You know Bucky, from her perspective, it's entirely possible you two aren't holding the same deck. What's in those cards back home? None of us can say. There isn't a lot of time to go repairing the kind of damage you two have endured. Here, from what I can tell, there doesn't seem to be much else. I'm not trying to push anything on your here but, as your friend, I think maybe it might be a good idea for you two to take a look at things. I know she'd appreciate.
As for who you would have been without her? I know you question your role in life and the path you found yourself on often, I don't know how you couldn't. I'll say that I've never met a Barnes who wasn't worth every last drop he had to give, and that includes you. You're a good man Bucky, you always have been.
Just...think about it, for me, would you? An old man could use the ray of sunshine of seeing his best friend take back a piece of something nice for himself. Besides, you deserve something good far more often than you get it.