Captain Jack Harkness (fixedintime) wrote in welcomethreads, @ 2013-08-12 20:27:00 |
|
|||
Ianto was in a hurry when he made his way to Owen, and he got him safely to the hospital to check out that hand. It was surprising to hear that he felt anything at all, and for a moment he thought perhaps it was kind enough to take him before he was brought back. No such luck. Owen and Ianto didn’t have what one would call a friendship. They often bickered and their personalities clashed. He was still a teammate, and Ianto grieved his death more than he expected. Owen was prickly so it would never be easy, but Ianto nearly hugged him. He held himself back of course, there was no need to make things that awkward. He found himself hoping very much Tosh was the next to arrive. When he was certain the other man was good for the time being, he returned to their flat. Ianto summarized the information as quickly as possible for Jack in a text, but there was much more to say before he thought their team leader should know before seeing Owen. Like what to expect and that piece of their story. He was still wavering on telling him the full story from there. He opened the door and shut it behind him, removing his shoes and jacket. Ianto was back in suits after that brief hiccup in jeans. He had to reuse his first one a few times, but now that he secured a job he’d be able to get more. The one good thing about being in a small town was the slightly slower prices for everything. He loosened his tie as he walked into the living room. “Jack? I’m back.” Ianto was going to get them food earlier, but he was waylaid too quickly for that. Jack had been glad to see Owen, but Jack was quick to see the way the wind was blowing, most of the time. He'd been avoiding knowing things that had been hinted at, because most of them seemed grim and Jack knew he'd have to live them eventually. The few details he'd most wanted to know, the Doctor liked to dance around. The rest, Jack was selfish enough to want to avoid until he had to. But Owen was another familiar face who seemed to be from further in the timeline than Jack, and it was only a matter of time before Jack found out what he'd been avoiding hearing. Jack knew Owen well enough to know that details would probably be better, and gentler, coming from Ianto than Owen. Jack could face the music when it started to play. If knowledge from conflicting timelines was a problem, it would already be a problem. He should know what happened to his team. To this team. He wondered if by Ianto's time, he knew they weren't the first he'd lost. And he was sure that Ianto was about to tell him he'd lost them. It was, in the grand scheme, inevitable. They were mortal, he wasn't anymore. They'd all go down, one by one or all in a row like dominos. Except for him. The surety of it happening didn't make it easier, though. Ignorance was more fun. But he couldn't stay that way with more people showing up every day. "How's Owen?" Jack asked as Ianto came in. And he held up a drink he'd already poured (Jack was on his third), and waved toward the frozen pizza he'd cooked. It wasn't gourmet, but they had to eat. Jack doubted Ianto had gotten to it in the hurry. "That opening stipend is getting tight, by the way. I think we're going to have to become working stiffs, unless one of us finds a sugar daddy. Or momma. The mayor looked well off, and like she'd appreciate a man in a suit, if you want to try." He settled down into a chair, kicking the other to face it so Ianto could face him easily and sprawled out, legs flung casually with ankles crossed and chin down, drink still in his hand. It was a casual pose, but it rang false - it was put on and deliberate, like Jack was braced for something, beneath the easy sprawl. So far Ianto was successful letting Jack keep ignorant of what happened to them. He gave only information that was necessary. He was trying to spare him the pain, and judging by the way Jack accepted the half-truths, he wanted it that way. The Doctor asked Ianto to have tea with him, since they were the only two from a later time line for now. He was concerned about how that might go, considering his mixed feelings for the mysterious alien who Jack obsessed over. And the Doctor who was supposed to save the Earth, but he was no where to be seen when the 452 threatened it. Ianto himself chose to be ignorant of their future after his point in time. He knew there was more. He researched, it was impossible not to know there was more. He pointedly avoided it for now. There was a sinking feeling in his stomach that said exactly what Jack knew. They were all going to drop one by one except for him. That was what the two of them spoke of, just before they went to challenge the 452. The fact that Jack would stay the same while Ianto grew old and died. It meant they had an expiration date, but growing old was a bit optimistic. His expiration date was probably much sooner. He took in Jack’s appearance and the drink in his hand, and silently noted in his head what that might add up to. Ianto was good at reading people, and the more he got to know Jack, the easier it was for him. He was much better at keeping aloof and unreadable, so he took a part of the pizza and came over to the offered chair. He got the tie loosened and let it hang around his neck, undoing the top few buttons of his dress shirt. “He is as fine as one can expect.” it didn’t answer the question, really, but that was complicated. “I already spoke with the Mayor. Not for that reason,” Ianto said with a faint smile, “but to get a job at Town Hall. Archives and organization could be useful. I can cover us for a time.” He knew how to make ends meet. “Jack,” he started and then paused. He got up again, this time to pour himself a drink, and came back. He was going to need that. “I suppose I told you the major part. Owen was shot. You used the glove to bring him back, but unfortunately the side effect was he became the living dead. He wasn’t able to feel anything. Or eat or drink or … be human.” It did not go over well. Owen was a man who enjoyed being alive. "I'll find something to help out too. I'm probably good at something aside from hunting for alien life forms. I'll think of it soon," Jack said lightly. He was good at many things, but working an ordinary job had never been one of them. Jack had always been restless and prone to wandering and travel. Torchwood had settled him because he had few other options, and because even if his feet were stuck in one place, more or less, the work was varied enough to keep him busy. And he'd had a reason to stay in that spot too. But he was here now, and he could work. Maybe someone needed a salesman. Jack always had been able to sell a glass of water to a drowning man, when he'd made the effort. "As one can expect," Jack repeated after a moment. "There's the rub, as they say, isn't it? What I'd expect and what you expect are different things. I expect him to be sneaking in late to the Hub, looking hung over and shagged out and then gripe at me about whatever it is he's complaining about this week. You didn't expect him to be alive at all. And when he was, you didn't expect him to in whatever state he's in now." Jack smiled thinly. He'd known that even before Ianto flat out told him, he'd just avoided the details and pretended he hadn't caught the little slips. Jack couldn't believe they'd used the glove. Every time he thought there was some line he knew better than to cross again, it seemed like eventually he pushed up right against it and then stepped over. "One man who can't die, another who is the living dead. Torchwood's employee files just keep getting more interesting, don't they?" He finished the drink and set it aside, then sat up, hands folding into his lap and shoulders pitched forward - giving up on the casual pose he hadn't made very convincing to begin with. "And now he can feel because his hand is killing him. Is he alive now?" “I don’t doubt it. You’re adaptable. It might not be as exciting as what we’re used to, but it’ll have to do.” Ianto left out the point Jack was old and experienced, and he had a variety of skills no one else did because of it. Certainly something would come in handy. Ianto’s management abilities weren’t particularly interesting or heroic, but they were useful, and he thought useful was good for them. “Working in town hall would give me more of a chance to see how things run here, and report back if I see something suspicious.” He was excellent at subterfuge, so often able to hide in plain sight. Jack knew that himself, having been thoroughly fooled by him before. It might as well work in their favor now. Ianto should have known Jack made that leap all on his own, and there was a mixture of relief and sadness flickering in his eyes. “Owen died a second time. He mentioned it in his post, that he was about to be vaporized.” He drank a healthy portion of the alcohol and settled back in his chair. “We’re a strange bunch. There’s more but … I don’t want to hurt you.” So he’d keep it private, he’d stuff it inside and handle it himself, and that was what Ianto did best for the team. He tried to protect them in his own quiet way. “The Doctor said there are some things people don’t need to know. But Owen might talk.” He hadn’t told Jack about his private conversation with the Doctor, for much the same reason. “Apparently something like it. The magic made him … I don’t know that I’d say alive. They’re still trying to decide. But he can feel again and that’s something.” Science and magic blended together in this place, and it was confusing to see. Ianto smiled a little, glad Owen got some feeling back. It was difficult for him, they all knew that. “The weevils all bow to him when he comes by. We joked he was King of the Weevils.” Jack's smile was fond and frankly admiring, even in the midst of the rest of their discussion. "Good thinking," was all he said aloud, but Jack appreciated Ianto's organization for its own sake. But he really liked that edge of underhanded sneakiness that wasn't really obvious at first blush, until you got to know Ianto and knew just how well he could not only manage things but hide them. He had that kind of mind. Jack liked it. Jack snorted. "I'll hear it eventually. Owen isn't discreet. I doubt it can be much worse than the worst case scenarios I come up with. Just tell me. I can take it." And he should, since whatever eventually happened, it happened at Torchwood. It happened while they served under Jack. That made it his fault. Ianto would likely protest that, because he was kind, and because he cared for Jack more than Jack should have let him, and it showed in little ways that Jack pretended not to notice. (And in the bigger ways where he couldn't pretend because Jack knew what it was like to be kissed by someone who cared for him too well to not recognize it when it happened.) He studied Ianto for a moment. "Are you the last man standing, when you come from, Ianto?" Aside from Jack. Always aside from Jack. "King, huh? Well. There is a resemblance. Weevils are less hostile than he is when he's hungover, though," Jack joked. It fell flat, but if Jack noticed he didn't say. "So he feels, but not alive? Heartbeat, breathing? Is the hand healing, whatever was wrong with it?" “I do what I can,” Ianto replied modestly, but he was glad when someone appreciated his shrewdness. Especially Jack, since he was harder to impress than most people. “I’ve started my own set of files on this place and the people in it.” He was nothing if not thorough. It didn’t bother him to delve into strangers or their lives, not when it could make a difference here in how safe they were or what needed doing. He assumed the Mayor and her people had their own database, and it was only fair for them to have one too. His included files on the natives. That was Ianto. Always covering the bases. “Owen doesn’t know all of it either, but sooner or later someone might show up who does.” Like Gwen. That led him to his next point. “No, Gwen’s still there. She’s pregnant, actually.” Ianto smiled when he said it, although it wasn’t the joyous event it deserved. They were too caught up in the threat against humanity to properly celebrate. He tried to keep the intensity of his feelings for Jack private, to keep the man from feeling uncomfortable. Most of the time he did well at it too, although he knew on some level Jack was aware. Keeping silent on that seemed the safest option for him. The next part was difficult. “Tosh ….” Ianto thought he was able to get past this, but grief was difficult to shake. Tosh was his closest friend. “She died talking to Owen on the phone. He thinks she’s still alive.” His eyes closed briefly, trying to banish away thoughts and images of the cheerful hacker. Ianto brought his chair forward so he was close enough to touch Jack’s shoulder and then his cheek, gently. “Jack, the next part is harder for you, and I’m sorry to do it.” As naive as it was, Ianto only wanted to bring happiness and comfort to Jack. Here he was practically the bringer of all things heartbreaking. He leaned back in his chair again, pulling his hand away to give Jack some space to deal with what came next. “Your brother Gray killed her, and he’s responsible for what happened to Owen too. He wanted to hurt you through us and Cardiff.” And he did, in multiple ways. What was happening to Owen could take backseat for the moment. Jack nodded. "I'll hand over any notes I get for you to enter." Jack would offer to do it himself, but Ianto's notes were probably much more thoroughly organized than Jack's and Jack would only end up ruining the system and then fearing he'd be paid back with stale coffee. Which Ianto hadn't done, but it could still happen. Jack blinked and then smiled, slow and warm. "Pregnant, huh? Rhys?" Or he hoped they were still together. Torchwood ruined enough relationships, someone should hang on to theirs. Nevermind that Jack had probably done his fair share to undermine it, much as he flirted with Gwen. Though if there was a baby on the way, that just proved Gwen should get out while she could. Kids and Torchwood didn't mix well. No one knew that better than Jack. The smile faded at the last though. Ianto looked shaken. It must have been recent, for him, or at least still fresh in his mind. Jack reached to give Ianto's hand a squeeze. "She might be alive, here." It was a narrow hope and not a healthy one, but Jack would take what he could get. The last though, genuinely shocked him. And Jack wasn't a man who surprised easily, as much as he'd seen. But the people around him dying - that was expected. It was the natural order in an unnatural situation. Gray alive was something else. For years, so many years, Jack had harbored hope alongside his guilt that maybe Gray had survived. But he'd never found him, never heard a word. The hope had snuffed out and as time went on, Jack had started to wonder if he hadn't done Gray an unintentional kindness the day he'd let go of his brother. That hadn't stopped Jack from forever feeling like he'd failed him. "Gray is alive?" Was alive. Had been alive. "Why would he wa-" Jack stopped, because the answer was obvious. Why else would his little brother want to hurt Jack? Jack had left him. Whatever happened, wherever he'd been, he'd been alone and left behind and tracked down Jack because that was Jack's fault. Owen and Tosh died for it, and that was Jack's fault too. A literal war between brothers that Jack's team was caught in the middle of. It hadn't been aliens, hadn't been some cosmic war or battle. It had been Jack's history and family that killed them. He took the space Ianto had given him and rubbed a hand over his head, shoulders hunching in. It was more than Jack could really deal with in the moment. It was an almost visible process, watching Jack shut down the parts of him that would deal with Gray and what happened. He compartmentalized it out, tucked it away into the parts of his mind he tried to keep walled off unless he was alone with a bottle and indulging in the worst kind of melancholy. Instead of any kind of rational response, aside from that shocked surprise and rush of pain that had happened initially, Jack forced a grin. "Well. I'm guessing Gwen won't be naming the baby after me." He straightened his shoulders and asked after the business part instead - the part that mattered. The part he had to deal with. "Owen doesn't know Tosh is dead, or that he dies, I take it?" He wondered if the Doctor did. It didn't really matter, he supposed. “Yes Rhys, they’re married now. Forgot to mention that bit. He wasn’t too happy we found out before he did, but we were on the move.” The rest of that story could certainly wait for another day. Ianto didn’t want to think about it himself. This place was offering a respite, he was going to take it. They’d probably make it through anyhow. Maybe the Doctor would magically appear at the last minute and save the world again. He’d done it a few times. It was possible. Ianto had every intention of suggesting Gwen retire from the team while she could. They lost Owen and Tosh, it was just a matter of time. She had a child to worry about. Ianto thought about Tosh showing up, and he prayed for it, but it seemed too much to hope. But Owen was there now. It could happen. He warmed a little at Jack’s attempt at comfort, but it was lost quickly after when the enormity of Gray’s survival came down on his shoulders. He watched as Jack basically fell apart for a few moments, adjusting to the knowledge and everything it entailed, and Ianto’s heart broke for him. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he said softly. He couldn’t even tell Jack that his brother was alive and well, because now the Cardiff office was destroyed. It was unlikely he survived the explosion. But then Jack seemed to compartmentalize quickly, closing off the pain and finding a way around it, and Ianto let him have it. He needed to do what he could to live with what he was told. Even if a part of Ianto was always going to be sad he wasn’t given the chance to share in it. That was loving Jack at an arms length. He knew what he was getting into. “I think naming the baby after you would be grounds for divorce.” Rhys was no fan of Jack, certainly because of the outrageous flirting, and also due to their work and the dangers within. Plus Jack liked to annoy him. “Besides, Ianto has such a better sound to it.” He was trying to play along with Jack to make it easier, smiling faintly. They both knew it was a farce, but one that was necessary right then. “No, I didn’t tell him, but I think he knows about him. He was aware he was about to die again. He never knew about her. She pretended to be fine so as not to worry him.” That was just like Tosh. They should have been faster and found her. If they had, maybe she would’ve survived. “Jack,” he started and stopped. He reached forward to take his hand, running fingers along the inside of his palm. “If you have any questions about the rest, nor or later, I’ll answer them, but you need to know we didn’t blame you. We knew what Torchwood was about.” Married and pregnant. It was shockingly domestic, in a way, but also just. . . the expected. Jack had been married with a kid on the way once too. Gwen wasn't the first Torchwood wedding. She likely wouldn't be the last. Torchwood soldiered on past Canary Wharf, past the disappearance. Whatever happened there would be another Torchwood. But knowing those facts didn't make it feel less impossible or pointless, not in this moment for Jack. "So, when we get back and are on the same timeline again, what do you say to a long investigation away from Cardiff? Say, nine months? Maybe an even year until she's got some sleep under her belt again," he said. It was achingly easy to picture though. Gwen radiant and pregnant, a ring on her finger, a whole future in front of her and a family who needed her. Maybe she'd have more sense than most of them ever did and get out in time for that to be her real future, instead of what could have been. If Jack was the man he wanted to be, he'd fire her, push her out, and make sure that's how it went. But he usually didn't manage that as well as he should. He lifted his eyes to meet Ianto's and smiled again, a hint too much teeth to be natural. "You're telling me you're sorry. You're the one who remembers losing them, Ianto. If either of us should be sorry, it's me." Jack didn't think self-pity ever got anyone very far. But the truth was that part of him had always been aware that being left behind was the pattern of his life, ever since Satellite Five. While he might be the one who skipped town or left, in essence there was no changing the outcome when everyone he knew would go somewhere he couldn't follow. But Gray was alive, and that changed the picture. Now all those long years of watching people vanish - they looked like penance, for the time he'd left his brother behind. Which was just another brand of self pity wrapped in regret, but that didn't make it less true. "Ianto Cooper. Definitely much more dignified. Or is it Williams now?" Jack would always think of her as Gwen Cooper though. And Rhys adored her enough that he wouldn't think twice taking her name, so Jack wouldn't be surprised if she kept it. Tosh dying, talking to Owen and trying to pretend she was fine so that he'd feel better. That one was an easy picture to form too. "Isn't that just like her?" he said, unknowingly voicing Ianto's thought. "No one really knows what Torchwood's about until they're in it." Jack smiled without any real humor. "Except for you." Ianto had been the one who hunted Jack down to push his way in. He was the one who'd seen Canary Wharf and hidden a cyberman girlfriend in the basement. Ianto had come in with his eyes open wider than any of the others. "Ever wish you'd let me tell you no, Ianto?" Ianto smiled when he mentioned them taking a break away from Cardiff, and he nodded slowly. “She’d probably find a way around it though. She’s stubborn, that one.” He hoped she’d resign, as tough as that was to imagine. That would leave him and Jack to restart the team, but they could manage that. It would be nice if one of them got safely out and chose a happier future instead of getting lost in the shadows. Gwen was always someone better suited for the real world. Perhaps they’d have to do it, for her own good. “I’m sorry you’re in pain because of something I said. I would’ve rather spared you.” Ianto would probably have lasted a long time trying to hide the truth from Jack. He already tried to go out of his way to avoid the harder topics, to speak of Owen and Tosh as if he saw them just the other day. But Owen was not kind. He’d see no reason to hold back from talking to Jack the same way he always did. If Ianto was more of a coward he might’ve let that happen to keep the pressure off him. He never picked the easy way out. “You don’t need to be sorry. You’re not responsible for the choices other people make.” He knew it was easy to say, but not as easy to believe. “She kept her name, but the baby might be a Williams.” Ianto couldn’t see her as anyone other than Gwen Cooper. Besides, it suited her. He looked up, slightly surprised, when Jack seemed to speak his mind about Tosh. “Yes, it was just like her. She left us a message. When I went to remove her file, it popped up.” They didn’t get a real goodbye with her, she was mostly faded by the time they got there, and Owen dead some time before. It was a bittersweet message, and it hurt and comforted equally. “She also left behind a defense mechanism that saved us, me and Gwen, when the Daleks came. That was Tosh.” Always thinking several steps ahead, looking after them. Except for Ianto. He knew exactly what he was getting into. Not in Torchwood One, not entirely, but after, yes. It didn’t take long for him to think about what Jack was asking, just a few moments before he shook his head. “I couldn’t go back to a normal life after that. Walking around, pretending not to see all the small differences only we can see. It wasn’t just about Lisa.” It was enough time now that he could say her name without the same pain. Now it was only faded regret. “I knew what I was getting into, Jack, and I wanted it. Torchwood gave me - gives me - purpose. Isn’t that what it gives you?” Tosh had left a message to play after she died, and a bug in the system to save their lives. She'd known she would die there, one way or another. It should have been comforting, but it wasn't. She'd known what she was in for, but she couldn't have known how it would happen, or how young she'd be. Ianto was older than Jack remembered, but not enough that it really showed. And Tosh was already gone by the time Ianto was from. So she couldn't have more than a few years left at best. They'd known what they were in for, Ianto had said. Jack didn't know how they could have. They were all better than they knew they were. Even Owen. It was probably a bit like the Doctor and his companions. They all ran right onto the TARDIS, Jack included, and whatever warnings or bizarre things they saw, they thought it made them ready for what was to come. But really there was no way they could be prepared, and the Doctor knew that, and still he took them along. Sometimes they died, sometimes they were left. But they were all changed for having known him. Jack and Torchwood were like a lesser version of the Doctor. The people who died for Torchwood didn't even get the benefit of faraway worlds - just the monsters who crashed down into their world. Jack was sorry, but he wasn't quite sorry enough that he didn't keep repeating the same patterns. He watched Ianto shake his head. "There's other lives that aren't normal. You chose the most familiar." Because Torchwood had been what led to Lisa's condition, where they both had been. It made sense to Jack that Ianto had held on to the idea of it being a lifeline to a way to fix her. And then realizing that there weren't any answers in Torchwood 3, either, but not being able to let go enough to admit what he'd done. Ianto didn't flinch on Lisa's name or drop his eyes. Back where Jack was from, he would have still. Time didn't heal all wounds - not even infinite amounts of it. But it did lessen the sharpness of the pain, eventually. "You know, sometimes I don't know," he answered after a long moment. "I'd say yes, and it wouldn't be a lie, but if I wasn't there someone else would be. Torchwood would go on, or UNIT would step up, or the Doctor would show up. . . some days it feels like I need it more than it needs me." A way to fill the hours, to feel as if he were making a difference. Most of the time it worked, and Jack thought there were people he'd helped along the way. But then there were the people he'd let go. Kids, Torchwood people, Gray - people who'd been sacrificed along the way. Jack shook his head. "But you're right. And it's better that I know, since paradoxes and time line crossing doesn't seem to be an issue around here. Thanks, Ianto," he offered, flipping that same switch back to casual that wasn't quite convincing, but might have been if Ianto hadn't known Jack as well as he did. Ianto put on a brave face now, but he realized it was very likely the next desk they cleaned out would be his. Hopefully his and not Gwen’s, he still had hopes that Gwen would leave. Hopes that her child had parents. And then he worried about Jack, because if he was dead and Gwen was gone, what would he do? Move on, of course. He’d done it before and he’d keep doing it. These were the moments when he wasn’t certain if he wanted Jack to have more trouble getting past them, or if that was selfish to wish for added pain and regret. Still, he was in Torchwood 3 by choice. He didn’t stumble into it like Gwen, or need it to get out of prison like Tosh, or have nothing to live for like Owen. “It’s complicated, you know, wondering what to regret and what not to regret.” He spoke before he realized it was out loud. Ianto was an internal person, there were many things he said to himself and never aloud, and he could shut up now if he wanted to. “I never regret loving her, of course.” He never had this talk with the Jack he knew, so why he chose to do so now was beyond him, but they were in a strange place. Stranger things had happened. “I regret what I did to keep her, what I turned her into. She wouldn’t have ….” There was the furtive look away, so it was still there, the pain and guilt. “But then I think what would I have done otherwise?” A normal life, or even an abnormal life, none of it would’ve suited him. And knowing Ianto, he would’ve blended in with the background. No one noticed him or thought he was special, until Lisa, until Jack. He still didn’t believe it himself, most of the time. “I asked you if you’d go back to your time, given the chance. And you said … well you said....” He got slightly flustered at the memory, since Jack implied things this one wouldn’t understand. And the memory afterward was vivid. He caught up. “That there were things you never would’ve seen or people you’d never meet if you stayed put, and you wouldn’t change that.” It was a sweet memory. “So I suppose you could say I adopted your way of looking at things. I wouldn’t change what we’ve done and I suspect the rest of your team might say the same. You did choose us well.” Ianto adopted the same casual pose, either a mockery of Jack or an affectionate homage, but his smile was sincere. “Just keep that in mind, yeah?” It was, somehow, the right thing to say to stop Jack's mind from running in circles around the same few, bleak concepts. It pulled his focus out of his own head and onto Ianto, who was offering more than Jack had ever heard him. Ianto was contained, most of the time. Dry-witted and competent. He faded into the background because that was where he seemed to want to be. Most of the time, Jack let him, but that never meant Jack didn't notice him. Since Lisa, Jack had seen Ianto start to come out of his shell, bit by bit. He'd wondered how much of that careful containment was because of how closely he'd had to guard that single, monumental secret. But Jack didn't think that was all. It was just part of who Ianto was, too. And he was peeling back a bit of that curtain for Jack. It made Jack wonder how often that happened, when Ianto was from. How much better Ianto's version of Jack knew him than Jack did right now. But mostly, it made him stop thinking about himself. "You didn't turn her into anything. The Cybermen did that, not you. You just hung on too long, Ianto," Jack told him. "Anyone could have done the same. I know I have. In your place, I can't even say I might not have made the same mistake." Jack had been angry when it happened. But he knew what it was like to not want to let go of someone you loved. He watched Ianto and smiled a little. "I might have wanted to, once. I'd want to. . ." Jack stopped, working the words through in his head before offering slowly. "There are things I would change, if I could. Things I missed, mistakes I made, people who were hurt that I wish I could have stopped. But that's true, still. I wouldn't want to go back and give up meeting everyone I've had in and out of my life since then." He'd do things differently given a chance and no world-ending consequences. Suzie, Angelo, Grey - dozens of other people he'd save given a chance to reset and fix what went wrong. But rewrite it all and never know any of them - Jack couldn't do it. He'd had too much to love to be able to just let it all go. He watched Ianto mimic him and his smile widened, still sad around the edges but genuine instead of a false front. "I really should have given you a raise sooner," he said. He leaned forward then, hands falling to Ianto's knees and weight leaning in against him as Jack caught his mouth in a brief kiss. He settled back again, but not really out of Ianto's space this time. "Is he staying at the hospital, or did they give him a room? Should we show up with movies about zombies just so he has something to be annoyed about?" It wasn’t entirely his secret that made Ianto reserved. He’d been aloof since childhood, just one of those things that made people different from one another. Lisa took him out of his shell, one of the people who saw right to his heart and loved him for it. Losing her was somehow exactly what it took to be better with the team. They survived the encounter and he was forgiven. They’d all made terrible decisions since joining Torchwood, so he was really one of them after that. It was not coincidence he seemed to know the right thing to say for Jack to snap out of it. He could see the tactic worked and relaxed. “I kept telling myself it was what she’d want, but I did know better. The worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves.” Ianto almost brought up the rift incident afterward, the one where Owen actually killed Jack, but they didn’t need added stories at the moment. And Jack got over that one fast, all things considered. He embraced both Owen and Ianto afterward, regardless of how terrible the situation was. “I doubt it’s the last stupid and selfish thing I’ll do for love. Hopefully the last fatality from it, though.” There was blood on his hands, and that he wouldn’t forget. “That just makes you human, Jack. The time to worry is when you stop wishing you could fix the things that went wrong.” Jack couldn’t die, but he was still the most human person Ianto ever knew. He’d lived through terrible situations and would see everyone around him die, and he still cared. It was a trait Ianto admired and loved about him, although he kept it to himself. “We take the good with the bad. For the record, we’re glad to keep you in our time. You were gone for a bit with the Doctor, and it was terribly boring without you.” They all agreed on that. He laughed at Jack’s mention about the raise and leaned into the kiss. Lifting Jack’s spirits never failed to make him feel like a superhero, especially during a difficult situation. Ianto liked being useful, and he chuckled again after Jack’s suggestion. “That’s absolutely terrible,” he scolded, a wicked gleam in his eyes. “Let’s do it.” |