Theories of a Past Life: Pt Two The night had been much too for Eleni, not since the first night in this new country did she have such trouble resting. The remainder of the day yesterday had been pretty much a waste, after getting completely soaked Simbul had seen her home, though she did not stay long as she had a class to get to, which for the time being Eleni was grateful for. The girl was lovely, sweet even, but she did not love her, especially now that she was was so conflicted with the appearance of that face that so captivated her. After lingering in the shower until it turned cold, she curled up in the window seat and stared out the window at the rain pitting against it, thinking of that woman she saw in the museum. She might have stayed there for hours had her host mother not come to check on her, she had become very close to the woman, mainly because she was Greek as well and they could talk together in their native language. The older woman held her as she tried to explain what had happened to her, surprisingly the woman had no answers or advice for her, but she continued to hold her and stroke her hair until it grew dark and she encouraged Eleni to go to bed. A few hours after falling asleep the family cat came in and curled up next to her chest where it licked at the necklace Simbul had given her, it was nice having the little body so near her when she slept, though her normal dreams turned to those images again, of that woman and of a short time when they had been happy.
It was difficult getting out of bed the next day, not because she was comfortable, but because life suddenly felt so unimportant and meaningless since that woman ran from her in the museum and she had been unable to find her. The cat had not been pleased with this situation and proceeded to bite her toes until she finally got out of bed. She had missed her morning classes, but she did not care, she simply kissed her host mother's cheek, shoved a drawing pad and charcoals into her messenger bag and caught the bus heading downtown. She wasn't sure where she was going, but as long as she was far enough away from campus to not run into anyone she knew, she was fine with it. She was near the museum, but told herself she would not be going back there, no, after milling around outside for a while trash on the sidewalk caught her eye. Purple letters spelled out 'Put some Java Jive in your day', which caught her attention enough for her to bend over and pick up the card and read the faded address. It was purely a whim that made her decide to go there, she reasoned that it would give her a chance to sit for a while and drawl out her frustrations and feelings.
She never really liked coffee and she had a hard time knowing what it was she was ordering, thankfully the place had nice big cups of tea and comfortable chairs. She liked it there, she decided and even as she sat there drinking her tea and watching the world outside the front windows, she felt herself relax a little. Pulling out her pad and charcoal pencil she began doodling, thoughtlessly tapping her toe to the music playing overhead, lost in it for a long moment. And yet the next time she looked down, she realized she was drawing the face of that woman she had seen yesterday, but this time she was happy and smiling, which in turn made her happy, even if she worried that she would never see that face made flesh again.
Aaliyah had worked through the day and partway into the night on a project that she barely recalled the name of. It didn't truly matter to her, it wasn't her project, just another one of the thousands of things she had done since coming to the company. It wiled away the hours and kept that voice from intruding on her consciousness overmuch. Yet every time she pulled her eyes away from the screen and allowed herself to rub her temples, mostly in frustration at the rote nature of her business, she heard it again. That soft pleading not to be left alone. An almost fearful note hidden underneath. It was just there. Constantly nudging on the edges of things. Constantly making itself known when she allowed herself a moment's peace. There would be no peace so long as she allowed it to linger there.
The ride home on the subway, from her office back to her apartment, was torture. Even over the constant clack of the cars, she heard it. In her ears, over and over, that constant sadness. Her apartment building was an unwelcome sight coming out of the subway station. Just another one of those dank edifices to prior times in the city, once beautiful now simply standing out of habit and the assistance of the other structures nearby. Each of them leaning against one another in a stance to make a long time drunk proud. She mounted the steps, hands automatically searching for her keys. Archimedes, her raven, was quite happy to let her know she had missed his feeding time and what was called his walking time. Archimedes enjoyed when he was allowed out of his cage. He could stretch his wings, but never seemed to make any attempt to leave. Truthfully, if one looked at it right, with a squint and slight right head tilt, it looked as though he had chosen her years previous. He come down on her fire escape and hopped into her apartment. Where he proceeded to help himself to several shiny objects placed in plain view. Then had simply never left. Aaliyah gave him a name and kept him happy with bits of food, but he required being allowed out of his cage, which he was mandated to have according to her lease.
"Hey Archie," she answered his disapproving squwak. "I know, I'm sorry." The first thing she did was go unlock his cage. "You wouldn't believe my day." She described it to him as he hopped out and then around on the coffee table looking up at her with one marble like eye. She'd fallen asleep in front of the television, visions of long curling black hair drifting through her mind as if on water.
The next morning, like every other morning, meant a return to work. Returning to work meant once again dealing with the fact that all she truly wanted was to be left to her own devices. There unfortunately was no such thing as being left to her own devices when she worked for a company as big as the one she worked for but couldn't ever quite remember the name of. It made a lot of money and her paycheck didn't bounce, so that was good enough for her. Lunch brought freedom from the humdrum, safety from boredom, a walk down the street to Java Jive, her safe haven in the insanity. The place was exactly what she needed. She had to walk past the museum to get there, but she gave it only the barest glance. Not allowing herself to focus on what was within or the face she had seen the day before. That impossible face she knew but didn't and the voice that spoke of dreams. The scent in the coffee shop was enough to drag her back into the immediate present, and the fact that she sorely needed coffee. She was still standing at the counter when she noticed someone nearby drawing and blinked in confusion as she thought she might have seen herself on the pad. "Excuse me," she felt it as soon as she said something that she probably shouldn't have, but she really couldn't help herself. Drawing attention to herself was a horrible thing.
The voice drew her eyes up from the page, expecting someone to be asking to borrow the extra chair, or they were wanting to compliment her on her drawing. She did not expect to see that living woman who now mirrored her artwork, though the sketch was was brighter and wore a nearly carefree expression and her eyes shown with mirth. The woman did not look so happy, but Eleni did not care, she was the most beautiful creature she had ever seen, no matter her expression. Though for the moment, she was too transfixed by actually seeing her again to be thinking about anything else. Yes, she was there, in the flesh, completely real and not running from her, and while she wanted to reach out and grab her and ever let her go, she did not.
"I..." she was in control of her own voice for once, though she might have preferred to have not been, seeing as she had such trouble thinking of anything intelligent to say. But was she supposed to say? 'I don't know your name or who you are, but I know you and I love you, please don't run away from me again?' It may have been romantic, or more likely the worst line she had ever heard, but it was the truth and no other words seemed to fit the situation. "I... Uh... Please, don't go." she said that last part quickly, almost without thinking. She was not sure if she would be able to take it if the woman ran from her again. They had to be together, didn't they? Wasn't that what this was all about? They had been together before in years long since passed, and now they were being brought together once again. They were supposed to be together and yet the woman she loved had run from her and they were both probably filled with an overwhelming feeling of fear, as if what ever it was that had pulled them together once more had nothing but evil intentions.
Evil or not, Eleni was going to make the most of it and she was going to try to be with the woman she loved, even if it was only to be for a short time. "Here." she turned the pad of paper so she could see it better and pushed it towards her, "Look. It's you, I don't know you, but I've been drawing your face ever since I was able to hold a crayon correctly. Please, don't run away again." she begged her softly, though only now did words begin to flow through her, "You said you would be my light, and you were my light, you have to be that light again. Please, it's so lonely in the dark, and I believe it is growing colder and more empty the more we are apart."
She pushed her hair out of her eyes, the wild black curls being disobedient as always. But even as she did so she was hit with a flash of memory, the sun reclining in the west, reflecting off of the river as they laid out in the tall reeds against the banks, her love had brushed her hair away in order to kiss her. She had something about her hair that made her laugh and cling to her beautiful form as they kissed. But as quickly as it had come it was gone again, and she was left sitting there, her deep green eyes begging the other woman to stay with her.
Were there a cheesier romance written, Aaliyah was hard pressed to come up with it immediately. It was impossible right. You did not meet people in real life and know them before they spoke. It was one of those things that could only happen in the movies. Conceived of by some hack Hollywood writer that would rather trot out a cliche than actually work on making a relationship one that those on screen could relate to. Yet she couldn't deny the reality of what was being said or the fact that her face was staring back at her from that notepad or that she knew what this woman's laugh would sound like before it ever came out of her mouth. Those ridiculous moments of surety. The soft way her mouth would give under her fingers. How her voice would sound moaning with pleasure or even admonishing her in anger. Those moments had been so few, but being yelled at had been something to add spice to their relationship. Making up after the fact only more so.
The sensation of the paper under her hands when she touched the sketchbook, careful not to disturb the colors making up the vision of a past that could be a future. Her mouth, according to photographs, did look that way when she smiled. Which only made the unreality of it all worse. She had never seen the woman before her in her life. Never. Not once. Except for yesterday in the museum. Still, she could imagine linen slipping away from her skin. The way it would sigh there and then slip to the floor. A floor that was not linoleum yet still wasn't wood. "I," that was the one and only word her mouth seemed to want to form. So it came out a half dozen more times before anything further came out. "Be your light," the phrase was odd. Even if she did remember it being said yesterday. It had been said and she had known it for what it was: a promise. The promise to stand by, to light the way, to be there. "I don't know how."
That was a lie. She knew how. She knew exactly how. By touching, kissing, being close, not running away again. Except that she could feel it already, as if something were stalking them. Back then, something certainly had been. Now, was that still true? Maybe, maybe not. She pulled her hand away from the image on the paper and tried to make herself think clearly. Think rationally like a normal person who had just been thrown a cosmic curve ball.
The sound of the barrista yelling at her to come get her coffee drew her attention away. "I'll be right back," the words came out, spilling out in a form of politeness she wasn't quite sure how to turn off. It was a rather normal thing really, if you walked away during a conversation, you let the person know if you would be returning. Aaliyah intended to return. The few steps from the table to the counter to get her coffee gave her a chance to try and steady her nerves into something that might be a consistency other than quivering goo. With the solid reality of the cup in her hands, she tried to tell herself that this was all perfectly okay. And then she turned back and could have sworn that the shop was gone. Everywhere the glint of gold and the impossibility of brick not poured concrete as one had come to expect. There was a breeze carrying a hint of incense to her nose and she blinked rapidly to clear her eyes. Java Jive was back. Everything was exactly where it should have been. Then she walked back to the table and did something she hadn't really thought she would, she pulled one of Eleni's curls and just threaded it through her fingers before she sat down across from her. "Egypt," the name of the country came to her lips then unbidden. Their once home. The place where they died, losing one another in the process.
She felt like jumping out of her skin when the other woman played with her hair, but in the best possible sense of course. Her fingers in her hair was like electricity running through her and it left her body humming with awareness of the other woman even after her hair had been let go. She wanted to encourage her to run her fingers through her hair, to touch more of her and to love her as she had those long centuries ago, but she was silenced by the name of that kingdom that had brought them together. "I never wanted to go there," Eleni wasn't sure where this was all coming from, but she did not fight against the words as they flowed through her. "I wept when mother told me what was to happen. I loved Achaea, I had wanted to be a priestess in the temple of Athena and I could not imagine a home anywhere else." a sudden smile came to her lips, "I remember telling her that I did not want to leave because of the snow, there was no snow in Egypt and how would I know when the seasons changed without it?" that smile began to fade. "She told father and he had me whipped, saying that it was my duty to cement relations between the Danaans and the Egyptians and that he would brook no insolence from me. I sulked the entire journey, convinced that the Prince was going to be some terrible little man who married his sisters and sired children with his own children as the way all Pharaohs were rumored to do. But as soon as we pulled into the docks I was so amazed by the grand estates and the monuments, and then there was the palace itself, it was so beautiful." she met the other woman's eyes, "You were so beautiful."
In her own mind she saw everything so clearly and somehow she understood everything. They had been together once, they had been in love but she belonged to her love's brother and when they fled together, they got caught and thanks to her brother's jealousy they were separated and put to death. But in her mind she believed that manevolent presence had died with her brother, and that now they were given a second chance to be together, she was not sure of course, but Eleni, in past, present and future, was nothing if not endlessly optimistic. They could be happy and they were finally together, that was all she could think of, she forced her fears away until there was nothing but the two of them.
"You were the most amazing thing I had ever seen. I loved watching you and that first night when he had been so rough with me, and you offered me that cool cloth and sat up with me for a while, I knew I loved you." she glanced down at the drawing pad for a minute or two, "I thought about that night a lot when I was stuck in that darkness. I wanted to just curl up and weep just as hard as I did when I was told I was to be taken to Egypt, but you were there to comfort me and you did not let me cry. You were always so good at making me feel better; I wish I could have known you were alright, I was so scared that I had lost you."
Egypt. It was strange to even speak the name knowing so many things. She spoke of times before there was even a possibility of them having anything to do with living. Before they were glimmers in their parents' eyes. Past lives were not a concept she found herself putting much stock in. Except that she could remember when this woman had come to Egypt. When she had first drifted down the river, the Grecian Ambassador and his tribute. Such things were not unheard of. She had been with her brother at the dock when the boat came into Cairo. Normally, she might have been in Thebes, caring for their still surviving mother, but she had sent her daughter to stand by her brother, in an attempt to keep some influence over the affairs of the kingdom. She had always thought it was possibly to entice her brother to bed her in hopes of keeping the bloodline pure. It was not a choice she intended to pay any attention to. So she had laid out on the divan close enough to touch him, but Irisi had felt no compulsion to seduce her brother with the ancient charms. The touch of his hands on her skin brought her no excitement. Nor did truthfully the touch of any man she had been with previously. It was all a matter of choice, she did not find their forms or even their faces pleasing.
Yet as the boat drifted into the port, she had found a face that pleased her. And there was nothing but jealousy at the fact that her brother was to have the one her eyes were drawn to. Yet to Irisi had been the kind not to allow such anger or jealousy to poison her behavior toward another. So she was to be his brother's wife, cementing relations with a child no doubt. To once more allow those of paler skin to keep some control in the high court which could easily end their lives. She had returned to Thebes immediately after her arrival, steeling herself against the feeling of wanting by further devotion to her mother. Then the old woman had died and once again Irisi was banished back to the palace halls of the royal city. Back into the sight of the eyes she wanted so badly to behold watching her with want as well.
It was easy to forget that she was sitting in a coffee shop across from a woman she had never met when she let her mind wander back to the sound of weeping echoing off of stone leading her through the night past flickering torches. Sending the servants away since they were doing nothing but driving her brother's wife into a further state. Remembered staying there beside her throughout the night until dawn came to find her asleep beside her. "Don't worry," she remembered saying. "When night is darkest, I will be your light." A promise made and kept until it could no longer bear the weight of circumstances. Then they had run away together. Disappeared into the desert in hopes of finding a life together. All they found was death. "I wouldn't trade a moment of it regardless of the consequences."
That made her smile, her hand coming to rest over hers, "Neither would I, but I would have given my right foot for us to have had a happy ending. Though that doesn't mean so much anymore, we are here now and we have another chance." that was what filled her mind now, and as mad as it all was, she had come to accept her past life for what it was and what her life was to be like now that they were together. She loved this woman, her Irisi, though it was amusing that she did not know her current name and yet she was in such love with her. Or rather she was in love with that woman she had been long ago, and that was when she started to worry over the fact this woman before her may not be the same one she had loved, that in her modern life she had changed into something else. Her heart beat a little faster in her chest at that thought, but she held tighter to her hand. No, she had to be the same woman with the same heart and spirit she had fallen in love with all those years ago.
But ignoring things did not fix them, and she wondered as well if she had changed. Her parents were different now from the ones then, she had different experiences that had doubtlessly shaped her manner, but deep down her heart was still the same as it had been back then. She was the same as well, she would not accept any other alternative, it was simply new things to learn about each other, a little spice surely that was all it was. "I, this is all so strange and sudden, I know, but I... I mean... I know, I'm not making any sense and I'm sorry. I can't seem to say what I want here, not with these words that come to me beyond my control. But I want you to know that I feel the same as I did then." what was she muttering on about? Why could she not say what she wanted to say and why did nothing seem to make any sense? Past lives? Surely she was out of her mind, falling in love with someone she had never laid eyes on before. And yet it was all true and she loved the woman across from her in a way that she could never have imagined.
It had been hard then, even as they held each other in the soft morning light, she had such a hard time admitting her feelings. Not that she felt any stigma in loving a woman, but it was the fact that she was a married woman, her upbringing and not to mention the idea of being killed for any dalliances with those that her husband did not invite into their bed, made it so difficult. And yet she had been overwhelmed and it had just come out of her mouth before she realized it, thankfully Irisi returned her affections. That spurred her on a little and she leaned across the table and quickly kissed her lips in a feather light touch, and as she pulled away she could not help herself, "I love you, Irisi, now and always."
One thing had certainly changed. While Irisi had untold amounts of time for leisure, Aaliyah had a job. One she needed to get back to. Yet with the touch of lips, she could have easily just called to say she wouldn't be back. However, calling out on account of a past life was hardly something her boss, whose name was utterly forgettable, would really allow. Yet she couldn't keep her heart from beating so hard that her chest seemed as if it would collapse. "Adra," a short form of her name, a word that Irisi knew but rarely used it. Formality was not in her nature, not when it was them together. "I've got to go," she forced herself to say it out loud. "I have to go back to work." In one breath she brought the past and the present together. It seemed as if admitting the real world still existed was enough to remind her of the cardboard paper cup she held in her hands, a coffee she had yet to drink, and a job she knew how to do by rote but cared nothing about. "I," it was hard to make herself get up. Yet she forced herself to get up from that table. Looking into her eyes, though she knew how much pain she was causing with her choice to walk away. "I do want this to be about us," it was fit to make her cry.
Irisi would never have allowed herself such a show of fear. Yet Aaliyah, the woman she had become, was terrified of this. Loving people for her had always been a place fraught with minefields. A place where she was not safe. "I know this is going to sound strange, but would you like to go on a date," her hands trembled. God please don't let her say no. What on earth would she do if she said yes?
That feeling of heartbreak at watching her leave yesterday was starting to return. She could not understand what she was so afraid of, she loved her and clearly she returned those affections in this life as well as the last. Work? She too had school to return to eventually, but she had conveniently forgotten about that, though it was a different situation of course, as long as she handed in her assignments on time it did not matter if she showed up, not like a job where she was trying to earn money and could be fired for poor attendance. She understood it, but it still saddened her a great deal to see her go, especially now that this was clearly not some part of her overactive imagination. She nodded slowly, her green eyes drifting away from hers down to the pad of paper where the drawing of her smile seemed to be almost mocking her.
But when she asked her out, in a rather odd way to be sure, but she was still asking her out. She was distracted by her hands shaking, which Eleni reached out and gently held her hands, trying to still them. "Yes, please, I don't think my sanity would permit me to not see you again." she wasn't thinking about Simbul, which was perhaps unkind of her, but she had known for some time that their relationship would not work, her heart would not permit it, and clearly she knew why now. "I, uh, when? I'm free anytime." she wasn't really, but she was more than willing to push everything aside for her love.
It wasn't perhaps the most rational thing in the world, but Eleni had never been particularly rational, such was the temperament of an artist in love. "I don't even know your name, I mean, your name now." and because there was no way to slip it in that didn't sound strange to her ears, she just came out with it, "I'm Eleni Andreou, or, uh, at least that is what they call me now."
"Aaliyah," it was a name still as exotic as her previous. Irisi was certainly a name of normalcy in Egypt then, but said now, it was hardly a normal name. "Aaliyah Vincent," her last name wasn't one she normally found herself saying. Truthfully, she barely used her first name. Most people didn't know her by her first name, nor did they have it necessary to learn it in order to get along with her. In her opinion, it was simply easier. Her sanity wouldn't permit her not to see her again. Would that mean she would stalk her if the chance to get to see her longer was not offered? Not that Aaliyah found the idea of this woman stalking her all that terrifying. "Maybe we could met back here when I get off? About six." Six would be if her boss let her out the door that early, but there was a great chance she could simply slip out the door. Once she was gone, they couldn't say anything and ducking out one day was hardly a major issue. There were goodness only knew how many people who did it nearly every day. "Then we can figure out where to go from there?"
Time was not on her side at all. Lunch was over. She was going to be late. Two days in a row, lovely. Well, she was about to be late and she was going to be leaving at six because whatever she would allow, she was not going to allow this woman to slip out of her life. Not again. Such had happened once before and she was not going to sit back and let her slip away again. It was unbearable to even think about. "There's a great bakery down the street, lovely cookies," Aaliyah loved sugar. Irisi had a sweet tooth, the kind that demanded honey at nearly every meal. In this life, it came from coffee and being a frequent customer at the bakery.
She smiled up at her from where she sat, "Yes, yes, back here, around six, I will be here." she did not care what they did or where they went, but as long as they would be together Eleni would be happier than she had been in the entirety of her life, or at least this life. If she had not asked to meet again she very well could have stalked her, not in the typical way of course, but she would have hung out in places she was sure to have seen her. Maybe around her place as well, but in a completely non-creepy way of course, or at least that was what she thought, definitions of creepy tended to change from person to person. But she did not believe it would have been creepy. Either way, it did not matter since they would be seeing each other again, and later that day even.
It gave her plenty of time to get ready, not that Eleni was ever really vain, but now that she had someone she wanted to look good for, she wanted to look as good as she could. She wanted to be perfect for Irisi, or Aaliyah as she was now called, it did not matter to her. A name was just a name and the woman she loved had two, which ever name she went by did not matter to her, though perhaps it was easier to call her Irisi and it did feel more natural to call her that. But it did not matter and she would call her by whatever name she preferred.
"That sounds really nice... I love cookies." she nearly banged her head against the table for that little remark, but she honestly wasn't thinking about the cookies, she was thinking about watching her eat those cookies. And she just confirmed to herself that she had a filthy mind, another reason to bang her head against the table. But she figured as long as she tried to ignore it, then she wasn't making a complete fool of herself.
"Then I'll see you back here at six," and then she was gone in a swirl of coat because she truthfully needed to be somewhere other than in her favorite coffee shop. She was really going to be in deep trouble with her boss when she made it back to the office. That assumed the guy would even notice she was gone. Undoubtedly, the day she thought he wouldn't notice, he would. So she treated every day like it was possible he was going to notice her being gone.