Embarrassing and ridiculous certainly fit the bill for Nikolai’s experience of the conversation. However, despite his deep wish to not continue this particular morning discussion, he patiently listened. To him, Emily always seemed a deeply thoughtful person, something he appreciated, so he wasn’t foolish enough to dismiss her advice out of hand. However uncomfortable it might be.
‘Friends sometimes make the best lovers.’ A smile tugged at his lips as he murmured a thoughtful noise in response. The statement rang true. Even his own experience spoke to that. His fleeting whatever-it-was with Ferran when they were young students sprang to mind.
Her thoughts actually pulled a chuckle out of Nikolai and he shook his head, smile still on his lips. I never said anything about doomed or broken, Em. You know me better than that. Maybe it was true that he didn’t trust himself in that capacity anymore. Above all, he certainly didn’t trust himself with the care of something so precious as his friend’s heart. But he didn’t think that made him broken. Just cautious, or so he told himself. He recognized it was a conscious decision he made after Asher. Perhaps he had stuck with that choice long enough that now it felt like a truth of his personality. And perhaps that choice merited reconsidering, but he pushed the thought aside to ponder later. Thanks, he added quietly; even though he didn’t know what to do with her advice, he didn’t want to appear ungrateful.
Flipping his phone over, screen down, he winced sheepishly and looked over at her. Sorry, that was rude of me. Her smile, however, reassured him that his rudeness wasn’t poorly taken. His fingers nudged the phone back and forth on his leg and his other hand lifted the mug to his lips again, taking a few sips. Poor Ferran received more than his fair share of texts from Nikolai. Ranging from serious topics to completely frivolous meanderings, Ferran was usually the first person he thought to contact. He shrugged and uttered a noncommittal “hmm,” even though he doubtless would text his friend in the near future.
How are you, though? There was more he could share about his week: gleaning information from Brian’s scorched office, dragging Brian away from his computer, visiting the children at the orphanage with Jamila, but those could wait.