What do I know? Not much...
At first glance, this fic was atmospheric, the closing scene intriguing and seemed to be attempting to break the mold. ^_^
Then I came back later for a closer read with my thinking cap on. *sigh* As a reader, I don't generally enjoy first person stories. There are a few writers who can do it for me in first person, but most stories in this perspective just leave me cold. Just thought I let you know my preferences since it probably colours my crit. Still... maybe... Unfortunately, I couldn't get into the narrator's head and didn't empathise/sympathise much with him.
I didn't figure out the narrator's name. Or what he looked like. He tells us he is straightforwad and blunt, but didn't really act that way except for when he was trying to explain his rudeness. I get a feeling that he's apologising for it?
I had the impression that at the start of the story he was dead. A ghost lurking in a graveyard? I'm sure there was a time switch in there somewhere, but I'm not positive. The tense of the first section is not clear. This is where my confusion stems from.
The next part's tense gets better. I have it pegged as past. (I'm mostly sure). I stumbled over some words and phrases. Are you trying to get an 'old world' feel with your language? The words that tripped me most were: warier, fool hearty, hallow, tack. If these words are deliberate for your cultural atmosphere, ok. Tack was easily figured out, but the others? what's wrong with fool hardy? I had to look up the other two in the dictionary. (having to stop and look up words, breaks up the reading flow severely.) The mansion is a church?
He keeps refering to rumours and tales of the place/person that I get the impression should be scary, but I don't feel it from the read. Good suspense has me worried for my hero/heroine about to beard the lion in his den. I wasn't particularly worried here. He's obviously dissapointed by the difference between his expectations and the reality.
Named characters:
Wilfred, a servant or agent? Old. smokes. fragile looking. Was he the one who won the dice game?
Richard. master of the house? mad? messy, neglects himself and doesn't seem to care about station. No idea who he is in the 'world'. Landed gentry? seems to be the way to go, by why am I thinking that he's a male version of Rochester's insane wife? So, I don't know for sure his place in secular society. He has a reputation? This reputation needs to be better explained.
Setting: Why am I seeing scottish moors? when the notes at the beginning suggest that I should be thinking scandinavia - although, I don't have much of a mental picture of scandinavian landscape beyond Norwegian fjords (I think that's how you spell it) It feels very wuthering heights/jane eyre.
I do like the description of the overgrown path although the castle didn't work as well for me.
Culture: I'm not familiar with scandinavian history beyond... ummm... how do I put this? bodice ripping vikings? from romance novels. The limited time slavery that is described, makes me think more of indentured servant rather than outright slave. Unless the young man is the older priest's possession that can be lost. It sounds like he's just on loan to his current master. The 'system' is not very clearly explained and while it might not be necessary for me to know, it possibly lessens the impact of his situation. He keeps telling me it's unsual, but I have nothing to compare with what is usual.