For most of Abbie's life, her mother had addressed her in certain tones, with certain words. Stern, encouraging, proud. Her mother had raised her to always strive for more, for better. It wasn't just the Knight way. It was Rachel's way. Her mother possessed the kind of determination that wouldn't be denied. When she'd been younger, Abbie had idolized her mother. Of all the mothers she knew, hers was the most perfect. Her appearance, the way she presented herself, all of her goals and accomplishments. Rachel was the epitome of what Little Abigail had thought a woman should be. She didn't waste time on the limitations other people wanted to place on her. She didn't apologize for who she was. Abbie had wanted that for herself.
But the older she got, the more she'd begun to think that the greatest limitations on her were the ones weighed down by her mother's expectations for her. Abbie still didn't want to feel like she had to apologize for being herself, but these days, every choice she made seemed to be a disappointment to her mother. It would have been easier if Abbie didn't care, if her mother wasn't still such a large part of her world view and a standard by which she judged herself, but she probably always would be...even if Abbie was slowly coming to the realization that as inspiring as her mother was, she didn't want her life.
But that soft, soothing tone, the one that had somehow always been reserved for Noah, made her mother sound so different when it was aimed at her. It made Abbie want to crawl beneath the shelter of her mother's arm and cry until she had no more tears left inside of her.
"He does. I told him...right after I told him about us." Gabe had been more of a comfort than she deserved, all things considered, but Abbie was grateful nevertheless. It made things harder, in a way - but she also knew that if he'd had a meltdown or lashed out at her, she probably would have made a split second decision that she might very well regret in the coming days. As it was, Abbie hadn't made up her mind about what she wanted to do, but if she could just not deal with it for a while, that would be her preference.
It certainly wasn't something she could ignore forever.
"I don't know what this changes, Mom. Or if it changes anything. At least as far as my feelings are concerned." But Abbie did pause at that. "I don't...I don't know how Jake feels. I haven't seen him since—" Her words stopped as her throat tightened. The memory of him putting himself between her and his sister, and the consequence of that, was still too fresh.