Who: Colossus, Wolverine, Karma, Shard; tag Zap When: Wednesday, April 2nd, 2008 Where: dorms What: pity party Status: in progress Rating: PG-13
The room was half painted and half furnished. After Brian and Edana’s reconciliation, it only seemed natural that with Pete’s plans in mind that he and Brian move his things out of their room and Edana’s in. It was supposed to have been a room for he and Zap to share, but it didn’t look like possibility. After Zap had decided to leave him, he’d had several visitors and well-wishers - for both his injuries and his emotional state. It was only a few days previous that he had planned to ask Zap to marry him. Now he felt like he could be content alone with himself forever.
Near the foot of his bed, Piotr sat in his wheelchair with a bottle of beer in hand; a gift from Logan.
Wolverine was leaning against the dresser along the wall, just one among three guests. Shard and Karma were sitting on his bed, backs against the headboard.
“She left me for Ronan… should I have seen that coming?”
Logan hated seeing the Tinman like this, but had no idea how to go about making him feel better. Beer seemed like a good place to start. Too bad his mouth had a mind of its own, “Yeah. I didn’t think Irish had it in him.” He stopped himself a second too late and realized he had three sets of eyes on him. He tried to recover, “If it makes you feel any better, Bobby just dumped Kitty.”
“No. No, it really doesn’t.”
Will took a puff of one of Troy’s cigarettes that he’d stolen from the Native out of spite. “Bobby dumped Kitty… Guys are fucking jerks. You stop to take a nap and when you wake up their playing Marco Polo in the pool with a 17-year-old harpy.”
Pete quirked a brow and wondered aloud, “What?”
“Troy.” Will cut himself off and realized now he was being watched. “I mean, you. You. We’re talking about you,” he said to Pete, paired with a shifty-eyed look of embarrassment.
“Wow, anyway,” Xi’an (or ‘Shan’) said as she picked up the pack of cigarettes laying between she and Will. She put one in her mouth, but was too busy talking with her hands to light it. “Piotr,” she began, with a French accent, “I feel your grief. Women, they’re such bitches. They tell you it is love, and then you find them with their old boyfriends. And then you say, ‘Stephanie! I thought we agreed that it was more than ‘experimentation’!’.” She relaxed and finally lit the smoke stick.
Will turned his head lazily, but with purpose toward Shan and bobbed his head in an approving nod, “I get you.”
Logan spoke up as he realized things were going no where and the two on the bed were starting to give him the jeebies, “Pete, I know it sucks and it’s gonna hurt but this shit happens. The longer you stay here, it’s gonna get weirder and weirder. You gotta put the past behind you.”
“Logan, that was very sweet,” Shan said.
“Yeah. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside,” Will added, grinning.
“Shove it. It was for him, not you.” He indicated Piotr and gave a scowl to back up ‘Shove it’.
Pete felt a laugh coming on after taking in the exchange, but suppressed it. He didn’t feel like laughing. “Thank you, Logan. That sort of makes up for the first thing you said.”
“Anytime.”
“But yeah,” Will picked up again, his gaze shifting from Pete to Shan and back again, “It’s like you can’t trust anybody. Fuckin’ Troy.”
“What is it this time, eh? Did he put his socks in your mouth while you slept, again? Worse? Toilet water in the shower pipes?” Shan asked, taking her best guesses.
Will shook his head ‘no’ vigorously, “He was in the damned pool gettin’ handsy with Silver.”
Colossus, Wolverine and Karma all shot will suspicious looks. “And?” Logan said. What the fuck was the big deal? She was practically legal, anyway.
“Guh. Uh. I mean, uh,” then, hurriedly, “I’m with Troy.”
Shan was the first to react and her interpretation of his words was the correct one. She leaned over and gave his left cheek a pinch, then patted the side of his face like a proud mother. She gave her fellow a wink and took the cigarette from her mouth after an amused drag. “Good for you, bebe.”
Pete sat still for a few seconds, making sure he had heard right. Oh. Well. You learned something new every day. As much as it shouldn’t have, it sort of took his mind off things. He resisted the urge to inquire further, as Will seemed uncomfortable (or at least unsure) and Logan was even worse.
“Right,” Wolverine gave a drawn out response that ended with a pronounced ‘t’, signifying that the discussion was over. Or at least that chapter. “Drink up, Tinman. I’ll check back later,” he gave the others an accessing glance and made for the door.
Piotr raised the beer bottle up in a gesture of thanks and goodbye to Logan.
When the Wolverine got to the door, he pulled it open and stopped when he saw Zap standing on the other side. Normally, she had a bit of a charge about her, but there wasn’t anything. No current, no ozone smell. And she looked like shit. Good. “Y‘okay?”
Zap stared straight through him. She couldn’t see Pete, but she could feel him. Her hair was in tangles and her cheeks were wet and red. Her eyes had been steadily streaming with calm, quiet tears since she left the infirmary. She wasn’t going to let herself freak out. Apparently, she couldn’t. There was more at stake than just her temper and some fried light bulbs, now. She didn’t say anything to Logan, but decided to wait him out. Sooner or later, he would move or get bored or Pete would come. Each time she blinked as she waited a few more tears steamed down, but she was ignoring them. They were involuntary. So was her breathing. She felt like she was on autopilot.
Logan was concerned, but knew better than to push things - it would be better to leave. He turned back into the room and looked to the two on the bed. “We’re leavin’.”
They were both surprised by Logan’s tone, but understood as soon as he moved and they saw who he had spoken to. Will got off the bed. He couldn’t believe the state Zap was in; he wanted to speak to her but he passed by; his expression reflected his concern. Shan also raised up, but moved past Pete and put her hand on his shoulder. “We love you, Pete.” She said softly and moved behind Will and Logan and out of the room.
Piotr took in the sight of Zap and her current state and he wanted to go to her. He wanted to stand up and walk to her, but he didn’t. More than just his injuries stopped him. He still loved her, but she had rejected him and had left him for another man. His expression remained cool, but his eyes began to well with tears - he didn’t cry. He couldn’t stand to be hurt again.
So she had everything to lose. Big deal. She took a breath and steeled herself before walking through the doorway. Zap closed the door behind her for the simple fact she didn’t want anyone seeing her do what she knew she would inevitably do. But if they walked in, she thought, let ‘em. Three achingly difficult steps toward Colossus, she dropped to her knees. She hadn’t taken her eyes from him once. Her frown pushed the corners of her mouth far down and she finally expressed some kind of emotion - mostly prompted by the sight of him looking so weak. And it wasn’t just the chair or cast. She trudged forward on her knees toward him and closed her eyes when her hand touched the cool glass of his drink, then moved it from his hand and set it down on the table beside him. “I have made,” breath, “such a big mistake. Piotr,” breath, “I didn’t ever want to hurt you.” Her voice went low, “Never.” She gasped, coming out of the low alto, “I love you.” Zap’s fingers grasped feebly at the arm of his wheelchair, but she didn’t try to grab on too tight, with the fear he might push her away.
Her words cracked his foundation. His face still lacked expression. The pooled tears finally moved over his lids and his hand cupped the side of her face. He didn’t know what had happened or changed, but he wanted to find out. She hadn’t told him why she’d made her decision to leave him. And he was even more in the dark about her return. He loved her too, and wanted to say it but he held back. He needed some answers before he could open himself up again. Pete stared into her grief-stricken eyes (even then they were still the prettiest eyes he’d ever seen) and saw that the tears made them radiant and bittersweet. With her next to him, and her skin touching his, he felt it was natural. What had gone wrong?
Zap leaned into the touch like she hadn’t seen a person in months or years. His hand nearly swallowed up the left side of her face, and it was good. She closed her eyes after lowering them to look at his chest, and spoke again, “I want to be here for you. I want to take care of you,” she drew a deep breath and let it out as she continued, “Pete, I want you and I wanted what we talked about. I wanted to be happy and have a family and live someplace without fear and barriers and bloody horrors around every corner. But that’s not the world we live in anymore. I didn’t believe that could happen. Ronan is cool and calm and safe. He’s hard. He just wants to live. I thought that’s what things had come to. You’re warm and unsure and emotional, Piotr. I couldn’t keep pretending we could ever get what we wanted. You were breaking my heart. I didn’t think any of what we wanted was possible. I wanted it so badly, but I thought that Ronan was realistic. I care about him and I thought it would be easier to just not hope. But you’re the only thing that makes me happy. I couldn’t love anyone else with my whole heart like I love you. I left it with you, and I want you to take me back. I want to be with you. Only you. If you don’t want me,” she paused, finally, and gave a sob at the thought, “then keep my heart. There’s no point having it if I can’t have you.’
“You left.” It was simple and to the point but it was what he was feeling. Everything she’d said had made sense to him. The feeling of hopelessness; of despair. It seemed like the world was ending around them and it never seemed to get any better. But in his hour of need, she left. By some backward twist of fate, she was not by his side. Zap had chosen Ronan, for whatever reason, and his heart still ached. And now, in the room that was meant for them, she sat on her knees in front of him asking for his forgiveness. He’d already forgiven her, in his heart, but he needed to know it wouldn’t happen again. “Why did you come back? What made you realize?”
Yes, she had left. It had been a matter of days, less than a week, and she had realized how severely she had screwed up. At least Piotr was speaking. “It wasn’t natural. It’s not natural to be apart from you.” You didn’t know until you tried. She regretted even thinking about being away from him. Then, she sighed a steadying sigh, brushed some of the strands of wet hair away from her face and watched him. Zap wasn’t one for gimmicky, silent shows of reason. Where another woman might’ve grasped her own abdomen, Zap had common sense. “And from what I understand,” she prayed silently with her inner eye lifted heavenward, but keep her green pair on his browns, “I’m going to get what I wanted. Whether I like it or not,” there wasn’t a choice anymore, “and it can’t be with anyone but you. I’m gonna have a baby. It’s what we wanted, and we can do it together if you’ll have me.” All at once his armor cracked and broke away. His expression changed to one of uncontainable joy and even more tears flowed down his face. He was going to be a father, Zap was going to have his child. He almost couldn’t believe it. Piotr recklessly lifted himself up to stand; this was no time for a bothersome wheelchair. He grabbed Zap’s hand on the way up and pulled her along as he quickly hobbled to the side of the bed. He reached into the top drawer of the nightstand. He was after the small black box that held the ring he’d sent Troy on a mission to find. Unable to get down on one knee, he instead sat down on the bed in front of her. “Zap, you had me at ’I made a big mistake’. I love you too.” He opened the ring box toward Zalika. “Of course I’ll have you, Zuzka. Marry me… be my wife.” Piotr said, almost breathlessly.
Oh, thank God. He looked so happy! Zap was horrified, however, when Pete moved himself from his chair, and she immediately moved under his arm to support him before they both hit the bed. She watched his legs while he fiddled at the bed table, and prayed he hadn’t hurt himself worse. “Piotr,” she began, ready to scold him for his stupidity, but he turned around with his eyes alit and happy words. Her heart felt like it was going to win a marathon. Almost there - such a long road. She reached forward and used his fingers to close the box, then pulled in his whole hand along with it and clutched it to her chest. “Yes, I will,” she told him. “I need you,” she pushed her wet face against his and kissed him soundly on his hot cheek.
Her hand held her to him, fingers spaced with force through his hair. She wasn’t moving - not for a while. She adjusted to kiss his lips and when they touched, she nearly died. It felt like an explosion. It had been such an ordeal - such a horrible thing to think that she wouldn’t be able to touch him again. She kissed him harder and more fiercely once more, then moved both hands around his that was still holding the ring box. She knew it meant a lot to him, and it would have meant more to her had things happened more normally. But for now, all she wanted as him. She didn’t need jewelry.
But the ring meant more than ‘Look how flashy!’ or ‘I have a man, do you?’. She knew once she put it on, he would feel like she was his - that there was no question. The ring was a symbol that they only had eyes for each other. She belonged to Piotr Rasputin, as much as any person could belong to another. She pulled back, and worked both sets of her fingers with his one to open the box and see what he had gotten her. When she looked at the thing, she felt like it had been made just for she and him. It was breathtaking, and she thought, with a good dollop of humor, that it would have cost a fortune had it not been thieved. She smiled with great appreciation and took it from the box, then replaced the box in his hand with the ring itself. She wanted him to put it on her. She touched the tips of her fingers against his, and her hand in his hair lowered to the back of his neck, then to his shoulder. She gave it a squeeze and said, “I love you.”
When she said yes, a nervous chuckle escaped. It was such a reverse from how he was feeling such a few minutes ago. When she’d left it, was like the sun had disappeared from his world. Now that she was back he felt like he was floating, as if he had Angel’s wings and was soaring through the air. And a baby, he would have been ecstatic just to have her back, but this… They were going to have a family, a new life in a world with such need for it. He held Zalika’s left hand. He placed it on the end of her finger. “I need you too, I love you too… forever.” Piotr slid the ring down, “I promise to be everything you need, everything you want, and everything I have to be.”
That was an awful lot to promise. But she wouldn’t hold him to any of it. She knew she would be happy with Colossus, “I’ll do everything I can to make your life better.” And I’ll do nothing, ever, to make it worse. Not again. Freshly engaged, she squeezed both his hands and immediately cuddled up against him, She nested in his arms and felt happier than ever. She had no more tears to cry - happy or sad ones. She just wanted to be still and feel safe and make him understand that she wasn’t going any place.