Michael (walkedmanypaths) wrote in worldsapart_ic, @ 2019-08-04 21:53:00 |
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Entry tags: | billy crowley, daniel penbrook, michael crawford |
Who: Billy Crowley, Daniel Penbrook & Michael Crawford
What: Daniel does what he does best, meddles, and reunites Billy with his Sire
When: 5th August
Where: One of Daniel's many penthouses
Rating: PG
Warnings: Vague references to Billy feeling suicidal
Daniel had said meet him at seven which, okay, fine. The problem was that Billy just had a feeling that something was wrong. A feeling he'd been separated from longer than he had been close to had rippled through him three days ago and it had taken his breath away when he was sitting at his desk, waiting for Detective Kane to update him on Grayson's whereabouts. They were still working on trying to identify what was going on, where the homeless kids were going but there had been some rumours spread that the LAPD were in on it, which meant that they were even more reluctant than before to talk, and using supernatural senses only got them so far. There were too many scents; the people that were taking these kids knew how to avoid getting tracked, at least, for the most part.
He'd knocked his coffee over his table and cursed, trying to clean it up before anyone noticed how his hands were shaking and about three hours later he'd received a text from Daniel suggesting they meet up at one of his penthouses to 'talk'.
The closer he got, as he walked up the stairs, he could feel it. It made his stomach churn in an anxiety he thought he'd long since stamped down. Michael was here. He knew it. That part of him that had ached - that he'd ignored and dealt with as a punishment; he didn't deserve to have the comfort of his sire bond, and Michael had likely long since settled the desire for something else with someone who actually deserved him and wouldn't- who hadn't-
Fuck.
He stopped outside the door and could feel his heart in his throat. That shame and dismay rocked through him, rippled along his mind and down his spine and he couldn't breathe.
I can't do this.
Backing up, Billy made to leave. Maybe Michael wouldn't have noticed. Maybe Daniel wouldn't be there. Maybe he'd just- he could just- He could just go. He shouldn't-
Fuck.
Unfortunately for Billy it was impossible for him to escape his Sire's attention for long especially now that they were in the same city. That undeniable and at times inescapable bond had since come back with a fervour unlike any other that Michael had felt since he and Billy had gone their separate ways all those years ago. It was only thanks to Daniel's interference that he had known that perhaps he was needed in Los Angeles and he was grateful to his old friend. They might not always see eye to eye on certain subjects but he knew that Daniel had his and Billy's best interests at heart because contrary to his cold exterior he could be a real softie when he wanted to be.
The heat of Los Angeles was something Michael was not overly familiar with but he would adjust as he had to a lot of change in his four hundred years of life. Currently he was helping himself to a glass of Daniel's finest wine and glancing at the time, not at all anxious about what was about to happen, especially as his last encounter with Billy seemed determined to run through his mind like some form of twisted cinematic playback complete with sound effects.
"He's here," he remarked to Daniel as the other vampire emerged from where he'd been pulling on a jacket and fastening his cufflinks into place. "About to bolt if I'm not wrong." Daniel was being kind enough to offer Michael somewhere to stay at least until he got settled or for the time he was visiting which was all dependent on how this visit with Billy went. One look at how he was dressed and Michael knew that Daniel intended on seeing Billy in and then taking his leave because matters between Childe and Sire were private affairs.
"Oh for the love," Daniel grumbled as he closed the distance and pulled open the door. "And where exactly do you think you're going?"
"Not exactly the meeting I'd signed up for," Billy pointed out quietly, though there was no anger in his voice. If anything, the overriding thing was fear and maybe a little hurt. He didn't know what Daniel was doing, and he definitely didn't need the reminder that Daniel was living the best kind of vampire life; connections and friends and his Childe being in town. He didn't need the reminder that he had a functional relationship with his Childe, and that Billy had ruined that with his Sire.
He didn't need the reminder that he was, still, pretty much on his own and that, for all it hurt, he deserved it.
"Figured since you have company, I'll come back another time. Looks like you double booked me, eh?" It was said with a weak smile, trying to make light of the fact that he was terrified. Terrified and ashamed and swamped in his sense of self-loathing that he didn't know what to do with it.
Daniel regarded Billy with a cool unimpressed expression, one that spoke volumes, and merely reached out to tug the younger vampire in past the threshold. "Stop being an idiot," he chided softly against Billy's ear. "He wouldn't be here if he didn't want to be."
He wasn't wrong about that. Michael very rarely did anything he didn't want to. He was obstinate like that but then he'd always been like that even before he'd been turned by Pierre.
"It's about time you two talked, properly, and trust me I've already said my piece to him."
"This is a bad idea," Billy muttered, flinching as he was chastised but not fighting the tug as Daniel pulled him into the apartment. "Talking can't-"
He looked past Daniel and his eyes fell on Michael, who was standing near the back of the large, open plan apartment and his blood rushed in his ears. He swallowed, wetting his lower lip and looking at the floor.
"Please don't leave."
Daniel's grip softened but only by a fraction and he rested the tip of his index finger under Billy's chin so he could lift it to meet the other vampire's eyes. "You'll be fine," he assured Billy quietly. "It's not like he's going to eat you."
Michael could feel Billy's eyes on him and given how intimate and close both Billy and Daniel seemed to be he turned away figuring they could do with their privacy. Idly he busied himself with perusing his friend's selection of books.
"You say that," Billy drawled, forehead creased. He lifted his hand to curl his fingers around Daniel's wrist and squeezed once. "I don't know what you thought you'd accomplish with this, for the record, but whatever it is I- I'm gonna disappoint you."
He gave the other vampire a weak smile and pulled away, putting his hands in his pockets and moving aside to let Daniel leave, watching him walk out and shut the door behind him with an expression that definitely said 'don't fuck this up'. Except in far more polite language, because Daniel swore only when the occasion truly called for it.
Now he was alone with his sire in one of Daniel's apartments for the first time in half a century, they'd been apart longer than they'd been together and Billy couldn't bring himself to look at the other vampire. Couldn't bring himself to even try and handle the emotions that swamped him in the first place on a regular basis, let alone now, stoked and in his face in a way he couldn't ignore.
He should have just let himself burn in the prison. It had nearly happened a few times, after all.
Swallowing, he rocked up onto his toes. "Didn't figure LA'd be your scene," he said finally. It was hot, arid sometimes, and from what he remembered, Michael had always preferred more temperate climes.
Now that they were alone Michael supposed he could no longer attempt to look busy and he turned to face Billy. He hadn't clasped eyes on Billy since well, 1956, and that honestly felt like a lifetime which for a vampire was an impressive thing to be feeling. Thankfully Billy looked good even with the twenty years spent behind bars so clearly he was doing better, no longer hooked on Fae blood. Of course he knew a lot about Billy thanks to Daniel as he had been very good at feeding him information because whilst his Childe wanted nothing to do with him he couldn't just forget about Billy.
"It isn't," he shared with a shake of his head. "Far too hot, too much sun, but I'm told it has its... upsides." He sipped at his drink before he gestured to the drinks table. "Did you want anything to drink?"
It was difficult, navigating this awkward reunion, especially as it wasn't as though Billy had reached out to him.
Of course Michael still looked perfect, while Billy had been living in LA and stoically avoided looking like he spent any time in the sun (his Anglo-Saxon complexion might have stopped him tanning anyway but it wasn't like he'd had a lot of life experience that would allow him to enjoy the sun prior to becoming a vampire).
"I'm not sure about that," Billy offered with a little shrug, "LA's pretty shitty compared to some places, far as I understand it. There's a lot of places better than here."
He shook his head, "No- uh- thanks. I'm okay."
He took his hands out of his pocket to lace his fingers together at the back of his neck, "You- what're- why are you in LA?"
"Hm, your loss," Michael surmised as he wandered over to help himself to another glass of wine because Daniel knew him well enough to have some of the best wine readily available.
He gave Billy some serious side-eye when he asked why he was in LA of all places and arched an eyebrow as if to say 'really?' before he schooled his expression into something more neutral.
"Daniel was concerned," he explained. "About you."
"He's got no need to be," Billy offered a little defensively, though he looked away because he'd always felt like he was laid bare under Michael's gaze. He remembered the way that he'd spat vitriol in his sire's direction; how he'd said he had never wanted to be cursed like this, that his immortality was the worst thing that could have ever happened, that he didn't want someone coddling him... Along with other things. Other things he wasn't proud of and had done his best to ignore and forget, though it was the other thing that haunted him in the dark of the night when he was trying to sleep.
He wet his lower lip, ignoring the way he felt almost betrayed that Daniel was feeding information back. He knew they'd been friends, he knew that Daniel had been asked to look out for him - the more he thought about that the more he felt like he'd just put himself upon someone else, too, fuck - but somehow he hadn't clocked onto the fact that Daniel was feeding information back.
"I'm okay, you know," he offered. Weakly. "Just- keeping busy with work. Being an officer takes up a lot of my time." He really wanted to know what Daniel had said, what he'd shared with Michael, so he knew how much he'd be able to get away with bullshitting. He really didn't want to be worried about, least of all by Michael. He didn't- he didn't deserve that. He lost that right a long time ago.
Michael's expression remained cool and collected even in the face of Billy's defensive response to the fact Daniel had been concerned about him. Daniel didn't worry easy so when he called Michael he'd known that there was more going on than Daniel was saying because even though he did feed him information he got the distinct impression that he did hold some things back.
"Daniel wouldn't have called me if it wasn't important," he pointed out with an extension of one long index finger. "I mean I know I'm not exactly your most favourite person in the world but for as long as we're both alive I remain your Sire and you my Childe though admittedly we haven't spoken in a long time so not entirely sure what Daniel hoped to achieve by calling me here."
He fiddled with his sunlight ring and then cleared his throat.
"But it seems like everything worked out in the end for you."
"Daniel's just worrying because his Childe's in town and it means he's got less time to watch me or something," Billy said, though the moment the words 'not exactly your most favourite person' filtered into his consciousness he looked up, making eye contact for the first time.
His expression crumpled, that crushing sensation swallowing him almost whole because Michael thought Billy didn't like him? Michael thought he was the problem?
He opened his mouth to say something but no words came out. "You- I- It-"
He collapsed onto the arm of one of the armchairs in the lounge and pushed his fingers through his - admittedly short - hair.
"That was never the- Michael you gotta know that's not true."
Michael watched with no small sense of curiosity when he saw the way in which Billy's expression crumbled in response to what Michael had said aloud. "It's how I remember things," he explained as he perched on the edge of the nearby couch. Close but not too close, didn't want to smother his Childe after all, he'd done enough of that all those years ago.
He cradled his wine glass between his thighs with each hand cupped around the goblet as he regarded Billy where he sat.
"I didn't mean any of it," Billy admitted softly, hands resting on his thighs and for lack of anything better to do he tugged on a loose thread at the hem of his shirt, fiddling with it like that would stop the conversation from happening. "Besides, you're better off... wherever you are at the moment." Without me. It hung between them, and even though it hadn't been spoken, Billy felt like he wanted to grab it from the air and stuff it back into his mouth.
He swallowed. "I- Shit, it was never you, Michael."
Michael might not have seen Billy in a very long time but there were some things you didn't forget like how he'd pick at something when he was nervous or how he'd doggedly avoid eye contact when he felt ashamed. Both of which he was doing right now.
He hesitated but only for a moment as he placed his glass aside and reached out to catch Billy's fingers in his own, ceasing his movements at the hem of his shirt.
"No?"
"No."
The answer was quiet but resolute. Michael had never been the problem, Billy had. It was always Billy; he didnt deserve what he'd been given - the gift of eternal life, being saved from death - because what had he done with it? Nothing. He'd squandered it, spent over half a century separated from his sire (who looked all the better for it, to be honest), and had done nothing of note with his life.
Which, honestly, was partly how he had wanted it to be. If he never did anything, there was never anything expected of him and he couldn't let anyone down. The one thing he did try and do recently for someone else he'd fucked that up too and now the kid was back on the streets going through who knew what.
"I'm sorry Daniel dragged you here."
"He didn't exactly drag," Michael pointed out. "He called, expressed concern, and I came. Not really the thing you do when you're being pulled anywhere against your will."
He exhaled a breath and looked properly at Billy for the first time since he'd clasped eyes on him, a frown catching on his brow. "You've not been sleeping." It was subtle but he could see it. The things you knew as a Sire went far beyond the comprehension of others it was just the way it was.
Billy, who had gone still when Michael's hands rested on him, shrugged his shoulders. "Still, it was a trip you shouldn't have had to make. You've got your life somewhere else and-" He wet his lower lip and looked away again, away from the hands that had caught his to stop them from plucking at his clothes, away from the way they still felt slightly warm to the touch. Away from the way that skin contact caused that bond to spark further, more strongly than it had done when Michael had landed in the city.
He swallowed and shrugged. "Been busy, Michael. The city never sleeps, they don't expect their cops to either. Plus I'm part of the CPD so that means pulling extra hours around the full moon on top of my regular shift."
Michael inhaled slow, squeezed Billy's hand, and then let him be. His fingers laced together and rested back between his thighs. "No excuse for terrible self care," he chided softly but affectionately, warmth apparent.
Billy was under the impression that Michael had been living some sort of life away from his Childe and that was a good thing, he'd rather he thought that than know the truth behind where he had actually been for the last thirty odd years.
"But I didn't come all this way to lecture you," he affirmed. "I came to see how you were doing with my own eyes."
"No one else notices," Billy pointed out with an arch of his eyebrow. "You're cheating, using the whole Sire thing. My self care is fine." Lie. But. Wasn't that something that he did fantastically well around Michael? Apparently so, if the vampire had it in his head that Billy wanted nothing to do with him. It was quite the opposite, in fact, Billy craved some kind of relationship with his sire but he didn't deserve it, he knew that. He'd made this mess. He needed to handle it.
He sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. "I'm fine, Michael. Daniel- I- what did he even tell you anyway? Had to be pretty dramatic to make you fly out from... wherever you're living now."
"No one else is me," Michael pointed out in return with an almost identifical arch of his eyebrow. "He told me that the last conversation he had with you worried him. Said you didn't seem yourself, that you seemed... despondent."
He collected up his glass again and took a further sip. "I was in France, but I had been thinking about moving on anyways so seemed like a good time to do just that."
If he stayed long he would get used to LA and its heat one way or another.
"Haven't been to France since the war," Billy said with a little smile, knowing he needed to loop back to the despondent comment even though he truly didn't want to.
He wet his lower lip, lifted his shoulder and got to his feet, deciding that actually, yeah, he really wanted a drink. He poured himself a glass of scotch and took a breath. "Need a refill?"
Sipping his drink while he waited for Michael's answer, he added, "I'm normally much better at giving him nothing to worry about."
"Still cannot get behind eating snails or frog legs." And that was saying something given that Michael was perfectly willing to try something at least once because experience was key, important even, especially to keep from losing the battle of boredom as the decades rolled on.
At the mention of a refill rather than saying anything he merely held his glass out.
"Well that's reassuring at least."
Billy snorted before he could help himself. He could imagine the face Michael pulled trying the local cuisine. He shrugged. "Never really appealed. I like pancakes, or- um, crepes, I think that's what they're called in France. The thin ones, not the thick ones served for breakfast here."
He plucked the bottle up and walked back over, refilling the glass higher than was polite.
Leaving the bottle on the table, Billy returned to his perch and sighed.
"What did he tell you?" He asked, finally. "Despondent isn't enough to have had you haulting arse halfway around the world."
Michael was silent for a moment as he regarded his wine as if it held all the answers and upon swirling it a few times he took a slow sip just enough time for him to figure out the best way to say what he was going to say.
"He said you seemed sad, lonely and most worrying of all he got the sense that you might be slightly suicidal so he called me."
He turned those blue eyes of his on Billy and looked at him intensely. "Was he wrong?"
Billy looked up, visibly flinching when Michael said the word 'suicidal'. It hadn't been active, he supposed, but the thoughts had crossed his mind; what would happen if he forgot his dog tags and went outside? What would happen if he just downed tools during a fight during the full moon?
He rolled his glass between his palms and lifted his shoulder. He was lonely, he'd been reminded recently of just how unimportant he was in the lives of the people around him, he'd been dressed down again for passing up another promotion both within the CPD and within the LAPD. He'd failed Grayson, and god only knew what was happening with him right now and Michael- he didn't deserve Michael flying out from his happy life to come and stare at him.
"Would you believe me if I told you he was?" he asked, not looking at Michael.
Michael placed his glass to one side again and rose to his feet before closing the distance between himself and his Childe, a hand resting on Billy's shoulder before it smoothed across to close around the back of his neck where it squeezed softly but firmly.
"No, I wouldn't," he said with a shake of his head.
It would seem in the time that they had been separated Billy hadn't so much flourished as he had pushed things under, swallowed them even, and they looked set on drowning him.
Billy, despite his best efforts to the contrary, slumped into the touch, leaning forward until his forehead was pressed against Michael's hip and his eyes were closed. The tension didn't so much as melt from his body as much as started to drain a little.
"I'm not sure what you want me to say, Michael," he admitted softly, reaching up but then aborting the movement like he wasn't sure it'd be welcomed.
Michael tipped his head in order to look down at Billy as his forehead pressed against his hips and he could feel the other vampire's eyes closing. That was a good sign, the start of something he could work with. He pushed his other hand into Billy's hair which admittedly might have been short but he could still catch a few stray strands but more importantly lightly press the tips of his fingers in a massaging movement.
"I just need to know one thing from you," he explained. "And that is, do you want me to stay?"
Billy let out a breath, and with it, the line in his shoulders disappeared. He felt his throat tightening, the familiar burn behind his eyes and he lifted his hand to swipe under them before they betrayed him. He swallowed, telling himself even though Michael had seen him at his worst - or nearly at his worst - he didn't want to let him see him break. He didn't know if it was a pride or a fear thing, probably the latter, but he just-
"Why would you?" He asked, not saying yes though he desperately wanted to. "Why would you want to stay?"
The hand at the back of Billy's neck crept up to join the other in his hair before Michael bent at the waist to drop a kiss atop of his Childe's head. He'd always been affectionate and had never been lacking in warmth towards Billy and that hadn't changed which was evident in how he was being.
"Because despite our differences I care about you," he explained softly and patiently. "And I have been remiss in my duties because I was under the misguided impression that you wanted nothing to do with me."
"You really shouldn't," Billy pointed out, though he didn't pull away. His fingers lifted once more, grazing the edge of Michael's wrist before thinking better of it. If he reached out and Michael pulled away, he'd struggle even more. "Pretty sure I lost that right a long time ago."
He swallowed, "That was never the case, though. Ever."
Michael sighed and shifted his hands from Billy's hair to his shoulders before his arms encircled him, tugging him that much closer, a further kiss being pressed atop of his head.
"Well, last I checked, you don't get a say in who does or doesn't care about you, Billy."
Billy let out a sound that was somewhere near a sob but he caught it before it escaped fully and just focused on breathing as Michael hugged him. He finally lifted his arms and wrapped them around his Sire's waist. If he clung on, he had to pray that Michael wouldn't say anything.
"I'm so sorry," he mumbled. "I- I never-"
Michael inhaled slow as to keep his own emotions in check as it wouldn't help either of them if he disintegrated under the weight of his Childe's emotional distress. He tightened his arms around Billy and remained steady as he offered as much physical comfort as he could because it was clear that Billy needed it.
Maybe for much longer than he'd been willing to admit.
"Shh," he murmured quietly as he brushed a hand through Billy's hair. "It's okay." And it was, it was truly amazing the depth of a Sire's forgiveness or rather Michael's but then you didn't live the life that he had without knowing a thing or two about second chances.
"I- I can't- I don't deserve you being here, you shouldn't uproot your life for me it's not- it's not a- fuck, Michael I'm so sorry he called you out here." Billy let out a breath. "It's not okay, it's really not fucking okay, I fucked up and I- Shit, did you really think all this time that I didn't wanna- How could I even look at you after everything I did?"
"I'm not going to sugarcoat things because you and I know I never did that with you." Michael's touch strayed to cradle Billy's head in his hand and with a gentle encouragement he coaxed Billy into making eye contact with him. "You did fuck up, but that was a very long time ago." He stroked his thumbs over Billy's cheekbones. "And you've made your amends and you're living a better life now, right?"
He searched Billy's expression before he just offered a soft affectionate smile.
"You're my Childe, Billy."
That carried weight, meant something, and he hadn't just spent the last thirty years indentured to the Fae just for the hell of it. Not that Billy knew that and he would never know if Michael had his way.
"That doesn't mean that I deserve you coming out to check on me," Billy pointed out, even as he tipped his head into the touch. "I just- You deserve someone better. I hope you found them?"
And he meant it; it might have hurt to think about being replaced, being bumped down the priority order of someone else's life but it was what he deserved. It was his penance for the mistakes he'd made. He'd be paying for it for the rest of his life anyway and being lonely was a part of it. Michael deserved better. Daniel did, too.
Michael sought Billy's expression for a long moment before he simply shook his head. "Not once did I ever think about siring another Childe, Billy."
He'd been special, an exemption, and Michael couldn't imagine having another.
"You probably should have done," Billy said with a shrug of his shoulder. "Pretty sure there's someone out there who'd do better at this whole... eternal life thing than I am right now. "
He wet his lower lip and looked away.
"How long're you staying in LA for?"
Michael rolled his eyes and brushed his hand through Billy's hair affectionately before he just let his Childe have his space back.
"For as long as I'm needed or... wanted."
The last part was definitely important.
"I told you," Billy said softly, "I- I never meant for this- for the- I didn't want this to happen. It just- it-" He got to his feet and pushed his hands through his hair. "It all just happened and then suddenly time had passed and it felt-" He swallowed, "I was ashamed. I'm sorry that translated into you thinking I didn't need you."
"I should have gone after you that night," Michael admitted softly. "Put aside my wounded pride and hurt feelings. Maybe then-" He cut himself off, gave a sad smile, and just shook his head. "But it is what it is. We can't go back and change the past, all we can do is focus on the here and now."
He picked up his glass and took a sip.
"So, I think that means you're stuck with me."
"You don't get to feel guilty for my bad decisions," Billy interrupted, "the stuff I did- that's never been on you. Those mistakes are mine to bear, you don't need to carry those."
He let out a breath that was supposed to be a laugh but didn't quite hit the mark.
"Such a hardship," is what he deadpanned in the end. "Welcome to LA, I guess?"