Gabe (unexpectedturn) wrote in worldsapart_ic, @ 2019-05-12 21:08:00 |
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Entry tags: | billy crowley, gabriel erikkson |
Who: Gabe Erikkson & Billy Crowley
What: Gabe's feeling a certain way so he seeks out his sponsor
When: The Precinct & The Antique
Where: 12th May
Rating: PG
Warnings: References to suicidal ideation
It was maybe between his awkward reunion with Koa and the next time he'd slipped his daylight ring off and watched nonplussed as his hand had burned and sizzled with direct contact with the sun that Gabe realised that he might benefit from seeking out and speaking to his sponsor. The transition wasn't easy, probably would have been had he chosen this, but that was the thing, he hadn't chosen this. If given the choice he definitely would have opted for werewolf but that had been taken away from him.
That was probably one of the hardest things to come to term to along with the loss of his magic of course.
Still this was his life now and the sooner he got around to accepting that the better or his coming back was basically for nothing. He hovered awkwardly for a moment before clearing his throat and stepping forward to approach the desk. "Uh, Billy Crowley?"
Billy glanced up when someone said his name and a split-second of confusion immediately preceeded recognition and he got to his feet, closing the case file Wyatt had given him and he wet his lower lip, holding out a hand for Gabe to take.
He was young, fuck. Not much younger than Billy when he'd been turned.
"Gabe, right?" he smiled a little and shook the guy's hand. "Wasn't expecting to see you so soon since you've only just got back."
Gabe reached forward and took hold of the hand on offer, squeezing faintly before releasing. "Uh, yeah, that's me." He cleared his throat and glanced around them. "Are we okay to talk here?"
Billy watched the uneasy movements of Gabe's eyes before he shook his head, "We can do, but I think it'd be better if we went somewhere else. Let me just lock this up and we'll head out. I'm due for a break anyway."
He slipped the file into his drawers and locked them, leaving a note for Wyatt and Marcus that he had something to attend to and he'd be back in a little while before he just led the way back out of the precinct and into the warm LA air.
"Figure we can head to somewhere that's got a bit more privacy, you look like you need to talk."
Well, he wasn't wrong. Gabe's hands slipped into the pockets of his jeans and vanished into them to the point where his shoulders all but hunched up towards his ears. "You're not wrong about that." He swallowed and exhaled a breath, not entirely sure how this sponsor thing worked but he definitely needed to talk to somebody before he did something really fucking stupid.
It wasn't like he could talk to Koa or his family because well things were weird between him and Koa and his family, well, they needed 'space'.
Billy nodded, flagging down a cab and nudging Gabe inside, giving instructions for the driver to take them to The Antique; it had private booths and rooms they could talk in if they needed proper privacy and their drink selection - even the stuff that didn't have blood in it - was pretty much precisely what they needed for a conversation like this.
The ride over was quick, and Billy paid the cab driver with a wallet he kept out as he flashed an ID card at the man at the door, which allowed them entry to the second level.
Once they were settled in a booth, with drinks delivered, Billy rested his arms on the table, brown eyes focused on Gabe's face which, if he was honest, looked anguished.
"Okay, so no one's going to be listening in here, so if you need to talk, I'm listening."
Gabe shrugged out of his jacket as he slid into the booth opposite from Billy before he braced his arms on the table, ringed fingers idly toying with the leather bracelets which wrapped his wrists. "This is probably going to sound really stupid," he began with as his gaze flicked up to Billy before he cleared his throat. "But uh, did you ever feel like- I dunno, like taking off your daylight ring and just walk out into the sun?"
And there it was, laid bare and as honest as he could be, but better to be talking than not.
Billy felt his brain screech to a halt and he didn't reply for a moment, trying to unpack what was being told to him and remembering that escaping to text Daniel what the fuck how do I fucking do this really wasn't an option. He had a moment of missing his sire so strongly that he felt dizzy.
"It doesn't sound stupid," he reassured, reaching across the table to catch Gabe's hand, stopping him twisting said ring around his finger. "I did, you know. Just after I was turned. The adjustment... it's hard."
Gabe's eyes dropped to where Billy's hand enclosed his own and then let out a dry chuckle. "That's definitely one way of putting it." He glanced to his right hand because that was the one he'd stuck out into the sun for as long as he could handle the pain of burning flesh. "I just- I think it would be easier if I'd actively chosen this, you know?"
"And I just- I don't know, I thought coming home would be easy but..."
"It's always easier if you get to choose, but when you have that taken away from you it's... it's hard." Billy nodded his head, "I- I know how that feels." It was slightly different for him; he'd been delirious and terrified of dying and hadn't realised what was happening to him until it was too late.
He listened, "But...?"
"It's really not," Gabe confessed as he leaned back and rubbed a hand through his hair, lips tugging into a tight hard line press of his jaw. "Everything feels harder and I hate that."
Hated how he wasn't even sure of himself any longer and how that might be impacting his relationships.
"In what way?" Billy asked, not unkindly. He'd been lucky, he supposed, he'd just started over, his family had been told he died and they moved on with their lives. He didn't have anyone to come back to, anyone that had missed him, anyone that cared about him. He was assuming that wasn't the case for Gabe. "They need to give you time to get used to your new normal, whatever that is."
Gabe knocked the back of his head into the booth before he just scratched behind his ear. "Well, my moms won't let me see them as they're in their words 'coming to terms' and my best friend-" and something more but that bit he didn't say aloud, made it too real and way too scary "-well he's struggling. I think because of what I am and what he is and how he wasn't able to keep me safe so things are definitely awkward there."
Billy tipped his head, quiet as he just listened. "You're talking about their needs," he pointed out, "not yours. What do you need, Gabe?"
Gabe folded his arms across his chest as he hoped that might make him feel less... unstable and a little more comforted. "I don't really know except to feel like myself again but I'm not sure when and if that's even possible." He worried his lower lip with his teeth.
Billy let out a breath, "You know, it- it's different, being a vampire, and it's a hard road but you're not alone. Right now you gotta remember that. What kind of stuff did you like to do before you got turned? A good way of easing back into who you were is picking up some of those hobbies."
"Photography, surfing, clubbing, that sort of thing? I was a personal trainer before the whole turning thing," That was actually how he'd met the crazy vampire that had done this to him.
"So anything of those hobbies you really miss?" Billy queried, glad that they were at least talking.
Gabe slowly unfurled his arms, a very conscious effort on his part, and reached out to lightly rest and drum his fingers against the table. "Probably the photography and surfing more than the clubbing and obviously my career because I was good at it and I enjoyed it."
"So if you could pick one of those to pick up again, what would it be?"
"My career for one thing,"Gabe said with a nod. "Before what happened did happen I was doing really well and I had a good client base which I pretty much lost when I needed to take a two year break." Thanks to the crazy vampire who couldn't take no for an answer.
Billy nodded. "You could start that again, after all, this is LA and there's no shortage of people who are looking for a personal trainer."
Gabe reached up to tug at his pierced ear. "Just be more careful with what clients I do or don't take on." He gave a quiet snort and shook his head. "Thanks for uh letting me talk, figured I should talk to somebody considering-" He shook his head and just cleared his throat.
"Considering I'm guessing you took your ring off and tried to see how long you could put a part of yourself under the direct sun?" Billy guessed.
Gabe merely lifted his eyebrows before answering with a nod. "Yeah, turns out my pain threshold is impressively high."
"That's not a good thing, Gabe," Billy said softly. "You know when you feel like doing that again, you call me. Or you call your friend. That- that kind of thinking can be really dangerous, I bet you don't need me to tell you that."
Oh, he knew. Painfully aware of that fact. His jaw twitched with the tension he felt was riddling his entire frame. "Yeah, you really don't." He wasn't an idiot, far from it in fact. He knew what it was he was feeling and how dangerous that line of thinking could be and how it could end up.
"Tell me about your best friend?" Billy asked, to change the subject, "Why do you think he's struggling? If he's not human either - which I assume he isn't and from your comment I'm guessing werewolf? - then the adjustment to your new non-human state shouldn't be too hard."
"Yeah, you guessed correctly," Gabe affirmed with a nod of his head. "I think he's struggling because of the fact he's stupidly protective of the people in his life and I think he feels like he failed me when really there was nothing he could have done. I mean, we knew she was crazy but didn't realise how crazy until I filed the restraining order."
"That sounds like his issue to process, but you shouldn't withdraw or not rely on him while he sorts his werewolf shit out." Billy took a sip of his drink, "Werewolves are bloody ridiculous."
Gabe let loose with a chuckle and arched his eyebrow before he rested his arm across the back of the booth. "Yeah, they really are." He tipped his head to regard Billy. "You know plenty of ridiculous werewolves, I take it?" He knew Koa and by extension the pack he was attached to but generally speaking he tended to interact with Koa the most.
"I've known my fair share," Billy said with a grin. "They're a special breed. You'll never find better friends. I'd... keep him close." Vampires were good, of course they were, but werewolves... there was a loyalty there that was oft lacking in vampire society. "Don't push him away."
"I won't," Gabe assured Billy. It was hard though, knowing that things were different and they couldn't just go back to how things had been and he knew he was working through some shit that was pretty fucking heavy. He'd always been a fun guy, the guy you hung with because he made things interesting and kept things light and easy. And now? Well, now, he wasn't so much that anymore.
"You're still early in your transition," Billy reassured, "it takes time to learn your new normal, to get to grips with what's changed and who you are now. You're still the same guy you've always been, but it might take you a while to get back to that."
Gabe nodded his head, appreciative of the advice and to hear it from somebody else, another vampire, was reassuring, It really was. "Yeah, that makes sense. I guess I'm just impatient." He glanced up and offered Billy a smile. "But I get that it's going to take time and I need to make sure I don't push away people because I'm not quite there yet."
Billy nodded, "It's really easy to fall into despair and anger at what's happened, but believe me that is not a path you want to follow. It takes everything from you and then- then you end up like me and we don't want that." He grinned, fangs just on the edge of his smile.
Gabe gave Billy a 'really' expression that was full of character. "I don't know about that, you seem to have your shit together." He threaded his fingers into his hair. "And I mean you're here helping me out."
Billy chuckled, "Oh, no, I'm a bloody mess. You really don't wanna be anything like me. There are way better role models out there, but I'm the one you got stuck with and for that I'm eternally fucking sorry."
"Let me be the judge of that," Gabe fired back with a pointed look. "But until then the least I can do is buy you a drink, to say thanks for letting me get this shit off my chest."
"Finish your one first," Billy said with a smile before he just nodded, "And yeah, one more drink and I better go back to work."