Who: Pietro and Polaris What: Out on a morning jog When: Very early Wednesday morning Where: Haven grounds Warnings: Kissing maybe a tiny bit of bad language
Pietro had taken to running at the butt crack of the morning since there was no one out to pose as an obstacle and the day animals weren't awake and the night animals were heading to bed or were already asleep. Not even the birds had woken yet. There was a peaceful stillness to the predawn darkness that helped calm Pietro's constantly working mind. Running out in that peace helped calm his mind even further to the point where he could almost imagine that he didn't have ADHD.
This was his time to NOT think. Most people went on runs so they could be alone with their thoughts but here, Pietro didn't have any thoughts. He felt like a blank slate and it was wonderful.
Normally. Every other morning but this one apparently. Because coming around a bend in the path down a long straight narrow section was Polaris. Had it been anywhere else, it wouldn't have been an issue but this was a section of the path where an out jut of rock on one side and dense forest on the other hemmed joggers and walkers in tightly enough that they had to squeeze by each other. He'd never had an issue with it before but shit it was an issue now.
And oh shit she was wearing next to nothing. In the dim predawn that filtered through the branches and the occasional light that dotted the path, he could see that Polaris wore a sports bra and really tiny shorts. Her thick hair was pulled away from her face and neck with little sweaty curls stuck to her skin. In the flash of one of the path lights, he could see that she'd worked up quite the sweat and god, she was actively working to kill him. He knew it.
He slowed to a more "normal" jog as he approached her, his eyes hungrily looking her over. Even in the near darkness she looked beautiful, wonderful, delicious, tempting and so many other adjectives that began to clutter his mind. His inner peace was shattered at the sight of Polaris and all the aching longing he had been (somewhat successfully - not at all successfully) trying to push away by focusing on Wanda came rushing back as if it'd never left.
Be cool, he told himself. You can do this. All you have to do is just step past her. That's it. And then you can finish your jog. Simple. Simple. Yeah. Right.
"Morning," he called out softly, his eyes hungrily devouring her from the tip of her sweaty head down to her worn tennis shoes. "You're up early." Inane and stupid. You're a real catch there, Petey boy. "It's been a while since I've seen you, how've you been?" Yes. That was safe. Sort of.
***
She had hardly noticed the blur of motion coming towards her as she'd been jogging, her thoughts turned inward as she thought about everything happening on the team. It had been almost two weeks since she'd learned about what happened to Gabe in jail, and since then she'd been spending most of her free time in the company of the younger Summers brothers. Both Alex and Gabe, really. It helped her from thinking about her own life, which was quite welcome all things considered. When she wasn't with them, she was tutoring a couple of younger girls, including Illyana, in Physics. Although in Illyana's case it was more spending some time helping her to understand and translate the concepts she was reading about in the professor's books.
As it approached, though, the blur turned into none other than the man she was so desperately trying to not think about. He could have run around her. She knew he could have. Why didn't he? Why was he... oh God, slowing down and talking to her?
She looked at him, a pleading, desperate look in her troubled green eyes, although she didn't know what she was silently begging him for. She knew, whatever it was, it wouldn't help though. Escape? He would never leave Wanda, and where could they escape to that they would be able to escape themselves? To hold her? That would only lead to more pain. To leave her to finish her jog? Her heart would break to watch him run away from her.
"I find it the best time to run," she said softly, tearing her eyes away from him to look back out at the road. "And I've been keeping busy. You?"
***
"Same," he replied, cursing the awkwardness that sprung between them. Before this... mess they'd been so close, so comfortable with each other (though now he understood why it'd been so easy). The last time he'd seen her, he'd been closing his eyes in blissful exhaustion, so certain that they were going to wake up and have breakfast and start all over. But his heart had shattered upon waking and finding the bed empty and cold.
Returning home to find Leila in his spot in the conservatory and then spending a few hours in her arms hadn't helped any. He'd thought maybe he'd be able to fuck the pain away or maybe he'd fall for the beautiful exotic feral and be able to forget about Polaris, but that hadn't worked. Instead he'd felt as if he'd cheated on her and betrayed himself by breaking a promise to Polaris that was no longer his to keep.
And now here she was after weeks of avoiding each other so carefully. He should've known that it couldn't have lasted, not when the mansion was only so big. There was a desperate plea in her eyes that he didn't know how to read. Was it to go or to stay? "Mind if I join you?" he asked before he could stop himself. He should just go past her and finish his jog. He should put her out of his mind and heart. He should wasn't the same as he could. And there was no way he could with Polaris. Not right now. Not for a long time. "I'll keep my hands to myself, I promise," he added with a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.
***
Her eyes watered a moment before she could blink back the tears. At least the few that fell would blend into the sweat on her face, one form of salty water mixing with the other so that they were indistinguishable. Damn that time of the month. She was going to blame her period. That's all there was to it.
"Sure," she finally said when she thought she could control her voice except for the breathing from the running. She really didn't mind. She was starving for lack of him. That didn't make it easy or right, but she needed him so badly. No matter how wrong it was, she couldn't simply turn off the love like that.
***
Pietro stepped into the forest to let her past and fell in behind her going back the way he came until they reached the forest edge where the path widened. There, he moved up beside her because if he remained behind her too much longer in those tight short shorts, he would break another promise not to touch her (hell, he still might). Her jog was his leisurely stroll so he had time to drink her in.
She looked as conflicted and torn up as he felt which was actually comforting. It helped ease the hurt of her leaving him that night. Not that he blamed her and in fact he admired her for having the strength to do what he couldn't. All the same, it'd still hurt that she'd left.
"What've you been busy with?" he asked after several long moments of awkward silence and several long moments of him watching her breasts bounce and her trying not to look at him. "Acolyte stuff?"
***
"Yeah," she said, knowing she couldn't tell him about Gabe's mess. That wasn't her secret to tell. "Training, mostly. All the laws being considered and everything happening out there in the big world has us training even more than before. I've been doing a bit of teaching and tutoring, too. I've been asked to teach a self defense class for the women who aren't getting combat training on a team. And there are some people who are trying to learn about Physics, and I'm tutoring them. And I'm teaching Wanda to shoot," she added at the end, letting him know she'd finally met their sister, if Wanda hadn't told him already.
Once more she couldn't help but be jealous of him, and for all that Wanda was suffering these days, of Wanda, too. They'd at least had each other growing up while she'd been all alone. And Magneto seemed much more interested in them, his almost semi-legitimate kids, than he'd ever be in her, even if they all met him at the same time. Pietro was an Olympic Athlete, and Wanda was tragic and beautiful in her tragedy. And then there was her. Just one of his Acolytes.
Seriously, the period needed to stop. This was ridiculous!
What did she care if Magneto didn't have any interest in her? It wasn't like she wanted him to be all daddy-dearest on her! He was a nasty, self-centered man who'd abandoned his wife just like he'd abandoned her mother. Her real mother. Somehow, she knew that, even if she didn't know the details.
***
There were so many emotions flickering over Polaris' face that Pietro couldn't decipher any of them fast enough except for the most prevalent one: sadness. He wanted so much to soothe that sadness away. He wanted to bring back the happy, laughing Polaris he'd fallen in love with but he didn't know how to. "Wanda told me about your first lesson. She really likes you which is a big relief. I was afraid for a long time there that you wouldn't like each other because of... everything. Wanda can be very protective. As can I, about the people we love," he said quietly, looking over at her with an intense expression.
"Fuck it all, I can't stop thinking about you. Shit, we really have to talk about this. Seriously. I don't know what we should talk about but I'm... I feel like I'm all twisted up inside just thinking about you! These past couple of weeks have been torture and I don't want to have to keep hiding from you or avoiding you. I like you as a friend, I love you as a woman, and I don't even know what to think of you as a sister but fuck it all, I still want you," he exploded, startling himself with the intensity of his words. He'd stopped on the trail, his hands and arms flailing with desperation. "I'm done with being polite. Either we say things to each other that we don't mean and hurt each other's feelings so that the break will be clean if painful or we go fuck each other's brains out and either make it work or get it out of our system."
***
She stopped a few feet from him, turning around to face him and lifting her pony tail off her neck for a moment, her eyes narrowing with a combination of anger and fear.
"We already tried that," she growled. "Or were you too drunk to remember that night at the flat, when you had a bouncer call me because you were too fucking WASTED to?"
Yep, definitely the wrong time of the month, poor Pietro.
"It didn't help. I woke up the next morning more in love with you than ever! And you're my BROTHER! There's no making it work, Pietro! Not here, not around Wanda and our father! Not around my teammates who all know we're related! And while I am... am willing to say fuck it all and run away with you and hide out in a cabin some where for the rest of our lives and raise mutant babies, somehow, I don't think that's an option because you cannot leave Wanda. I won't let you. I won't make you choose, because there's no choice to make. She needs you... she needs you more than I do." The earlier tears were falling now, and she wiped them angrily away. "So you don't have to say mean things and hurt me, all right? Or... or maybe that was the meanest thing you could say, that you love me. Because right now all I want is for you to hold me again and I CAN'T DO THIS! So go be a good son and a loving brother to your real family and find someone else to fuck until looking at me makes you cringe with horror at what you're proposing now. Because... I'm not this strong. I'm not as strong as Wanda... I CAN'T DO THIS!"
***
Her tears and her forelorn wail broke something deep inside him. Guilt flooded him because he realized he had been putting it on her to be the strong one and show restraint because he'd long ago realized that he had none with her. Now it was his turn to be the strong one, to be good and do as he was told. Right now, he'll turn and walk away and leave her in peace because that's what a good person would do. An unselfish one, one who didn't want to hurt her anymore than she'd already been hurt.
God, why couldn't he be a good person? Instead of walking away, he walked toward her and wrapped his arms around her. "I'm sorry," he whispered over and over into her neck. His need to comfort was as intense as his desire and his love for her. It was a part of his nature to help soothe the hurt in those he loved and he loved Polaris so much. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have put this on you. I'm not strong. I'm weak and pathetic when it comes to you and that's not fair to you. I lo - I want to make things right between us and I just hurt you even more. I'm so sorry, Lorna."
***
Polaris clung to him, feeling the play of his muscles against her while she sobbed as silently as she could into his shirt. She wished he'd go away, but she knew if he did, she'd die. At least, a part of her would. The part that loved him so much that she was killing herself a little bit at a time.
"I don't think things can ever be right for us," she said softly, knowing it was true, even though she wished more than anything in the world that it was a lie. "I want to be with you, God, Pete, I love you and I want to be with you. More than anything. But... is it worth what it would cost you?" Because she was quite clear it was worth it to her. She would give up her friends, her team, her adoptive parents, her newly found Sperm Donor... anything.... But would he? Damn it. She knew he couldn't. She knew she couldn't accept it, even if he did choose her. Wanda needed him.
Her sister needed him.
"I think... I think you should finish your run and check on Wanda. I'll... head back at my own pace," she whispered to remind them both.
***
Pietro clung to her as hard as she held on to him. He felt as if they were being battered on all sides by a raging storm in the middle of the sea and she was his only anchor, but even that anchor was slipping away with the force of the tide. They both knew that he couldn't leave Wanda, not for a second time and especially not after the horrors that had been inflicted on her and they both knew that if did choose her, he wouldn't be the man that Polaris loved. He'd grow to resent her and the happiness they'd eventually find while the guilt of leaving his twin behind a second time would eat him inside out. There was no peace for them. They were damned either way.
Pietro felt a part of his heart shrivel and die at that realization. It'd be so much easier if he could just leave, but he knew Wanda wouldn't go so he was bound here, trapped and forced to watch his first and only love from a distance. Was he dead? Was this hell? Because it felt like it. "I love you. I will always love you. A part of me will always be yours," he whispered, his throat clogged with tears. He cupped her jaw and kissed her desperately. A final kiss.
***
Slowly, as if she were fighting herself, her arms came up and wrapped around his shoulders, her body pressed flush against him. She kissed him, every cell of her being coming to life in the touch, in the contact. This was right, this was what she needed.
And it was wrong. So wrong.
With a sob that tore her soul in half, she pushed away from him, tears streaking her face. She had to get away before any more lines were crossed. Almost too blind from tears to see, she launched herself into the air, the one place he couldn't follow her, and flew away. Even she didn't know where, only that she had to be somewhere else.
***
He watched her go feeling his heart go with her. His very being was no longer his own but hers whether she wanted it or not. While his soul cried heart rending shrieks of agony, Pietro's eyes remained dry, his face blank and devoid of emotion. He could feel himself shutting down and building a wall of ice that rival even one of Iceman's thickest achievements. The agony grew fainter and fainter as if going down a long tunnel. They were there but deadened even though he still couldn't breathe very well.
It was melodramatic and cliche to even think but at that moment he was certain he would never love again. Once again Polaris had left him but this time he would respect her wishes. They couldn't be together, he had to accept that. It was socially unacceptable and it would kill Wanda if she found out. As much as he needed Polaris, he needed Wanda too but he couldn't have them both. He'd been selfish the first time in leaving Wanda and his mother when he'd found out he was a mutant, he couldn't do that again. Could not.
So he turned blindly and staggered slowly back to the mansion, unable to muster anything faster than a slow walk (even for a normal).