Special Delivery For: silvernatasha Title: The Misadventures of Hermione Granger Author: abusing_sarcasm Recipient's IJ/LJ name:silvernatasha Rating: R Pairing(s): Hermione/Charlie, extremely minor mention of past Hermione/Ron Word Count: ~2000 Warnings (if any): Sex and some silliness. Maybe a teensy bit of Ron-bashing if you squint. Hard. Summary: When Hermione gets an idea in her head, she can't seem to shake it, even if Charlie isn't exactly pleased. Author's notes: Huge thanks to the mods for being wonderful and my beta, S, for also being wonderful. To silvernatasha, your prompt mentioned a new location or trying something new, and I sort of ran with that. I know you said you didn't want Hermione/Ron, but it was sort of necessary to the set-up. I hope you enjoy this!
"Charlie, please?" Hermione wasn't whinging. She wasn't a woman who did that, and she would hex anyone who implied otherwise. But she was most definitely supplicating and pleading and even wheedling, because she was bored out of her skull. They never made love anywhere except in bed. And yes, that could be blamed on the fact that they were staying at the Burrow for the summer, but sill. It wasn't as if there was nowhere else to go. Hermione also was not a woman who required whips and chains or latex and feathers to be happy, but honestly. Variety is the spice of life, as they say.
And Hermione was feeling very bland.
"Oh, you want to beg, do you?" Charlie said with an impish grin, leaning to nibble on her earlobe. "Say 'please' again. Tell me you want it."
"Be serious! I want to try someplace new."
Charlie sat back on the bed and looked at her. "You do realize this is my parents' house, right? And your ex-boyfriend, my brother, is also staying here. Not to mention, a whole host of other people. I think my room is the only place we're safe from prying eyes, and trust me, those eyes wouldn't just be prying – they'd be shocked and then they'd start yelling. You know how I hate to get yelled at in the middle of sex. We've talked about that."
Hermione swatted him on the arm. "Stop joking around! I've never yelled at you during sex. After, maybe. And certainly before. But never during. Anyway, what about outside? We could go behind the garden wall. It's a beautiful night," she said, well aware she was whinging this time, but beyond caring.
He sighed. "If I don't agree to this, I'm not going to get any tonight, am I? Fine. Let's go. But if we see anyone on the way down, the deal's off."
Hermione smothered her grin. She didn't want him to know how thrilled she was with her victory. They walked down the stairs and out to the yard. At this late hour, there was no one around.
They hopped over the wall, Charlie gallantly helping Hermione, and cast charms on the ground so they wouldn't get dirty. Charlie immediately pulled Hermione to the ground and began kissing her. She loved his kisses so much. They were so forceful and powerful, much like Charlie himself. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her breasts to his chest. He stroked her arms, moving closer to her chest, and lifted her shirt over her head. He brushed the back of one hand across her nipple and she moaned.
Then there was a cough.
Hermione whipped her head around and saw Harry perched on the wall. She shrieked and turned her back, pulling her shirt back on. "What are you doing?"
"I just came out for some air and I wondered what all the garden gnomes were looking at," he said, his voice full of laughter.
Hermione and Charlie looked up, and sure enough, there were at least twenty of the little creatures sitting on the wall, staring at them.
Charlie looked cross. "Gnome voyeurism? See, Hermione, this is what you get when you want to try something new."
"This isn't my fault!" she protested, but Charlie was already boosting her over the wall. She glared at Harry on the way by, but he merely shrugged.
Hermione trudged up the stairs and fell into bed. Charlie looked at her plaintively. "No chance of finishing what we started?"
"I think that ruined my mood," she snapped, turning her back.
He muttered something about it being her bloody idea in the first place, but she chose to ignore that. She didn't feel like doing anything at that point, anyway. She rolled on her side and cursed boyfriends who weren't adventurous when it mattered and best friends who were always there when you didn't want them.
~*~
Hermione wasn't willing to give up. The next night, when Charlie started rubbing her leg in that way he had, Hermione grabbed his arm excitedly. "George's old room!"
"What?"
"Listen, there's nothing in George's old room but a bunch of boxes of products. No one goes in there when he's not home, and we could pretend it's a storage room."
"It is a storage room. And there's a reason why no one goes in there. It's probably rigged to explode if anyone does."
Hermione huffed. "I meant like perhaps a storage room at Hogwarts? And we've been very naughty, sneaking out after hours to meet. Because our love is secret and forbidden!"
"Secret and forbidden, eh? All right, fine. Sound good to me."
They tip-toed down the hall and Hermione tried the knob. It was locked, but a simple Alohamora opened it. Hermione turned to Charlie. "How I wish we could be together in broad daylight, but alas, we must be relegated to meeting in this clandestine fashion!"
"Mmmhmm," Charlie said absently, kissing her neck. He pushed her against a box and reached down to slide his fingers between her legs. She gasped and pushed back against him. "Ready for me already, are you?"
"Yes! I've been waiting all day. I hardly paid attention in classes today and – "
An ear-piercing wail split the air, and she and Charlie jumped apart guiltily. They rushed for the door, and as they pulled it open, Ginny appeared in front of them. "Nice try. George installed pheromone sensors."
"Yeah," Ginny explained. "That way if anyone goes in there to get something or if Mum goes to dust, nothing happens. But George didn't want any of us to be able to shag in his room when he wasn't here."
Hermione groaned, embarrassed. "How many people know about this?"
"I think all of us do now," she said, grinning. "But I'm the only one who showed up in time to know that you were playing dirty schoolgirl games."
Charlie grabbed Hermione's arm. "C'mon. We're going back to my room. And staying there."
When they got inside, Charlie turned to face her. "Don't even bother telling me about the mood being ruined, because that even ruined my mood." And with that, he turned and got into bed.
Hermione sighed. She simply needed to think harder. There had to be a place that would be new and exciting, but also private. And not booby-trapped.
~*~
By the time everyone had gone to bed the following night, Hermione had the perfect plan. "The chicken coop," she announced.
"Huh?"
"Charlie! The chicken coop! We can sneak out there and into the hen house. We can pretend I'm a farmer's daughter and you've come by, seen me gathering eggs, and are determined to ravish me!"
Charlie looked at her strangely. "Eggs, eh? Don't you think the chickens will squawk?"
"We can immobilize them."
"Isn't that a bit… Mean?"
Hermione did love how kind Charlie was to animals. But not when it was getting in the way of her plan. "They'll be sleeping. They'll never know."
Charlie looked doubtful, but then he shrugged. "I might as well. I'm not going to get any at all at this rate if I don't. Lead the way, my dear."
Hermione was nonplussed at Charlie's attitude, but she resolutely sneaked down the stairs and out into the yard. Charlie waited while she cast spells. "There! Perfect! Now I'll go in and you can pretend to catch me."
"All right, then."
She leaned against a shelf containing a row of nests with slumbering, immobilized chickens and reflected on the lengths she had to go to in order to get some excitement. But then Charlie's hands were at her waist and she didn't care anymore. It was worth it.
He was doing a poor job of pretending to ravish the farmer's daughter, but he was kissing her deeply and running his hands up and down her back and over her bum, and that was definitely making up for his performance.
Hermione arched up into the kiss, pressing her breasts against Charlie's broad chest. She loved Charlie's masculine physique and she intended to take advantage of it, now that they were finally alone. She unbuttoned Charlie's shirt as he kissed her, spreading her hands across his chest. She stepped back, pulling away from his lips, to admire his hard chest with its dragon tattoo swirling around one nipple.
"Mmm… You're distracting me from gathering these eggs," she murmured.
"Hermione, love, cut it out with the bloody eggs," Charlie said, dropping to his knees and rubbing his cheek against her thigh. It felt so good that she didn't even complain about his words. He carefully unfastened her trousers and pulled them down to her ankles.
She felt so naughty, leaning up against a shelf in a chicken coop with her shirt still on and her jeans around her ankles. Charlie pressed a kiss to her soft curls and she gasped. She could almost feel him smile against her before he stroked her with his tongue. When she was incoherent with need and clutching his red hair by the handful, He rose up and turned her around, pressing her shoulders down to the shelf.
She could feel straw catching in her hair, but she quickly forgot it when he entered her from behind in one swift movement. "Charlie!" she cried, grabbing the edges of the shelf for dear life.
He held her hips in his large hands, slamming against her with all the force of a man who's been denied for a little too long. She was just getting close to her peak when she was startled by shouting outside.
"You'd better not be doing something to those chickens! I'm armed and – Oh. Oh. Sorry, sorry." As Charlie and Hermione watched, stunned, Arthur opened the door, took in the scene before him, closed the door again, and – hopefully – walked away.
Charlie immediately pulled away from her and started pulling up his jeans, muttering to himself. "Oh my god!" Hermione cried, hiding her face in her hands. Of all the people to catch them! How would she ever look Arthur in the face again?
She put her clothes back in order and faced Charlie sheepishly. "Bedroom?" she asked.
He put his hands on her shoulders. "Hermione, we might never leave the bedroom again."
"I'm so sorry," she cried, feeling her eyes welling with tears. "I promise to never suggest another adventure. It was a silly idea in the first place. It's just that Ron…" She trailed off, not sure that she wanted to continue.
"Ron what?" Charlie prompted, gently.
"Ronsudiwsnofn," she mumbled.
"Hermione…"
"Fine! Ron said I was no fun! That I never wanted to do anything adventurous. And you're so much more adventurous than Ron is, and I was so sure that you'd get bored with me, so I was trying to make things exciting, and… Oh, I've made a mess of everything!"
To Hermione's surprise, Charlie burst out laughing. "Hermione, for a smart girl, you sure get some silly notions. Think about it – I work with dragons. Dragons. I get plenty of adventure at work. When I'm on vacation, I just want to lie about, eat a lot, and shag my girl. Preferably somewhere that my father won't be. Is that too much to ask?"
Hermione pressed her hands to her hot cheeks. "I feel so foolish," she whispered.
Charlie swept her up in his arms and kissed her heartily. "Well, I guarantee that once the others get wind of this, you'll feel even more foolish. I hope you're ready to laugh at yourself."
"Oh, god! I immobilized the chickens!" Hermione cried, suddenly overcome with the giggles. "And the gnomes were watching us the other day! And… pheromone sensors! Oh, your family is never going to let me live this down, are they?"
"Probably not," Charlie admitted. "But we can worry about that in the morning. Right now, let's go back inside, go up to my room, and get in bed. Where we belong. No adventures."
Hermione laughed and took his hand. "Agreed. No adventures."
Charlie looked back at her. "Unless they take place in bed."
She grinned. Adventures in bed, she could probably handle. In fact, she was looking forward to it.