Ava Wright (avagardener) wrote in yegods, @ 2012-08-18 01:10:00 |
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Entry tags: | !log, c: ari, c: ava |
In Our Time
WHO Ari Patrowski and Ava Wright
WHERE Luna Park, Coney Island
WHEN Friday, August 17th, early evening
RATING PG
SUMMARY Hopefully this date goes well (it doesn't).
STATUS Complete
Ava had never gotten around to doing Coney Island properly. She hadn’t gotten around to doing a lot of nice things properly. There had always been far too much business and work and school to do to have time to do nice things properly. Though, after today, she had begun to suspect that in order to do many of such things properly, one needed a handsome man to accompany them. Which Ava happened to have with her today. And it had been a lovely day. They had gotten a lot done since breakfast, including occasionally making Ava forget that war would soon fall to Earth, accompanied by untold destruction and death. The heavy thought had been plaguing her (and many others) for weeks now, but today there had been moments when she’d forgotten. Mostly when Ari smiled, and laughed, and rubbed at his chin. And moved. Okay, he made it rather easy to forget the cloudy skies above them were just a precursor to a larger storm.
Luna Park actually suited clouds quite well, actually. The darkened atmosphere suited all of the bright lights, and the constant threat of rain (and muggings) kept many people at home, giving Ari and Ava a bit more freedom to do what they wanted. Ava had spent the entire day, naturally, well dressed, which meant she had not done the paddle boats, and was not about to do the roller coaster. Had she been in culottes, perhaps, but she did not wear culottes on a date. But the tea cup ride was fine, and after taking a moment to enjoy (and point out) the slight irony of Ari sitting in a cup and saucer, she had spent most of the time screaming and hanging onto anything she could for dear life.
And then was a little dizzy afterward, but in good spirits, laughing slightly at herself as they walked away from the ride. Alright, what next? Food? No, no not until her stomach stopped spinning. Shooting gallery? Could Ari shoot? There probably wasn’t a place you could spear things for prizes. Oh what about the… hammer strength test thing, what was that called? Ava quite liked the idea of letting Ari have a go at that. But maybe that was unfair.
“Ah,” she said, looking up ahead of them. “Ferris wheel?”
***
It had indeed been a lovely day. Ari had done his best to provide a good time for Ava, despite the ever-ominious clouds that refused to lift over the city. Time was running out for days of lightheartedness and romance. They were both aware of what was looming, but Ari knew for him, there was unlikely to be a future after it. He had been warned too many times to be able to deny that fact. It would be so easy to shut off completely and become a machine, forget the future and throw himself into training. It would be advantageous to put in extra training, on one hand; on the other, it was perhaps more important to take this time to reinforce the reasons he was going into battle. And what better way to do that than spend an entire day with a beautiful woman?
He smiled down at Ava as they walked. She looked very nice in red, and he had made sure to tell her so. Not for the first time, he considered the many merits Ava had. Intelligent, independent, possessing of a sly sense of humor, and entirely capable of handling herself in battle. Add to that her captivating Hawaiian looks, and she checked nearly every box Ari had for the type of girl that could do him in. It was lucky that he had the chance to find just such a woman, but also something of a cruel tease. This was as far as he could go with Ava, but at least there was that. It was what he told himself, anyway.
Ari looked from Ava to the ride in question. "I haven't ridden a Ferris Wheel in ages, aye," he said, a note of pleasure in his voice. "Let's do it." They walked over to the attendant, displayed their wristbands, and got in line. When they reached the loading platform, Ari offered a hand to help va into the seat as it paused for them to alight. "After you, Miss Wright," he said with a grin.
***
Ava had never actually been on a Ferris wheel before. It wasn't exactly high on the list of things she wanted to do before she died (in fact it was just under 'climb Mt. Hood' and just above 'try eating octopus') but it was there, and it was something she had never done before. Ava was not pessimistic enough to assume she would die in this oncoming war, though she knew she would fight, and she knew well enough every fight could result in death. Ava was just still in the mind that ultimately it would be a yokai that would kill her. But still, it was a time to grab a hold of chances to do things when they appeared in front of her, to think, at least for a moment, that everything new was beautiful and important.
She did go in fist (no reason not to) and was a bit surprised when the carriage teetered a little, so she took a few delicate steps before sitting down. The seat was not comfortable, a bit cold, and had probably been sat on by hundreds of thousands of people before her. Most of them with sticky hands. She adjusted the skirt beneath her as Ari came in, the attendant closing and latching the small door behind him. There were not a lot of people in line for the Ferris wheel, so the attendant sent their carriage slowly backward, allowing a few more carriages to go by before putting the next people in one, giving everyone a little more privacy. Ava thought that was very nice of him, and looked over the back of the carriage to the ground increasingly far beneath them. After a few more people got on, the Ferris wheel began it's relatively slow, steady rotation.
Ava did smile when they got to the top, looking out over the side at the long stretch of blue water. The gray clouds were not a comfort to her, but Ava would always love a long stretch of water. The waves seemed to be rolling in rather high, too, and she thought she could see some surfers. Over the other side of the Ferris wheel stretched New York City, which had it's own metal and concrete mountainous charm. And then Ava looked at Ari, who had more charm than all of it together. For a moment, she did want to ask him if his godly parent had been to visit him, as everyone's seemed to be coming around. But that would bring up the war, and the point of this was to forget about such things. Just the same, every time he smiled at her, Ava had to resist the urge to reassure him that everything would be okay. Her attempts to get him to leave the country had failed, but she at least wanted to tell him sweet, hopeful lies.
"When I take you to Hawaii," she said instead, "I will introduce you to Harry Akaka. He's been playing the ukelele since he was the size of one. You'll learn more from him in a few days than you'd learn from anyone else over years."
***
Ari too gazed out at the city as they reached the apex of the wheel. Bits of metal and glass glinted in the muted daylight, and windows across the skyline were already lit up as though it were night. New York City. It was a symbol for so many. A place of dreams; of successes and failures and determination. It was soon to become a battlefield. Ari was going to give himself for this city and those who lived here and loved here. Unconsciously, he drew a deep breath and released it as a sigh, his eyes drinking in as many details as he could.
His focus shifted when Ava spoke. Her words drew another smile, although there was a touch of sadness in his expression. He'd put it off long enough. They'd had a wonderful day together, but he knew there was a point when he was going to have to let her go. They had privacy here, and once the ride ended, Ava would be free to leave him behind. It had to be done. He couldn't resist, though, stealing just one more moment. Moving a bit closer to her on the bench, Ari put his arm around her, drawing her in to close the gap. His other hand went to her face. His fingertips gently traced the line of Ava's cheek before he leaned forward to touch his lips to her, the kiss soft but sure.
When he pulled away, he took a moment just to imprint Ava's face on his memory; one more small image he could take to heart if his courage ever failed him. Then, with a sigh, he let his hand drop from her face. "Ava, there's something I need to say to you."
***
Admittedly, Ava had been building herself up to not leave this Ferris wheel (and certainly not end the date) without finally being kissed by Ari Patrowski. That was high on her list of life goals, right under graduating with her Master's and above owning a parrot. Their first date had been two and a half months ago, and come hell or high water (or both, possibly, in the near future) she was going to find out where they stood before Armageddon. And yet even with all of her determination and preparation, she still had butterflies. The city was gray and gloomy, war and death hung on the horizon, but Ari Patrowski leaning in and touching her face still gave Ava Wright butterflies. It might have been her stomach settling from the tea cup ride, but she was fairly certain it was him.
She was really never one to blush, but she did feel warmer all over, and suppressed a very pleased grin as she looked up at him. She didn't want to look too pleased, that was rather embarrassing, but her expression certainly expressed her approval. Of everything. For a moment Ava approved of absolutely everything in the world.
But the moment slowly drifted out of her grasp and was replaced with some confusion. It was possible he had something good to tell her (maybe he was going to New Zealand after all) but he had sighed. It had not sounded like the happy, content sort of sigh. It sounded like a sigh that was much colder. She tried not to jump the bit and frown before it was necessary, so she kept the soft smile on her face, reserving the frown for after he said the bad news. There was so much bad news to be told, she didn't even bother hypothesizing what it might be.
"What is it, Ari?" she asked, not moving away from him even though his hand was no longer touching her face
***
Ari's eyes drifted to her lips. It'd be so easy just to continue with the good; they had both enjoyed the kiss, obviously. That temptation was there, but he couldn't in good conscience allow himself to take advantage. He couldn't lead her on when his future was now numbered in days, not years. Since she didn't move away, he kept one arm around her and studied her face. Would Ava have been the girl to finally keep him? Would they have found the kind of happiness Luz and Brady were destined to have? Or would this have been just another fling, sweet and fun, but inevitably meaningless? Ari couldn't say, but she was the last girl he cared about, and she would always stand out in his memory for that. She was romance and potential and wonder; so much of what Ari hoped to protect.
The silence was dragging too long, and Ari finally drew breath to speak. "You're the first person I'm mentioning this to, and I ask you to keep it to yourself. It is something I must deliver myself to the people I care about." The wheel halted just past the peak, their carriage swinging slightly from the momentum. "This is something you need to know, because you are amazing, Ava, and you have a bright future ahead. I don't want you pinning any hopes or dreams on me."
He pauses, looking briefly towards the city again, then back to Ava. "This war that is coming... it can happen upon us any day. There will be foes to fight on many fronts, but I am going to confront those who are responsible for it all. This manipulation and tyranny isn't something I can ignore anymore, not when it causes so much pain for the people I love." He tilted his head, making sure he met Ava's eyes. "I won't come back from it."
***
The warm feeling was beginning to leave Ava the longer the silence lasted. Silence had a habit of seeming extra longer than it was, and silence following a statement like 'there's something I need to say to you' after a kiss was especially long. It gave Ava time to imagine a few things he might say, and they were all bad or disappointing. That feeling only grew when he did finally speak (wait, did his gray eyes have a bit of color? no, no she was imagining that) revealing that he wasn't just about to say something, he was about to confess something. And not the nice kind of confession that could often come after a kiss. He was confiding in her, so her smile fell nearly to her professional look, because her professional look was very trustworthy and dependable.
The look turned to shock when the carriage stopped and swung sightly, and Ava looked away from him, not sure if the carriage was supposed to do that. Was it supposed to do that?
She remained a bit shocked when Ari began to talk about the bright future Ava had. She knew she did, she had it all planned out. But the more Ari was saying, the colder the carriage felt, and the more Ava realized she'd be quite lucky, really, if he was about to tell her he was gay. Which she was on the list of things she'd be disappointed about, right above that he was secretly married, and right under... well, what he actually ended up saying.
For a long moment Ava was silent, a very long feeling silence, as she looked at him, her face seeming stuck in an expression of listening. In fact her mind was thinking about many things, including, strangely (though not so strange for Ava, really) that she ought to be wearing something more 1940s, and he ought to be wearing an Army uniform, and Hitler ought to be alive and well. Because it felt vaguely like how'd she'd always imagined that would feel. The scene before your sweetheart goes off to war.
Finally her expression changed into something of a smile. "You don't know that," she told him. "Don't say such things already. We don't know what it will be like, it might be... it might be... It will be horrible, but we can survive horrible. You can't give up already, Ari."
***
Ari couldn't help but mirror Ava's smile, despite his sobering statement. It was this that he liked about her; this optimism and passion for life. Without his bidding, his free hand returned to the back of her neck, his thumb gently brushing the skin just under her ear. He wanted it to be true. He wanted to be able to go to battle and come back to celebrate with her. It was a beautiful image, but nothing more. Just a dream built of wistful emotions, and Ari had never been able to think that way.
"Ava," he replied, his voice soft, the smile fading. "Trust me, giving up is so far from what I am doing. I just understand the consequences of my actions. Those I'm going up against, well, I'd be foolish not to acknowledge that they are more powerful than I am. But while power does not ensure victory, without the advantage, it will take sacrifice on my side to see that they do not win. I am ready and willing to make that sacrifice.
"I'm sorry. I was selfish in pursuing things with you. You were just so bright and beautiful; you drew me in before I realized it. I tried not to get too close. I wanted to discourage you from getting attached to me. And, well, I wanted to experience that kind of excitement and joy just once more." His thumb traced its way along her jawline and came to a rest on Ava's lips. "And if yours are the last lips I kiss, it's more than I deserve."
***
Ava considered herself a woman of some considerable fortitude, but with Ari's voice soft and his slight gentle touches, even she was completely entranced by him. Yeah, everything made sense. Of course he'd want to keep a distance, it was so nice of him. It had taken awhile for them to kiss, it all made sense now. He was totally Gregory Peck and she was totally Ava Gardner. Only without cigarettes. For awhile Ava was much more entranced by the moving of his hand and fingers than she was by what he was saying. But that didn't last forever.
She reached up and pulled his hand away from her face, holding it in her lap in between both of her hands. Her silly, whimsical smile became something rather stern, but a stern which held good intentions. She finally focused on him, and the here and now. "What are you talking about, 'sacrifice?' Don't... don't sacrifice." She seemed to twitch slightly, because something about that word just rubbed badly against her. It felt so definite, so... it did feel like giving up. Like throwing something away, yes, it felt like throwing something away. And in this case, it seemed to be Ari that was being thrown away.
"No," she said, still holding on to his hand in both of hers and shaking her head. "You aren't sacrificing anything. You... you can fight tooth and nail, you can sweat and bleed. You don't even have to come back whole but you have to come back. That's my plan, Ari," she said, tightening her hold on his hand. "I plan to get bloodied and battered and broken, I plan to watch the city fall around me but I'm not going to fall with it. Why should your plan be different than mine? No. I don't care how broken you get, I don't. Lose your eyes, your hands, I don't care. You just have to come back."
***
Ari wrapped his fingers around hers, allowing his hand to be cradled between Ava's two. "Thank you," he said quietly. "I'm lucky that you hope that, that you ask that of me. I hardly feel worthy of it, but I take it as a gift. And when I go, those sentiments will be my greatest asset." He paused. He was usually deft with words, but he wasn't sure how to explain this; how Ava, holding his hand and demanding that he return was the best of what the human heart had to offer. It was something he himself felt deficient in. A creature of logic, not love, these sorts of feelings started off as mere curiosities to him. Slowly, with the dedicated efforts of a special few, he learned to appreciate and cultivate those feelings himself. It brought him to this point, to this tenuous moment of pain and hope, and, blissfully, he could feel every part of it. It hurt, but it reminded him of what he had learned and what he wanted to protect.
"Ava," he said, squeezing her slightly with the arm around her shoulder. "It could be as you say. I'm not ruling out the possibility of survival, and I promise you, if the opportunity comes, I will not let it slip by. But my survival is not the end game. My goals are so much loftier. And I just... I don't want anyone to hold out hope on my account. If you hope, please hope that I succeed. Because then you will have something so much better and brighter than I would ever be able to give you on my own." Ari tried to catch Ava's eyes. "I promise, I know exactly what I'm doing. I'm just sorry it means causing you pain."
With a jerk the Ferris wheel began moving again, beginning the slow dip back towards the earth. Ari looked again out at the darkened sky, then back at bright, strong, beautiful Ava. It was strange that her opposition only strengthened his resolve, but the fact that she cared just meant another reason to fight. Maybe it was something that just couldn't be explained. Future Luz hadn't understood it, even when he had tried to give his reasons. Perhaps in this resolve there could only be solitude.
***
He was really serious about this. That was the horrible thing of it all. The war had just sort of been a vague thing on the horizon, and now Ari was really talking like... Things more important than being alive? No, no it didn't feel right. Ava was willing to accept war, but she wasn't willing to accept this. She shook her head. "No. Seriously. No, Ari," she laughed slightly, in something of a panic, because he was being ridiculous enough to warrant laughter. "My sentiments aren't a gift, they aren't an asset, they are a demand Ari." She looked away from him and for a moment seemed to focus on nothing. Then she turned sharply back to him. "I will tie you to something. Or lock you in a room. I know you're strong but I can finding something strong enough to tie you down with."
While she was actually quite certain that she could do that, a part of her realized it was something of a strange thing to do. Odie would never approval, because Ava would have to tie him up in their place, wouldn't she? Of course alerting him to the plan wasn't going to help. No, stop thinking about that, Ava.
Her strange resolve fell into a frown, even when the ride began to move again. "Can I help?" she asked seriously. "Can you do what you need to do, with me there to keep you safe? If what you're doing is so important, then let me help. Let me protect you while you do it. Won't that increase your chance of survival? Or... your chance of success?"
***
Her threat to tie him down brought a laugh of his own. It was a funny image, a welcome note of levity in this grim conversation. But Ari's smile faded as Ava's frown appeared. He shook his head, gripping her hand even tighter, as though he might communicate all he wished he could say through that pressure. "No, Ava. No. You absolutely cannot come with me. This is not something you should be involved in. It is not because you are not strong; I know you are a warrior, and I know your courage. In any other battle, I would be proud to have you fighting beside me. But this... this is something that has been building for a long time. In this world, and within me. If it's not something you have seen and felt yourself, then it is not a battle you can win. There cannot be the smallest room for doubt in this, because even a moment of it will be exploited. If this is not something you have prepared for, it is too much of a risk. And if you were to go and fall, it would defeat the entire purpose of my fight."
The city skyline began to fall out of view, although the clouds remained ever present. Ari's mouth formed a solemn line, and he began to draw his hand from Ava's. "The best chance for me to succeed is to know that you are as far away as possible. This is why I haven't told anyone. this is not something anyone I care about can be close to. Not if I am to win. Not if things are to be better and different for all of you."
***
She could feel a knot forming in her chest the more he talked. The laughter had been nice! (If at her expense.) But he was making it clear that this was something he had to do, and would do, and needed to do alone. Ava had been, essentially, raised by a village. It was not in her nature to send someone off to face something alone. Ari made it sound like she would only be a burden if she went with him, and while she normally ignored such talk, from him she actually believed it. Which made everything feel like rubbish, and caused the knot in her chest. It would have been easier if she didn't believe him, if she just thought he was being silly. She could have validated going along anyway if she thought he was being silly.
So once again, she felt like the girl at the train station, watching her young Army sweetheart board the train and take off from the station. This was something he had to do, he had a monster that needed fighting, and he might not come back from it. It was her job to defend the home front in case he did come back.
"I understand," she said, her voice soft and giving him a slight nod. She didn't like it, but she thought she understood. She even appreciated that he was telling her, he was trusting her.
With her hands free, and her sweetheart's train leaving the station, Ava took what might be a last chance and ran her hands up around the back of Ari's head and leaned up to kiss him. Sweet, but not as softly as he had kissed her, and lasting a little longer. She ran her fingers through her hair and only pulled away when she realized they weren't actually alone. But she pulled away only a little, catching his eyes. "That was the gift," she said, a little breathy.
***
Ari knew that it wasn't an easy thing to accept. If their roles had been reversed, it would have been difficult for him to accept that there was nothing he could do. But he wasn't asking her not to fight; she had the right to defend herself and her city and those she loved. However, their fights had to be separate. He was grateful for her understanding; he wasn't sure if the others he had to tell would be able to take it quite as gracefully. He would find out soon.
Ava's kiss took him slightly by surprise, but he gave into it fully. He wrapped both arms around her, concentrating on the warmth of her body and the texture of her lips. It was such a simple pleasure. Simple and sweet and good and breathtaking. For a moment, he let the kiss be all that existed: just him and Ava and the tight embrace that he did not want to end. He didn't even notice their carriage coming to a halt until the Ferris wheel attendant cleared his throat. As Ava pulled away, he felt the cold air take her place, and a resigned sadness settled deep in his chest.
"Thank you, Ava," he replied softly. With obvious reluctance, he stood from the seat and again offered Ava his hand. His lips rose again in a small smile, but it couldn't lift the shadow in his eyes. "Come on. I'll walk you home, if you'd like."