Joe listened to Jean-Paul’s words while admiring the morning sun. The clouds went from orange and pink to white as it became complete daytime. He didn’t think that Northstar would understand, but in a weird way he seemed to nail it right on the head. At the same time, Joe didn’t feel completely innocent either. He turned to look at him.
“It’s not all your fault. I can be very judgmental and I should have been more patient. If you didn’t have feelings for me I should have just left it at that. I grew attached though and that’s what upset me when I heard about you and Demon.”
Jean Paul couldn't help the wince. His body was tense and his fists clenched as he objected. "There is no me and ... him." Jean Paul took a deep breath to relax himself. That wasn't Joe's fault. Jean Paul flushed with embarrassment that he had, in his blindness, thought Joe to be anything like that man.
"He hit on me, and when I hesitated, he kissed me..." Jean Paul started. "And that was when I realized I DO have feelings for you, because I wanted..." His voice broke. "I just wanted it to be you kissing me." His jaw clenched at the unusual admission. "Somehow you've just seeped in my heart when I wasn't looking, with those silly pajama's and hot chocolate and everything."
Seeing such a powerful man, that was once so closed off, opening up like this brought tears to Joe‘s eyes. He smiled and laughed at the mention of his pajamas.
“I didn’t think you felt that way.”
"I wouldn't let myself feel that way." Jean Paul replied. He had closed off the possibility for reasons that had seemed so good back then but felt foolish now. "I've had plenty of practice with that." He looked back at Joe and a small frown appeared as he saw the man's tears. He took a step forward, and paused, uncertain.
Josiah wiped his tears on his sleeve and got closer, so that their faces were now inches apart.
“I’m sorry…” he said while attempting to hold hands.
“…about everything. I’ve barely been sleeping since the epidemic started. There’s all this pressure on the others and I to find a cure. I feel like I’ve been imprisoned in the lab, not just physically but emotionally too. I also had a run in with Demon, but like you it’s not what I wanted. I want something more.”
Jean Paul let his left hand slip into Joe's. The other hand came up to lightly cup Recon's cheek. His thumb lightly brushed against the tear tracks still left there. Demon. He had heard about Joe's run in with Demon. Well the important part... horrified was what Zap had said. Northstar's cold eyes softened.
"Are you ok?" he sincerly asked. "With what has happened?" To both of them. He just had to know.
“I’ll be alright. It was just the straw that broke the camels back. Will and Zalika have been there for me, which has made it easier.”
Joe put his hand around Jean-Paul’s wrist to move it away from his face. He moved closer and looked into his eyes.
Will and Zap. He should have been there for Joe, but he could understand why he hadn't talked with him about this. "I'm glad they were there for you." He let his hand be moved away. Jean Paul's heart was pounding, they were so close. He dropped his head down lower, aching to see, to have the reality of kissing this man.
This was all unfolding like some sort of early nineties high school sitcom. Joe didn’t want anything to move too fast, so hesitantly he backed away from the man. He held his hand tighter and gave a smile.
“Let’s go inside and talk more. I’ll make you some hot chocolate.” He hoped that Northstar wouldn’t be disappointed, he wanted him to realize this was a better decision.
Jean Paul dropped his head and there was a small smile at the irony of it. Still, he was determined to let Joe set the pace. He nodded and smiled. "Well, I would never be so foolish as to turn down your hot chocolate."