WHO: Alex and Cal WHAT: News broke and maybe so did Alex WHEN: 7 July WHERE: Shaw Residence RATING: Medium-High, mentions of memory alterations and coercion.
Night shoots were always equally exciting and tiring, but tonight's had been a little on the tedious side. The only problem with shooting Star Ministry was how long it took to reset each stunt or set piece for the second, third, fourth takes. So it was a rather weary Calix who returned home at gone midnight to find an unexpectedly empty house. Arion had nephew napped Theo, for a sleepover and night coasters at Coney Island; he knew that, but Cal hadn't expected Alex to still be at the office. Pulling out his phone he sent a brief text to his other half (đ„Ą+đ+đ«@đĄ) and then called for the take out.
Heading upstairs he knew he had enough time to shower before the food arrived and he hoped Lexi would be home soon enough to maybe join him.
A tension headache has taken up residence right behind Alex's eyes, and he'd already reached the max of potions he could take for the day. It took him a pathetically long time to understand his boyfriend's text, but the house emoji had snagged his attention and put a tiny smile on his face. The idea of "home"âbecause that's definitely what it had becomeâwas what finally made him decide to leave the office. Without the enticement, Alex knew he would have easily stayed through the night. He typed back a quick thumbs up and packed up a few things, making sure his desk was secure.
Apparating into the living room, he caught the sound of the shower going right away. A very appealing impulse to join his boyfriend flashed through his head. It was enough to make him smirk briefly, but he wasn't in the mental space to make it actionableâeven if he knew he could definitely use it from a practical standpoint. A quick scouring spell crawled over his skin and clothes, getting rid of the worst of it. He toed his shoes off and went to the kitchen, intent on getting something for them to drink. A beer was so fucking tempting, but it was late and his day was going to start again in just a few hours.
He snagged a couple of glasses and the water pitcher, and then a bottle of wine, because one glass wouldn't hurt and he was a weak, weak man. Settling on the couch to wait with only a single lamp lit, Alex tried his best to scrape together a good mood. It was a losing battle. He let his head fall back against the couch and ground the heels of his hands into his eyes with an unchecked groan of anger and frustration.
He could feel the slight shifts in the wards which alerted him to Alex's arrival, but the lack of his boyfriendâs presence in the bathroom told him something else. Bad day, bad mood or both. Rinsing off the soapy bubbles and last traces of shampoo, Cal shut off the water and stepped out of the steamy room. Running a towel over himself, he pulled on what passed as pajamas and hurried downstairs just in time to hear Lexiâs unhappy groan.
A frown came to his face as he moved closer, leaning down to press a soft kiss to Alexâs temple and carefully lift his boyfriendâs hands away from his face. âDo you have a headache, Sweetheart?â He knew well enough how those manifested themselves for his lover, so a summoning charm brought a cold compress to hand and he placed it gently over Lexiâs eyes. All the while trying to ignore the worry that was steadily building. âFood shouldnât be long.â
Letting his partner sit for a moment, he poured them both a glass of wine and then settled with his side against the sofaâs back, so he could keep a close eye on Alex and how he was faring. âI guess today was a tough one, I won't ask, but if you want to talk about it, Iâll listen.â
Fortunately, Alex wasn't wrapped up in his own personal misery so much that he didn't hear Cal's arrival or feel the dip in the couch when he was joined. A small noise of disagreement was cut off at the brush of lips and then the cool and dark of the cloth closing off the last of the light in the room. He sank further into the couch, exhaustion seeping out from every pore. After a few seconds of listening to his boyfriend move around and then settle again, Alex reached out for his hand, groping for it blindly but not stopping until their fingers were tangled together. He sighed, and would have sworn it came from the very depths of his soul. "I might as well tell you about it, since it'll be splashed all over the news and the internet first thing tomorrow morning."
It took the space of a breath for him to order his thoughts into something more than a curse filled rant. "Jackson Yang is being fired from the Studio. Several women have come forward with allegations of coercion and memory modification. At least one of them has been able to produce hard evidence. Even without it, the only thing Maverick could do was let him go. To fire his ass," he gritted out, angry all over again. Not at the studio or the legal team and the shitstorm that was about to go down, but at the execrable not-even-human monster whose fault this was. "It's been a nightmare afternoon and night just making sure we're on the right side of this. We have to make it clear that no one knew anything about this, but that we support the victims a thousand percent, and Maverick is committed to making the studio a safe place for everyone, andâ"
Alex sighed and lifted the corner of the compress to look over at Cal. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring work home with me, but this isâ It's awful. I don't understand how anyone could ever do this to another human being. It's reprehensible. It'sâIt'sâ fuck." He couldn't shake the look on Annabeth's face when she'd come in to see him earlier that day. "Sorry."
Lacing his fingers with Alexâs as soon as their hands touched, Cal lifted them to rest against his thigh and leaned a little bit closer to his love. The sigh was about as weary and heartfelt as heâd ever heard from Alex and his brow furrowed even more. Something really terrible must have happened at work to cause his boyfriend to be in such a state, he didnât usually bring stress from the office home with him. Or successfully managed to hide it from Theo and himself. Alarm bells were definitely ringing, especially when the media were mentioned. Giving Lexiâs hand an encouraging squeeze, he settled in to listen, eyes widening as the story unravelled.
"Oh, Rao. I'm... I can't imagine the pressure you must have been under." Lifting their joined hands, he kissed the back of Alex's, then held them against his chest, knowing the steady beat of his heart gave comfort to his lover. He too felt the same anger and disgust at what his fellow actor had done. "I don't understand it either, how someone could do that. Butâ I don't know, I never really gelled with him when he was a guest on the show. There was something about him I didn't like."
Shaking his head, he gave Alex a soft smile as his boyfriend peeked at him from under the compress. "No need to be sorry, it's no wonder this has affected you. It would anyone with morals and a conscience."
It would have been so nice to agree with having weird feelings about Jackson Yang, but the truth was he'd been just as susceptible to the man's charms as virtually everyone else the actor came in contact with. The smooth words, the winning smile. It made Alex feel sick to his stomach. He almost choked at the idea of his 'morals and conscience', because something had been floating around in his head ever since the night when Cal had woken up with memory issues, and it all had come glaring to the surface whenever he'd had a spare moment of quiet for his own thoughts.
The folds of fabric slipped down his face into his waiting hand as he tipped his head upright. He looked down at it. Now wasn't the time, but the words just came spilling out of him. "Do I really have a good sense of either of those two things? I can't help thinking about when youâ I can't stop thinking about my sister. And I know now isn't the time, and my focus really needs to be on the Yang fallout, but I just can't seem to help where my brain keeps going."
Alex took in a shuddering breath and closed his fingers over the cool, damp cloth. "Is this right, what we're doing? Is this fair to Maggie's memory? I love you, but did Iâ? Am I any better than him? I never thought I had an agenda when I stuck around after she died, but now I don't know. Maybe I did, subconsciously. Maybe there was this awful part of me that was using your grief as a way to get close to you. I never even cried. She was my sister, and I never shed a single goddamned tear. What kind of monster does that make me?"
He knew there was something more bothering Alex, a niggling feeling had taken up residence in his mind ever since that night heâd woken with chunks of his memory missing. It had shaken them both, but had obviously impacted on Alexei more than he wanted to admit. The fingers of his free hand curled into the edge of the sofa, holding it in a vice-like grip as he watched Lexi lift his head, recognizing the expression in his gorgeous eyes all too well.
âYes you do.â Cal was in such a hurry to reassure that his words mixed with Alexâs and he quickly bit his lip to keep himself quiet while his boyfriend went on. Letting out the thoughts that had obviously been plaguing him since that night. The same thoughts that had made Calix hesitant to even start their relationship, ones they had both agreed on answers to. But that didnât stop the way his heart beat a little faster as the anxiety built with each word his lover spoke, or the way his stomach tied itself in knots at the last question, hating that Alex could even think that of himself.
âYouâre not a monster, Alex.â Relinquishing his hold on the sofa, Calix reached out and gently guided Alex to look his way with a brush of fingertips against his jaw. âGrief manifests differently in all of us, you didnât cry then because you pushed yours down, so you could take care of Theo⊠and of me. I know I was an angry, depressed, pain filled wreck. Most days I didnât even want to wake up, as awful as that sounds considering I had a son to live for. You are better than him, you have to realise that, and the circumstances are completely different. As for whether this is right, I still donât know. But-â He hesitated, wondering how much he could risk sharing while Alex was this vulnerable. âI believe Maggie would want us happy.â
The floodgates weren't near to open, but a couple of tears slipped from the corners of Alex's eyes. It wasn't absolution, but he had a feeling it was as close as he was ever going to get under the circumstances. He shut his eyes for a few seconds and caught a glimpse of his sister's face, nose scrunched up with a knowing and endlessly amused-at-his-expense smirk. It was so vivid that he halfway believed she would be there when he opened them again. But it was just their living room. (Which they? an insidious part of his brain wanted to know.) Alex scrubbed his free hand across his hair and shook his head like he could dislodge these hurtful thoughts. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I get like this. I'm sure she would, knowing her."
He let out a wet sound and realized belatedly that it was a laugh. "Actually, knowing her, she would have teased us mercilessly and never let us live it down." His amusement faded after a moment, and he turned so he was angled more toward the love of his life. Alex only freed his hand so he could take Cal's face in his hands. "You and Theo were never an obligation. Taking care of the two of you was the greatest thing I've done with my life so far. Of course I hate that my sister is gone. I wish she was here with every fiber of my beingâor at least the parts of me that aren't awful and jealous and maybe a little fucked up. But I get that living every day like she might walk right back through that door, that I would have to give you upâand would, if it came to that, because what kind of asshole stands in the way of a happy family?âwell, that's its own brand of fucked up too."
He shook his head again, frustrated that the trajectory of his day was doing nothing good for his interpersonal communication skills. He knew he needed food and sleep and the best kind of company that Calix always provided, but it had to waitâ just a little while. "Is it too late to call a do-over on this entire day, but keeping the knowledge of what's coming so I'm better equipped not to make a mess of things?"
Calix caught his lip under his teeth again as he saw the tears slip down Alex's face, he just wanted to reach out and wrap him in his arms and never let go. "She would." He agreed, a slightly sad smile on his face, he still missed her, how could he not? "You know you can talk to me when you feel this way, right? So no need to apologise." Lexiâs laugh was joined by a weak one of his own and he gave a nod. That sounded like Mags.
Loosening his fingers as Alex freed his hand, he briefly thought that Lexi was going to pull away and a shard of pain lanced though his chest. But as soon as he felt those warm hands cradle his face he let his eyes close momentarily, taking the comfort they offered. As Alex spoke, Cal held his gaze, brown searching blue and seeing the turmoil clear in their depths. âIf youâre fucked up, Alexei, so am I.â Calix sighed, reaching up to rest his right hand over Alexâs left, thumb brushing absently against his ring finger. âI saw her, while I was-â temporarily dead â-under, I donât know if it was a dream or a vision, but we spoke for a while." He gave a little smile, knowing he probably sounded crazy, âshe said, 'it isnât your time, ĐĄĐŸĐ»ĐœŃŃĐșĐŸ. Theo needs you. My brother needs you'. So, I think she's okay with us.â
Giving another tiny smile, Cal shook his head, "I'm not sure I know that spell. But I know you won't make a mess of things." A knock on the door signalled the arrival of their dinner, which Cal fetched, unpacking the bags and setting it all out on the coffee table. "I shouldn't be allowed to order when hungry," he mused, looking at the sheer amount of food. "I have tomorrow, today, off so I can go with you to the office if you want some support?"
All of Alex's thoughts got stoppered by the nickname. ĐĄĐŸĐ»ĐœŃŃĐșĐŸ. Little sun. He couldn't remember ever hearing Maggie say it, but had it filtered through his own subconscious in some way? Was it just a benign coincidence? Even if it wasn't, it didn't really matter at this point. He'd never dreamed of his sister. Not like how Cal described at any rate. He had a vague notion that she hadn't been entirely absent from his unconscious mind, which was probably better than no presence at all. As much as he was concerned about his mental health, he was pretty sure he wasn't that far gone. Alex felt himself nod, but was saved from making any immediate comments by the late night delivery.
He wasn't sure whether to be upset by the interruption or pathetically grateful. If nothing else, it helped snap him out of whatever spiral he'd been headed down. A lack of desire to move a great distance away from his boyfriend had Alex retrieving plates and cutlery with a bit of manageable magic. They settled around the containers, but only after he expanded the table with another tap of his wand. He couldn't help but laugh, his heart full and pounding for this amazing man.
"That's a lot of damage, babe." It was a poor and sobering choice of words, one that made his smile fade at once. He leaned into Cal's side before they could sit again, resting his head on the other's shoulder and sighing again. "Normally, I would warn you away from the upcoming shitstorm, but⊠I don't think I'll be the only one who needs you. I'm only telling you this because she's decided to come forward and be really open about thisâwith the studio's full backing, of course. Annabeth is one of the women who was attacked. Yang put a really nasty curse on her that made it so she couldn't tell people about what happened to her. Remember when she hexed that guest director and then had to leave the production for the rest of the month until hiatus? Part of it came from what Yang did to her. So I think she could use all the friends around her she can get."
The fact Alexei had to extend their coffee table just to accommodate their dinner had Cal questioning his impulse control when it came to midnight feasts. Two cartons of noodles, kung-pow chicken, chicken in black bean sauce, stir fry vegetables, spring rolls and a large box of fries, not to mention the slab of creamy baileys chocolate heâd brought back from his tent. âI know, Cupcake. But leftovers, right? Breakfast of champions.â He went for a cute grin, hoping he wouldnât be chided too badly for daring to suggest such a thing. As Alex nestled into his side, he wrapped his arms around him, holding him close where they stood for a moment.
He froze as Annabethâs name came up, eyes widening in shock. Thinking over how she had been the past few days on set he wouldnât have guessed she was going through something so difficult. It was lucky his phone was upstairs where heâd left it before his shower or he would have texted her right then and there, 12.30am or not. âOf course Iâll be there for her.â Sitting down heavily, he pulled Lexi down onto his lap, some part of his psyche wanting to keep him safe, despite there being no immediate threat. âIâll go in with you tomorrow.â
A careful kiss was brushed against Alexâs lips and he offered him a smile which hopefully brought a little comfort. âLetâs try and make a dent in this and then weâll go up, okay?â Reaching with the hand that wasnât secured around Lexiâs waist, he spooned something of everything onto his plate, nodding for his boyfriend to do the same.
Between the nickname that always seemed to make his cheeks light up and the easy way Cal had of settling him into a position he didn't even realize he needed until he was right in the middle of it, Alex finally felt some of the tension leave his spine. A smile lingered, faint and appreciative, after the small note of affection, and he considered offering to feed his boyfriend. But it was a silly impulse, designed for a time that wasn't necessarily quite as emotionally overwrought. He pulled together a small plate of his own, his appetite not entirely restored, and went back to leaning against Calix's side. Apparently he wasn't entirely over his selfish desire to be close, nor did he feel completely absolved for all his transgressionsâreal or simply perceived.
His head was still kind of a mess, but a part of him knew they'd be okay. It would just take time and a few more awkward conversations. It would happen. Before tucking in, Alex nuzzled the side of Cal's neck, and breathed, "That sounds perfect."