Every Certainty I Had part 7/?
LJ-SEC: (ORIGINALLY POSTED BY daughterofelros)


Title: Every Certainty I Had
Author: daughterofelros  
Pairing: Connor Paolo/ Joshua Jackson; Also includes to varying degrees the Following Cast: Summer Glau, Thomas Dekker, Rob Lowe, Penn Badgley, Blake Lively, and Dominic Monaghan, plus various and sundry others
Rating: Very Innocent progressing in later chapters to smuttiness
Disclaimer: It's not real. If you think it is, Good God, you're crazier than I am!! 
Summary: Connor has been purchased, but isn't sure what to make of his new life and master.

AN: Thanks to the positively fantastic fannishliss  for the Beta!!

Previous Parts:   Part 1     Part 2       Part 3     Part 4    Part 5     Part 6
Who' s Who located here

Over the next few weeks Connor and Josh worked to establish a pattern. Connor was surprised to find that the week and a half he’d been there he felt much longer. He was still uncertain of his place, and how to balance his actions to please Josh, but at least he felt like he was treading on steadier ground than he had been in a long time. He started going with Josh to work in the mornings, sitting in a disused office reading while Josh worked. The peace of escaping into someone else’s story was a welcome relief. Josh’s books were beautifully bound and gilded and he was astonished he was allowed to touch, let alone read them. When he started feeling too restless just doing that, he wheedled Mary, Josh’s free secretary, into finding work for him to do, and made himself busy doing filing, copying, and whatever else she could dig up for him to do. In the evenings, they came back to Josh’s house and ate food Josh ordered in, citing his total inability to cook, sometimes watching a movie or the news.

Only a few days passed before he decided to take Josh’s apparent commitment to treating him humanely at face value. It was easier to move through life that way, and although doubts continued to haunt the recesses of his mind, he ignored them, knowing that hanging onto fear and uncertainty couldn’t actually improve his day to day life. It wasn’t easy to trust a man who was, in fact, his master, but making a conscious decision to trust Josh helped Connor relax, and paradoxically, it felt easier to please him.

 

Connor was able to figure out that he had been in training for just over six weeks, during which time he had missed Halloween, Thanksgiving, and his birthday. Now, by the middle of December, he was reluctantly looking forward to the Christmas season. Though his circumstances troubled him—for one thing, slaves were forbidden to own personal property-- he could not extinguish his enthusiasm altogether.

Mary cautioned him that Josh wasn’t big on celebrating the holidays, but nonetheless smiled and gave him some supplies with which he made a delicate paper chain that she hung along the edge of her desk.

He’d been nervous to see Josh’s reaction to the decoration suddenly appearing in the front office, but Josh just smiled and glanced over at him when he noticed it. Connor found himself smiling back automatically, a feeling of contentment suffusing his body at the approval. At that exact moment it struck him that he had developed a problem; he genuinely liked Josh, and what was more, over the past few days, he had been stubbornly ignoring the evidence suggesting that he was becoming physically attracted to him as well.

He had been expecting that once he was sold he would have to cope with being used on a daily basis. He had had no thought, no notion that he would be sold to a man he actually respected and liked, as well as (shockingly) found attractive… who was categorically opposed to sleeping with body slaves. It was bitterly ironic, he had to admit, and in that way, almost comical.

The night that he came to his realization, he and Josh were  aving dinner with Summer and Thomas. He had first met Summer when she breezed into Josh’s offices, intent on talking to her brother. Upon seeing him though, she had stopped and sat down to chat for a good ten minutes, the fact of his lower status notwithstanding. Somehow, he felt incredibly at ease with her from the start, and could completely understand why Thomas adored her. He hoped that spending time around Summer and Thomas, whom he genuinely liked would alleviate some of the mental frustrations he was putting himself through.

Seeing the two of them together was strange. Observing them in the living room of Summer’s apartment, he had to keep reminding himself that Thomas was a body slave, because he would never have been able to guess. Even knowing their history, Connor hadn’t believed he’d ever see something like their relationship. They seemed on perfectly equal ground, like any normal couple in love, exchanging jokes and casual touches that held no hints of subservience or of ownership. Watching them, Connor felt a pang of jealousy, wishing his rapport with Josh were more similar. He wondered for several minutes if it might some form of Stockholm syndrome setting in- it was the only reason he could come up with that suitably explained why he was finding himself feeling happier every time Josh walked into a room, or why the very occasional touch of Josh’s hand sent a pleasurable chill down his spine.

Connor thought Summer might have noticed that something was off from a few looks she sent his way at the dinner table, but mercifully she said nothing, and after coffee and an hour of conversation centered mostly around minor issues with Josh’s business partners, he and Josh were able to leave without Connor having to bare his soul over the fact that his mind and body were betraying him- he’d been certain that he would never be content as a body slave, never be drawn to another man for any reason—yet he had to admit that he was beginning to want more from Josh than the casual friendliness his master was offering.

The car ride home was surprisingly quiet- the temperature had been hovering above freezing all day, and the light rain that had begun to fall was the kind of unpleasant cold that seeped into your bones. Inside the car though, Connor was warm, able to enjoy how the water beading on the windshield caught the lights from buildings and other cars taillights, turning the droplets into gems. While they were waiting in traffic for the light to turn, Josh turned to him.

“I liked the paper chain you made for Mary, by the way.”

Connor pulled his attention back to his master.

“I’m glad. I wasn’t sure you would. She said you…weren’t very big on the Holidays.”

Josh shrugged.

“I haven’t been, no. I generally spend some time with Summer and Thomas, and Rob and Dominic, but I’ve never really gotten in to it. When I was younger, it was all about my father’s social and political agenda, going to the right parties and behaving the right way. They used to fight more then too. The holidays were always tense.”

His tone was casual, but Connor noticed his grip on the steering wheel has tightened. “When I was little, I used to hear kids talk about going out and cutting down Christmas trees, and decorating them, and I’d get jealous. We had a perfectly constructed, pre-decorated fake tree made every year and delivered to the house. Workmen came in, and set it up, and we were never allowed to go into the room where it was because we might mess it up. I personally abandoned the notion of ever having the Currier and Ives postcard version of Christmas the year my father married a supermodel named Holly who ordered a hot pink tree decorated in kinky sex ornaments and Victoria’s Secret lingerie. Way more information about Dad’s sex life than I ever wanted. That charming marriage, incidentally, lasted a grand total of three months.”

The traffic started moving again, and Josh turned the corner onto a much quieter street only a few blocks from the townhouse. Once clear of the traffic, he spoke again.

“But you obviously like the holidays.”

“Yeah.” Connor replied. “I like the fact that everyone stops and takes time out of their lives, and decorates, and puts up lights and drinks hot chocolate. My family was never able to do a lot, but we always had a tree. A fake one mostly, but I can remember two years where when we drove out to a lot at the edge of the city and bought a real one. And we decorated it, and sang carols, and each got one present from Santa and one present from the family, and a stocking. And my Grandmother sent gifts in the mail until she died when I was fourteen. It was just…nice.”

“I have this idea, then. You tell me what you think of it, okay?”

“Okay.”

“My Grandfather- my Mom’s father- left me a house upstate when he died six years ago. It’s this gorgeous old place, a combination of a big old farmhouse and a country mansion on several acres of land. I’ve contemplated going up there for the Holidays once or twice, but business has always made it inconvenient to leave the city. This year though… things aren’t as insane as usual. I think I could take off a couple of weeks and go up there, invite Summer, Thomas, Rob and Dominic, maybe stay through to New Year’s. We could do Christmas the way it’s supposed to be done, you know? With a tree, and a fireplace, and that Hot chocolate of yours. What do you think?”

Connor was speechless for a minute. It sounded amazing and perfect, which he said immediately. Josh seemed pleased with the answer, grinning as he pulled the car into the parking space. Connor could hardly believe what had just happened- Josh had gone out of his way to think of something that he would enjoy- and something massive besides. He had never had someone attempt to do so much because they thought he might like it, and the gesture made his heart melt. He couldn’t think of the words to describe how he felt. He almost wanted to lean over and plant a kiss on Josh’s lips, so much so that in his excitement, the only thing stopping him was the voice that seemed to always live in his head now, telling him what was acceptable for him to do or not do as a slave.

As he followed Josh up the steps and into the house, Connor realized he was still imagining Josh’s lips, and what the pressure of them pressed against his own would be like, the sensation of Josh’s tongue sliding against his, Josh’s palm against his cheek…

Irritated with himself, he cleared those thoughts from his mind, focusing on getting into the house and getting through the remainder of the evening without embarrassing himself. It was already fairly late, so when Josh headed off to his study saying that he was going to contact a few people about the Upstate House before heading to bed, Connor nodded, grinning in anticipation at the thought of roaring fires and snow-covered fields as he climbed the stairs to his room.

 Once there, though, he had nothing to keep the inappropriate thoughts about Josh at bay. The sensation of pulling his shirt over his head suddenly became fodder for his mind’s fantasies as he imagined that it was Josh’s hands, rather than his own performing the task. Giving into to indulgence, he traced his fingertips across his own arm, closing his eyes as he reveled in the thought of it being Josh’s fingertips sliding across the skin of his shoulder, tracing the contours of his chest. Already his breathing was quicker, his arousal beginning to grow. Knowing that continued indulgence in fantasies would only lead to more acute frustration though, he pulled on an old t-shirt, kicked off his pants and climbed into bed, fixating on the irony of the situation

 

: : :

 

Two days later, Josh told him cheerfully on the ride to the office that everything was in place for the trip up to the house.

“Summer and Thomas agreed as soon as I mentioned it. Summer’s always wanted me to use that house part of the time- she loves places like that- you know, with history and charm, and it’s always killed her hat she couldn’t go explore it. So they’re coming up with us on the nineteenth. I got Rob on his cell last night, and he said that he doesn’t get back from his business trip until the day after, but he and Dominic want to come, so they’ll drive up on the 21^st.  And as I’ve given Mitch the time off to spend with his family, I’m going to be behind the wheel as we set off on this little adventure. Excited?”

“About the adventure, or the fact you’re going to be holding our lives in your hands for several hours?” Connor said dryly. “Because those are two very separate answers.”

Josh stared at him, a smile spreading across his face.

“Do you realize that you just made a joke? An honest-to-God joke, which, although it was at my expense, was actually funny.” Connor gave an embarrassed and somewhat pleased shrug. “Kid, there may be hope for you yet.” Josh reached out and tousled his hair affectionately; Connor felt a grin and a blush spread across his face, and stay there all the way out of the car, into the elevator, and up to the twenty-third floor where Josh’s offices were located.

 

Once they stepped into the office though, his smile died. Mary was waiting for them in the middle of the outer office, a stack of files in one hand and Josh’s cup of coffee in the other. Aside from the cup of coffee, everything about the scene was unusual.

“Good Morning, sir.”

“Mary?” The question in Josh’s voice was subtle, but undoubtedly there. Mary’s tone was so perfectly professional it sent up warning flags.

“Lord Holloway and Mr. Eckhart arrived a few minutes ago. They assured me you wished to meet with them. I seated them and their body slaves in the conference room. I hope that’s suitable?”

Josh’s jaw was clenched. He nodded at Mary and thanked her, taking the items she as holding. She mouthed something silently that looked very much like “I’m sorry.” Josh shook his head and patted her on the shoulder. “Nothing else you could have done.” he murmured, hen in a louder voice said, “Could you let them know I’ll be with them in just a moment?”

“Certainly, Mr. Jackson.” She stepped to the door of the conference room, waiting to open it until Josh had ushered Connor into his private office.

 

“Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit. And Shit.” He said vehemently as soon as the door closed behind them, kicking his desk lightly to punctuate the last.

“What’s wrong?” Connor’s stomach had been clenching since they had opened the door to the outer office.

“Holloway and Eckhart are some of my less…savory business associates. On the surface, they’re well-to-do businessmen behaving properly and benefitting society. In practice, they’re sharks. Holloway is a slimy bastard with the good looks and good ol’ boy charm that gets him everything he wants, including the title of ‘Lord’. Eckhart seems better, but he has a temper that simmer constantly and a mind that never forgets. Once he boils over, he’s easily five times more dangerous than Holloway. We weren’t scheduled to meet until late January, so for them to be here means that they want something, and judging by the fact that they so prominently displayed their on body slaves to Mary, what they want is most likely to see you.”

“Me?”

Josh nodded gravely, scraping his fingers through his hair.

“I’m afraid so. Here- take these” he handed Connor the stack of files. “We’ll just have to give it out best shot. Carry these in, put them on the table in front of my chair, then kneel beside it, and let’s hope that they just want a private viewing and not a private performance.” He pulled open the office door, adjusting his tie as he did so. Connor followed him to the door of the conference room, waiting behind him as Josh paused, his hand on the door handle.

“Time to face the music” Josh muttered, forcing his expression into a pleasant smile and giving the handle a swift turn..