I don't really know who Steve Rogers is. Or I don't think he's the same kid who just wanted a chance to fight bullies and protect people. I sti think he's in there but he had to grow up. I had to grow up. We both did and we picked the worst time to do it. In the middle of a war. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if we'd never been there at all, but I know that's not right or fair. We both sacrificed everything so the world could keep going and that probably should have been the end of the story but I guess it's not.
I didn't like that movie because no matter what anyone tries to tell me that's not exactly how things are supposed to be or how I'm supposed to think or talk. At least knowing what I inow right now it's not. I might get it. I might even understand why I could think that way but that doesn't mean I like it. Just like I don't know why those other versions of me said or did the things they did. It doesn't make any sense.
You know what does make sense? You and me. It hurts and it's compicated but you're right. Feeling something at all is worth it. I think I was losing sight of that by the time that move was over. Being stupid with Sam makes sense. Teasing Nat makes sense. Maybe it's not that I don't think I can have the whole nine yards it's just that my version doesn't need to be like anyone else's.
I don't need the kids and the white picket fence. I don't know that I even wanted that before I was Captain America. You know what I liked best about us before the war? All the little things. Talking after you had a crummy day at work. Yelling at the radio when the Dodgers were on. You staying up and talking to me when I was sick as a dog. That's it. That's all I really needed. And maybe I didn't realize it when I should have but it's been 75 years and you learn a lot after a lot of triumph and just as many mistakes.
I don't need dates and public declarations. I don't need much, honestly. But you're right. It's harder to play at only being Captain America when you've got more than just the world over your shoulders. I can't even promise it's a good choice or that it won't still hurt both of us sometimes. We're not the same. We can't go back but maybe you're right and that's not an excuse to figure out what happy feels like again. I honestly don't know what I might have done if we'd both lived through it back then. But answering that question doesn't really matter
And don't worry if that's too much. I understand. You've probably heard a version of this speech twice now. I'll still try to be more Steve and less Cap because it means something to you and the other people who care about me. However you're with me, you're here. And you're right. That's the most important part.