It felt like making excuses, felt like she was trying to justify things. Yes, she was looking for a way out, desperate for the attempts to work. It blinded her to what she knew was right and wrong, where the outcome was the most important thing, like it didn't matter who was hurt in the process.
And Jefferson was right, guilt did so very little to help anyone, but he'd never killed anyone, even Regina, who absolutely deserved it for what she'd done -not just to Jefferson but to all the others too- and still Jefferson hadn't killed her. Emma had squeezed the life out of a man just because he'd been in her way. What did that make her?
"All I could think was power, it just ate through everything that was there, the darkness. It twisted everything until all I cared about was strength and power." It was all consuming, the darkness, nothing else had mattered. "I couldn't even be around you all, because I was sure I'd do something..." If they tried to stop her, tried to reason with her, she knew she'd go to measures she wasn't comfortable with to make sure they didn't get in the way.
Reaching up to cup his hand against her cheek, Emma tried to hear what he was saying. But understanding the point and actually letting go, those were two difficult things. "I missed you."