Chaz Whittemore {the good, the bad, and the dirty} (velvetlips) wrote in who_fic, @ 2007-09-23 00:34:00
Title: Just a Doctor Alone Author: Dalek / daleked Pairing(s): Doctor/Rose Rating: PG Disclaimer: Not mine. Well the Doctor and Rose and Jack and so on aren't. Warnings: A bit angst-y as anything POST DOOMSDAY is wont to be. Spoilers: Series 1 and 2, Some Series 3 but not much cause I’ve not seen it all yet. ^^ Summary: The Doctor thinks. Author’s Notes: My second ever fic for D/R
Norway. A deserted beach. Brown eyes stared out across the seemingly endless water. A lone figure stood, dark in a blue pinstriped suit against the desolate landscape of craggy rocks and pale sand. A few yards away stood a blue police box. The Doctor sighed softly as he watched the churning waves. Restless as he was, he’d not chosen to come here. He had been aiming for 1960’s France during the student riots. But no. The T.A.R.D.I.S had brought him here. Apparently even it had decided he needed to face this. After all, he’d done a bang up job so far. Donna, Martha… all companions he’d never initially wanted that he’d kept around to try to fill the void in his heart. He’d used poor Martha… and now she was gone. Which was fine. He liked being alone. He needed to be alone. For a time he’d been happier, when Jack had returned. Another one of Rose’s many boyfriends. Another sigh. Rose. In another time, in another place, she’d stood on this very beach. He remembered it so vividly. The tears, the shattering of her heart into pieces, falling before him on the sand and he could do nothing to stop it. Nothing!
Rose Tyler…
I love you. Oh she knew. He knew she knew. But he’d needed to admit it. To himself. To her. She had needed to hear it. But the sun had not been strong enough and neither had he. So afraid because he knew he’d have to live with the pain of losing her when she died. She had to die. It was inevitable and he had been so very selfish. She would never have cared… she would have died happy with him on some new world. But no. He couldn’t stand to see her wither before him like a flower in the Autumn. What a fool he had been. But he had kept his promise and she was safe. She was safe. She wasn’t happy…he knew that in his soul. Knew she was as broken as he was. But life went on. It had to. How many times had he seen it do just that? He had to move on. But he saw her face around every corner… heard her voice with every passing conversation. He’d even spent Christmas with her family and the Doctor did not do domestics!
Crackers… turkey… Mickey for crying out loud! He’d put up with Mickey the Idiot and had had fun! He cringed inwardly. His thoughts running away from him. Where had he been? Oh right. Jack. In Jack he saw much of the same light that he’d seen in Rose. With Jack on board the Tardis it seemed as if a piece of Rose was still alive before him… then again, since the whole Time Vortex thing he sensed Rose in every bit of his ship. Never mind the images of her standing here, smiling there…never mind that her things were still on board. Never mind that he’d spent countless hours sitting amongst them before he’d finally shut and locked them away lest he be driven to madness… if he wasn’t mad already. It hurt. This hurt. The Doctor winced as a loud crash of water on sand brought him temporarily from his revelry. Why was he such a coward? A lifetime with Rose would have been less painful than this! This…life… he had. A life full of regrets, of things unsaid, actions not done…
Part of him knew saving the Earth had not been worth Rose. The human race always would rebuild. But still, he knew it was only bitterness. Rose knew what she was risking. Had saved the world yet again with no regard of her own welfare. She was brave. She did what needed to be done. She was so innocent in that way. Even when they faced the Dalek emperor it never occurred to her that they could leave fate be and runaway…together.
And now here he was alone on a darkening shore, feeling her so near yet so impossibly far.
Rose Tyler…
He’d done so much in his short time with her… when had he started loving her? Was it the moment she came onto the main deck of the Tardis in that Victorian gown? She’d certainly dropped his heart into his boots then… or did he truly realise it the moment that blasted Dalek had her hostage in the American alien museum? She’d pulled through as she almost always did. She ended things with a smile, a smile that used to light up his face as it did both of the Doctor’s hearts. So innocent in so many ways…even after being exposed to his world. So compassionate and curious… his Rose. His Rose that he’d never see again, save in his dreams and his dreams were haunted by her.
Poor Martha. She’d given herself to him only to be constantly reminded of the Rose who would forever blossom in his heart. Unchanging. He couldn’t give Martha what she’d wanted. Before her he hadn’t thought it possible to give it to anyone besides these apes in general. There had been a few exceptions but not on this level. Never had he even hoped to find someone like Rose. He stared out over the glassy waves and for a split second he thought he saw… no. Just a lonely and heartbroken Doctor on a beach with a Tardis.