Well, Remus didn't know about that. It used to be, sure, anymore... Friends meant possible attachments and that wouldn't do, would it? Or... fuck it. He didn't even know what he thought anymore. The alcohol was getting to him. (Right, that was totally it.)
Remus snorted. "Hell, if I had any such stories about Snape, I would be telling them to everyone I knew. But no, no such dirt, unfortunately. Except we did think we'd caught him with another bloke, once. Turns out it was just a very ugly girl and not Snape at all." He shrugged casually and tossed his cigarette butt in the ashtray, not noticing it burned out a while ago. "I might have a story about your mum and what happens when she drinks, but I don't remember if it was actually your mum in the story, so I'm not going to tell it. Plus, if it was, you don't want to know. An hm. Got some good ones about Dumbledore, but I don't think you'd want to know that either..." Remus scratched the side of his cheek and shook his head. "Nope, that's it, you've got all my best stories. Your turn to think of something to amuse the old man with."