wl_mods (wl_mods) wrote in wizard_love, @ 2011-02-28 00:59:00 |
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Entry tags: | *fic, draco, fred, hermione |
Special delivery for kinky_kneazle
Title:The World According to St Nick
Author/Artist:
Recipient's LJ name:kinky_kneazle
Pairing(s): Fred/Hermione, past Draco/Hermione
Rating: R
Summary Fed up with his mother not listening to him, Nicholas Granger tries to tell Fred Weasley that he is the man that would be perfect for Hermione Granger. Now, if only they could both understand him...
Word Count: 5,017
Warnings/Content: Mild angst, UST, humour, implied adultery, sexual situations, Next-Gen if you squint, AU in that Fred did not drop dead during the war, plot!
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns everything Harry Potter. I make nothing from contriving situations like these with characters like hers.
Author's/Artist's notes: Many thanks to my betas, they know who they are. kinky_kneazle, I was thrilled to get you as my recipient! I started three other stories with dear Fred and he was having none of them until I sat down to watch, “Look Who’s Talking.” Then, it was like the Peruvian Darkness Powder had cleared away and this story was born... literally! You requested baby!fic—and so, you got one, complete with a happy ending. I hope you enjoy this and smile at least once. Huge thanks to the Mods for being very patient with me and for running an awesome fest!
I love my mum. I really do.
Can’t say too much about my father; I’ve only seen him a couple of times, and Mum curses about him when she thinks I’m sleeping.
Stupid Malfoy! Stupid Ministry functions that go on into the latest hours of the night, with all the free-flowing spirits one can drown themselves in! Stupid me, for indulging in a drunken shag with a married man!
This is usually followed by a sniff or two, like she has a cold, but then she blows her nose and talks about how much she loves me.
Only good thing to come out of that whole mess was my son, my beautiful Nicholas. I don’t care that Malfoy won’t claim him; he’s mine! He’ll be a proud Granger!
I guess Malfoy doesn’t like me much, but I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because I pooed all over him when I first saw him. He didn’t look pleased at that. In fact, he looked somewhat purple.
I mean, I’m only one year old and haven’t accomplished a great deal other than walking, talking a bit, and making blue popping things with my fingers. Mum says that’s my baby magic and that, someday, I’ll be a great wizard. I hope so; I’d hate to disappoint her.
Mum thinks that we need Malfoy’s acknowledgement to appear acceptable in wizard society, but I don’t think she’ll get it. Every time he sees us, he looks like he needs a nappy change, or whines like it’s time to eat and he hasn’t got his cereal. Maybe someone needs to take better care of him, like Mum does me?
Anyway, I tell Mum all the time that we don’t need him; we’ve got the Red Weasels. It’s a shame she can’t understand what I’m saying most of the time.
I like Grandmum Weasel a lot. She can be scary sometimes, bad clown scary, but she makes the best pudding I’ve ever tasted. I wish Mum cooked like her.
There’s a big dinner today, and all the Weasels are coming, including my favourite one, Fred. He’s got a brother that looks like him, except not. Uncle George has only one ear. You know, those things that stick out on the side of your head and hurt when you have an infection? I wonder if his mum has to yell louder when she wants his attention. She seems to do a lot of that when they are around.
I want a brother like that. I should ask Mum for one. We could go to the store and pick one out. Maybe for my next birthday. Or Fred could get one for me. He’s always getting things for me, like the fizzy bubbles that came out my nose and turned me blue for a day, or that piece of chocolate that tickled when I swallowed, and I started talking in Spanish. I guess that one made Mum angry and she scolded Fred like Grandmum scolds George.
But we don’t have to worry about acknowledgement with them because they like and accept us just fine.