William Knox (smilingshark) wrote in willowbrookrpg, @ 2013-10-31 18:14:00 |
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Entry tags: | !thread, connor fannar, day: october 01, player: chelsie, player: kelly, william knox |
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
WHO: Connor Fannar and William Knox
WHAT: Connor confronting William
WHERE: Williams apartment
WHEN: October 1, 2013 around 7:30pm.
RATING: Low maybe cussing
STATUS: Complete
Connor had known the phone call was coming. His mother had promised to tell him after he turned 18. She had been courteous enough to give him enough time to get back into the swing of things before she had dropped this huge bomb on his head. As if homework and his classes wasn’t enough, now he had the knowledge that man he had seen almost everyday for the last two years was his father. William Knox the 7th year teacher literally lived steps away from his apartment and he had never know. Rage boiled up inside him, both at his mom for taking so long to tell him and at William for not having figured things out. Of course his anger was illogical but he needed to feel something right now and the only other options were confusion and loss. Letting out a low growl and pulled on his favorite brown leather jacket. Snatching a picture of Lukas off the desk he tucked it into his pocket and quickly walked out the door locking it securely behind him. He would just be a minutes walk away and he had a lot to think about.
Shoving his hands into his pockets, head down he made his way quickly to the staff apartments. He had been here before to run errands for teacher before and used the same excuse now to get past a rather inquisitive staff member. Mr. Knox was in 301 if the mail slots read correctly. Quickly traversing the stair he found himself staring blankly at the door in front of him. Raising a hand he brought it to rest silently against the door. Eighteen years he had lived without a father, why did he need one now. He should just turn around and go right back to his room. Let things be how they always were. Chances were the professor didn’t even want a kid. Hell probably didn’t want a grandkid! Raising his hand to turn and leave he found himself knocking instead. Maybe he wasn’t home, he could be out with other teachers or something. He found himself half wishing as the door opened that this was all a bad dream. Emotions flooded him as the man he’d seen hundreds of times stood before him. He meant to be calm and collected about the whole thing but as he looked at the man the word “Dad,” slipped passed his lips.
***
William was simply working on some lesson plans when the knock came at his door. Maybe it was Cora coming over for a fuck. She sometimes showed up without warning, and he presence was always appreciated. He smiled, calling out, "Just a sec!" as he got up from the couch and headed to the door.
But Cora wasn't on the other side. Not even Annabelle with a problem. Not Contessa come to slap him for who the fuck knows what. It was a kid he'd rarely talked to. "Connor," he said politely, though somewhat suspicious. At least he remembered the teen's name.
But William didn't have a chance to ask why Connor had arrived without warning. "Huh?" He asked as the kid said the word dad. "What about your dad?" He totally didn't get it.
---
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Way to come off smooth Connor. Well there was no going back now it was all or nothing now. He quickly pushed his way past the man that now seemed to be a complete stranger to him and stepped into the man's apartment. He really didn’t want to do this in the hallway where everybody could hear them. He didn’t care if it seemed rude at this moment. Pulling the picture from his pocket he glanced down at the image of his child and quickly deposited it back into the same place. Priorities seemed to be flying out the window but that was one he would never forget. He quickly turned and faced the man. A hand running nervously through his hair he cleared his throat.
“Sorry about how late it is but, do you remember a woman named Kaarena? She would have been a few years older than you, blonde, blue eyes, tall.” Connors eyes dropped to the ground. This was hard and making eye contact with those blue eyes so much like his own wasn’t helping.
***
William's mind was not catching up as fast as it should have. He was caught totally off guard, and having some young punk push his way into William's apartment didn't help matters. What the fuck was going on? Why was Connor acting weird?
Then he mentioned a name from William's past. He had had a LOT of women, many of them older, tall, with blond hair and blue eyes. But that name was definitely familiar. Her face entered his mind. He'd still been young enough at the time that he wasn't so cold hearted. He'd been less of a manipulative womanizer back then.
Having such a clear mental image of the woman, it was hard not to see pieces of her in Connor's face when William looked at the young man again. Oh fuck.
William had to sit down. Not only did he see Kaarena in Connor's features. He saw himself. How had he NOT seen it before? The kid's mouth alone was a dead giveaway. William's chest felt tight. Was he having a fucking heart attack? He couldn't breathe. This was so not happening. It had to be a nightmare. He had fallen asleep working. This wasn't real. He did not have a kid.
---
Yup. He knew her. Connor felt the man's eyes running over his features. He didn’t like it and pulled his glance up from the ground to glare at the man in front of him. He looked up in time to see the color drain from the older mans face and to watch his breathing pick up. All of Connors fear were real and he automatically hardened himself against what was coming. The rejection and contempt he knew was soon to follow. He couldn’t blame the guy, finding out you had a child was earth shattering. He knew how it was first hand. He wasn’t exactly an adorable little newborn either. He didn’t exactly have the whole helpless thing going on. He was pretty sure he looked it right now though. He forced his face to harden as he looked at the other man. Thank God the healers were just down stairs because he looked like he was going to code.
Making his way back toward the door he put his hand on the door knob ready to leave. “This was all a big mistake. I thought you deserved to know. I am your son Connor Fannar and my son Lukas is your grandchild. You owe us nothing but it was only fair you know.” He was rambling but he didn’t care. Right now wasn’t about eloquence. It was about the truth.
***
Because learning he had a kid wasn't enough. Connor had to remind William that there was a baby involved as well. Will knew that Connor was a new dad. He just hadn't thought about it until Connor mentioned it. William was a fucking GRANDPA?! What the fucking fuck?!
He took some deep breaths, not at all prepared for this, and William could usually smooth talk his way out of anything. He was always prepared. Always! But not tonight. Not for this. He didn't have any sort of prepared lies or excuses. He just had a kid. And a grandchild . Fuck.
"Why didn't.. your mom." William was still having trouble breathing. "I didn't know." William looked at Connor carefully. He was a grown man. Shit. He was as old as William was when Connor was apparently born. And now the cycle continued. Another Knox. "I don't feel so well," he admitted, leaning over to rest his elbows on his knees, trying not to vomit.
---
Connor turned from the door and crossed his arms. I guess it was now his duty to make sure the old man didn’t die… his old man didn’t die. A chill ran down Connors spine at the thought of it. “I guess she didn’t want to mess up what you had going on. She thought you had the potential to be something amazing. She didn’t want anyone to know either, that’s why she left to join the Syndicate. She was ashamed.” Connors words were hollow as the spilled from his mouth. He was simply repeating what his mother had told him on the phone only hours earlier.
Rolling his eyes Connor stepped quickly into the kitchen. Snatching it from the dish drainer he filled it with water and brought it over to William. Thrusting towards the other man he offered him the water. “Sip this. It will help. Trust me I know.”
***
William just couldn't grasp this. He couldn't grasp the glass of water either. Shaking his head, he mumbled, "Gonna need something a lot stronger than water." Like moonshine. Could he get a jug of the stuff?
He rested back against the cushions before patting the seat next to him. "Sit." William had questions. Lots of them. He guessed Connor had them as well. "How long have you known?"
---
“Stick to water for now old man. It will be easier coming up if you hurl.” He held the glass in his hands as he plopped down onto the couch next to him. He was sitting next to his father. On his father's couch. In his father’s apartment. His father was being a bitch.
Glancing at his watch he let out a long breath. “One hour and forty-seven minutes.”
---
Shit. William was being a little bitch. This was new to Connor too, but he was fairly calm about it. Although, to be fair, he'd always known he had a dad. William had never known he had a kid. His kid wasn't even a kid anymore.
"She's not with the Syndicate anymore, is she?" William had heard something about her leaving years ago. He didn't know why. They'd lost touch after she joined. Anne thought it was for the best. He needed to distance himself from the Syndicate so people didn't get suspicious. Even then she had been concerned, though he wasn't yet a spy. But now he was. And it was going to be damn hard keeping his composure with this revelation.
"I wish she had told me." Because William knew was it was like to grow up without a dad. He'd had such limited interaction with his parents, and they they were murdered. Kids needed their parents. William had needed his.
---
“We left the Syndicate when I was six. I don’t remember much about it. I thought it was nice there but apparently not. She couldn’t condone some of the things they were doing, not with a little boy to take care of. She moved us to North Carolina after that.” Connor stilled missed his friends in North Carolina every once in a while. He was reminded of the place he grew up everyday by the slightest of drawls that tugged at his words.
Connors eyes flashed. He saw red again. He needed to get in control of his emotions or risk his features shifting. That would be embarrassing, talking to good old dad as you started to shift into Mom. Taking a deep breath he managed to calm himself a bit. “Why so you could avoid this whole panic attack thing?”
***
William didn't know what to think of Connor's words about the Syndicate. It wasn't the sort of conversation for them to have now. Later. Because William had to figure out if his kid could be turned.
He cast an annoyed look in Connor's direction. "Cut me some fucking slack, kid. You trying to tell me that you were cool when you found out you had a son?" William doubted it. Connor surely panicked a little. "I don't know how I'm supposed to act. What I'm supposed to do." Which wasn't normal for him. "Just....go easy on me. Please."
---
“Remember the water advice, yah didn’t take it exactly perfect myself. I don’t know how this works either. Being the Dad thing, got that down. Being on the other end of things, not so much.” He looked down into the glass of water, half searching the glass for answers. They were going to hit the awkward stage soon weren’t they. Habitually he tugged the picture from his pocket and looked at it. Lukas was still blissfully asleep in the photo, unaware of what this world held. He wanted to keep him unaware as long as he could. If he had his way Lukas would grow with a family that loved him.
Tossing the photo onto the cushion next to him he crossed his arms once again. “I’m sorry. I’m just lost. In shock still maybe. You’ve been here this whole damn time and I’ve never fucking know. The last few words exploded from his mouth as he let out some of the resentment he felt towards his parents. William didn’t deserve it but he didn’t care right now.
***
William felt like he SHOULD have known. All the signs were there. But it didn't click. The striking resemblance didn't cause William to take a second look. Why? Maybe because despite his slutty ways, he never really expected a kid to come of it. Especially not a kid this old. There had been some pregnancy scares over the years with a few women, but no babies. Now there was a grown man WITH a baby.
William glanced at the photo Connor kept looking at. "Take good care of him. We shouldn't both be deadbeat dads." He sighed. "I'm really sorry. I don't know if I would have handled things well...like you have...but," he shrugged , not sure what he was getting at. He felt actual guilt, and that didn't happen with William. He was so calloused inside. Bitter and cold most of the time. He cared for very few people. Most were just accessories in his life. They held no meaning. But Connor was his flesh and blood. And he had been born as the result of a much more meaningful union than that of William's parents. Connor's birth wasn't planned. That was a good thing . No one had prearranged it. No one watched as his parents "mated." And no one dragged his mother from him after his birth. "I'll try not to fuck up."
---
“He’s an amazing kid. Living with mom right now since I have to focus on school. He’s learning how roll around now and is sleeping through the night.” A slight smile tugged at his lips as he thought fondly of his little one. Best mistake he had ever made. He wondered if William would ever seem him that way. He didn’t expect it to be all man hugs and atta boys right now but part of him hoped for it. To be honest a large part of him wanted it. He hadn’t known how badly until he sat here beside that man he shared blood with. Speaking of which, that explained the whole swimming bullshit. He had wondered where to hell that had come from.
Williams words struck him harder than they should have. It was the very thing he fought against with his own child. He refused to fuck it up. Clearing his throat he turned his attention back to the older man. “You won’t,” he mumbled under his breath half hoping William wouldn’t hear him. Sighing loudly, Connor ran a hand through his hair, a nervous tick of his, and leaned back against the couch. “So what am I supposed to call out now?”
---
William smiled as Connor talked about his kid so fondly. It was nice. William could be a real asshole, but he believed in family. He loved his parents despite it all, and he did his best to honor their memory. They were the primary reason he'd become a spy.
"Call me?" William didn't know what the fuck to say to that. "Whatever you want. It's not my decision to make." Dad was gonna sound weird though. Especially in public. Which brought up a question of his own. "Do you want people to know about this? And...how?" Did they make some sort of announcement? It was really going to fuck up William's sex life. He had a grandchild. Not sexy. But William wasn't all that upset. He had family. Shit. Eli.
"Look, there are things you don't know about your family. Our family. I can't tell you everything right away. It's complicated and far from pretty." But as a Knox, Connor deserved to know. Eli would want to meet his nephew. Anne would want to meet him as well. Eventually.
---
“I think I’ll stick with Will if that’s alright with you Pops.” The nickname felt strange on his tongue. It was something he had never allowed to dream about saying and here he was joking with his old man. It was Connors turn for his head to spin. This was too much. He had to keep his cool though, maybe he did need to pay more attention in controlling your triggers class. “It would kinda cool to have a dad but I have nothing to lose from it. You do. You have a life and friends and shit…. I don’t know. It is up to you. I can keep it on the down low if you need me too. I don’t want to fuck things up for you. I can understand.” he had verbal diarrhea again. He just really didn’t want to scare William away now that he had found him. He’d take the secret to his grave if need be. It had always just been him and his mom, to have any kind of family was amazing.
Their family. It was weird to hear. Of course he would have to come from a family with a jacked up history. He’d have been surprised if had been the other way around. Normal was just something that didn’t happen to Connor. “We’ve got time now right? No hurry.”
***
Shit. There William went with fucking things up. So much for his promise to try to avoid that. Being genuine was difficult. He was out of practice with people outside of Eli and Anne. "Hey, that came out wrong, okay? I'm not afraid of people knowing. I just wanted to know what you're comfortable with. Being a teenager isn't easy." Might be harder having a teacher as a dad, especially given the fact that the teacher was William. "You can tell anyone you want. However you want." William would have to tell his brother and Anne right away. Everyone else could find out through gossip for all he cared. Fuck them.
"Yeah. I guess we do." He rubbed his face. It wasn't all that late, but he was exhausted by all this. "Tell your mom... she can call me if she wants. No pressure though." But it seemed only right that they reopen the lines of communication.
---
Thing was, Connor didn’t know who to tell. How do you explain that to someone. ‘Oh by the way my dad is a teacher here. Know the guy that threw the Karaoke night. Yah that one.’ Oh god, his dad sang Karaoke. It was a huge relief for him to hear that. William wasn’t ashamed of him. He would acknowledge him as his son. Connor wasn’t the best kid in the world but he would sure as hell try to be. He wouldn’t embarrass William at the school, he’d become one of the best agents this place had ever seen. He’d tell his friends later. Right now he just wanted to let it all soak in.
Connor took that as his cue and stood up from the couch picking up the picture next to him. He held it out briefly to the man in front of him before drawing it back. He didn’t want to overwhelm him. He understood this was a lot. “I will do that as soon as we’re talking again. I may not have been the nicest when she told me. I should probably start groveling huh?”
***
William motioned for Connor to hand over the picture. "I need a better look than that, kid. Let me see him." He stared at the baby for a few moments. The baby sure was cute. "I’d like to meet him sometime.... if that’s okay with you." William really did like kids. He was a playful sort, and he just related to children better sometimes. He didn't have to play mind games with them.
"She'll forgive you. I'm sure she expected some anger, what with us being on campus together all this time." He was a bit more serious then. "And you forgive her, okay? I'm sure she did what she thought was right. I've never been...well," he sighed, "I'm not relationship material. She knows that."
---
Connor felt his heart swell with pride as William looked at Lukas. “I think that can be arranged. Little guy loves everyone pretty much. If you can play peek-a-boo you have got a guaranteed in.” He was glad he decided to bring the picture with him. It was important William saw this. The picture had given him strength as well.
“I already have, I’ll call her tomorrow morning. It’s getting too late now,though if she know me she’s still awake right now. Most likely worrying about me.” Connor let out a long sigh, “Sorry I didn’t exactly tell you that right way. I was in just as much shock as you were. She doesn’t hold it against you… Fuck apparently its genetic, so she really can’t.” The boys lips quirked into a playful smile.
***
William grinned as he looked at the baby’s picture some more. It was somewhat painful though. Connor seemed like a good kid. And William had absolutely no part in that. Maybe he'd contributed some good DNA, because Connor was an attractive guy, but that was it. He couldn't help feeling somewhat cheated. But he still didn't blame Connor's mom. He couldn't. It was an impossible situation. She'd not kept it a secret out of spite. She was probably scared out of her mind at the time, and no doubt she looked at William and thought he'd be a lousy dad. He probably would have been. Hard saying. Wasn't much he could do about it now. Connor didn't need anyone to look after him. What did a dad do at this stage of a child's life?
He handed the photo back. "I'm glad you came over tonight. But we'll talk genetics some other time. There's a lot you need to know about your background. And your uncle," he added. It didn't feel right keeping it a secret. "But that stays between you and me, got it? No one else can know I have a brother. You have to promise me."
---
An uncle?! Connors eyes grew wide as he looked at William. He hadn’t even thought of having an uncle. He nodded his head and extended a hand. His mom had taught him that a man always shakes on a deal. Of course he would keep the secret. Connor was also taught that a promise is a promise even under pain of death. “I promise. I will tell no one.” Of course Connor wondered why he couldn’t tell but he assumed all would be explained in that whole messy family past thing. Just how fucked up was this family he wondered. If his humble beginnings were any hint he was going to say very.
Connor could feel the fatigue weighing on him now as the adrenaline leaked out of his system. God, even with all the excitement he was going to sleep like a baby tonight. That and he might take a sip off a nyquil bottle to assure that happened. “I’m glad I came. I almost didn’t tell you.”
***
William stood and squeezed Connor's hand. "Thanks." It was a conversation that would take far more time than they had tonight. And William would ideally like a little bit better understanding of Connor's opinion of the Syndicate first.
"Get some sleep. I think both our heads are full enough for one night." William walked Connor to the door. He wanted to talk more, because there were still so many questions in his mind, but not tonight.