A Civil Date
Who: Draco Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson What: A Civil Discussion Where: Diagon Alley - Thai Restaurant When: Saturday Afternoon Status: Complete
Enough was enough. Pansy was tired of going around feeling like her life wasn't hers to control anymore. So her father was dead and her mother was plotting her marriage to a man who only paid her just enough attention to keep his own mother thinking that he was going to propose, and her ex-secret fiance had quite publicly humiliated her, and she had no home to call her own. That didn't mean that she was going to simply roll over and accept it. No, she was Pansy Parkinson, and she was going to take control over her own life again.
The first thing she did that morning was wake up before noon. (And then she fell asleep again, but still managed to get out of bed before noon). Then she went to visit the family lawyer and started the process of investigating the Ministry's investigation into the Parkinson Manor. If the Aurors were going to take their sweet time about it, maybe some pressure from above might speed things up. Then she started looking for flats. Her mother might be happy living with Adrian's mother, but the two women together were trouble, and Pansy didn't want to be beholden to Adrian. She had her own salary now, a decent amount, and while what she could afford wasn't nearly anything as opulent as the manor once was, it was only temporary until the lawyers got their work done. She would deal with the issue of her father's debts later.
Thus accomplished, Pansy turned her attention to her next challenge: dealing with her former fiance. And for once, she was actually on time for it.
Draco was a muddle of confused emotions. He had no real idea of why he was even considering this whole event. Somehow he always seemed to end up wrapped up in Pansy and her needs and desires and what did he really want from things this time? He had no idea any more. Other than he really didn't want to be alone any more.
Having been up early, getting up on a practice schedule without practice being scheduled was the easiest as far as he was concerned. And so he rose and worked out and then had a rather long hot bath before turning his attention to getting dressed. Choosing with the kind of casual elegance that showed that everything in his wardrobe was of higher quality, he dressed and headed to Diagon. There he collected the roses he had intended to bring to her and was at the resturant, ready and waiting, before she even arrived - as was usual.
Pansy was mildly disappointed that Draco was already there when she arrived. She'd been hoping to surprise him by being there before him, for once, but perhaps the fact that she showed up a little early would be enough of a surprise. And he had flowers for her, too. Good. He was still making an effort. And he did look so nice. She'd always loved his colouring and the way it contrasted so dramatically with hers, his style, his careless elegance, and the way he just seemed to command a room simply by being in it. But now wasn't the time to dwell on all those things. If they were going to have any sort of future together, as it seemed like he still wanted, she was going to have to make sure that she wasn't going to be a pushover as she always had been around him. She was going to have to be strong, or they would never be happy in the end.
Bracing herself, she gave him a brilliant, self-assured smile and leaned down to kiss the air beside both his cheeks when she reached his table. Merlin, he smelled so nice, too. But then again, she knew she did too. "Draco."
"Pansy," Draco murmured, looking at her with those grey eyes that seemed to know everything and yet nothing at the same time. He let them rove over her, tracing her elegant lines and how she always seemed to know how to dress to command the attention of every man in the room. Draco saw those eyes follow her and glared at their owners.
With quick ease, Draco stood and got the chair for her, holding it out for her to settle herself. "You are looking wonderful these days," he murmured as he settled himself once more, looking at her with a hint of eagerness in his face.
Pansy struck a dramatic pose, an impish look in her eyes. "And it's all due to Ahlstrom cosmetics," she said, in her best spokeswitch voice. Relaxing from the pose, she settled back into her seat and smiled at him fondly. "You're looking very well yourself. Quidditch and freedom agrees with you."
One of his rare smile touched his features when she made her joke and it lit the room for a brief moment before he turned his attention to her additional words. "Thank you, Pans," Draco said, taking his water glass and toying with it slightly. "You know that, in all honesty, it was what I truly wanted - to live without Father's heavy hand holding me back. There's a kind of freedom in flying."
"Well, I'm glad you found it." The waiter came, and she took a moment to order her drink and wait to see if Draco wanted anything for himself before continuing. "I know you've always wanted to live your own life as you wanted to, not as someone else wanted you to."
"Few people realise the power of being able to choose as you live," Draco said, being sure that he received the drink that he was interested in as well. Draco knew that he deserved certain things and he was pleased that Pansy remembered something about him if nothing else. "Tell me then," he said quietly, "What have you been up to?"
Pansy was quiet for a moment as she considered his question. "Work, actually," she said after a moment, and who would have ever expected Pansy Parkinson to reply with that? "The company is expanding, which means I do a lot of travelling and socialising. Dealing with Mother. Spending time with Daphne and Tracey. And thinking. I've been doing a lot of thinking."
"And what have you been thinking about exactly?" Draco asked in a rather wary tone of voice, uncertain of even thinking much less hoping for anything. "It is odd that you have had things to keep you busy. How is your mother by the way? If she is interested, Mother has been pestering me to have her come and visit in France."
"It is, isn't it?" Pansy said with a laugh. "I always thought I was going to go through with a life of boredom. And thank you -- I'll let Mother know." She was quiet again as she pondered his first question. "I suppose I've been thinking about what I want for myself now that Daddy's gone and I don't have anyone to take care of me anymore. I mean, there's Mother, but her nerves...and well, I'm the one who has to take care of her. I've been thinking about you, and I've been thinking about us."
"Any time she is interested, Mother says that Southern France is wonderful and warm," Draco said and then sat contemplating Pansy and her words. "And what is it about us that you've been considering? I figured that you had nothing left to say in the matter regarding myself and my reprehensible behavior." There was nothing harsh in his words and everything resigned.
"I think the problem is that I didn't say enough," she said slowly. The waiter returned with their drinks, and she waited for him to leave before continuing. "I did a lot of shouting, but I don't know if I really said anything. But I think I know what I need to say now, and I want you to hear it."
Draco spread his hands open and quietly spoke. "I'm listening to all you have to say Pansy."
Pansy took a deep breath. She hadn't actually prepared a speech; perhaps she should have, to make sure that she got across all the points she wanted, but she probably wouldn't have remembered any of them anyway. So she just spoke. "You hurt me. It wasn't just cheating on me -- I mean, there was that too, of course, but I trusted you, and you went behind my back and you took advantage of that trust. I know I wasn't as open about our engagement as you wanted me to be. I was scared. You and I were in such a precarious position, socially and financially, and if either of us went down we were going to take the other with us. You might say that it's completely all right as long as we were together, but I don't think we would have been. Look at us: we're used to getting the best. And if we didn't, if we were poor and ignored, how long would it have been before we started blaming each other for it? I couldn't have stood that. Being poor would have been bad enough, but hating you because of it? I'd rather be without you than hate you. But you made me hate you anyway. I was trying so hard -- so hard, Draco! -- to make it work for us, to have an us while still having a back up plan in case it went all wrong, and I worried about it every night. I worried about you, and how you were handling things, and how it was going to affect us if your trial didn't go well, and all this time, when I was losing sleep and agonizing over my decisions, you were off with Marietta Edgecombe and Ginny Weasley. They're not even worthy! If it were someone like Carina Meliflua...maybe, just maybe, I could understand the temptation. But they're trash. You cheated on me with trash. If those were your standards, then what did that make me? And on top of all that, you went and blamed it on me for being inattentive. Me, inattentive, worrying my mind out over you and I, and you off with other women. Me, inattentive! I loved you, and you turned on me. Do you see why I was so angry?"
"Of course Pansy, there was never a time when I didn't understand or see why you were angry. You had every right to be, you always did," Draco said. There was little inflection in his tone. He had always know what he had done was wrong, but at the same time, Draco was sick of being punished for these things. It was wrong, but he was young and therefore a little entitled, in his opinion, to be a bit stupid - especially considering all he had been dealing with. He didn't quite agree with the fact that Weasley and Marietta were trash... just a definite form and certainly best to be used for what he had used them for. "I'm sorry Pans." And at this point, he decide it was best just to leave it like that.
"Are you really?" Pansy asked softly. "Because that's very important to me."
"I am sorry," Draco repeated once more. More than anything else, he was just tired of it all now, but he was sorry he had hurt Pansy. She didn't deserve that, but at the same time he wasn't sure what else to do to show her he meant it.
It seemed to be enough for her this time. She nodded once, then looked away. She would never have a classically beautiful profile - her nose was much too short for it - but there was nonetheless an arresting quality in the way she held her head, so contemplative and proud at once. When she turned back, she said simply, "I still do love you, you know."
It took a bit of will power, but Draco managed to not raise an eyebrow and sarcastically inquire whether or not she really meant it this time. Ever so gently though, he reached out a hand and touched hers gently. "I'll always love you Pans."
Her smile was bittersweet as she turned her hand around to curl around his. "So now what?"
"I still live by your rules Pans," Draco admitted with a slight shrug. "Tell me what you want."
Pansy shook her head. "You want your freedom. You're not going to get it if you live by my rules. What do you want?"
Now that was not quite the reaction that Draco expected, but then he wasn't going to really and truly object at this point in time. There was silence between them for a few long moments before he finally said, "I'm not sure what I want Pans to be honest."
Honesty wasn't something that either of them showed to anyone, let alone each other. It simply wasn't encouraged; honesty led to vulnerability, which led to people taking advantage of you. But secrets and lies hadn't gotten them anywhere, and now finally Pansy was starting to understand him. "Why don't you figure it out, and you tell me."
"I'm not sure how to even go about figuring out what it is I want," Draco admitted, give her a bit of that wry uncertain smile.
"Then maybe this will help," Pansy said softly. She kicked off one of her shoes under the table, and slid her bare foot up his calf, up the inside of his strong thigh...and stepped down between his legs. Hard. Her expression never changed. "I don't share, Draco. Not at all. So if you decide that you want another go at this, listen and listen well, because I'm only going to say this once, and then I'm going to do it. If we get back together and you're unfaithful to me, if I even suspect that you're unfaithful to me, I will rip out your genitals and feed them to you inch by bloody, dangling inch. It'd be just you and me, Draco, and no one else. And we're going to go into this as equals, or not at all. No more putting me off while you go off to do Big Important Things. No more putting me aside. No more distancing yourself so you can brood away in private. Neither of us are going to be happy that way. I love you, I'd like a life with you, if we're going to be unhappy together, then I'd rather not be together at all. So if that's something you want, you let me know. And if not..." then my heart would break "... well. Then we'll know."
Well trained in always keeping a nuetral expression no matter the circumstances considering his Mother's training, there was no outward flinching by Draco at Pansy's manuvers. He merely seemed to some how sit up straighter but his face remained without a single change. "Are you requiring a response at this precise moment?" he finally asked, blinking slightly as he attempted to hold himself still and not upset her further.
Slowly, Pansy's foot retracted. "I'm going to Monaco on Sunday evening. I'll be back on Wednesday evening, and will be spending the evening in my flat. If I don't have an answer from you by then, I'll take that as an answer in itself."
"Are we talking something more public this time in terms of a relationship? As that might be a factor in my decision," Draco asked, looking at her seriously.
"No more secrets," Pansy replied, just as seriously.
Now that answer pleased Draco a good deal and it showed in the spark that flared into his grey eyes, making them jump to life. "I shall remember that then," Draco said. For a moment his lips turned further upward and there was a bit of a devilish look in his eyes.
Seeing that familiar gleam, Pansy narrowed her eyes. "It goes both ways," she reminded him.
"I'm well aware of that," Draco said with ease, the grin sneaking down on to those thin and elegant lips. Oh yes, now this was far more to his liking. He was going to have to speak to mother about the jewerly.
"Good," Pansy said. "By Wednesday, then, and no later." She lifted her glass to him, a silent promise.
"I look forward to it," Draco grinned, raising his glass in response. Things were definitely looking up now.