James Buchanan Barnes (ex_wintersol227) wrote in welcomethreads, @ 2014-06-02 02:03:00 |
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It wouldn't be so bad if the entire situation didn't leave him feeling weak. He could accept that Steve didn't want to pursue anything more then a friendship if the other man would come out and say it directly. To say that Bucky was 'vulnerable' or that Steve felt like he'd be 'using' him did nothing more then make him doubt himself. This was a decision Bucky had made for himself. These were feelings he'd recognized on his own and had put a name to. He didn't think they were wrong. Steve seemed to think differently. He claimed it was in Bucky's best interests but Bucky didn't agree. Steve was making decisions for him, on his behalf. He was putting Bucky back into a position of helplessness without even meaning to. Sitting down across from Jason he let out a sigh. He'd been a little preoccupied during their sparring session and, currently, sported a bruise upon his left cheek that was healing but still visible. Lifting his good hand he rubbed at it for a moment, focusing on the physical sting in order to get his mind off the emotional one. "I just... I don't get him." He finally said as he pushed the phone away from himself. "This whole vulnerable thing. I might not have all my shit together but I know how I feel. If he doesn't think it's a good idea because of that it would be one thing. To tell me I'm vulnerable is a completely different one." He huffed, crossing both arms over his chest before making a face and uncrossing them. Even if he'd had the metal arm for a number of years he'd never really had a chance to get used to it. The cool metal felt odd against his skin, the weight of it too heavy against his chest. "Sorry." He murmured. "I know I wasn't the best sparring partner today." He'd been focused on what he'd discussed with Clint and had reacted instinctually to their session. While he'd still been quick on his feet his moves had been predictable at best. After he'd been knocked to the mats for the last time he sent the impulsive text to Steve and had been quiet and preoccupied the entire walk over. Now he was starting a conversation Jason had no background information on. He was venting to someone who probably didn't want to be bothered by his personal problems. "I saw Roy wound up making a trip home and back." He said, attempting to change the subject. "Is he alright?" |