Not strong enough alone, and that's OK (Summer) Jack rose from where he’d been crouching on the ground and wiped the sweat off his forehead. He took a few deep breaths and walked around in a circle for a bit until he felt like he could function normally again.
Ever since his CATS exams, at random moments he was struck with the same sense of panic and crippling anxiety. It would pass in a few minutes of crouching down in a corner, but Jack didn’t know what caused it or why it was happening like this. None of his siblings suffered from anything like it, at least from what he knew, and his parents never spoke of it. It'd only been getting worse and longer, this one being the worst yet.
Jack splashed cold water onto his face just as someone pounded on the door.
“Hey Jack, are you coming out anytime soon? We’ve been waiting for ten minutes to get this match started!”
“Yeah, I’m coming out, Lily, hold your horses,” snapped Jack. He dried his face and then walked out of the loo. He grabbed his broom and flew over to join his sister and their cousins.
“All right, Jack?” asked Davie, and Jack nodded. “Got the runs, did you?” Davie grinned and tossed him the Quaffle. “Your team’s on offence.”
Jack nodded and looked back at his small team. There were only six of them willing to play whilst they were all on holiday in Darlington, including him, but it did make for even divisions. Once everyone was in position, he tossed the Quaffle to his cousin and flew ahead to make himself open. He loved Quidditch. The adrenaline rush was addicting and he could never get enough of it. Jack caught the Quaffle when it was passed to him and was nearly knocked off his broom by his older cousin Oscar. “Watch it!” he shouted, but threw up the Quaffle anyway at the hoop. It soared through much to the chagrin of the other team’s Keeper.
“Nice one, Jack!” called Thea. Jack grinned and shot her a thumbs-up, not noticing the sound of iron coming straight for him. Thea’s face morphed from triumph to horror. “Jack, look out!”
----
When he woke up, Jack was lying on the grass in excruciating pain. He knew one of his cousins must have stopped his fall midair, but his head and shoulder made him feel like he was going to die.
“Jack, are you awake? Speak to me!”
“Shut up, Lily, don’t yell so loud.”
“Did he open his eyes? Can you hear us?”
“Oh my Merlin, where’s Earl? He should’ve been back with Mum and Uncle Henry already!”
Jack opened his eyes, but his sight was bleary.
“Jack! You’re not dead!” Lily was crying and Jack couldn’t think of anything to say to comfort her. All he could feel was the pounding of his head that was about to split his skull open. He couldn’t focus his eyes very well, and there were two Lily’s crying and another pair of his twin cousins.
“What…” was all he could make out, but Thea shook her head at him.
“You don’t have to say anything. The bludger took you out really hard. You’re lucky your neck isn’t broken.” Thea put her hand on his head, as if checking to see if his brain hadn't fallen out, and Jack winced, which hurt even more. All he could do was close his eyes and groan. If he died, this was the way he was going to go.
By the time Henry and Jack’s aunt had come rushing out, Jack had passed out again.
----
The recovery period was quite short thanks to magical potions and medicinal herbs. In two days, Jack was back on the pitch as active as ever. “Jack!” called Davie, throwing him the Quaffle. “Come on, mate, let’s get a goal!”
Jack zoomed forward as his other cousins began to swarm him, but all of a sudden he felt time slow down. His heart, racing from the adrenaline, was suddenly racing in a way that made him sweat and his skin prickle. ’Oh Merlin, no,’ he thought to himself. Suddenly he couldn’t control anything. All he could imagine was the bludger slamming into his skull and all he wanted to do was curl up in a ball. His hands were shaking so much he dropped the Quaffle, and as the mob swooped down to fight for it before it hit the ground, Jack flew fast off the pitch before anyone could see. He ignored the others calling his name and disappeared into the trees. As soon as he was far enough, he landed hard on the ground and lay there in the dirt, curled up and gripping his hair. He felt like he was going to be sick or faint. He heard his name being called from a distance by multiple voices, but Jack squeezed his eyes shut and hoped they wouldn’t find him.
In a few minutes, the voices had grown louder and Jack felt at ease again. His body was still shaking, but he didn’t feel so mental anymore. He stood up and dusted himself off. He would have to come up with some brilliant lie to explain his erratic behaviour, but he could easily blame it on the repercussions of his past accident.
Later that evening, Jack joined his father for a stroll in the gardens.
“How’re you feeling, Jack?”
“I’m well. All recovered from the incident, I think.” Jack put his hands into his pockets, wondering how he ought to bring up the topic.
“Your cousins said you disappeared from the pitch for a little while in the middle of the game.” Henry stroked his beard. “Sure you’re all right?”
Jack took a deep breath. “Actually, I keep having these attacks – panic attacks, I think – and they come randomly without warning. I had one in the middle of the match and I didn’t want anyone to see. I can’t control myself and I can’t predict when it’ll come.”
Henry nodded seriously. “When did it start?”
“The first one was during my CATS exams, but it’s only gotten worse since then.”
“Does it happen often or when you’re doing anything stressful?”
“No, once it happened whilst I was reading in the library. It wasn’t even a fun book. But yes, it does happen often. Twice a week, at least.”
Henry looked concerned. Jack felt lucky then that his father was a mediwizard; he didn’t have to explain his problems to a complete stranger. “We’ll get you properly examined and then see what we can do,” said Henry. “I’ll look into some ways to help you deal with these panic attacks. There should be natural remedies.” Henry smiled at him. “Thank you for telling me, son. It’s important to diagnose these things quickly.”
“But what should I do about the Quidditch team next year?” asked Jack. “I can’t play if I have panic attacks like these in the middle of a match. Once an attack starts, I’m useless and all I can imagine is a bludger killing me. Quidditch used to be my haven, but I think after getting hit I’m more likely to get an attack whilst on the pitch.”
“Don’t worry about that yet, Jack. We’ll do our best to remedy that before the school term begins. And if we can’t… well, we’ll think about that then.”
Jack felt extremely gloomy at the thought of missing an entire year of Quidditch simply because his body couldn’t handle it. Physically he was in great shape, but not so mentally. He hated admitting he was so weak, but he was also very glad he wasn’t suffering through these attacks alone anymore.
“So you and Ruby…” said Henry slyly. Jack shook his head.
“There’s nothing going on between us. Less than nothing. She’s got a boyfriend just like every other pretty witch I know. I’m going to end up alone and miserable.”
Henry laughed and Jack huffed, feeling slightly pleased at being able to make his father laugh with his dramatics. “Don’t worry about it, Jack.” Henry put a hand on his son’s shoulder. “Witches will come in time. Just focus on your studies and do what you love to do. The right witch will come when you least expect it.”
“But Adam—”
“—is an anomaly. He and Ginny were very lucky to find each other early. But his story won’t be your story, just like your story won’t be the same as Lily’s or Charlotte’s. Don’t compare yourself, Jack. Just do what’s right, be good to the people in your life and pursue what you want to do.” Henry pat him on the shoulder before moving forward again. “That’s what my father always told me, and that’s what I’m telling you now.”
Jack followed his father as he finished his round of the gardens, his heart feeling very warm.