The challenge is to find a scene you don't particularly like (one that seems to be slow moving), and rewrite it as a screenplay. The idea is that, while writing it into a script, you're forced to think visually and through dialogue rather than narration. After the script is done, rewrite the scene again back into prose, and now you've got yourself a faster-paced scene with a stronger visual. (It's explained a lot better in the link... hee!)
Anyway, being tortured via insomnia, I decided last night to test it with an action scene that's been bothering me in my offline fic Stoop From Heaven. This is a GW fanfic, but there's no where it says you *can't* use fanfic, so here we go. ;)
Warning for bad language and violence!
This is the scene rewritten as a script... - Stuck with pure visual and dialogue here, nothing fancy:
WUFEI: I don't want to fight you, Duo!
[Duo, as Death, pulls his gun from his holster and tosses it aside, his open-legged stance reminiscent of every cowboy movie ever made. He cracks his knuckles and rests his hands loosely at his hips.]
DUO: [bouncing slightly, giddy] To late for that, Preventer. Now do the stupid fucking honorable deed and put the gun down. Fight me like a man.
[Wufei tosses his gun as well. He slides into a defensive stance and waits patiently for Duo to make the first move.
Duo charges.
Wufei dodges, then feints, but Duo catches him with a knee to the midsection. Wufei's reaction is minimal as he leaps away like something out of a Jackie Chan movie and bounces off the wall, spins in mid-air, and kicks Duo in the jaw.
Duo laughs and wipes the blood from his mouth with the back of his hand.
Wufei swings at him again with a fist, Duo catches it in his left hand and punches Wufei with his right. Wufei catches that fist, and they stand there, struggling for dominance. (Think Matrix.)
Duo smirks and head butts Wufei. They burst apart, and Wufei falls back into a defensive stance, grimacing and licking at the inside of his lower lip.]
DUO: Not bad. Full blown Asian stereotype, are you? What is that, Kung Fu?
[Wufei is cold and silent.]
DUO: [grinning] Interesting.
[Duo kicks the wooden chair from Hilde's desk at Wufei. Wufei dodges, Duo uses the distraction to grab both an unconscious Hilde and his gun. Hilde is slung like a sack of potatoes over his shoulder as he runs for the door. Wufei shoots him in the leg.
Duo drops Hilde, hops on his good leg, and glares at his opponent.]
DUO: [growling] You're really starting to piss me off. [grabs at his leg, in obvious pain]
WUFEI: [frustrated] I would say the same to you.
[Duo draws his gun and aims it at Wufei. Wufei is reluctant to fire at Duo again. His hand trembles, conflicted.
Duo fires. Wufei is hit in the chest, and goes down. While falling, Wufei fires back. He misses. Wufei passes out. Duo lifts Hilde painfully back over his shoulder and limps away.]
This is the scene written back into prose. - Changed some more things, and dressed it up a little:
"I don't want to fight you, Duo!"
Death pulled his gun from his holster and casually tossed it aside in airy show of bravado. He cracked his knuckles in the palm of each hand and rested them loosely against his hips, his legs spread wide with arrogance.
"Too late for that, Preventer. Now do the stupid fucking honorable deed and put the gun down." Death bounced lightly on the balls of his feet. "Fight me like a man."
For a moment, there was hesitation. But then Chang tossed his gun aside, sliding into a defensive stance. His only answer was a resigned glare, waiting for Death to make the first move.
Which was fine, because he was more than happy to oblige. Death charged, Chang dodged, and Death caught him with a knee to the midsection. Chang's breath caught at the impact and he leapt away, bouncing off the wall, plaster crackling underneath his feet. He spun into the air and kicked Death hard in the jaw.
Death stumbled backward, absently feeling for broken bones. Finding none, he wiped the blood from his mouth with the back of his hand, laughing like a loon.
Chang swung again, but Death was ready and caught it, digging his fingernails into the Preventer's angry, white knuckles. A grimace answered him as Death swung from his right, and it was deftly captured in Chang's opposing fist. They stood there, fists in palms, one struggling to overpower the other, and both of them evenly matched.
Death didn't have time to waste on manly displays of arm wrestling. He head-butted Chang, who stumbled back and fell into a defensive stance, licking at the inside of his lower lip.
"Not bad. Full blown Asian stereotype, are you? What is that, Kung Fu?" Chang didn't answer, so Death grinned viciously. He rather liked this guy, for all his predictability. "Interesting," he said.
Death hooked his foot around the wooden chair at Hilde's desk and kicked it in Chang's general direction. Chang leapt out of the way and the chair connected with the wall in a shower of wooden shards. His opponent distracted, Death swiped his gun from the floor and holstered it, swinging Hilde's limp body back over his shoulder.
He raced for the door, and dropped Hilde once again when pain exploded in his left leg. He hopped on his good leg and growled, turning to face a gun-toting, furious Chang Wufei.
"You're really starting to piss me off," Death said, grabbing at the bullet wound in his thigh.
Chang's voice trembled with frustration. "I would say the same to you."
Death drew his gun from his holster, his intent colored in the shadows across his face. But Chang once again hesitated. His eyes glistened with conflict, and the gun in his right hand shook, as if even aiming in Death's general direction was emotional agony.
Chang opened his mouth--to plead, beg, request reason, Death would never know. He didn't care. He fired, and Chang went down, blood bubbling from the wound in his chest. At the last minute, Chang fired erratically in Death's general direction, but he missed every shot and passed out.
Death stared at him, head titled in vague amusement. Then he shook himself in effort to clear the confrontation from his mind, and painfully lifted Hilde back over his shoulder. He limped home, knees already starting to buckle from the blood loss.
This is the original scene, for anyone curious.
“I don't want to fight you, Duo!”
Death picked his gun from the holster and casually tossed it aside in an airy show of bravado, like in all those cowboy movies he'd watched as a kid. With bared fists, he bounced slightly on the balls of his feet and laughed at the other man's foolishness. “Too late for that, Preventer. Now do the stupid fucking honorable thing and put the gun down. Fight me like a man.”
Something seemed to click in Chang, for he lowered the weapon and tossed it aside much like Death had. He firmed into a stance, waiting for his opponent to make the first move. Which was fine, since Death wanted to get this finished. He charged.
Chang dodged, of course, and then feinted, but Death didn't fall for it and caught him with a knee to the midsection. Chang barely gave much of a reaction, leaping away with the grace of a man-sized cat. He bounced off the wall, which cracked under the pressure of his feet and spun in mid-air to kick Death in the jaw. Death laughed—the Preventer had moves—and swiped at the blood that gathered at his lips with the heel of his hand. Chang swung at him with a whistling fist, and Death caught it with his left hand while punching him with his right. Chang caught that fist too, and then they stood there, one trying to overpower the other, fighting for dominance with both fists hand in hand.
Death smirked and head-butted him in the face.
They separated, and Chang whirled back into a defensive stance, grimacing as he idly licked the inside of his lower lip.
“Not bad. Full blown Asian stereotype, are you? What is that, Kung Fu?”
Chang wasn't smiling. He didn't answer.
“Interesting,” Death said with an infuriating grin. Then he kicked the wooden chair that sat before Hilde's desk, and hurled it at the man. While Chang dodged, splintered wood flying everywhere, he grabbed Hilde and the gun, and slung her like a sack of potatoes over his shoulder as he ran out the door. He was fast, but not fast enough. He made it as far as the end of the driveway before a shot rang in the air. It caught him in the leg.
He dropped Hilde again, limping. He turned and glared at the man.
“You're really starting to piss me off,” he growled, grabbing at his leg. Another good shot—hadn't hit anything important, but it hurt like a fucking bitch, and it was just enough to disable him.
Chang smirked coldly. “I would say the same to you.”
Death drew his gun and aimed at the other man. Chang seemed reluctant to fire again, however angry he might've been at his opponent. The Preventer's gun hand trembled slightly, stiff with hesitation. How many more shots could Death take before he crumbled?
Death, however, did not hesitate. He fired at his chest; Chang went down, but not before firing back. He dodged, racing away while the bastard was distracted by bleeding to death. He had to get back home before he bled to death himself.
Doing this, I found it easier to spot inconsistencies in the action, as well as character's reactions. I think I rather like the rewritten version done this way, it seems to read better. I'll definitely replace it in the story.
Anyone else want to give it a go? It's rather hard to do and it takes forever, but in a bizarre way, it's also fun! It sort of makes me want to write a screenplay now. xD
EDIT: Oh, and I feel the need to say that even if I am happy with the rewritten version, I might need to add in some flowery-ness. Maybe. *ponders* One thing this certainly does is take away the literative beauty (metaphors, beat, ect) you may have had originally, and adding them back in is a pain in the butt. But it's still pretty effective with awkward scenes or a slow part of the story, I think.