WHO: Fix and Sarissa WHAT: An autumn walk in the woods WHEN: Saturday afternoon WHERE: The woods near Storybrooke WARNINGS: TBD/Likely none STATUS: Closed/Complete (G-doc'ed)
It was a crisp autumn day in Storybrooke. The sun was blue like it could only be in the fall, and the trees sang out their dying splendor in shades of red, orange, and yellow. When he’d been a changeling of the Winter Fae, before he’d taken the mantle of Summer, Autumn had always been his favorite season. He loved the pumpkins, the golden fields, the crisp mornings with just a hint of frost that still warmed up to pleasant days. It was one of the few times Chicago was actually pleasant, and those were days to seize while you could.
As the Summer Knight, though, the mantle inside of him balked against the death throes of summer. They were heading deep into Winter, into the cold dark nights when the Queen of Air and Darkness reigned supreme. The cold didn’t bother him so much - as the Summer Knight he burned with summer fire and was immune to it - but he yearned for the longer days, and for the smell of summer.
He looked over at Sarissa as they walked the leaf-strewn path. This would be her first Winter as Summer Fae, and it couldn’t be easy for her. She was feeling everything he was right now, only without ten years of experience at dealing with it.
“Are you okay?” he asked, stopping to offer her his arm. “It gets better, you know. After a while, it’s easier to deal with.” Easier, yes. It never got easy.
***
“I survived my first Halloween; that’s something,” Sarissa replied with a wan smile. She took his arm, taking comfort in the warmth and strength he offered.
Halloween had been difficult for both of them. Sarissa had lost her sister and her freedom as a Changeling in the last Halloween she’d experienced, and Fix had lost the girl he loved. He didn’t say much about it - he rarely spoke of his own problems - but Sarissa could tell he felt Lily’s loss deeply. And as much as she might try to give him comfort of her own, she knew she could never be a replacement for the girl he’d lost - the girl who had been killed by Sarissa’s own sister.
That was a problem. Sarissa took comfort in Fix’s support and presence. He was calm and steadfast, so different from the capricious cruelty she was accustomed to in the Winter Court, and he made her feel safe. Sarissa had spent a lot of time on her own, always alert and always knowing that her life could be taken at any minute by her mother’s enemies. Fix made her feel like for the first time, she could breathe and relax.
But that wasn’t what she represented to him. She was the one who had taken Lily’s place, although she could never replace her. She was the sister of his true love’s murderer. Fix had told Sarissa that he considered her a friend, but Sarissa wasn’t so sure. Perhaps he was only saying it to be polite - because if it weren’t for his duty as her Knight, Sarissa didn’t think he’d want anything to do with her at all.
And that was a problem, because Sarissa really, really liked him.
She tried not to let it show. Fix had enough to deal with without adding her wayward affections to the list. Sarissa was used to self-restraint and disappointment. She could deal with this one. And in time, perhaps when she settled into the role of Summer Lady and Fix wasn’t her one lifeline to the new world she’d been shoved into, perhaps those feelings may fade.
“I’m just counting the days until we reach the solstice,” she added, keeping things on a casual note. “And then things will turn around.”
***
“Yes,” he answered, rather darkly. It was not common knowledge that the fae could be killed on Halloween - in fact, it was a very closely guarded secret that they would kill to protect. The fae had a great number of enemies - something which on normal days bothered them little, but their one night of mortality was a weakness they did not like to admit. And the last time he had seen October 31, it had claimed the lives not just of Lily, but of Sarissa’s sister Maeve, as well.
He glanced over at her, looking for Sarissa in her face. He supposed they looked similar, but Sarissa lacked the malice, the cruelty that had made Maeve what she was. Or was it simply that Sarissa had the Summer Mantle, while Maeve had been many years with the darkness of Winter.
It was strange, to look over at Sarissa and think of her as his lady. Lily had given him his mantle, and had been the Lady as long as he had been the Knight. It was an adjustment. And he knew it wasn’t her fault, what had happened. Sarissa hadn’t hurt Lily. And even now, she wasn’t trying to replace her. But it still burned every time he looked at her. Oh, he wouldn’t let her know how he felt. He wouldn’t let her see the pain and sadness. It didn’t matter to her - it was irrelevant. He was her Knight and she his lady, and he would do his job honorably, and to the best of his ability.
“Yes,” he answered, “Things will get better then, with every passing day. The calendar moves doggedly towards Summer, then. Spring is lovely. You’ll love it, I’m sure.”
He led her to a bench nestled along the path, allowing her to sit as he knelt on the ground, looking away into the colorful forest.
“At least, I suppose everything will work the same here.”
***
"I can't see why it wouldn't, unless the portal turns around the seasons like it changed so many people's genders," Sarissa said. After that entire episode, she wasn't so sure that anything would be the same anymore.
She glanced over to where Fix knelt; he looked very much like he belonged there, amongst the fallen red and good leaves. An old song popped into her mind, one she'd heard Nat King Cole croon so many times over the scratchy reception of her radio. It had sounded poignant the first time she'd ever heard it, and now it held more meaning than ever.
"Have you ever heard 'Autumn Leaves'?" she asked musingly. "It's an old song."
***
“If it can do that, who knows what else it can do?” Fix asked with a shrug, standing and moving behind the bench. He didn’t dare to sit beside her, it seemed too...intimate, and he was more on his guard and more in control of the situation while he was standing. His failure with Lily still burned his soul, and he wasn’t going to let it happen again.
When she asked about the song, he shook his head slightly.
“Never heard of it. I grew up listening to REM, Pearl Jam and NIrvana, and I don’t think it’s by any of them, is it?”
***
"No," Sarissa said with a small chuckle. Sometimes she forgot how young he was, compared to her. He carried himself with the weight of years. "Would you like to hear it?"
She wanted to keep the conversation light for the moment. Today was the first day she felt all right for weeks now, and she wanted to enjoy it for a while longer. The issue of the portal was tied to her general issues with her magic, and something she wanted to leave for later
***
Fix’s eyes widened at her question. “You can sing?” He certainly couldn’t, but that, of course, didn’t mean a thing. Relocating himself to where he could see her - because he wanted to see her while she was singing, he sat on the floor not far from her feet, looking up at her.
She was pretty. He couldn’t deny that.
“I’d love to hear it.”
***
"Don't expect anything exceptional," Sarissa warned. "I took some voice lessons during my acting phase, and it's been a while.
She patted the seat on the bench beside her. With him on the floor, she felt their power differential too keenly. Sarissa simply wasn't used to being supplicated to.
"Sit here," she requested. "It feels too strange to have you down there."
***
Fix hesitated a moment, but she’d asked, and he’d honor her request. He stood, then sat next to her on the bench, his hands resting a bit awkwardly on his lap.
“Seems like you had a bunch of different stages. Trying to find what you wanted to do? Or just bored? I think, pardon me, but I think if I were immortal, I’d get really bored really fast. I mean, that’s a lot of time to fill.”
He held up a hand, waving away his words.
“But sing, I want to hear.”
***
There was indeed a lot of time to fill, which was why Sarissa was constantly trying to learn new things. Singing was just one of them.
Placing her hands on her lap as well, she began to sing. Her voice was clear and rich, and full of the wistfulness evoked by the song.
"The falling leaves drift by the window The autumn leaves of red and gold I see your lips, the summer kisses The sun-burned hands I used to hold
Since you went away the days grow long And soon I'll hear old winter's song But I miss you most of all my darling When autumn leaves start to fall."
***
Tears came to Fix’s eyes as the last stanza, in particular, brought with it thoughts of Lily. He thought, for a moment, that he would start sobbing. Summer did not, of course, attach shame to displays of emotion - they were hot blooded, not cold like Winter, but he’d rather not show his sadness to Sarissa. As much as he missed Lily, he had no desire to hurt the new Lady, who he truly considered a friend, and who he would serve very likely for the rest of his life. However long that might be.
But still...everything about those words hurt, and he turned away, swallowing a few times before turning back to her.
“You have a lovely voice, lady.”
***
Sarissa have him a moment to collect himself. She'd experienced loss too, and while it wasn't of the romantic sort, it cut deep enough that she could understand what he was feeling.
When he finally spoke, she gave him a felt smile. "Thank you. It's not Def Leppard, but it called to me."
***
Fix sat in silence for a few moments, unsure of what to say. Her song had awakened feelings he’d forced dormant, and they burned at his heart like out of control Summer Fire.
Finally, he stood again, not meeting her eyes, and offered her his arm.
“Come, it’s even more lovely deeper in the woods.”
***
Sarissa pushed herself up and took his offered arm. They walked down the path in silence for a while. The fallen branches and leaves cleared the way for them, leaving an easy path for them to walk.
"She wasn't always that way," Sarissa said eventually. Her voice was quiet. "Maeve used to be so happy, so sweet. She used to be my best friend, however different we were."
***
Fix tensed as she began to speak of Maeve. He could take the fact that she was Maeve’s sister. He could forgive the fact that she’d taken Lily’s place - it had hardly been her choice. But speaking kindly of the woman who had manipulated and the cold-heartedly murdered the woman he loved was something he wasn’t ready for yet.
“As you say,” he said, as emotionlessly as he could, although touches of emotion leaked through nonetheless. “Perhaps I did not know her as you did.”
***
She could feel him withdraw from her, going from something resembling friendship back to stone cold duty, and she felt bad for bringing up such pain for him again. But she wasn't trying to make excuses for his true love's murderer, as he might think. She was leading to something that affected both of them, and she needed to finish her thought.
"She was sick. A madness, from the time of her birth. Our mother kept it from spreading, but after all those years of power and darkness...it finally took hold of her." She turned to Fix, her expression worries and frightened as she finally confessed her fears. "Fix, I have the same madness."
***
He looked at her curiously. He was not surprised to hear that Maeve had been sick; one who did the things she had done to other people almost had to be. But the fact that Sarissa claimed to be affected by this sickness as well was...troublesome to say the least. Did she mean to say that she’d turn evil and cruel like Maeve eventually?
“I don’t understand,” he said with a shrug of his shoulders. He’d need more detail than that.
***
"We have a predilection for being mad," Sarissa said quietly. "My mother was keeping mine in check, but she's not here. And I'm worried that with the power I now have, I may go down the same path my sister did."
She turned to him, her expression worried and fearful at once. "Fix, if I do that, if that ever happens to me, you must promise to kill me before I can hurt anyone."
***
Fix frowned.
“You know there’s only one day a year when you’re mortal, Sarissa, and even then you’re stronger than me. The chance of me being able to kill you...well, it’s not very good. You know that, don’t you? And it would certainly end with Tatiana making my life a living hell, afterwards.”
He stopped, crossing his arms and looking at her seriously.
“Why don’t we just stop it from happening?”
***
"If we ever get back to our world, and I do go mad, Tatiana would probably kill me before you ever get a chance," Sarissa said darkly. The only reason Maeve had been able to descend so far into madness was because Mab had loved her too much to kill her earlier. Tatiana had no such affection for Sarissa.
"But if there is a way to prevent it, I'd like to know how," she continued. "My mother was keeping it at bay, but she is not here now."
***
“There has to be a way,” he said, worrying his lip thoughtfully. “Have you asked around? There are a lot of powerful people from a lot of different places here. Surely one of them knows how to help? Or cure it, even.”
His earlier, almost relaxed demeanor was entirely gone now, replaced by something far more formal, and far more on edge. If she was going to turn like Maeve, who would she randomly kill next? Him? He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.
***
"Is there anyone you've met here you would trust with such a sensitive matter?" Sarissa asked softly. "Because I have not."
There was Anders, but as much as she trusted him, this was still too personal a matter for her to share with anyone other than her Knight. It was just too bad that this revelation was making him grow distant again, when they'd finally seemed to be getting somewhere resembling friendship. But as much as Sarissa wanted that, she didn't want to keep this from him. It was too important for him not to know.
*** To be honest, Fix didn’t know what to make of all this. It was confusing, and disturbing, and more than he wanted to deal with at the moment. Still, she was his lady and he was her Knight, and he would do what he had to do, no matter what the world happened to throw at him.
“You’re right,” he said, shrugging one shoulder. “Have you had any...attacks?”
***
Sarissa shook her head. "I haven't - but would I be able to tell if I did? Maeve thought herself perfectly sane until the very end."
*** Fix frowned.
“Alright, how about we just don’t worry about it for now. I’ll keep an eye on you, and if you start doing anything weird, we’ll take it from there.”
***
"All right," Sarissa said quietly. "And if you find someone you would trust to help me, let me know. Until then, I suppose we just go on as we have."
***
“What choice do we have?” Fix asked, raising an eyebrow. “I will be nothing other than your knight, and you my lady, until that time - and including it.”
He gave her a deep bow, then straightened.
“Where else would you like me to take you today, lady?”
***
Sarissa nodded. While it was comforting to know that he didn't intend to treat her differently because of her illness, she knew she was still going to worry about it.
"Let's just head back," she said softly. "I think I've walked enough for the day."
***
Fix agreed, the relaxing moment he thought they’d found earlier had certainly been replaced by something a bit less relaxing. It was what it was, though.
He nodded, and turned their direction back home. There was no doubt they would need to speak of this another day, and he did not look forward to that discussion.