ɴᴇʀɪᴀ ꜱᴜʀᴀɴᴀ (halamshivanas) wrote in wtnvgame, @ 2021-10-05 10:41:00 |
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So go he had, wiry form (though stouter than it had ever been, the comforts of Night Vale a long way from life as either fugitive or circle pariah) swamped in one of the thick hooded tops he'd begun to favour, knuckles rapping against the wood of Neria's door.
She was far less concerned about herself. Likely by the time she found a cure, it would be too late for her. She was already beginning to falter. She could feel the slow seeping change. She still had her mind. There was no worry there. Not yet. But she could feel herself getting weaker. She was doing her best to hide it, especially now that Alistair was here, but fifteen years of the Taint had taken its toll.
The knock came and she took a second to compose herself, fixing her hair so that it covered the black veins of her neck and pulling her sleeves so that they covered her wrists. She still looked pale and thin and tired, but there was nothing to be done for that.
"Hello, Anders," she greeted her old friend as she opened the door. "And Justice. What a lovely surprise."
A beat passed, and the grin wavered slightly. Granted, most of his frame of reference for Neria was some variety of pale, thin and tired, because life as a Grey Warden - much less as the Commander of that particular circus - had hardly been a bed of roses, but Night Vale was a far cry from Thedas, and the part of him that was still, at heart, a healer couldn't help but be concerned for his friend (ironically, perhaps, given the scant care he was prone to taking of himself given half a chance, but that wasn't the point).
".... is everything alright?" he ventured, cautiously, before (because Maker Forbid he should ever be accused of taking things too seriously; Hawke might only have known him as the brooding rebel, but Neria had been there long before that, back when he was just a swaggering ass) adding a breezier "If the King of Ferelden's hiding behind the sofa or under the bed or something, we can come back later, let you two 'catch up'. It's no trouble."
She sighed. Anders had the uncanny knack of being able to see right through her. It didn't help that he was also a Spirit Healer and noticed when people were unwell. Thankfully, he quickly offered a distraction as she flushed at the implication.
"It isn't like that," she admonished him. "It has never been like that. He is my dearest friend, but he is the king of Ferelden." She looked away. No more avoiding the elephant in the room.
"It's nothing to trouble yourself," she said gently. "I'm just…getting on in years. It's been a decade and a half since my Joining and I feel the years wearing on me." It didn't matter that she had been quite young back then. They both knew what she meant. She hardly had to say it.
It was so very nearly comfortable and familiar, the rhythm of their banter almost like dance steps itself, save for the accumulation of years and the incredibly impatient Fade Spirit scratching at his consciousness like a cat separated from its breakfast by a wooden door. Justice, it seemed, had little tolerance for reminiscences, and Neria's own words did little to change that.
"Right. Yes. That's sort of what we came to talk about. Look, I..." Anders sighed, ran his hand through his hair, tried again. "Can we come in? This is probably one of those conversations we should be sitting down for. I'll put the kettle on?"
She was glad he didn't press her about Alistair, even if his seriousness meant this conversation wouldn't be any easier. She stepped aside to allow him in, giving him a brief but firm hug.
"You're always welcome here," she said. "Both of you. I have tea made so there's no need to worry about that. Come and sit."
"I'm almost wondering who's going to turn up next, at this point. We've quite the reunion going. Though knowing my luck it'll be the world's angriest elf and that bloody dwarf.... "
None of this was getting to the point, and he could feel Justice's irritation growing with each banal word, but it wouldn't have been fair to just launch into things. At least, that was the excuse he was sticking to.
"As for Oghren," she said, "well..." He was a dear friend, but she understood how he could be a trying individual for some. "I don't think this place would suit him over much."
She could have continued stalling, but it was obvious what he wanted to speak of. And if anyone would understand, it was Anders. "You can say it," she said gently. "You're my dear friend. We need not dance around it. I'm dying. Slowly still, but I have lived with this taint in my blood for many years now and I have but a few more left."
He could have stood to dance around the situation a little more, truth told, but it seemed that time had passed. "I mean, on a grand philosophical level we're all dying, but-" - he paused, flinched slightly, muttering a frustrated "Yes, alright, I'm getting to that" under his breath before continuing - "but speaking slightly more literally... there are people here who want to help. Zelda for one."
Anticipating protest, he raised a hand. "I didn't tell her. I don't know if she knows that you're... that there's more than one of us, but she could sense something off when we met, even with Justice doing whatever it is he does. So I'd assume she at least suspects? And after that whole Deepest Darkest Fears thing, I... I thought I heard... it. You know. The Song. And she checked, and thank the Maker it wasn't that, just Night Vale being Night Vale. But you know what Us Healers are like when it comes to insurmountable odds, and... look, you know more about the Blight than anyone. If the two of you were working together then maybe... it's worth a shot, is all I'm saying?"
Besides, while he'd been looking at Nate - who had presumably been looking at Velanna - she'd been looking at him. It had all been rather a mess. Not that she ever could have acted on that. Duty, for her, had always come first. And now they were years away from that and both very different people, and she was just happy that he was happy. He deserved so much happiness.
Neria felt herself go still as Anders spoke. There was a part of her that had never been good at accepting help from others. That had worked so long and so hard at fixing this herself that the idea of anyone stepping in felt wrong. Like she, once again, hadn't been enough. No matter what she did or how much she sacrificed, it never felt like enough. So the idea of someone stepping in and solving this problem felt like a failing on her part.
But this wasn't about her. This would help Anders and Daylen. And it would help Alistair. She could sacrifice her pride for the sake of that. "Of course," she said. "Zelda has always been very kind and very gifted. I've no doubt that she would be a great help. I'll be sure to talk to her about it."
"Look, this isn't my place, but... you know you're not expected to fix everything on your own, right? If you want to keep it to just us Wardens, then I'd understand, but... You're not protecting us by stopping us helping, you know? Which, before you say anything, yes - pot, kettle, etcetera - but..."
His stance shifted slightly - back that bit straighter, hands stopping their fidgeting, and when he spoke there was a richness and depth his usual high fluttering tones lacked, two voices mingling together. Justice hadn't quite seized the reins, but was certainly making his presence known.
"It is an injustice, that faithful service should be thus rewarded. We would help, if we can."
"You're right," she said softly. "Of course you are. I've spent so long being what everyone needed me to be, with varying degrees of success, that I'm not sure I know any more how to let go and let other people help. It feels like an unforgiveable weakness. It feels selfish."
Her shoulders relaxed slightly at that shift in stance. It might have been the other way around for some, but there was a comfort in Justice's presence. "The world is not a just place," she said, "however we might try to make it so. You both know that as well as I do. We can only do what we can." She gave them a small smile. "And your friendship...your support...is more than enough."
A beat, and the moment passed, Justice's usual impassive walls firmly back in place. "But since we cannot... there are resources here which Thedas does not afford. It would seem prudent to utilise them while we can. For the others' sake, if not for your own. That is neither weak nor selfish, Com-" - another beat, and a faint furrowing of the brow, as if he were being chastised by a voice no one else could hear - "Neria."
It warmed her to hear Justice call her by her name. "I do this because it serves others," she said. "What it does for me is of little consequence. Thank you, for letting me know about this option. I truly do appreciate it and both of you." There was little more to say than that, so she just sipped her tea and appreciated the company.