WHO: Calix and Alex WHAT: Waking up in unexpected places WHEN: May 31, 2020 | sometime after midnight WHERE: Alex's place RATING: Mild, some language, inferred sexual situations, lots of broken feelings
A soft sigh escaped him as he slowly woke up, snuggling closer to the warm body nestled beside his. Brushing a kiss to the curve of a shoulder, Calix's eyes were still closed as he hid his face against smooth skin and tried to cling to sleep a little longer. There was a moment of stillness before he lifted his hand to rest on a hip that felt slightly too sharp and a tiny furrow formed between his brows. As alertness crept through his body he became aware that the back pressed against his chest was entirely too broad to be his fiancée's and the curves not curvy enough. Blinking himself awake, his eyes widened in shock as he lifted his head slightly to see who was in bed with him.
Oh, shit. Calix's perception narrowed in an instant, only able to focus on the points where their very naked bodies met. He felt guilt churn in his stomach as he realised what he'd done, a familiar languid ache in his muscles telling him exactly what had happened the night before.
He'd slept with Alexei. Maggie's baby brother.
Carefully shifting back, Calix managed to extricate himself without waking the still sleeping wizard. Eyes drawn to peaceful expression on his friend's face for a moment before turning to the dimly lit room. One that was too lived in to belong in a hotel, but when he tried to place it, he couldn't.
Swallowing down a panic that had built up quickly in the few moments he'd been awake. Cal moved to sit at the edge of the bed, debating for a moment whether to just leave or stay and try to talk about things. Head in hands, his fingers twisted through his hair only to draw back sharply when they glanced across the ridge of a scar and he let out a slightly pained noise. "What the hell?"
Any number of things pulled Alex awake, but all of it boiled down to the absence of a familiar presence at his back. His brain wasn't fully online as he rolled into the cooling spot where Cal had recently been, but he could pick him out of the shadows cast by the faint city lights coming through his windows. This, at least, gave him a loose sense of time. Close to time to get up, but still early enough to still be dark out.
He'd just started to stretch out an arm to get his phone when he heard that low utterance. Alex sat up and crawled over to where his boyfriend sat. It was an easy thing to kiss the side of his obviously tense neck and then hook his chin over Cal's shoulder. "What's the matter, baby? Bad dreams?"
Alex’s touch and words weren’t as alien as they should be, but despite their softness and comforting intent, the muscles of Calix’s back corded tight. Tensing even more against the familiarity of it all, knowing that he was cheating. “I’m— no, no bad dreams.” Did it count that this situation was a nightmare?
He never dreamed he’d be the bad guy, a man who strayed, who seduced people behind his partner’s back. And yet here he was in another person’s bed while Maggie was at home with their young son. To make things worse, it was Alex who had fallen prey to his seduction.
“I’m so sorry. I— Maggie is, I should go home.”
Even someone who wasn't nearly as invested as himself would've been able to tell that Cal was worked up over something, and Alex's hands drifted to the muscles in his back with almost no conscious prompting. They froze where they were, however, when his sister's name dropped from Calix's mouth. His mind kind of stuttered, cobwebs still lingering at the corners and feeling distinctly like he was missing something huge. "I mean, you can if you want, but I thought you were sticking around for the weekend." He chanced a kiss, soft, uncertain, against his boyfriend's shoulder. "What's going on? What's all this about Maggie?"
“The weekend?” His voice cracked on the question and he took some too quick breaths as his mind raced in a million different directions. Oh, Rao, they’d planned this! How many times had they sneaked off to be together? Was this an affair? Why couldn’t he remember? How could he do this? “What about Theo?” He barely felt the kiss, but his body shed the tiniest amount of tension at the contact, knowing better than he did in that moment. “I don’t know. I don’t remember.” Calix flinched at the way Alex spoke his sister’s name, as if he didn’t understand why they were talking about her.
Alarms clamored in his head, and Alex moved around to kneel in front of his boyfriend in an effort to make eye contact. Doubts and misgivings were mounting, and he raised a hand to put it against the side of Cal's head. His thumb just barely grazed over the tiny scar. "He's with your parents. He's the one who insisted you come with me." Alex caught himself from saying remember? because clearly that was the issue. Calix looked all the way twisted up, and Alex shouldn't have reacted, but he sucked in a quick, scared breath. "Cal, baby, what do you think is happening right now?"
Cal’s brow furrowed further with confusion as he tried to connect what Alex was saying with the memories he had. Alexei was touching him so tenderly, as if there was more to this than just an affair. But how could there be while he was still with Maggie. He felt completely out of control of his own life and a panic crawled up his throat at the scared look in Alex’s eyes. Despite being called baby, the anxiety and guilt took a firmer hold and he shut his eyes tight against tears that had no right falling. “I’ve spent the night with you and cheated on your sister.”
Something dropped in Alex's stomach, heavy and barbed. It was like a physical blow. He folded into himself, rocking back onto his heels, and his hands fell into his lap, inert and numb. There were words he needed to say, but they were choking him. It turned out there really wasn't a hard statute of limitations on grief, especially not when he'd never taken the time to really process any of his own, if he was honest with himself—which he usually wasn't. But if he didn't say anything, then it would probably hurt worse when Cal's memory came back. Because it would. The alternative was unacceptable. "Sweetheart, my sister's been gone for over six years." His voice was hollow, his hurt too deep. "She got really sick, and no one could save her, and she… and she died. Maggie's"—the name cracked, and his eyes burned—"My sister is dead."
He could tell just from Alex's body language that something was wrong, something even worse than adultery, or as near to that as could be. Calix's instinct was to offer comfort to the younger man, a sharp pang in his chest at the look in Alex's eyes fuelling his actions. Despite his own tears and confusion, he slid from the edge of the bed and knelt in front of Alexei, carefully taking his hands in his own. "Gone?" Something cold and solid took up residence in his ribcage as Alex spoke, feeling the truth in the words despite not knowing -or remembering- what had happened. Six years.
"I'm so sorry…" Sweetheart. Alexei. "Lexi, I'm so sorry that I thought you'd..." His fingers laced through Alex's and he leaned forward to touch their foreheads together. "Sorry."
For one horrible, ringing moment—right before Cal took his hands—Alex wasn't sure if he was strong enough to do this again. To pick up the pieces if he fell apart like before. It had been a matter of necessity at the time, of putting one step in front of the other and dragging Calix along with him, even when he dug in his heels or put his fist through things in a rage Alex wasn't sure he himself even possessed. Self-hatred blistered through his thoughts, because it was so selfish, and of course he would do it again. He'd do it a thousand times, if it meant Cal's happiness. "It's—" He had to swallow again, throat thick with all of these feelings he just couldn't grapple with right then. Or ever, probably.
He took in a deep, shuddering breath and squeezed Cal's hands. "It's okay. Do you… Do you remember now? Do I need to text Kent? If not right now, then first thing tomorrow. I don't think this is a good thing, Cal. I think something might be wrong. I think you might need help, and I really wish it was in my wheelhouse to take care of, but we should probably leave it to the professionals."
The coldness in his chest spread out through his veins and he felt as if there was numbness following in its wake. The questions caught him a little off guard, or more accurately his struggle to comprehend just exactly what he was being asked. He knew that it was true, and Maggie really was gone. Judging by their closeness, his ease around Alex and vice versa, the two of them were in a relationship. “I wish I could say yes.” Scrunching up his forehead, he tried to think, to nudge his brain into gear. Loosening his grip on Alexei’s hands, he slid them up the other’s forearms, tracing fingertips across warm skin. “Kent’s my doctor, Rafe’s brother, and I had… an operation?”
Calix lifted one hand, carefully cupping Alex’s face, that gesture bringing back a few more elements of the missing memories. His emotions and actions knowing better than his brain. “Please don’t worry. It’s early, can we just go back to sleep? Maybe in the morning, or later in the morning, I’ll remember more?”
The fact that a few things appeared to be coming back Cal had to be a good sign. It wasn't everything, but it also wasn't nothing. Alex nodded, because he wasn't really sure he could trust himself to elaborate on what had happened; having to tell his boyfriend about the death of the mother of his child had been bad enough. And then he nodded again and sealed his hand against Cal's arm as well and urged him to stand so they could climb into bed again. "Telling me not to worry is like asking me not to breathe. It's an impossibility where you're concerned." Alex leaned into the hand at his cheek, and a small, private, absolutely gone smile lifted the corners of his mouth. "Well, maybe not always worry. Usually it's just thoughts and dreams and hopes. And memories."
At this point, Alex had managed to arrange them so that they were side by side and facing each other. Eventually he might move back into a position so that he could feel his boyfriend's strong heart against his back and feel his breath blow across the tiny hairs at the nape of his neck, but for now he needed to watch him and to feel the texture of his hair through his fingers. "Sleep, baby, and just know that I love you, even if you can't remember."
The smitten smile made a soft expression form on his own features and he followed easily as Alex moved them both back to the bed. Curling on his side, he nestled against the pillows, humming softly in content when he felt Alex’s fingers stroking through his hair. The gentle motions soothing him toward sleep, “love you too.”