InsaneJournal

Who: Renzo Shima & NPC
What: Thoughts & Awkward situations
When: before school on Wednesday
Where: Eerie Point High
Status: Narrative, closed
Warnings: Angst, awkward rejections, eeriegram use, not much it's pretty chill, pinning, loneliness,



Shima ran his hand through his hair it was shorter than he would have liked, but now it was fully black. He'd gotten the hair cut yesterday. The hairdresser's words bounced around his head, "It'll feel great when we repair it. So don't you go dying it again!" He sighed and pulled his hood up, pulling the strings so that it was tight. Having black hair again wasn't something he'd been prepared for when he made that appointment. However, she'd talked him into it. "This is about making you feel better hon. Feel your hair, run your hands through it. See how frayed and damaged it is? This isn't healthy hair honey. We're going to make it healthy again. Give you back that glow!" That glow. Healthy hair. That's what he was going for. Things would get better. He would get better.

At least one thing had changed. When he looked in the mirror he didn't immediately see Takezo again. He saw himself. He'd spent a long time staring at himself in the bathroom mirror after that haircut. Taking in all the different angles. He didn't look as bad as he thought he would have... However, the moments after the haircut replayed again and again and again in his mind. "You look good!! Take a picture!" He'd taken one with the encouragement and hype, a smile on his face for the first time since the break up. It fell off his face as his thumb hovered over Mahiru's contact. He hadn't had anyone else he wanted to send it to.

Now Shima was sitting in front of the school contemplating if he even wanted to go. This would be the day everyone saw his hair, no way he was getting through the whole day without having to take off his hood. He flipped through his phone absentmindedly, opening his text messages with Mahiru again. This wasn't the first time he'd done it. Nor was it the first time he'd sat off to the edge of the school, watching the entrance to see him. It seemed like every time he stopped focusing on something he ended up right back at Mahiru. Just like how he was sitting here looking at the messaging typing cursor flash at him. It wasn't just scrolling. So many nights he rolled over and reached across his bed for Mahiru. His hands came up empty every time. It was like his body just didn't learn no matter how many times he was reminded or reminded himself.

Even social media was a drag. Every meme just reminded him more and more of what he no longer had. Sure he sent a couple to Rin, Mina, or Jabber here and there, but he'd scrolled past so many he would have sent to Mahiru. At least he hadn't blocked him. That had to count for something didn't it? He checked his social media every night. Shima went to bed after scrolling through his gallery of them. He wondered if Mahiru did all that too. He hoped that Mahiru did all that too. He couldn't help but hope Mahiru felt as lost as him.

Goddamn... I'm really in love with him. Shima rubbed his face, he just couldn't get over Mahiru could he. They still hadn't talked at all since their last face to face conversation. Shima sighed, he had really gone off on him. He couldn't blame himself though, what Mahiru had said really hurt him, it still did. Mahiru didn't listen to anything he'd said to him. He'd accepted the apology at least, but everything about fixing himself...? Shima frowned at his phone, he was getting worked up again. Come on man. Leave it alone. That was something he knew he wouldn't be able to let go unless he heard a real apology for it. Not when it had come from someone he'd turned to for so much.

Shima took a deep breath to ground himself, Change the subject! Let's just show off my hair so I can get this out of the way! He decided. Shima changed from his messaging app to Eeriegram. He pulled off his hood, tussled his hair around and snapped a sexy picture with a small wink. He wrote up a quick caption, 'New haircut! （*´▽｀*) Back to black for a while I guess!' and posted it.

"Um.. S-Shima?" His eyes snapped up from his phone to a see a girl approaching him awkwardly. She was a sophomore, he'd seen her in his P.E. class. "Can I talk to you for a moment?"

"Sure." He got up from the bench and grabbed his backpack, following her to the corner of the math building. She continued to fidget the whole time. Finally they stopped and he looked down at her. "So what's up Holly?"

"Um... I've liked you for a while now... and I um.. I was wondering if you'd want to go out with me?" Holly practically recited. She looked up at him with terrified eyes and a blushing face.

Shima looked startled, which he was. He was panicking. What? Oh god no... He rubbed the back of his neck and looked away to the side. If this had been anywhere else he would have jumped for joy. Back home? This was his DREAM! A cute girl asking him out?! What more had he ever wanted?! However... here in Eerie? After everything that happened? His heart wasn't soaring, it wasn't even in his chest anymore. There was only a hole where a certain someone had stolen it. Shima closed his eyes and sighed, "Holly... I'm sorry. You're a great girl," He looked back at her, "but I love someone else. So I'm sorry, but I can't go out with you."

He looked pained as her face scrunched up and tears welled up in her eyes. "Oh... Ok... I understand.." She hid her face behind her hands and turned away before she ran towards the bathrooms. Shima turned around and slid down against the wall until he was sitting.

That was fucking awful... How long until that spreads around the school?