Not is this story beautiful and hot (though it certainly is that), but it's quite insightful from a character perspective. The thought of Hermione usurping Lily's fame is a very interesting and credible reason for Severus to resent her, and the slow, subtle way Severus begins to emerge from his self-imposed exile is also spot-on.
Brilliant ideas about the pensieves, too; I've never seen them used quite this way before, and it makes a great deal of sense. Practical and a perfect tool for slow seduction!