Castiel (teamfreewill) wrote in wtnvgame, @ 2021-07-20 09:08:00 |
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Castiel had been staring down at the phone in his hands for what felt like hours, but in reality, it hadn't even been a minute. I love you, too. Was this even real? Was he in the middle of some kind of fantasy dream? Dean loved him back? How was that even possible? He had never expressed the way he felt sooner because he didn't want to make things weird with Dean and risk the possibility of losing him. Even if they couldn't be together, at least he could always remain at his side. Dean was in the garage and seconds later, so was Castiel. He was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a pair of jeans, dressed casually for the day. He stood there in silence, watching Dean with a smile. "Hello, Dean." That was not the way he had wanted all of this to happen. He had wanted to think of some romantic way or even just a nice way of doing. The conversation had just gotten to be too much for him. He hadn’t known what to say to the questions and finally the truth had just come out. For better or worse, he had said it. Castiel knew how he felt. Now they had to have a conversation. He wasn’t sure what was going to happen. He wiped some sweat from his forehead and leaned against the car. It was very him that one of the most important conversations started in a text and would continue in the garage. He was cleaning the oil from his hands when he heard Cas’s voice. “Hi Cas,” he said with a sheepish smile. What was he supposed to say? How did this even work? He had never been in a relationship before, not with another person, that was. Although, maybe Dean didn't even want a relationship. Which was fine with him. He would take whatever he could get, mostly. There was a part of him that felt guilty for making Dean take the plunge. There was a slight awkwardness between them, and Castiel moved to take a step forward, closer to Dean. It had been much easier with the other Dean, but maybe that was because the situation was a little different. "How are you?" He didn't think it was possible, but Dean Winchester had only gotten better in age, like a fine wine. "I'm sorry if I forced your hand in any of this." “I’m good.” Dean couldn’t help the small laugh that slipped from his lips. “You didn’t force my hand, Cas,” he said softly “I just got to the point where I couldn’t think of how I wanted to say what I needed to say and telling the truth seemed to just be the best option.” In a weird way, Dean was almost relieved that it had happened the way that it did. He stepped closer to the other man. “It was not the way I wanted to say it. I just let my emotions get the best of me. I’m sorry that you didn’t...I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you in the way that you deserved and I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you sooner.” At least it was finally out though. He didn’t have to keep trying to figure out how to do it without ruining everything. "No, Dean, you don't need to apologize for anything." Castiel assured him with a bright smile. "I took forever to tell you and I wish that it could have been under better circumstances." Cas took another step closer, wanting to take Dean's hand in his own and just sit there together. All he wanted was to hold the other man and he was making it so awkward. Without a word, he closed the distance between them, pulled Dean flush to his body and kissed him passionately. "It doesn't matter to me when you said it. It just matters that you told me, and I really couldn't ask for more." Cas tilted his head a little, reaching up to caress his face. That smile that Cas had given him could have been enough for him. If the conversation ended there, he would have been okay. It wasn’t a smile that he had gotten to see much before they had lost each other and it felt like a really nice stab to the gut. He was going to say something else but then Cas was pulling him in to kiss him. It took just a second before he returned the kiss with the same passion, wrapping his arm around his waist. He couldn’t help but lean his face into Cas’s touch. It had been a long time since he had been touched like that and even longer since he had been touched by someone he loved. “After you told me and then you were gone...I tried not to think about it,” he admitted softly “Because you were gone and it hurt so much and then we were here.” He had kissed Dean, and it was the most magical feeling he had felt in his entire existence. Nothing else could ever compare to it. The way that Dean held his arms around his waist made him feel invincible. That he could do anything and everything. He was standing so close to Dean that he could feel the beating of his heart against his chest. Close enough that he could count each and every single freckle on his face. He cocked his head to the side, and looked up at Dean in admiration and awe, getting lost in those green eyes. His fingers continued to move against Dean's face, just gently caressing the face of the man he loved more than anything in the world. "I'm sorry, Dean. I never meant to cause you any pain." His voice was soft as he spoke, and he was still in disbelief that this was really happening. "I needed you to know that you could be something more than what you saw yourself as. That someone believed in you and would do anything in the world to save you." For the first time in Dean’s life, he felt like he was exactly where he was supposed to be. Despite how hard his heart was pounding and how he felt more than a little terrified. Terrified about what was going to happen next. Because he had kissed Castiel and all he could think about was doing it again. He ran his fingers over the other man’s skin softly. “You don’t have to be sorry,” he said softly before tilting his head to kiss Cas softly. “I know that you wouldn’t cause me...I know you wouldn’t have...God, I love you, Cas.” He wished that he could see himself the way Castiel did. He wished that he could see a man worth going through hell for. “I can’t explain how much that means to me. Knowing that you believe in me like that.” Those three words he never thought he would hear from Dean earned the other man the brightest smile ever, and he couldn’t believe that had really just happened. “I love you too, Dean.” He reached up to run a slow hand through Dean’s hair, simply enjoying the closeness. It was all he could have asked for and more. “Like I said, you changed my life, Dean, and you gave me the best years of my existence.I never gave up on you, and you never gave up on me.” They had hit some rough patches along the way, but they always worked them out. In the end, Cas had been more than willing to sacrifice his life to save Dean, and he would do it again, without question. “Nothing really matters to me now, aside from you, this, us. If this is something you’re not comfortable expressing, we can keep things between us, for as long as you need.” Cas had smiled at him before but he had never smiled at him like that. It was almost enough to stop his heart completely. It was all too perfect. Being somewhere safe with Cas, being able to tell him how he felt without chickening out. The inner voice telling him he was going to ruin things, that he was going to hurt Cas and everything was still there. It was just not as loud as it usually was. “You changed my life too.” It wasn’t just that he had pulled him out of literal hell. There had been times when Cas had pulled him out of metaphorical hell. He had always been more than his best friend. He had just not been able to figure out the depth of his feelings until the night he had lost him and into Night Vale. “It wasn’t always easy but you made some of the worst times of my life survivable. I will never give up on you. Here and whatever comes next.” That was something he hadn’t thought about. What they would do after everything was out in the air. “We don’t have to hide it, Cas. I’m just not good at expressing things so you’ll have to be patient with me.” He smiled sheepishly. “I am really not good at expressing things.” "You said the words I never thought I would hear from you, that's all I need, Dean." Cas had never really been in a relationship, and he had no expectations for Dean to meet. They were going to be together and that was that. "I just wanted to know if I could say anything. Not that I really have anyone to tell, I guess." If given the opportunity, Cas would have shouted it out from the rooftops, but that hardly seemed necessary. The way Dean looked at him was all he ever wanted and so much more. He leaned in again for another kiss, his arms tight around Dean. "I could just hold you forever and always be happy." Cas was over the moon right now, and it felt so perfect, standing there with Dean. "I want to make sure that not a single day goes by where you don't feel loved. I will say it so much you'll probably tell me to stop at some point." Dean took a deep breath and smiled.This was beyond anything he had imagined happening. “You can tell anyone you want or tell no one,” he said softly. “We should definitely tell the girls at least though. I want to be able to kiss you whenever I want in our home but I don’t want to traumatize Claire any further.” He was not expecting to feel so calm about it. There was no worry about what would happen next or what it meant for him and how people would react. He slid his hand up Cas’s arm as he deepened the kiss to rest it on his neck. Managing to stifle a slight moan, he pulled away to rest his forehead against Cas’s. It was getting dangerously close to the point where he wanted something more. “I wanted to say it so many times,”he admitted “I wanted to tell you almost everyday but I just couldn’t get the words to come out. I just wanted it to be perfect for you.” He pressed a kiss to the side of Cas’s mouth. “I will never get sick of hearing you say it. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.” Our home. Castiel definitely liked the sound of that. He had almost forgotten about Claire and Kaia, the two girls were usually busy with one thing or another and he hardly saw them. “Right, yes, good call on Claire.” He had been in the same vessel for so many years that it felt like it was his own, but it belonged to Jimmy Novak, Claire’s father. Cas nodded, reaching up to caress Dean’s face. “So, now that we’re together, will it still be creepy for me to watch you sleep and count the freckles on your face?” He teased playfully, still completely in awe. “It never needed to be perfect, Dean. I would have accepted anyway you presented it, but we’re here now and that’s what matters most.” Cas was more than relieved to hear that he was the best thing to ever happen to Dean, and he hoped he continued to live up to that. It all felt like a Djinn fueled dream, but it was incredibly real and Cas had never felt better in his existence. Claire and Dean were a lot alike and he knew it. He knew that the information about this change would be something that she would want to know. Their relationship had come a long way since before his death and he wanted to keep it going that way. “I’ll talk to her soon,” he promised softly before letting out a soft, almost breathless chuckle. “It’s still creepy just...in a slightly more adorable way.” He took one of Cas’s hands in his and pressed a kiss to his fingers. “I know,” he said softly, “I do. I just wanted to give you something that you deserved. You deserve perfect.” He just wanted, for once, to be able to express how people meant to him without messing it up. Dean was never going to be one of those guys who could just tell people how they felt. Unless that feeling was a negative one. It was hard for Castiel to understand why, after all he had done in the past, Dean believed he deserved nothing other than perfection. Then again, he wanted nothing more than the best for Dean. Was that a part of love? Possibly. It was something Cas would have to figure out along the way. “Okay, you talk to her and until then, I will keep quiet.” Even though he was an angel, Castiel felt the safest he had ever been, right now, in the arms of the man he loved. “Does this mean I should move into your room? Or, I can keep mine. It’s not like I ever use it.” Dean smiled before kissing the palm of Cas’s hand. “You don’t have to be quiet,” he said, the corners of his mouth turning up to make his smile a little bit more devious. “I mean...not everywhere. We just don’t want to scar her.” A slight blush appeared on his cheeks. This was more than Dean had ever hoped for and part of him wondered if it was another dream. A sweet picture of a life that he could have if he was a better man or was less of a coward. “You should move into my room,” he said after a minute. “I know you don’t sleep but I like the idea of you in my room.” Cas smiled brightly when Dean said he liked the idea of him in his room. "Okay, I can easily move my things into your room. I really don't have too much anyway." He was working on slowly expanding his wardrobe, and he really didn't have much in the way of personal effects. Just a picture of him and Dean that he had miraculously managed to print out at the store. "I might actually sleep every now and then, just so I can enjoy the experience with you. Or maybe just lay there and hold you while you sleep." Cas hadn't moved his gaze from the man in front of him, the man he loved. He was perfect in so many ways and it was hard not to smile while looking at him. "I still can't believe this is real." |