Elsa of Arendelle (thawed) wrote in witchinghour, @ 2014-11-10 19:42:00 |
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Entry tags: | character: loki, character: queen elsa |
Well I don't know why but I just feel like dancing
Who: Loki and Elsa
Where: Near Elsa and Babydoll's apartment
When: backdated to Halloween, during Anna's party
What: Loki gets his dance; Elsa gets confused
Warnings: Awkward adorableness
Status: Complete
Social gatherings had never entirely been Loki’s thing. In this life, the previous, and probably the one before that. Like everything else in this life, he was aspiring to change. While the conditions were more than the opposite of ideal this little festival of Anna’s was something he didn’t mind involving himself in. Things couldn’t be doom and gloom all the time and he wasn’t much of a God of Mischief if he couldn’t partake in festivities, was he?
There was a singular goal in his mind through it all, one that had been lingering for awhile, along with the general concern for Elsa’s state.
He did his best not to do what he normally would and linger around against her wishes until he was alright. This didn’t mean that there weren’t secret, invisible check-ups, because there were. Frequently. But he could only leave her be for so long and figured it had been plenty of time before asking about that dance he’d so patiently inquired about all that time ago.
Before he could do so, Elsa had excused herself from the party. Not surprising.
Loki followed her swiftly to her peace from the crowd, letting her have a moment to herself before letting his presence be known. There were no seven league boots or magical invisible cloaks or norse horns or swords tonight. Just some fancy little clothes because he could pull off any sort, and Midgardian ones were comfortable enough.
“Forget something?” He inquired brightly, arms folded behind his back, perking up next to her, brows and smile raised warmly.
Being a Queen was, for all intents and purposes, a very visible job. True, running the country involved a lot of singular effort and closed-door meetings, but she’d read the stories and learned well: Monarchs that weren’t seen and adored weren’t monarchs for very long. So, in an effort to assure that her family’s legacy stayed in tact, Elsa had mastered the art of kind regality and approachable stand-offishness. She knew how to play the part. She had to. She wasn’t willing to accept the consequences of her not doing so.
That being said, no one that actually knew her could ever claim that Elsa was anything but a severe introvert. That she preferred to be alone (or, as of recently, alone with her sister and her sister’s fiance) wasn’t really the issue - it was that, after a certain amount of time, she could not physically tolerate any more social interaction. As Queen, her tolerance was relatively high, but the second her people and her title weren’t at stake, she’d sometimes feel her anxiety begin to build after mere minutes.
Tonight, she’d tried. She really had. This party was Anna’s baby, and that it was going so well was obviously a source of pride for her sister. But she’d done all that she could do at this point: she’d helped set up, had helped make sure the refreshments were replenished as necessary, had stayed at the actual party for over an hour, and had even danced a time or two. It was time for her to go.
Anna hadn’t fought decision to leave, so Elsa’s conscience was pretty clear as she grabbed the navy blue Anna had picked out for her and slipped it over the off-white blouse she was wearing. Anna hadn’t been able to talk her into a costume, but a full outfit - complete with blue jeans and flats - was a compromise they both could deal with. Mostly. Jeans were comfortable, yes, but she couldn’t help but feel underdressed.
She’d made it past Sondheim Square and had just been about to turn on the street to her apartment when a voice startled her from her thoughts.
“Oh my- Loki!” She pressed her hand firmly over her racing heart, grateful that the burst of magic she’d sent out had missed him. He knew better than to sneak up on her. “Why would you do that?”
Creeper status hadn’t been what he was going for. Because he’d had to make sure that Elsa was alright all this time in secret, he supposed he’d forgotten that all of a sudden appearing from behind someone would be startling.
Then again, Loki typically liked to make an appearance, usually out of nowhere. It was still a habit he didn’t care to loose.
“I wasn’t hoping to startle you,” he grimaced, brows knitting when he realized he may have been walking too quietly. “Sorry.” The burst of magic was reminiscent of when he followed her to the gas station after requesting that she be left alone and that time had received a poof of cold ice to the face. He wondered how many people were turned into snow men from that instinctive reaction. “What I was wondering, was why you snuck away without so much as a hi, hello, and so on. Do I smell funny? Was it because I gave you a hug?”
He knew it wasn’t anything other than her anxiety more than likely and of course didn’t take it personally at all. He did know that he missed her, speaking regularly, and the light teasing.
Elsa shook her head, immediately willing to move past his unadvisable ‘hello’ and straight to the subject at hand. She was aware that they hadn’t really spoken since right after she’d let Marshmallow go, and she felt somewhat guilty about that. True, she hadn’t wanted to bother him - not after all he’d done for her - but he’d obviously been concerned. She could have at least checked in with him, to let him know that she was alright now.
“I just needed to go.” She said plainly, hoping that he understood where she was coming from. “I know you’ll be shocked to hear this, but large crowds and I very rarely mix.” She turned back around, moving beside him to indicate that they could walk together. Powers or not, they didn’t need to stay outside for long. “What about you, though? Surely you didn’t leave just to track me down. There’s a lot more fun to be had. Anna’ll be sure of it.”
“All that socialization to be had? You? Shocking indeed.” He tisked, easily falling into step beside her, hands moving to rest in the pockets of his pants. The relief of the distance she’d put between her and the very words ‘large crowds’ was palpable. Loki understood, he’d always been more of an outsider, and did well enough alone.
But not everyone could be alone forever. It just wasn’t healthy for the mental state, amongst other things he’d learned.
There actually was plenty of fun he could have. Aside from continuing along the line of appropriately themed pranks with Tommy, the newly enjoyed presence of his brother (who was probably hitting on some poor young soul that moment), and any of the other activities Anna had planned were just generally within the realm of everything Loki appreciated.
Yet Elsa was still at the forefront of his mind. Odd for someone who was usually so self centered with his actions, though still changing. Though he knew she was doing better, spending most of her time with Anna, adapting, he still worried, and those other fun things were entirely less important. As such was the benefit of friendship and caring for more people than himself and his brother he supposed.
“You’ll be shocked to hear,” mimicking her gently with a smirk, Loki shrugged lightly, “I was still hoping to share some of that fun with you. If only at least to, you know, speak to you for the first time in however long. Tommy is surprisingly entertaining and I’m happy to have Thor, but I do prefer some cognitive conversation and company from time to time.”
"Thor? Your brother's here?" Elsa furrowed her brows, guilt suddenly growing within her at the knowledge that she hadn't even known that his brother arrived. Difficult emotional situation or no, wasn't she supposed to be as much his friend as he was hers? That she didn't know this proved that she hasn't been. "I'm so sorry I didn't know. When did he arrive? How is he?"
She frowned, continuing on in silence for awhile, hands migrating from her jean pockets and folding over her chest. Yes, she felt bad, but she needed not to dwell. No dwelling.
"The idea of you spending any time at all with Tommy terrifies me, so you can't imagine how grateful I am right now that you're with me." She'd once thought he and Anna teaming up would be a problem, but they were nothing compared to Tommy. She'd never met him, but his presence on the network spoke volumes. "Of course, that's not just to do with Tommy. I missed my friend. I'm grateful that he respected my wishes, but I really did miss him."
Dismissing the apology with a wave of his hand, now free of his pocket, Loki ran it through his thick raven hair. “Oh, just a little while ago. I’m surprised he hasn’t caused a bigger stir but technology isn’t at the forefront of his expertise. He’s perfectly fine, his usual Thor self. Unfortunately just as powerless to return us home as I am. I had been hoping otherwise.”
Not that he wished any doom and gloom to his dearest brother but Loki did know they proved quite a match together. With both their power and tactics combined, well, they weren’t deemed Gods for any ordinary reason.
“Does that mean his being my roommate is a bad thing?” That, wasn’t necessarily a choice Loki had consciously made, the other boy had just invited himself in, and the demi-God just didn’t have it in him to kick him out. And he was glad for it, because he rather enjoyed his new friend? Friend.
Admittedly saying that she missed him too brought a visible sense of contentment to his face. “You look more than well, but how are you feeling? Better I hope?”
“I’m sorry that he was pulled here as well, but it’s good that you have someone, now. You shouldn’t be alone, here.” It was a bit of a laugh that she was the one making that statement, but it was the truth. Her personal bad habits aside, she couldn’t deny the positive changes she’d witnessed in herself and some of the other citizens once their friends and family had shown up. She didn’t doubt that Thor would be good for Loki.
Elsa just shook her head at the news of his new roommate, not at all surprised. She was suddenly very happy that she’d spent so much time in her castle. Who knew how much damage those two had done to the town?
“I’m much better, thank you.” She said quietly, glancing up to make sure she hadn’t yet passed her street. “Between you, Anna, and Killian, I didn’t really have an option. After all of that faith you put in me, how could I ever let you down?” It was inevitable that her original desire to improve started as a method to please her friends, but it hadn’t ended there. It had taken several weeks, but she was finally seeing that she hadn’t deserved all of the hate and blame she’d lobbed upon herself after Killian’s death. She’d likely never think that she was guilt-free, but for her, that she was even willing to forgive herself was a big step.
“I’ve been avoiding the castle, though,” she said matter-of-factly, not turning to him. “I really wish that I was able to reverse my magic. There’s too much… heaviness there. I want to start from scratch.”
"I've had some company, however avoidant." Loki beamed, lips twisting in the smarmy manner they usually did as he poked.
Elsa was perhaps, aside from the Young Avengers--whom he didn't feel right to call as such, his first true friend after Leah and his Brother. The only other person he could say he trusted aside from Thor, which was a great feat to him and one he didn't want her thinking any less of.
"Well, it's a pleasant change of pace to hear you so upbeat and motivated." Even if he did cringe slightly hearing of Killian. Nothing to dwell over, not if she wasn't.
Not that he needed to say so, but Loki knew she avoided her castle. Which was a shame because it had been a wondrous thing before. But if it meant Elsa wasn't disappearing then all the better.
The subject of magic, however, was an easy thing. He nudged her gently with his shoulder, casting her a glance from the corner of his eyes. She knew she could ask him for help but insisted avoiding it. Who better to help or watch her make another castle. "I could perhaps maybe do something about that, if you'd like to redo it...do you not possess the ability reverse your magic, or do you not know if you can yet?"
Elsa laughed at his description, letting her arms hang down at her side as she began to relax. Upbeat and motivated. Not quite, but it didn’t seem nearly as far off as it used to. “Then you’ll be delighted to hear that I’m reclaiming my job at the library. I can’t say that it’s the pinnacle of social interaction, but it’s quite a step up from my ice castle, at least.” Not that that was saying much, but she was learning to appreciate the baby steps.
“No, I know how to reverse it. That’s not a technique I can forget.” She said, feeling that familiar surge of affection for her sister well up in her. “It’s something about this place. I can start and stop a snowstorm, but I can’t melt the snow. I can build my castle, but I can’t correct any ice malformations.” That was part of the reason she’d been avoiding it for so long - the twisted, thick layers of frost that had taken over the castle during her breakdown were still there, and the reminder was just a little too much for her. She was suddenly grateful that she’d made Killian the tomb that she had; she didn’t think that she could’ve handled seeing the bloody spike. “I’d appreciate anything you could do to help with it, though. I could really use a blank slate.”
Marrowood and it’s little power caps were really starting to agitate Loki. Not only for the obvious reasons but moreso that they appeared to be so entirely random as they were constricting. While others maybe didn’t necessarily have much to take away, he and Thor were undoubtely mortal, weakened, and his own powers suffered. Elsa didn’t mention a fatigue (but he supposed only he’d notice being about as weak as a human), but at least this was a minor blip in her preventions.
“The rules of the game aren’t very fun, no, especially not where our magic is concerned.” He tapped the side of his face as he thought on what could be done with her fixture, musing aloud. “So you want a clean canvas, not to alter the old one. I could probably try and turn it into something else--happy like, you know, a patch of flowers or something. Patch of flowers. I just wonder how much that would cost seeing as the structure came from you and not this town.”
He remembered the drain from changing the sea monster into a goldfish. Loki had avoided relying so heavily on his magic for fear of letting the darker part of himself indulge in the power, yet, Marrowood had continued to make that difficult. Especially now with stealing his sword.
Helping Elsa, the townspeople, and a few tricks with Tommy would hardly constitute as overuse. Surely. That’s what he’d tell himself. “If that doesn’t work I could always melt it down?”
“Wait, no. I don’t want to ask you to do anything that would drain you. If it has to stay, then it has to stay.” She’d seen firsthand just how much excess magic could take out of Loki, and the last thing she wanted was to be the cause of that. She’d been pretty exhausted herself, but it was nothing compared to how completely spent Loki looked. It had seemed strange to her at the time, but knowing now that Marrowood tended to alter magical ability, it made sense.
(As did the fifteen hour ‘nap’ she’d taken after she first built her castle.)
Already deciding to keep him out of any demolition plans she might come up with, Elsa sped up and changed the subject, wanting to keep him from dwelling on it. Maybe she could get him to forget about it. “So, you never did answer my question. Did you leave the party because of me? I’d hope not, considering how excited you’d been when Anna first brought it up.”
Of course she wouldn’t. Elsa didn’t want to be an inconvenience of any sort even when she wasn’t being one, and he’d told her as much several times. Which was why he very clearly stated with a light scoff, “Too late, I’ve already committed myself to the project. Your canvas will be ready before the day is done tomorrow. Or, whatever time this place goes by. The next ‘I guess this is nighttime’ something or other.”
That should have been enough time. Loki did appreciate the challenge, and, with Elsa being a reason he would do any draining needed or required. He wasn’t that weakened.
“Truth be told I went to the party because I was hoping to see you and may have thought to persuade you into that dance thing we spoke about some time ago.” It was, however silly, precious she was unaware his obvious intentions. He’d done his best to keep a straight face until now but there was little reason for hiding it. Clearing his throat, Loki turned his head to look at her pointedly. “And I may have seen you dancing with the good Captain, and I may have gotten a little jealous that you decided to leave without gracing me with one as well.”
Elsa rolled her eyes, unsurprised at his insistence. She’d been naive to think that he’d ever accept her subject change as a reason to move on. In the few months she’d known him, she’d learned that he very rarely let anything go once he’d set his mind to it, no matter what anyone else said. She could see where such a trait could have gotten him in trouble, but she’d hardly throw stones. She wasn’t without a stubborn streak herself. “One of these days, you will actually listen to me. I swear it. It’s going to happen.” She mumbled, not bothering to try and talk him out of it again.
She almost laughed when he revealed why he’d went, still under the mistaken impression that he simply wanted to collect on her ‘we’ll see’ because it would illustrate his notable powers of persuasion. But when he’d turned and looked at her, confessing his jealousy and revealing his feelings, it died in her throat. This was no mere throw away comment, and they both knew it. He was watching her carefully, clearly expecting a reaction of some kind, looking as if he’d happily wait all night to hear her response.
In that moment, she didn’t have one. To say that she hadn’t expected this was, she was embarrassed to say, a bit of an understatement. Truthfully, the problem was that she’d come to associate romantic feelings with insincerity. All of the suitors that she’d ever met seemed to carry with them this air of charming falsehood, built to convince her that they were the perfect choice to wear the crown they so desired. Even the ones that she’d genuinely liked as people seemed to be… putting on, somehow; pushing down every negative quality they had in order to get her to like them. Even Killian, a genuinely loyal, kind man, flirted as if it was second nature to him, saying things that others (particularly women) wanted to hear in hopes that he’d draw them in.
But Loki had never been that. She didn’t doubt that she’d yet to see every aspect of his personality, but what she had seen felt so unflinchingly genuine that she’d honestly had no idea that his feelings were anything but platonic. Had she been manipulated? Was this what it was like for Anna, when Hans had said all the right things so that he could ultimately take the throne she’d been born to inherit? She doubted it. Besides the fact that there was nothing for anyone to inherit here in Marrowood, Hans had felt wrong from the very start. Anna may have been blinded, but Elsa, as naturally suspicious as she was, was wary.
With Loki, she didn’t feel manipulated. She felt understood, and appreciated, and sometimes very, very annoyed, but never manipulated. And although there was a part of her that was reminding the rest of her that she likely wouldn’t have, seeing as that was the point of manipulation, she couldn’t help but reject that idea. He’d been a genuine friend. She was new at this sort of thing, yes, but she just knew. He had.
Which brought her back to his confession. He liked her?
“Why?” She said, after pondering that particular question for much longer than she’d ever want to admit. Her efforts to add to it - to clarify, or reassure him - failed, and she simply kept still and silent. She watched him closely, as if the answer to that mystery lay in the planes of his face, hoping that he could come up with something she’d understand.
Watching Elsa make the connections from her body language and both her facial expressions kept Loki silent, patiently, contently waiting. He hadn’t expected anything. Hel, he was thankful she wasn’t still trying to insist that he leave her alone. When he’d attempted to embrace her that time as a form of comfort, she hadn’t even noticed.
But his words laced with their true meaning didn’t seem to escape her this time, and even Loki didn’t necessarily have all of the answers. New lives with new endeavors meant new opportunities, as did surroundings, to feel and experience things he hadn’t before. He had nothing to gain from manipulating her. Yes, he was a selfish creature, allies were beneficial, but they had a connection, an understanding. Loki knew that she felt that too.
Meeting Elsa and anyone else who had no previous impression of him was one of them. This was a relationship that he, the true Loki, not the young, unimpressionable new youth, had gone and done before he stole the chance for himself. He maintained this path, his new friends, acquaintances, and this purpose he didn’t have in his own world. Marrowood was dangerous in that...Loki had more opportunity here. To be good or bad he hadn’t yet pondered, but that wasn’t the subject of his attention this moment.
A fond smile spread to his face when she questioned him, eyes falling to the ground for just a moment before lifting once more to meet hers. Whether or not she wanted clarification on her own worth to him or his intentions, he didn’t know, but would explain as best he could.
“You take me as I am.” Didn’t most people? Yes, but never in a positive sense. None other than Thor. For all of their differences Thor never gave up on Loki and never stopped believing in his ability to change or try, even when in the past he’d always prevailed in double crossing him. Love, compassion or nurture were not things he recieved easily if at all because of his own fault. He’d all but forgotten what it felt like. “Perhaps it’s because you never knew who I was, or who I could be, or any other horrid atrocity that is always associated with me..I don’t know. You trust me, even though you have the sense to know better, you believe that I will do or say what will be positive in nature even though my nature dictates otherwise.”
He’d already told her from the very first time they spoke that he would always be inclined to lie, to be mischievous, to be himself. Those weren’t necessarily horrible things--so said the hope and desire in his gut, or the faith that Thor and Elsa had in him.
“You think you’re capable of horrible things and would have yourself believe any mistake is a further reasoning behind that conviction, but, I was a monster, Elsa. In this life I have had to work tirelessly not to be one again and gain even an ounce of thought to the contrary--all through fault of my own, but, that genuine feeling of compassion you share, your understanding? Is effortless and unconditional. I haven’t lived very long as I am now, but I don’t quite remember ever having what you give to me.”
"Because that's what you deserved." The words were said simply, still laced with quite a bit of confusion. Loki was a man with centuries of baggage, much of which didn't actually belong to him. Of course he deserved a chance to prove himself different from the version of him that had caused so much pain. Why would anyone deny him that?
She wasn't so naive to think that her point of view was the most common one, but she couldn't imagine why it was as rare as he claimed. Had those that judged this version of him so harshly ever actually spoken with him? Likely not, because it had taken little more than that - a single conversation - to realize how truly different he was from the Loki of legend. Perhaps her history gave her a special understanding of what it meant to be weighed down by mistakes of the past. Even so, his actions spoke for themselves, and since arriving in Marrowood, he'd been nothing but deeply, genuinely helpful.
But recognizing this and treating him accordingly were still just the actions of good friend. How could he find them to be so unique?
"You kept me from backsliding into a hole so deep, I'd likely have never climbed out, after months of assisting me in my every whim and endeavor, when I never gave you any indication that I felt anything more than friendship for you. Unless this was a particularly elaborate wooing technique, I'm honestly confused as to how you could think so much of what I've done. Don't you realize that your actions were the catalyst for mine?" As this thread of conversation continued, she found herself becoming more confused - not only with his feelings, but with her own, as well. What had changed, and why hadn't she noticed?
“I’d like to pride myself in being much further ahead in most if not all things, strategy is second nature for me, but I don’t think even I could subconsciously begin to take a deliberate action to all of that with just the intent on wooing you.” He chuckled comfortably, not at her, but the idea itself. Loki knew little to nothing of these matters, but he did know sense and logic plenty. “Admittedly, my first aim upon arrival was to make allies. You were obviously the easiest because you had no predisposition. What enticed my curiosity was your magic--you see, I’m technically half Frost Giant, not Asgardian. I’m unfamiliar with other forms of ice magic. Curiosity killed the cat, and all of that, we know I’m curious.”
He was sure there was a possibility she wasn’t familiar with the term of phrase, but it was unimportant. “True, you’ve supported me and I’ve supported you as friends do, all concepts I am learning to come to terms with as a normality. Genuine innocent actions be it as that may, why does it have to be anything more complicated than that? Is that not special enough?” Perhaps it was to him because of his circumstance and who he was. Such were things to her because of hers.
“We share more than ice magic. I know you understand that connection, amongst others.” All could have been simple gestures and nothing more. It just didn’t feel that way to him anymore. Loki didn’t have a Wikitionary definition as to the how or why, he mostly only knew what he felt, and was attempting to be truthful. Why, well, his mouth ran sometimes.
She was beginning to glean his meaning, now, and she found that the new understanding uncovered questions about herself that she had never had the time - nor the desire, for that matter - to explore.
Once, a few months after the thaw, Elsa had asked Anna how it felt to have such strong romantic interest in someone else. She'd been embarrassed at the time to say that she'd never really understood what such a thing was, or how to know if she'd experienced it or not. For a long time, she'd thought that it was simply because she had always been otherwise occupied, focusing on becoming queen and controlling her magic. Actually being around others - especially Anna and Kristoff - had made it clear to her that her assumption was incorrect.
Anna, as was her nature, was both patient and enthusiastic in her explanation. What she'd felt for Kristoff (and though she never mentioned his name, the 'and Hans, once,' was implied), she'd said, wasn't anything like the love and affection she felt for Elsa. She couldn't quite recall her sister's exact words anymore, but ultimately, all Elsa had really gleaned was that romantic affection started out small, but had the potential to grow into a different sort of love and affection that had the potential of running parallel to existing familial love.
It all seemed ridiculous and foggy to her, and she'd contented herself with writing off that particular feeling as one she'd be fine never experiencing.
But what if that had changed? What if she'd been experiencing it, and never even realized it? She'd discovered weeks ago that what she felt for Loki was different than what she felt for Anna, but then again, so was what she felt for Killian, or Kristoff, or Babydoll. She supposed that the fact that she was even considering the possibility that things between them were different than her other friendships indicated that things already were, but she couldn't tell how. Were they reallythat different?
"How do you know the difference?" She said after a long pause, suddenly feeling like a curious, uncertain child.
They were fair questions, and Loki realized she wasn't questioning his intent so much as trying to understand. Something that shouldn't have come to a surprise with the rest of her baggage--which he was sure he could help with if he knew more--but that was for another time.
Letting his free hand fall back into his other pocket, he shifted the weight of his stance, humming thoughtfully as he considered his answer. "For one, I'd rather be here walking and talking with you than at that party, with my brother, or anyone else. And I don't mean only tonight. Given a choice any other day I can say I'd prefer your company to anyone else's."
It was easy to be with Elsa, lounging in the ice castle or poking at her at the library. He didn't feel an underlying nerve to prove himself or his worth. Not that he wasn't always thinking along those lines in his day to day, change and all that, it just wasn't a stress for him.
Perhaps that was dangerous. Like the Young Avengers forgiving him for tricking them, Elsa's misguided trust or belief in him.
Naturally, Loki was selfish enough to accept that because he wanted it. There was no avoiding it in the small confines of the town anyways. That was the excuse he was comfortable with.
"I wish there were an easier way to explain. I suppose there isn't really, other than saying you're my favorite and I wouldn't really be interested in sharing deeper sentiments with anyone else either."
She’d always assumed that, if she were ever to have romantic feelings for anyone, that they would occur in the way often described in novels, and in old stories passed down through families: The change would be so grand and obvious, that it would be one that she noticed and grasped onto right away. Now, it seemed ridiculous to think that that was the only way such a thing happened. She always thought that Anna had managed to take sole possession of their family’s latent flare the for the dramatic, but apparently, she managed get a small portion of it, as well.
As it was, his description of what his feelings for her meant for him struck a familiar chord. Of course, Anna was not only her sister and best friend - she was Elsa’s responsibility, and would therefore always be her priority, no matter what. But if she thought about it, and had to choose one person to spend time with in the town? It would be him.
And while much of her wanted to wave it off as just a close friendship, she had a persistent feeling - one she didn’t recognize, despite its not feeling brand new - that would not allow her to do so. She’d been forced to explore, to compare and contrast her relationships, and that feeling was telling her that a distinct, if small, difference had been found. Something about Loki, something that grew from the odd trust and understanding that she shared with him, separated her relationship with him from others in her mind. And while she might not have known instinctively what this meant, she was smart enough to connect the dots.
“Okay.” She said, seeing no reason to continue beating a dead horse when she’d gotten the general idea. As much as she’d like details, she didn’t need them. “So, this affection that you have for me. What do you plan to do about it?” The confidence behind her words was convincing, but almost completely false. A Queen had to know how to seem in control, even when she found herself in over her head.
“To be perfectly honest I..hadn’t developed a plan. For once.” As much as Elsa wasn’t connecting things within the moment, Loki hadn’t either. He was riding the wave of usefulness and extending a hand to new opportunity and relationships. What he had been paying close attention to, was himself and not breaking the vow to himself, not the deeper meaning of the whom and whats that were or were not something more than friendship.
He’d acted as things had happened. Marrowood and those inside had thrown off the God of Mischief, keeping him from solving it’s problems, stealing his own sword right from under his nose, and apparently developing feelings for the Queen of Arendelle.
She was asking about now though. Now, in the current time, that they were both aware and in the know. And hadn’t necessarily rejected him either. Yet.
That sparked an extra confidence within him, not that Loki needed it, and he offered her a warm smile. “For starters, I plan to get that dance.” He had no expectations of her but as she knew he was stubborn to a fault. If he wanted something, Loki would adamantly drive for it. But if Elsa had no desire to be closer with him, that wasn’t something he would push. Love didn’t work that way, or so he’d have thought. “And now that you know I have a particularly large infatuation with you, well, I may attempt to seek your affection in return. Perhaps stubbornly...if of course, that doesn’t pose a problem?”
He would accept rejection if she hadn’t the desire to return his feelings. Loki was thankful to have her, in any capacity, even if he doubted his own feelings would go away with a dismissal. It was a thing he was unwilling to assert.Elsa’s lips ticked up slightly in response to his large smile, and she felt herself sigh. Her natural instinct in situations like this one - situations where she was unsure and uncomfortable - was to run away. She wouldn’t, though. Part of the reason was that she was in the middle of a staunch effort to combat that particular habit and ultimately drive it away completely. But the other part - a much smaller part - was clearly controlled by that same niggling feeling that told her that her friendship with Loki was different, somehow. That part didn’t have any particular desire to move a muscle. She was entirely certain that she wasn’t ready for any sort of commitment, but she didn’t think that this particular conversation held that danger. With that on the table, she found that she wanted to finish it.
That would include an action of some sort from her, then. He’d been patient with her; answering any questions he had and not even trying to ask his own. She needed him to know that she heard him, and that she wasn’t saying no. Not now. Not yet.
“How about, for now, we just start with the dance?” She said finally, forcing herself to hold eye contact with him.
He would take it. Nowhere in that sentence was a ‘no’. Not even an ‘ew, no’. She could have shot him down right then and there if there was no such feeling and he’d been wrong. But of course, he wasn’t, and she was--if he were to judge this action--considering it. That was enough for him. For now.
“I’d like that.” Considering he’d all but showed up to the party in hopes that they could--not that he wouldn’t attempt to enjoy a few hours of conversation, giggles, and the like with the others. Enjoy an afternoon of pleasantry for once. Like Elsa, there was only so much of that he could take.
Pending on the company, he could take a great deal more. Hers particularly.
Offering his hand to her, Loki but glanced around them to find no one. This was as good a place as any. Marrowood didn’t get any brighter or merrier. Most everyone was either at that party or inside. “So tell me, do you hesitate to dance because you’re secretly fantastical at it and don’t want the attention, or have you just not been pressed enough?” She may have been used to people not questioning her because of her title or politeness. He would always consider her position before speaking, but he never feared speaking his mind to anyone.
"I don't hesitate to dance. I just don't dance - period." Which was, for the most part, true. She'd received dance lessons as part of her tutelage, of course, but she hadn't put that particular lesson into practice since her parents died. It, as with many things, went back to her desire not to be touched. She just couldn't ever get the hang of things on the dancefloor with her mind constantly occupied with ensuring that her partner didn't get too close. She'd endured it while her father was King, but once she was named Queen Regnant and officially able to do what she wanted, she stringently avoided dancing.
Even as she worked to remind herself that she wasn't the same girl now as she'd been then, she found that this wasn't an activity she particularly looked forward to. But she'd endured it for the sake of a friend once that night, so what was one more time?
"But fortunately for you," she said, taking his outstretched hand and stepping closer, "I've been attempting to do away with a few old habits."
“We really should make a bumper sticker out of that,” he chuckled in amusement at their shared motto, fingers curling around hers as he moved to place his other hand around her waist. Fortunately for Elsa and her fear of harming her partner, well, she had nothing to worry about with him. “Even if we don’t have a car or anything. It definitely deserves some sort of product placement with how often we keep referencing.”
Loki figured traditional slow dancing would be fine. He had no idea the norm for her culture--however closely linked to his in some ways, would go about their dancing. What he spent a moment of silence thinking over, was some music.
Humming, he let his eyes fall to a stray pumpkin along the path. He’d already used a great deal of magic to manipulate things for Anna’s party. One more wouldn’t hurt, and he was hardly tired or thinking dastardly thoughts from using so much power or whatever it was he worried over. Instead of having this pumpkin sing like the other Jack o Lanterns, it would just serve as a squash radio speaker, playing some leisurely music with which he could lead her into. He was getting better now, no longer needing the use of his hands to cast everything.
“You know, I think I like this better.” While he would have liked to dance with her at the party it didn’t really hold any significance at all much as just the act itself. This was more private and personal. He was also referring to their close proximity but, he wasn’t about to push it.
Elsa laughed lightly at his comment, the context of his statement helping her to glean his meaning. It was growing to be their personal statement, wasn't it? At this point, she could have it translated into runes and etched onto the frame that held her portrait and future generations would have an accurate portrayal of who Queen Elsa was as a person. Loki was certainly in a similar predicament. No wonder they didn't have trouble communicating; in many ways, they were the same.
She startled momentarily as the music began to play, turning to see if she could glean where it was coming from. It was a testament to just how strange things had been in Marrowood that she barely blinked at seeing that the sound was obviously coming from one of the pumpkins lining the street. But of course, it had been her job to place the singing pumpkins that Loki had enchanted around the room for Anna's party. You really could get used to anything, it seemed.
"I do too, actually." She took a step forward, lacing her fingers through his with one hand, placing the other on his upper back, and stepping forward into a formal dancing position. It was nice that it was just them. The fact that dancing for her always brought with it at least fifty pairs of eyes certainly added to her lack of desire to do it.
"I don't know that these shoes were made for dancing." She said, glancing down as she almost stepped out of one of them. That hadn't been intentional, but she'd certainly appreciated the built-in excuse whenever someone at the party asked her to dance.
Eyes trailing between them to see she’d almost stepped out of her shoes, Loki was mindful to let her get her footing again. It was intriguing to see her dressed so casually in a comfortable manner. “Perhaps not,” he mused, thinking on any sort of shoe built specifically for dancing. He’d had only sneakers of his own this evening instead of his boots. There wasn’t anything that needed scaling and they were more comfortable. “Some laces may help.”
Another simple cast and he had altered her shoes into ones in which had some shoelaces so her feet wouldn’t slip out. “Is that better?” He glanced back up to meet her eyes again. Magic was certainly more difficult to manipulate when someone was already wearing what he was casting on. Save for himself of course.
He could shift and alter without much trouble it was just a teensy bit more costly. Thankfully he hadn’t needed to shapeshift here, yet. All of his magic was going to defenses, party planning, and shoes. Frivolous sorcerer that he was.
Elsa’s protest died on her lips as her dark, flat-soled shoes turned into a sort of hybrid athletic shoe, complete with laces to keep her foot in place. As much as she preferred the aesthetics of the other shoe, she had to admit he was right. It’d likely stay in place now.
“Thank you.” She said with a sigh, stepping to the music with a little more confidence. “You’re very handy to have around in a pinch. Though I could have just stepped out of them.” Once she’d said it, she wondered if it was odd that her immediate response to her inappropriate choice in footwear was to simply lose the shoes altogether, when she could have just as easily demured and requested that they end the dance right then and there. The latter, while more characteristic, was something that frankly hadn’t occurred to her. She’d promised him a dance, and it didn’t seem a burden to fulfill that obligation. Not like this.
As they swayed lightly in the cool air, she had the vague notion of mentioning that they should probably head in; of reminding him of the danger that was the only constant in this place. She quickly dismissed it, though, finding that she was just a little too content with the peaceful quiet that had settled between them.. It seemed a shame to break it when the both of them were very capable of defending themselves quickly, should they be attacked. Worrying about the consequences in this circumstance would do neither of them any favors, so, for once, she stayed quiet.
“You trust the merit of the trail that much, hmm?” Being barefooted was a thing he was more familiar with in his younger--old younger-- times, running around Asgard like a mad child with Thor, Frigga scolding them for wearing less than they should, Thor moreso than Loki. He was convinced if Thor could walk naked without protest from the public he would. Here just wouldn’t be the brightest of places to test the mettle of being bare skinned. Loki didn’t even like walking around without his armor, yet in the back of his mind, he knew it would probably do little for him given the circumstance.
He didn’t take the comfortable silence as a negative thing. Elsa didn’t appear perturbed in any manner, if still not necessarily pleased with the idea of dancing, she was putting up with it for him even when she could have very well come up with plenty of excuses why they shouldn’t. She didn’t. That enough gave him reason to smile.
But Loki could only sit in silence so long before his eyes glanced around them, both to check the path for others or for danger, he knew it could still be there, only there was little that could surprise him. Inclining his head closer to her, he whispered in a sing song manner, “Why are we being so quiet?”
“Because not every moment requires noise?” Elsa said in amusement, leaning in as well and mimicking his tone. He was the one determined to turn this outing into a romantic one, yet he didn’t seem to get the context of a ‘weighted silence.’ She found that to be extremely endearing, especially given what she knew of him. Namely, that he wasn’t the type to sit and dwell in silence. “If you’d notice, we’re enjoying a rare moment of peace in a town that’s doing its best to rob us of it. I think the wise thing to do in this circumstance, Loki, is to not look a gift horse in the mouth.”
She nodded decisively, moving in slightly as she unlaced their fingers and placed her hand just under his arm. She didn’t think of him reading into the action at all, simply deciding to give her tiring arm a bit of a break. “Have you tired of dancing already? Or do you just have some riveting conversation topic you’re dying to share with me?”
There were many talents he could pride himself in, some excessively what with that complex Loki had, but reading into people was one that he knew to be true. With Elsa there were things that were obvious and others not so much. He enjoyed that she wasn’t so easy to read, and with a thing such as moving her hand he wasn’t about to incessantly ponder the who, what, why, and when.
She was just practically holding him now was all. No big deal. Just a holding.
“Ah, yes. That.” When she put it like that, well, it was easy to shut up. For a minute. “Mmmmm no I believe I shared more than I bargained for tonight.” He hadn’t planned past trying to get her to dance with him. Not going into an expertise diagnosis as to the ‘btw I’m crushing on you harder than I had genuinely considered and here’s flow chart A, B, and C as to why’. Another thing that didn’t seem to be hurting him too much.
He let his now free hand rest at the other side of her hip because..where else was it supposed to go? Whoops. No dancing skills, none. How he managed to keep up with Natasha earlier was all facade. “So you know, if there’s anything you’re willing to share with me so it doesn’t seem like the scale is too off balance, I wouldn’t mind terribly. But the comfortable silence is also still good. No complaining.”
Elsa’s gaze drifted down to the hand that had just landed on her hip, an odd sort of unease filling her as she realized just how close they’d managed to get. And while she distinctly remembered placing her hand on his waist, she didn’t realize until just that moment what that action could imply. Sometimes it amazed her just how quickly she could end up in over her head. How she’d fooled Arendelle into thinking that she was anything more than a nervous, uncertain child was beyond her.
“What?” Her eyes shot up to his at the statement, as she vaguely took in what it was he’d said. Was he asking for a confession of some sort? She knew that he was partially joking, and that if she decided to change the subject, he would go along with her, but a part of her felt that to be unfair. He really had opened himself up to her tonight. Surely she could do the same, even if on a far lesser level.
Swallowing deeply, she considered it. It was unlikely that he’d appreciate the knowledge that she had a strong desire to flee right then, and that it was only the knowledge that fleeing would hurt him unnecessarily that kept her in place (and even that grasp was tenuous, at the moment). There was something that she could tell him, though. It likely wouldn’t help her desire to run, but so be it. She’d be brave to night.
“I-hmm.” Elsa said,flexing and extending her fingers anxiously against him as she fought to get out what she wanted to say. “I… don’t know how I feel about you,” she stopped momentarily, swallowing and doing her best to get out the next half of the statement. “but I am relatively certain that whatever it is that I do feel is… different. Not mere friendship.”
He had of course been partially joking, riding the wave of familiar, gentle teasing to get them both through what would otherwise be an uneasing conversation. It wasn’t easy offering yourself to rejection. Loki didn’t usually handle it very well, experiencing the feeling more often than not in any of his lifetimes, not necessarily with relationships than anything, so he understand her anxiety as she wriggled against him and genuinely thought up an answer he hadn’t expected her to give at all.
It was a lot for her to forcibly plant herself into the uncomfortable--several times now, on his behalf. Even if she wasn’t aware of how she felt, her actions spoke enough. He wouldn’t read so much into them, but taking them as they were, it was a lot and meaningful.
“So I’m special.” His lips twitched into a crooked grin, eyebrows lifting in amusement. Loki didn’t want her to think that he took her honesty lightly, but also that it was not a paradigm of seriousness. He wanted her to be comfortable, especially with him. They were very close and it was a pleasant one. He felt things but was more than willing to enjoy what it was in that moment.
She could have shared with him her thoughts on the current book she was reading, the fact that she took it literally was both endearing and special indeed. “Thank you, for being honest. And humoring me.”
Tilting her head to look at him, Elsa just nodded in amusement. “More special than words can describe.” The niggling anxiousness and general sense of unease that had been plaguing her for this entire conversation eased somewhat at his reaction, glad that he didn’t dwell. Despite his having drawn a meaning of some kind from her words, the fact was that she still didn’t know precisely what they meant. If he’d questioned her further, or simply just insisted on dwelling on the subject, she didn’t know if she’d have been able to stop herself from leaving. She hated that her reaction to this situation was so childish, but she couldn’t help it. It was just too new.
“You don’t have to thank me for being honest. Whether or not I’m telling the truth shouldn’t even be a question.” She said genuinely. Hiding her powers from Anna for all those years had been the equivalent of a lie of omission, and frankly, that was enough. Dishonesty was just too messy for her.
“Humoring you how? With the dance?” She scrunched her brow up in confusion, a little behind. Sure, dancing wasn’t her favorite pastime, but surely he knew that she’d have said no if she’d wanted to. She’d stayed for his company, and she didn’t regret that. “No thanks are necessary. Especially given your clear dancing expertise.” By which, of course, she meant his total lack thereof.
Be still beating heart--more special than words could describe? He knew better than to look so much into the sentence. Loki wasn’t that foolish. Only those weren’t just a careless whisper to him. No one said those things, save for Thor (in a very non-romantic way, thank you).
“I don’t question your honesty. I merely know you’re just a proper lady who has no issue saying nay if she didn’t want to.” Even if she didn’t know that he could tell if she were lying or not, Loki knew Elsa wouldn’t. She was just an honest woman. What the Hel was she doing with him? He knew precisely that she stayed for him and his company. That’s what the appreciation was for. If one didn’t care to, they wouldn’t bother with uncomfortable obligations, because there would be none.
Taking no issue in laughing at himself, Loki hid casually behind a shrug, his hands managing to stay contently at her waist. “I told you I hadn’t, not in this lifetime. I’ve learned everything via movies and television this far. I’m afraid it’s not the equivalent to ballroom but I’ve exhausted all my attributes for swordplay and the arcane.” Not that he wasn’t out of space for new talents, or wouldn’t learn quickly.
“I’m not humoring you. A friend asked a favor, and I’m happy to oblige. After all, what you lack in technique, you make up in managing not to step on my feet, and for that, I’m grateful.” She said with a soft smile, the anxious, tight feeling in her stomach flaring up once again . She was trying not to act differently around him, but knowing that he had romantic feelings for her that she may actually return? It was a quite a bit to take in. Sure, she was able to forget in intervals just what he’d said, but for the most part, she just felt uneasy.
She allowed their innocent movement to go on for a few more minutes before she finally looked up at him. “As much as I’m enjoying this, would you mind it if we ended it soon?” She glanced around her, glad to see that they were still alone. For now. “Being outside for much longer would likely be unwise.”
“Good thing too. I know I don’t look like much but I’m actually really heavy.” He was supposed to be anyways, Asgardians had a dense bone structure but it was possible that Marrowood had done away with that. Loki knew he certainly felt mortal and it was quite the uneasy feeling indeed.
Not at all taken back by her request, he nodded, setting their dance to a stop. It was a nice thing, their closeness, but he could tell she was still anxious, and not at all as comfortable as he was, so he regretfully let her go. “Of course. Would you like me to walk you home or are you about at the end of your social interaction meter?”
The last question asked with a fond smirk. He knew it was both a personal matter and a safety one and didn’t fault her for either.
Elsa looked around again as she stepped away from him, not feeling any better about her surroundings. Why had she been so willing to stay out here earlier? She should have known better. “I think I can tolerate a little more, if you can.” She said decisively, not seeing any reason to leave things here when her temporary apartment was just a block away. Might as well end the night on a good note.