit, it just all spilled out of Brendan's mouth as if he couldn't even control it. "I really really like you." There, and now Brendan felt like he was going to vomit up for real.
Oh..There was a pause from Justin. But it wasn't that much of a pause. He had been looking and really, really paying attention this time. He saw the look on Brendan's face and had an inkling of how much it had cost the other to say those words. Reaching out, Justin gently took one of Brendan's hands in both his own. "Thank you." He said, he corners of his lips curling up in a small smile. "I like you too." And it wasn't a lie.
Brendan looked almost scared as Justin reached for his hands. He almost snatched his hand away, as if scared Justin was going to hurt him but he didn't. "I..." He stammered a little, looking at Justin, his pale cheeks flushing, it standing out pretty obviously. "Um...I...thank you....I..." He was at loss for words, but a smile started to creep on his face too.
You really had to be patient with Brendan. And Justin didn't want to just impulsively kiss another boy. He had learned his lesson in that department. He gave Brendan's hand another squeeze and then pulled one away. The other hand he kept wrapped snugly against Brendan's own. "Would you like to get something to eat then?" Justin asked, smiling one of his very sunny smiles at the other boy. "We can get Fido back into the warm building again..and I think it's a day for Brownies." Justin liked brownies.
Brendan's cheeks grew a bit more red. He didn't know what to say, and his hand nervously trembled as it wrapped its slender fingers around Justin's. All he managed to stammer out was, "I like brownies. A lot." He nodded at Justin and smiled, it was a rare look on Brendan, but this time he made a bit smile, showing off a glimmer of his teeth. This had gone very very well.
"And then we'll have brownies." Justin replied. It was a simple reply but maybe that was all they needed in a situation like this. He took a hurried step towards Fido and the short flight of stairs that would lead them into the building.