There was a moment just a little earlier when Jake had thought maybe he could do this. He'd judged the distance between them, the leap it would take, and when he was telling Abbie he liked her, there was a moment where Jake thought he might make it. Maybe if she liked him and he liked her, maybe if they could just make it to each other, they could figure it out. It would be different, but different wasn't always bad. She might want him to change, but maybe they wouldn't be the bad changes that Jake thought would kill him. Abbie liked him how he was. She stared at his pictures for a long time and said she wanted to see the world through his eyes. She didn't want him to be a raven and Jake didn't want her to be a cat. Maybe with other girls it wasn't okay, but with Abbie it would be.
He'd seen the way she'd smiled when Jake said he liked her. Jake could build an entire life based on that.
But then Jake had remembered how steady the rocks were under his own feet and how loose they were under the patch of ground next to hers.
Most of what Jake said was true. The rest he said were things he was telling himself to try and make those true truths easier. Jake was giving Abbie an opportunity to step back. He was giving her a way out.
Instead, Abbie stepped in.
Jake folded his arms, but when she pointed out that they both knew they really did get along, Jake couldn't argue. Since Abbie had taken a step forward, Jake was paralyzed where he was. She was saying things, and Jake wanted to hear them. He hated himself for wanting to hear them, but Jake did. It was a curiosity killed the cat situation, but she was saying the opposite of what Jake thought she was going to say.
He really hadn't expected her to argue with him.
Blaming it on the moon belonged in part to both of them, but it had always been more Abigail's thing than Jake's. At least that way. Jake said he liked Abigail better under the moon. Abbie said she only liked Jake under the moon's influence. Now Abbie was giving that up. There'd been an entire moon between them a minute ago, and now there wasn't. It felt a little like the sun rising in the morning. The sun came in through the windows and when you walked over that part of the ground you felt oddly content.
It felt like Jake had been waiting a really long time for Abbie to say that. In a way, it prepared Jake for what she said next.
He shouldn't have smiled when Abbie said that she liked him even when she hated him, but Jake did.
A few moments ago, Jake had felt like he wanted to bolt. He'd gotten himself to a more resigned place, and then he'd wanted to bolt again. Now everything just felt heavy, but Jake was still standing where he was, and he didn't need to move. He took a deep breath and then Jake exhaled slow. It took a few moments before he said anything. He had to gear himself up for what came next.