"That's an excuse, Spike, and you know it. You said it yourself, you wanted me to remember you as a champion. You chose to stay away." And it hurt. Buffy frowned and wondered if there would ever be a time when a guy picked staying with her as an option. It was always some big dramatic gesture to get out of her life, for her own good or whatever, but really it always ended the same. Buffy alone getting ready to start all over again. She wasn't a teenager anymore. It wasn't as easy to bounce back.
She smiled back at him out of habit, but it was a weak one. "For awhile. I just lost you. Just. It was ...." She looked down at the floor and brushed a hand through tousled blond hair, avoiding eye contact. Buffy had trouble making eye contact when she was feeling emotional, maybe some natural Slayer sense telling her not to seem weak. Especially not around a vampire. "I thought I'd never see you again, and I know time isn't going to make it easier. So there's a Buffy back in my time still grieving, having no idea you're okay. And that's not okay."